Heart Shaped Rock (31 page)

I brace myself.

“Look, here’s the deal. However we got here’s how we got here. Whatever crazy-ass, zigzagging, effed-up road we had to take to get to
right now
was the way it had to be. All that matters is that we got here. You and me. ‘Cause being with you, right now, is exactly where I want to be.” He lowers his voice to the faintest whisper. “It hurts too much to be anywhere else.”

My heart’s exploding in my chest.

He grabs my hand. “I want you, Shaynee. All of you. The dark, the light, the black, the yellow, the perfect, the-not-so-perfect... the totally incomprehensible.” He leans into me, his eyes blazing with heat. “
The freckles.”
He grins when I blush. “I know you’re dealing with a lot. And I’m gonna help you through it. I
want
to help you through it.” He pushes a lock of my hair behind my ear. “But you gotta promise me something.”

I nod. Whatever it is, the answer is yes.

His voice takes on a sudden intensity. “Promise me you’re never gonna kiss anyone else, ever again.”

I nod again, this time profusely.

“
Because your lips are all mine now.
”

I want to tackle him and smother him with kisses. “I promise,” I choke out. I want to press my body against his, right here on the beach and roll around with him in the sand and pin him down and tie him up so he can’t run away and lie on top of him and maul him for the rest of my days. I take a deep breath, trying to control the fierce urges clanging around inside me. “I won’t abuse your faith in me... ever again.”

“I won’t abuse your faith in me, either. Ever again.”

My heart—my big ol’ beating-heart—lurches and leaps. “Even in jest?” I ask.

“Even in jest,” he replies, trying to maintain a deadpan expression. But despite his best efforts to suppress it, a glorious smile spreads across his handsome face. He laughs.

I grin back at him. And then I start laughing, too.

For a moment, we look at each other, both of us chuckling and grinning like simpletons.

“Well, then, do we have a deal, Walkie-Talkie Girl?” he finally asks, extending his hand.

I place my hand in his and formally shake on it, my smile hurting my cheeks. “Yeah, Frodo, we’ve absolutely, definitely got a deal.”

Epilogue

I watch Mom from my perch, high above the river. She’s wading into the rushing water below. The current streams past her knees, causing her white dress to drag and get pulled along. A wreath of small white blossoms encircles her head like a crown, and delicate flowers dot the length of her thick, brown waves. From my vantage point up here in this tree, her billowing white dress encircles her like a halo.

She raises her face up to me, beaming. “Come on down from there, Shaynee-bug,” Mom calls to me. Her deep-throated laugh rises up above the rushing water. “The water’s invigorating.”

I don’t move. I’m not sure, after all this time up here, I remember how to loosen my white-knuckled grip. I’m pretty sure my hands have fused with the wood.

“Come on,” Mom chides, laughing. “Silly girl. Just open your hands.”

I look down at my hands, clutching the tree branch, and they magically open. I wiggle my fingers and blood begins to flow back into them. I look down at Mom, amazed.

She chuckles. “You see? Now that wasn’t hard at all, was it?”

I don’t know what to do next. I look at my hands.

“Come on down, honey,” Mom coaxes.

I do as I’m told. I shimmy down from my perch, slowly, carefully, with trepidation, and work my way down to the sloping bank of the river. I put my foot out to take a step into the rushing current and stop short. I’m scared.

“Come in, honey,” Mom coos. “The water’s refreshing. Makes you feel
alive.
” She laughs again and extends her arms toward me.

“I miss you so much,” I whisper, a lump rising in my throat.

“I’m right here.”

I hesitate.

“Come on.”

I step forward into the cold, rushing water, and my skin instantly turns to goose flesh. I gasp. This isn’t
refreshing
, Mom. This is frickin’
freezing.

Mom laughs again. “Come on, Bug. You’ll get used to it, I promise.”

I wade in, slowly, one foot in front of the other, and finally come to a stop right in front of her. The water rushes and pools around us. The current wants to push me downstream, but I brace my legs beneath me and hold strong. I am immovable.

I take in Mom’s beautiful face. She looks even more magnificent than I remembered—if that’s possible. She’s glowing.

“Have you been singing?” she asks, squinting at me.

I nod.

