Heart of the Hawk (22 page)

“Deborah?” Kate echoed, in a tone that nearly matched Josh’s.

“Just because she’s a woman alone doesn’t give you the right to ride in here and make eyes at her, and fill her head full of nonsense,” Hall said vehemently.

Josh barely managed not to laugh. “If you think any man could fill Miss Taylor’s head with nonsense, then you’re a bigger fool than I thought, Hall. That is one levelheaded woman.”

“And she’s my dearest friend,” Kate put in, an edge in her voice. “And if you weren’t the blindest man in the entire country, you’d see that she—”

Kate stopped suddenly, in the manner of one who has just realized she was about to say something she shouldn’t. Josh studied her for a moment, then the lawyer. A possibility occurred to him, and he wasted no time in testing it.

“She’s a plumb handsome woman to boot,” he drawled. “And smart, steady, loyal. A man could do a lot worse.”

“What man?” Hall said, glaring at Josh.

“Why . . . any man with sense,” Josh said blandly.

Josh sensed Kate move, and glanced at her. She was staring at him as if she was trying to decide if his words should bother her after the passionate kiss they’d just shared. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do about this unexpected, unwanted attraction, but he was sure that he couldn’t add to her pain, not right now. Slowly, turning his head so the lawyer couldn’t see, he winked at her. Her
eyes widened, but an instant later understanding filled them. Understanding, and a glint of mischief that made him want to grin. He was so glad to see the glint of mischief. He had a feeling Kate had had little chance to play in her life.

“Sense,” she said thoughtfully. “Mr. Rankin has sense.”

“Art?” Hall blurted in amazement, as if this had never occurred
to him.

Josh nodded. “He thinks Miss Taylor’s a fine-looking woman, too. And then there’s Marshal Pike.”

“The marshal?” Hall yelped.

“Why, just this afternoon he said she had a pretty face,” Josh said cheerfully. “But he’s a mite old for her, I’d say. She’d be better off with a younger man.”

“You mean . . . a man about your age?” Kate asked, with every appearance of innocence. Josh caught the twinkle in her eyes, and was again barely able to stop himself from grinning sillily back at her.

“That seems about right,” Josh agreed.

Hall gaped at him. “But you . . . you’re no older than I am.”

Josh shrugged. “I’m sure a woman as clever as Miss Taylor wouldn’t hold that against a man, if he were lucky enough to catch her eye.”

“And smart enough to realize it,” Kate put in, in rather pointed tones.

Hall seemed stunned into silence, his eyes slightly distant and unfocused. Josh glanced at Kate. She smiled at him, shyly but with obvious pleasure, her own problems forgotten for the moment in the merriment of their mutual teasing of the young lawyer. Josh returned the smile, glad to see the old sassy Kate back, the defeated, weary girl he’d found when he’d come up here banished, at least for now.

“Was there something you wanted, Alex?” she asked.

“What?” Hall seemed to come back to himself then, focusing on her. “Oh. Er, yes, yes there was.”

“What?” Kate prodded gently when he didn’t go on.

“I . . . er . . .” He looked like a man who was no longer quite so certain of a course of action he’d once been sure of. With an effort that was visible, he went on. “I think that there is a solution to your problem.”

Josh could have kicked the lawyer as he saw the reminder of her situation take the enjoyment from her eyes, leaving them shadowed once more. And when she spoke, the animation was gone from her voice.

“What solution?”

His gaze flicked to Josh. “I’d rather not talk about it in front of him.”

Josh frowned. “I’m not going anywhere until I’m sure she’s all right.”

Hall set his jaw again, stubbornly. The man had more nerve than sense, Josh thought, wishing he could simply dislike the lawyer. But he had to admire the way he refused to back down, even when it was clearly the wisest thing to do.

“And if Kate asks you to leave?”

Josh looked at Kate. “If she asks, then I’ll leave. Are you asking, Kate?”

She sighed, sounding weary. “It doesn’t matter. Just tell me what this solution is, Alex. But if it’s to fight Arly’s will, then the answer is no.”

