Heart to Heart (13 page)

“We wanted Elowyn to go to Athena, but she absolutely refused,” Terri said. “She could be stubborn.”

Matt reached over and took her hand. “We need a picture.” He hopped up from the table and took several shots. I felt self-conscious, but it was making
him happy, so I just smiled and leaned into Terri. She slid her arm around my shoulders and we mugged for the camera.

“You have fun?” Mom asked when we were alone later that night.

“I had a ball. They’re really great people.” I was on the sofa, surrounded by a silver dolphin, a plush killer whale, and an octopus, all thrust on me by Matt in the aquarium shop. “To remember our day together,” he’d told me. I picked up the remote, ready to surf the Monday-night lineup.

“They certainly bought you a lot of stuff.”

I glanced up and saw an edgy look cross Mom’s face. I went on the defensive. “I tried to say no, but they insisted. It didn’t seem like it was any big deal.” She pressed her lips together. “Is it a big deal?” I asked, suddenly unsure of her mood.

“I’m just not sure you should encourage them.”

“What do you mean?”

“They shouldn’t be spending their money on you.”

“Do you want me to give this stuff back? I will if you want me to.”

She pinched the ridge between her nose and eyebrows. “No, no. It’s okay. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’m happy you had a fun day.”

I shrugged and returned my attention to the remote. Sometimes Mom could act a little strange. I mean, why would she object to a few stuffed animals from the Edens? I planned to put them on bookcases in my room and forget about them. What possible harm could it cause for me to own them?

I worked overtime at the nursery so that full-timers could take vacations, so it was August before Arabeth and I could hit the Six Flags water park. I picked her up early on a Friday and we headed off, trying to beat the crowds because the water park is very popular on hot Atlanta summer days. We found a place on the artificial beach of creamy white sand, spread out our towels, and slathered each other with sunscreen.

“I burn like a basted turkey,” Arabeth said. “I’ll bet you tan.”

“I do.” I didn’t say,
Elowyn had to be careful too
. “I’ll keep checking you so you don’t fry,” I said.

Arabeth flopped onto her back. “I turn often … like a chicken on a rotisserie,” she said.

I giggled. I had started the summer not knowing
what to think of her, but I had grown to like her. Even though she was younger, she wasn’t insufferable like many fifteen-year-old girls I knew at school. She had depth and sensitivity, and yes, she reminded me of Elowyn, all the time. Her own personality spilled out and gave me glimpses of a girl who’d spent hours alone all those years she was sick.

“I brought a couple of books,” she said.

“I brought magazines,” I said. “May as well check out the clothes I can’t afford to buy for back-to-school.”

She raised up on her elbow. “Don’t you love those dopey features showing you how to get this mucho-dollar look for just a few bucks?”

“Yeah. As if I’ve got time to chase down outfits on the cheap. I hit the discount store and find my entire wardrobe in less than a day.”

The smell of chlorine and the feel of warm sun was making me sleepy. Voices of yelling kids kept me from drifting off. My mind floated back to other summers when Elowyn and I had set up residency at her clubhouse pool and to the boys we’d tried to impress. Nostalgia hit me in waves.

“Did I tell you that Terri and Matt spent last week at our inn?” Arabeth said.

This news roused me. “Really?”

“They treated me pretty special.”

I raised up. “How so?”

“They took me to the aquarium one whole day. Another afternoon I went to the Imax theater with them for a 3-D flick. Awesome.”

The information pricked me like a sharp pin. “Why did they come to the inn?”

She shrugged. “They said it was for a vacation. I mean, who takes a vacation down the highway from where they live? I’ll bet they can go anywhere they want. Like Europe. Or a cruise.”

Images of other summers flashed past me. I could have told Arabeth about the vacations I’d taken with the Edens and Elowyn, but why? It would make me sad and probably not add anything to her day. I thought back to times Elowyn and I had spent with her parents. The Edens had treated me to gifts and meals, to many of the things they gave to Elowyn just because I was her best friend. “They’re pretty nice people,” I said casually.