Her face instantly brightens. “Good girl.” She reaches down to the rushing water, and wets her fingers in the cold current. Then she raises her hands and caresses my cheeks—my forehead, my nose—with the dripping water. I close my eyes, and she gently swipes her cold, wet finger across my eyelids. Then she dips her hands into the cool water again and smooths the hair away from my face.

My eyes are still closed when I feel her cheek against mine. I hear her inhale the scent of me from the crook of my neck, from my hair. Soft lips brush my eyelids.

“Shaynee-bug,” she whispers in my ear.

Her voice brims with so much emotion, I open my eyes.

Tears stream down her face. “My cup runneth over,” Mom whispers, choking up. “My cup runneth over.”

My heart pounds in my chest. “Mom.”

She smiles at me through her tears.

And I smile back.

The Music of
Heart Shaped Rock

A note from the author, Laura Roppé

As I wrote
Heart Shaped Rock
, I felt so invested in the characters and their story, I knew I had to write their songs, too. But could I pull off songs for three totally different characters (Shaynee, Dean and Mom), in three distinct musical styles? I wasn’t sure. Up until now, I’ve only written songs for myself.

The first song I wrote for the book was the title track, Shaynee’s sad song, “Heart Shaped Rock.” It actually felt like Shaynee came through me to write the song. I cried buckets. The minute the song was finished, I knew I needed someone else to sing it for the recording. Practically speaking, the tone of my voice is all wrong for sixteen-year-old Shaynee, but, also, as a forty-something-year-old mother of two, I have too much life experience to authentically convey Shaynee’s raw vulnerability.

Well, when you hear the title song, as well as Shaynee’s second song (her love song to Dean, “Cobalt Blue”), I hope you agree I found the perfect Shaynee in the beautiful and talented Lauren Coleman. Lauren is a tremendously gifted musician, performer and songwriter. (If you want to hear some freakin’ awesome music, Google her band, Pebaluna, and watch their videos.) The beauty and honesty Lauren brought to both songs blew me away. So, thank you, Lauren Coleman.

For Dean’s voice, I turned to my real-life inspiration for the character: my cousin, the fabulous songwriter/singer/performer/multi-instrumentalist/rock star/motorcycle boy, Matthew Embree. As you’ll hear from Matt’s performance of “Girl in Yellow,” his voice is every bit as distinctive and expressive and magical as Shaynee’s description of Dean’s voice. And it’s no wonder: Matthew has toured the world as the lead singer and guitarist of indie rock band, Rx Bandits, one of the greatest bands on the planet. (And yes, the real-life drummer of Rx Bandits, Chris “C-Gak” Tsagakis, truly is a “monster,” just like Dean says during his dinner with Shaynee at Wang Palace.) I was so grateful that Matthew, as busy as he is, agreed to bring Dean to life for me. By the way, on the song, that’s Matt singing and playing every instrument, just as Dean himself would do.

Writing and performing Mom’s songs for
Heart Shaped Rock
was the easiest part of this whole project because—surprise!—I’m Mom... albeit in an alternate universe where I sadly didn’t survive the cancer battle I waged in 2009;
and
where I had a girl and a boy instead of my actual two daughters, Sophie and Chloe;
and
also where I’m quite a bit cooler than I really am. (As a little side-note-Easter-egg sort of thing, if you take a listen to “Cobalt Blue,” Shaynee’s love song to Dean, that’s me singing the back-up vocals on the track. It was important for Mom to be there in spirit for Shaynee—“backing her up,” literally and metaphorically—as Shaynee followed her heart and finally let her feelings out.

To hear the songs from
Heart Shaped Rock,
go to www.LauraRoppe.com or iTunes. If you love them as much as I do, you can download them on iTunes. I’m also doing regular music giveaways on my Facebook page, so come find me and say hi at www.facebook.com/LauraRoppe for your chance to win. I’d love to hear from you!

Acknowledgments

First and foremost, thank you, Dear Reader, for reading this book. It means the world to me to get to share it with you. Although my story is fiction, it is rooted in truth. As a cancer survivor with a loving husband and two beautiful kids who mean everything to me, all I had to do to create this story was think “what if?”—and it poured out of me. All along the way, I rooted for little Shay-Shay’s happy ending, even though I wasn’t always sure how she’d get there. For anyone reading this, especially those who’ve lost a loved one, I root for your happy ending, too. 