“It’s not that. It’s much . . . simpler. And better. Really. You’ll be able to stay here, and you won’t have to work, at least not like you do now, and no one will ever hurt you like Arly did ever again; I promise you that.”

The words came in a rush, as if the lawyer wasn’t certain he wanted to say them and had to hurry to get them out before he changed his mind. Josh’s frown deepened. Kate looked doubtful.

“I wish that could be true,” she said.

“It can be, Kate,” Alex said, sounding more certain, but not looking it. Premonition rattled through Josh like the shaking of the earth he’d once felt in California.

“How?”

The lawyer took a deep breath.

“Marry me.”

Chapter 15

HE’D THOUGHT OF it himself. He’d thought it was a fine idea, the solution to all his problems. Not to mention a fine way to foil that damned book’s prediction. He’d even considered Alexander Hall, lawyer, as the ideal candidate. And he’d been ready to shake the dust of Gambler’s Notch the moment the lawyer seemed set on the right path toward the widow.

So why the hell was he so all-fired huffed about the fact that exactly what he’d wanted to happen had happened? Why wasn’t he already packed and heading for the stable, ready to saddle Buck and hit the breeze? Why had he spent the night lying awake on his bedroll, trying not to think of Kate actually married to the man?

And the fact that Kate had seemed utterly shocked, and that none of the lawyer’s fine reasons why she should marry him seemed to impress her, should have worried him. If she turned the man down, who knows how long he’d be stuck here. But for some reason, he’d found himself pleased, even when she’d told them both to leave her alone and give her time to think.

Time to think. Kate might want it, but to Josh it seemed he’d had far too much of it lately. His mind hadn’t been so tangled up since he’d been a boy and Gramps had made him read those old epic poems and then tell him what they were about. But even Homer seemed simple compared to the complexity his life seemed to have taken on now.

Maybe he should just leave. There was nothing more he could do. Surely Kate would see sense and marry Hall, and Josh could safely be on his way. Of course she would, he assured himself. He would pack his few possessions and head out this morning. There was no reason not to.

He gathered up his two extra shirts, the best of which Kate had washed for him on Saturday, before he’d told her not to bother, as he had no intention of attending Reverend Babcock’s sermon given in the parlor of the Grand Hotel. He set them down on the chair that held the kerosene lamp he used at night, and added the heavy woolen undershirt he wore during the winter to the pile. He set his vest on top, glanced out the window at the brightly sunny sky, and tossed his black frock coat down on his blankets, to be rolled up in the bedroll. He added his razor and the small mirror he used for shaving on the trail to the pile of shirts and vest.

It made him feel better to be taking some action, to be going through the task of packing. He was really going to get out of this town that had nearly been his last stop. He’d done all he could, and he was tempting fate to stay any longer. He’d nearly died twice in Gambler’s Notch; only a fool would give the town a third shot at him.

He stepped over the blankets, heading for the saddlebags that still served him as a makeshift pillow, although Kate had offered him at least another blanket to use. He’d declined without telling her why; the fact that he preferred not to get too comfortable, and therefore too deeply asleep, was something he didn’t feel like explaining to her.

Yes, it would be best if he just hightailed it on out of here, he thought as he knelt to pick up the bags. And if it took him a while to forget what it had been like to kiss her, if he spent a long time looking for that sweet fire in another woman, then it was what he deserved for dallying with the woman he’d made a widow. He never should have kissed her in the first place, never should have—

Still crouched, he whirled at a sudden sound, reaching swiftly for his Colt. The outside door to the kitchen, he thought. The door he’d unlocked only a few minutes before. Gun in hand, he took two steps toward the inside storeroom door, then stopped. He knew the quick, light steps that were coming from the kitchen—Luke. He reholstered the Colt as he heard the second door open, then heard some faint thumping as the boy made his way through the now crowded storeroom. The lever handle of the inside door lifted, and the door swung open. Very slowly.

“Josh?”

The boy had learned quickly not to approach without warning, Josh thought. “Come in, Luke,” he called out, although he wasn’t really in the mood for the boy’s garrulousness.

But for once the boy didn’t seem disposed to idle chatter. “Where’s Miss Kate?”

“She hasn’t come down yet.”