“What was she like?” Arabeth asked. “You know, why were you two friends?”

I sat up, wrapped my arms around my knees and rested my chin on them. She’d asked an honest question, and I figured it was time to discuss Elowyn and satisfy Arabeth’s curiosity. “She was kind and generous. She gave me clothes when it wasn’t my birthday, even a key to her car before I got my license. And the key chain I carry—it’s from Tiffany’s.”

Her eyes widened. “Nice present. Did you ever drive her car?”

“Never got a chance.” I’d tossed the key into my desk drawer after her accident. I couldn’t part with it although the car was long gone.

“Did you think she was perfect?”

I smiled. “She had a temper and when it went off, get out of her way.”

“Wyatt said the same thing.”

Wyatt. Hearing his name twisted my insides. “You still seeing him?”

“He comes over. Mom won’t let me date, so we hang around the inn.”

My first thought was “good,” my second was wishful thinking about him and me not hanging out any longer. We hardly saw one another this summer. I missed his company, not just because we had Elowyn in common, but because I missed being around him. “That doesn’t sound too bad,” I finally said.

“I keep thinking he’ll get bored and disappear.”

I thought,
He never vanished on Elowyn
.

“You have a boyfriend?” Arabeth asked.

I stretched out my legs, watched kids riding the artificial waves from the wave machine. The sun sparkled off the blue water. “No,” I answered honestly. “But my mom’s dating. Some guy from her office. Nice, but nerdy.”

“My mom hasn’t dated since Dad … well, you know.”

“It’s embarrassing,” I said. “I mean, my mom’s got a guy and I don’t.”

“What do you suppose old people like them do?”

“They eat out.”

“Do you think they, you know …”

We giggled together. This was exactly how Elowyn would have reacted, a smart comeback and then we’d laugh.

“Are we friends?” Arabeth picked lint off her towel.

Her question surprised me. “Sure.”

“So friends can tell each other things and not expect it to be spread around, can’t they?”

I hadn’t imagined Arabeth holding secrets. “That’s one definition of a friend.”

She glanced around, although no one could have overheard us above the shrieks and shouts of the kids at the pool. “Wyatt and I sneaked off together one night. I know I shouldn’t have. Mom was wiped out and had gone to bed early, so I called Wyatt and he met me out by my playhouse. We went through the bushes to where he’d parked his car one street over.”

Her confession wasn’t doing anything to relieve the knot in my insides. “Where did you go?” I made my voice as light as possible.

“He—he took me somewhere special. He said he
hadn’t been there in years, but thought I’d like seeing it.” She leaned in closer. “He took me to a place behind the airport on a dark road, and we parked. He spread a blanket on the hood of his car and we watched the planes take off. One came zooming right over where we were parked and shook the whole car with the sound of its engines. It was awesome.”

I felt nauseous.

She dipped her head, picked at more lint on her towel where there was none. “And he … he kissed me right there under the stars.”

I never let on to Arabeth how angry I was about Wyatt’s taking her to his “special place.” I stuffed my anger and faked having fun toasting in the sun, but as soon as I dropped her off, I hurried home, showered and changed, and drove straight to Wyatt’s. His car was gone, so I parked in front of his house and waited. And I seethed. Not since the day I’d attacked him on my front-porch steps had I been so angry. And this time I was hurt too. He had kissed Arabeth. Just like he’d kissed me.

I’d been parked for about thirty minutes when he drove up, pulling a small trailer with his lawn mowers and other equipment. I met him on his front lawn.

“Kassey, what’re you doing here?”

“We need to talk.” Amazing how I could keep so calm when all I wanted to do was scratch out his eyes.

“Can I clean up first?”

“Whatever.”

Inside his house, I sat on the sofa watching his twelve-year-old brother play a video game. His parents weren’t home and I was glad because I knew I was going to yell. Wyatt emerged from the shower in clean clothes, rubbing his hair with a towel. He smelled like mint soap.

“My room,” he said.