Thank you so much to all my cheerleaders and first beta readers. In particular, big thanks to my husband, Brad, with whom I share my own real-life love story, for your words of encouragement and belief in me, always. Thank you to my two daughters, Sophie and Chloe. Each of you inspired important aspects of Shaynee and Lennox, and you’re not even mad at me for it. When you two girls read this book, and cried over it, and understood why it mattered so much to me, and told me it mattered just as much to you, too, you gave me more confidence and inspiration than you can ever know. Thank you. I love you, forever and always.

To my dearest sister-in-law, Colleeny: Thank you so much. I squealed when you texted me while reading to say you were crying and laughing and swooning and loving it. Baby Cuz (David), your unwavering support of all of my creative endeavors gives me more confidence than I can ever put into words. And, by the way, your loving heart and adorable face and “sick beats” definitely provided a large chunk of the inspiration for sweet Lennox.

To Dad, thank you for believing in me unconditionally; for reading every draft, willingly; and for always telling me I’m great. Sometimes, I just need to hear that. You’re the best, Pops.

Thank you Lauren Coleman, Matthew Embree, Hunter Levy, Jennifer Argenti, Phillip Peterson, and Wesley Switzer for your indispensable contributions to the music for
Heart Shaped Rock.

Thank you to the fabulously talented author, Jasinda Wilder, for your early support and enthusiastic encouragement. You rock. Your masterful writing is an inspiration to me.

Thank you, Alicia Street for your wonderful proofing and editing.

Thank you also to my agents, Jill Marr and Kevin Cleary, for believing in me always, and for encouraging me to keep going, no matter what. I am honored to work with you and call you my friends. Now, let’s make a movie, shall we?

A special thanks to everyone involved with “Kindle Love Stories”: the energetic and optimistic fans who swoon over a good love story like I do; the fabulously talented authors I’ve had the honor of meeting and interviewing (many of whom have generously shared their invaluable experiences and wisdom with me); and also the wonderful people behind the scenes who put the show together every week. Were it not for the incredible experience of hosting this fantastic show, I wouldn’t have sat down to write
Heart Shaped Rock.
In particular, a big thank you to Amy Michaels for reading my first book
Rocking the Pink
(non-fiction) and telling me, “Girl, you should write fiction!” and to Laura Hoffman, my coincidental namesake, who’s been nothing but encouraging of me at every turn. And finally, as always, thank you to my grandmother, yet another Laura Hoffman (this time, not coincidentally, since I am
your
namesake, after all), for inspiring me to be a writer.

Again, thank you, reader, for reading my book. It means so much to me to share my first work of fiction with you.

About the Author

Laura Roppé is an award-winning singer-songwriter, audiobook narrator, and author, as well as the host of Amazon’s weekly podcast and webcast, “Kindle Love Stories.” In her hometown of San Diego, California, Laura regularly performs cover tunes with her popular party/dance band, Cool Band Luke, and she also writes and performs original music, too. Laura’s song, “Float Away,” from her debut album,
Girl Like This,
won song of the year honors at the Los Angeles Music Awards in 2009; and following release of her sophomore album,
I’m Still Here,
Laura was ranked number five on
Billboard Magazine’s
2011 year-end countdown of the top emerging indie artists in the world. Her music videos for “I’m Still Here” and “George Clooney,” both written during Laura’s cancer treatments, garnered YouTube awards and have become fan favorites. Laura’s personal favorite is the music video for her song, “Little Daughter,” featuring her own two daughters, Sophie and Chloe.

Before
Heart Shaped Rock,
Laura released her first book, the non-fiction memoir,
Rocking the Pink: Finding Myself on the Other Side of Cancer,
which details her journey from childhood dreamer to valet parker to corporate attorney to cancer survivor to (self-proclaimed) rock star, and her epic love story along the way
.
Here’s what people have said about
Rocking the Pink
:

“Gripping, funny, creative and courageous.” —Jack Black, Actor

“It’s inspirational, authentic and incredibly humorous. She’s not only a survivor, she’s a thriver. Rock on, Laura, rock on!” —Robin Roberts, Co-anchor,
Good Morning America