Luke looked up at him from under lowered brows. “Is it true?”

“Is what true?”

“Did Mr. Hall really ask her to marry him?”

Josh gaped at him. “Boy, you could put the telegraph to shame. Where did you hear this so fast?”

Where normally he would have been pleased at Josh’s words, now Luke merely shrugged. “Nobody watches what they say much in front of a kid. Is it true?”

“What makes you think I know?” Josh asked warily.

“Mrs. Boardman says you were there,” Luke said, gesturing upward toward Kate’s rooms. “Says she told Mr. Hall you were with Miss Kate and he went runnin’. Like he was gonna rescue her again.”

“I believe that’s what he had in mind,” Josh admitted wryly. “He’s very . . . fond of Kate, you know.”

“Is she gonna do it? Is she gonna marry him?” The words came in a rush; clearly the boy was upset.

“I don’t know, Luke.”

“She won’t,” he said in the overly positive tones of someone trying to convince himself. “I know she won’t.”

“Luke,” Josh said slowly, “Hall’s a good man. He made a mistake, but he admitted it, and that takes sand. And he’s stood up to me more than once, and for a man who doesn’t carry a gun that takes—”

“But why would she marry
him
?”

Josh felt like a man floundering on the edge of quicksand. “A woman alone has a hard life out here, Luke. Marrying again might be the best thing for Kate to do.”

“But you said yourself, he doesn’t even carry a gun. He couldn’t protect her or nothing, not like you.”

Josh went still. “Me?”

“Well . . . sure,” Luke said. “You like her, don’t you?”

Like her.
Josh had liked a few women in his life, and he knew that wasn’t the word for what he felt for Kate Dixon. What the right word was he didn’t know, but it was considerably more complicated than simple liking. The ground that was keeping him from that quicksand felt like it was about to crumble.

“Don’t you?” Luke asked again, somewhat anxiously. “You wouldn’t have stayed if you didn’t, would you?”

“No, I wouldn’t,” Josh agreed reluctantly.

Luke looked relieved. “If you were to marry her, nobody’d ever dare be mean to her again.”

Josh felt as if he’d tripped and fallen face first into that quicksand. Unbidden, the memory of the book, the book he’d burned to cinders in the cast-iron stove in this room, came back to him, the book that had told him he’d met the woman who was going to make sure the Hawks continued as promised.

Marry Kate? Marry her, and have the right to kiss her to distraction any time? Marry her, and have the right to ease that aching need she roused in him all night if he wanted to, every night? He nearly shivered at the idea, before the reality of his life quashed the response of his body.

Marry her and watch her wonder every time he walked out the door if he would come back?

“Don’t go getting any wild ideas, boy. I’m not the marrying kind. Nor would any woman with an ounce of sense marry me.”

And he wasn’t about to marry her and end up fulfilling the damned prophecy of a haunted book he didn’t even believe in.

He turned on his heel and went back to his work. He knelt at the foot of his blankets and began to roll them up. He heard Luke’s footsteps behind him. He glanced at the boy in time to see him frown at the neat pile of shirts topped with razor and mirror.

“What are you doing?”

“Packing.”

“Why?

He had had, Josh decided, about enough of the boy’s constant questions. “Because I’m getting shed of Gambler’s Notch once and for all.”

Luke gaped at him. “You’re leaving?”

“Soon as I get packed and go saddle Buck, I’m riding out.” Just saying it made him feel like there was some hope it might be true.

“You’re just going to leave?”

The boy sounded so incredulous Josh felt a qualm of guilt. “It’s time. It’s past time.”

“Why?” Luke asked, sounding bewildered now. “I thought you liked it here. I thought you liked Miss Kate, and Mr. Rankin, and . . . and me.”

Damn.

Josh stood up and turned to face the boy, thinking he’d faced down armed men with less churning in his stomach. Luke looked up at him, his brown eyes wide with confusion. But already Josh saw the beginnings of a mask of indifference stealing over the boy’s features. He’d been abandoned before; he knew what it was about, and it was clear he was determined not to let on that he cared. Josh knew that feeling all too well.