His brother never looked up. Wyatt’s room was a mess, heaped with clothes and paper plates and soda cans. “Excuse the dump. I shovel it out once a week,” he said, sweeping clutter off his bed for me to sit.

I didn’t sit.

“Okay,” he said, tossing the towel in a heap. “What’s the problem?”

Facing him, I started to shake with pent-up fury, but I kept my voice steely. “I spent the day with Arabeth at the Six Flags water park.”

“Okay.”

“She told me, Wyatt. She told me how you took her out behind the airport and watched the planes take off. And that you kissed her.”

His face reddened. “It was a spur-of-the-moment thing.”

“Oh, please. You planned it.”

He ignored my dig. “What’s your point?”

“Is that the way you operate? Take girls to count planes and stars so you can hit on them?”

“It wasn’t that way,” he snapped. “I feel connected to El out there.”

I almost exploded. “So connected that you have to kiss every girl you take?”

“Knock it off, Kassey. You don’t know what I feel.”

I knew what
I
was feeling—angry, guilty, betrayed.

“Why do you care who I take out there anyway?”

“
You
were Elowyn’s guy.
You
belonged to her.
You
loved her.” I didn’t add,
And you made me think I was special
. But I thought how true that was.

“She’s gone.”

True enough, but I wasn’t going to let him off so easily. “You’re going to hurt Arabeth. You’re going to break her heart.”

“She’s good-looking and I like her, but it’s not just about her.”

“Meaning?” I crossed my arms.

“I shouldn’t have to tell you how she reminds me of Elowyn. You know what I’m saying. It’s uncanny sometimes. She does or says something that makes it seem like El’s in the room with me. Her expressions
remind me. Her gestures. I look and listen for El when I’m with her.”

I didn’t look for these things with Arabeth like he did, but I recognized them when it happened. Arabeth would be herself, then, like quicksilver, she’d morph into a clone of Elowyn. “She isn’t Elowyn,” I said, gritting my teeth.

His eyes misted. “I know.”

His show of emotion ramped down my anger. I hadn’t expected it.

He sat slumped, staring at his hands. When he looked up, he said, “I want to show you something.”

He rose, went to his dresser, and picked up his cell phone. He spent a minute scrolling through it with his thumbs, then handed it to me. “I’ve never shown this to another living soul.”

I took the phone, glanced down at a text message dated the year before, the night Elowyn died. It read:

I hate u wyatt * hate hate hate * u said u love me u don’t….

“Is that all?”

“The last message she ever sent. I think she was texting when she crashed.”

I thought about the phone call I’d gotten from her that night. She’d been sobbing hard. Hadn’t I also
wondered if she’d been talking to me when she wrecked? Maybe it hadn’t been a dropped call, but instead what had contributed to her accident.

Wyatt’s shoulders sagged. “Do you know what it feels like thinking I caused her accident?”

Of course I did. “The rain caused it,” I said. “The cops said it was the rain and a slick road and a tree.” I sat beside him on the bed, all my anger spent. Pain and guilt seeped from his pores. There was nothing I could say to make it go away inside either of us.

I kept to myself after that. Wyatt and I gave one another a wide berth and I told Arabeth I was working long hours. It wasn’t fair to her, but I didn’t care. It bothered me knowing she was with Wyatt on long summer nights. I couldn’t wait for school to start. I’d be a senior and I could bury myself in classes and volleyball. I’d been voted team captain again at the end of last season and I was ready to smash any opponent that came our way.

I kept seeing Elowyn’s last text message to Wyatt in my head. Of course, she hadn’t hated him. As the official go-between, I knew she loved him. And that had been their problem all along. They loved each other, but couldn’t keep it together.

•    •    •

Days later I was hauling new flats of mums in a wagon at work when my cell vibrated in my pocket. I fished it out, saw Wyatt’s name and number in the display. This was a surprise. I answered, not knowing what to expect. I said, “Hi.”

He said, “Arabeth collapsed. They’ve taken her to the hospital.”