On impulse, Josh reached down and grasped Luke’s arms. He swung the boy up to sit on the counter so he could look at him eye to eye. It took some effort; Luke wasn’t small for his age. The boy was so startled by this action that for a moment his indifference faded.

“I do like you, Luke. I like you a lot. But I have to keep moving. I should have been gone the day they let me go.”

“But why? Marshal Pike said you could stay—”

“For a while. He knows that men like me can’t stay in one place too long. It’s not healthy. For anyone.”

“But you said you were gonna stay here until Miss Kate was all right—”

“She’ll be fine. She’ll marry that lawyer, and have a good life.” He tousled the boy’s hair. “And she’ll always look out for you, Luke. She’s that kind of woman. A good woman. Solid. Strong.”

“Then why don’t
you
marry her? Then you could stay, couldn’t you?”

“That’s not a very good reason to marry someone.”

Luke’s mouth twisted into a surprisingly adult grimace. “I don’t know why folks get married anyway. Why do they, Josh?”

Damn,
Josh thought again. He wanted to say hell if he knew, but somehow that didn’t seem the right thing to tell the boy.

“Lots of reasons,” he said, stalling.

“Miss Deborah says I shouldn’t reckon that ol’ Arly and Miss Kate were really married. I mean, they were, all legal and all, but she said that wasn’t what it’s ’sposed to be like.”

“That,” Josh said fervently, “is God’s own truth.”

“My ma and pa, they used to hold hands all the time. And they were always kissin’. And sometimes they’d just look at each other for the longest time.”

“Mine, too,” Josh said, his voice suddenly tight.

“Sometimes . . .” Luke swallowed visibly. “Sometimes I can’t remember what they looked like.”

Josh closed his eyes for a moment. How many times had that happened to him; how many times had he been struck by panic because their faces were fading from his memory? How many times had he blamed himself for that?

“I know,” he whispered. He opened his eyes to look at Luke. “And that’s scary, isn’t it? Like all you have left of them is fading away.”

Luke nodded, staring down at his toes in the shoes Kate had given him.

“Do you feel like . . . like you’re bad, because you can’t remember?”

The boy’s head came up swiftly, and Josh saw the boy’s fear in his eyes, just as he had once seen it in his own.

“It’s not what they looked like that’s important, Luke,” Josh said, struggling to remember what his grandfather had told him when he’d been where the boy was now. “It’s what they were to you, how they loved you, and each other, and you loved them. That’s what matters, and as long as you never forget that, you’ll never forget them. And as long as you never forget them, they’re never really gone.”

When he saw some of the fear subside in the boy’s eyes, Josh felt like he’d come through some kind of battle. For a long time the boy was silent, but at last he nodded.

“I’ll never forget them,” he promised.

“I know you won’t.”

Luke studied him for a moment. “Did your ma and pa love each other?”

A memory long denied flashed through Josh’s mind, of a long-ago morning when he’d awakened before dawn, frightened by some childish nightmare, and had scuttled down the hall to his parents’ room. It hadn’t been until years later that he’d understood the significance of the fact that they’d been naked together in their big bed, understood the meaning of the frequent heated glances that preceded their disappearance for short “naps” in the middle of the day.

“Yes,” he whispered, “yes, they did.”

Luke looked at him solemnly. “Is that what it should be like? Bein’ married, I mean.”

“I . . . Yes. But it only happens that way for very few, boy,” he added silently.

“Then Miss Kate can’t marry Mr. Hall,” Luke said positively. “She doesn’t look at him like that. She only looks at you.”

“Luke—”

For the first time ever, the boy interrupted him. “And you look at her, too. I’ve seen you.”

Josh opened his mouth to deny it, but he knew it was useless. He did look at her. Far too much.

“You look at her like my pa used to look at my ma.”

“Sometimes that isn’t enough,” Josh said gruffly. “Sometimes there are other things that . . . get in the way.”

“What things?”

Josh took a deep breath, wishing he’d just told the boy to go away before he’d gotten himself into this.

“You saw what happened with Robards, Luke,” he explained. “There are a hundred more like him out there. You can’t ask a woman to live with that.”

“But . . . you’re the best. You beat that man.”