Heartbeat (39 page)

They had dinner with friends on New Year's Eve, it was a small party that a writer he knew was giving at Chasen's, and afterward as they drove home, Adrian was very sleepy. Bill had had a fair amount to drink, but he wasn't drunk, and it was just after midnight when they got home, and he climbed into bed as soon as he was undressed, and was almost asleep when she got in beside him.

“Happy New Year,” she whispered, and he smiled. “Happy birthday too!” She was thinking about the party the next day, but he was already asleep before she'd finished the words, and as she looked down at him, she leaned over and kissed him. He was so sweet, and so good to her, and she loved him so much. She lay there, awake for a while, tired, but no longer as sleepy as she had been an hour before, and then suddenly as she lay there, she felt a sharp kick, and then a tightening of everything from her chest to her thighs, so much so that she could hardly breathe, but it didn't really hurt her. It was another practice round, she figured. She was almost used to the warm-up contractions now. They happened mostly on busy days, or when she was very tired, and she didn't really mind them. She lay there, thinking peacefully for a little while, and she felt another tightening, and then another. And she decided to try one of his tricks, without bothering him. She went and helped herself to half a glass of wine, and took a sip. But this time it didn't stop them. By three o'clock, the contractions were coming regularly, but she still didn't believe they were for real, so she turned the light off and tried to go to sleep, but every time she had one it woke her up, so finally after turning from side to side, Bill stirred and asked her what was the matter.

“Nothing,” she grumbled. “It's those stupid contractions.”

He opened one eye in the dark and looked at her lying next to him. “Does it feel like the real thing?”

“No.” They were making her uncomfortable, but she knew that was only because she was tired, and she was certain that she wasn't in labor. The baby wasn't due for another two weeks, and there was no reason for it to come early. She had seen the doctor only the day before, and she had seen nothing unexpected either, even though she had pointed out that technically, the baby was now full term, and could come anytime from now on, and until two weeks after her due date.

“How long have you had them?” Bill murmured as he turned away on his side again.

“I don't know …three or four hours.” It was almost three-thirty.

“Take a hot bath.” That was another of his magic recipes, but that one worked too. She had tried it several times when she had contractions, and it always stopped them. And the doctor had told them that when it was the real thing, nothing would stop it, not wine or hot baths, or standing on her head. When the baby wanted to come, it would. And she hated to get out of bed and take a bath now just to stop the contractions. “Go on,” Bill nudged her, “try it, so you can get to sleep.”

She padded into the bathroom shortly after that, and he smiled as he watched her waddle, and then dozed off as he listened to her run the tub, and it seemed like hours later when he heard her next to him again, but all of a sudden he felt her stiffen and make a strange noise. It woke him instantly and he looked at her, her face looked tense and her whole body went rigid when she clutched him.

“Baby, are you okay?” He looked worried as he watched her face and saw beads of perspiration on her forehead as soon as he switched on the light. The bath had definitely not stopped the contractions. And then he smiled as her body relaxed, and there was fear in her eyes. He took her hand in his and kissed her fingers. “I think our little friend wants to celebrate New Year's with us. What do you think, sweetheart? Shall I call the doctor?” But it was obvious to him that she was in labor.

“No …” She squeezed his hand again. “I'm okay …really …oh, no!” She shouted suddenly. “No, I'm not …oh, Bill!” She grabbed his hand and squeezed hard, forgetting everything they had taught her about breathing. But he reminded her and she panted her way through it. But it was abundantly clear to him that they didn't have time to waste. She was suddenly in a lot of pain, and it was time to go to the hospital. He helped her sit up, and she caught her breath, and went to her closet with a dazed look. She was tired and scared, and she was starting to tremble. And a minute later she came out of her closet again with a look of panic. He ran to her instantly, and helped her into a chair, but she couldn't speak now when she had a contraction. And as she sat there, gasping for air, she remembered the agony of the woman in the movie. But it seemed even worse than that. She couldn't catch her breath, and suddenly the pains were coming one on top of the other.

“Don't move …stay calm …keep breathing …” He was talking to himself as much as to her, as he ran and got a big loose dress out of her closet. He helped her off with her nightgown, slipped the dress over her head, and found an old pair of loafers.

“I can't go looking like this,” she said between pains. He had pulled her worst dress out of the closet.

“Never mind, you look gorgeous.” He pulled on jeans, a sweater over his head, and slipped into a pair of Docksiders that were under the bed, and kept an eye on her while he called the doctor. She promised to meet them at the hospital within half an hour, and he slowly helped Adrian out of the chair, but before they'd crossed the room she had a blinding contraction. He was beginning to wonder if he should call an ambulance, or if they'd waited too long, but he was determined that she not get her wish to have the baby at home, and he tried to encourage her to walk out with him as soon as the contraction was over. He had her hospital bag in his hand, and they almost made it to the front door before she had another one. They were making slow progress, and she started to cry almost the minute this one started. “It's all right, sweetheart …it's all right. We'll get you to the hospital in a few minutes and you'll feel better.”

“No, I won't,” she cried, clinging to him for dear life. “Oh, Bill …this is awful …”

“I know, baby, I know, but it'll be over soon, and we'll have a beautiful baby.” She smiled up at him through her tears and tried to breathe through the pain, but it wasn't easy. He was right, though, it worked, to a point, but she was rapidly getting to the point when she couldn't do it.

It seemed to take hours to get back to where he had left the car, but he finally got her into the woody and threw her bag onto the backseat. And then he drove as fast as he could to the hospital, hoping that he'd be followed by the highway patrol. For once, he wouldn't have minded being stopped. He was hoping for a police escort, in case she actually had the baby. But she didn't and no one came, and he drove into the emergency entrance and honked, praying that someone would come to help him. An attendant appeared a moment later, as Adrian gripped him, unable to breathe through the contraction. They helped her into a wheelchair, and she was whimpering as they rolled her in at full speed with Bill running along beside her.

“I can't …Bill …oh …” She was hardly able to speak anymore, and he saw that she was trembling violently, and threw his jacket over her as he tried to keep her distracted.

“Yes, you can …come on …you're doing fine …good …good …it's almost over.” They were just words, but to her, they were all she had to cling to. He knew that once they were in a labor room, she would be attached to a monitor and they would be able to see exactly how ferocious the contractions were, and how long they were lasting, when they reached their peak, and when they were diminishing so he could tell her a contraction was almost over. But they had none of that now, and all she had was the pain and a sense of terror that it was going to get worse and she would totally lose control. She was starting to think that she was going to die, and she snapped at Bill when he tried to help her out of the wheelchair.

The doctor was already there, waiting for them, and she helped Adrian into bed, along with a cheerful young nurse, whom Adrian took an immediate dislike to. She was definitely not at her best, and she started to get hysterical when they took off her dress and tried to get the tight belt of the monitor on as another contraction ripped through her.

“Hang in, Adrian …this'll just take a minute,” the doctor said, assisting the nurse with expert hands while Bill tried to keep Adrian breathing. She was having a rough time, and she suddenly looked at them, startled.

“It's coming out!” She was horrified as she looked frantically from Bill to the doctor. “It's coming …the baby is coming!”

“No, it isn't.” The doctor tried to force her to calm down, and told her to pant, while Bill tried to remind her how, but she was screaming and she kept insisting that the baby was coming. “Don't push.” The doctor was almost shouting at her now, and suddenly two more nurses appeared in the room, and the doctor frowned as she looked at the monitor and then spoke to Bill as she washed her hands at the sink in the room. “She's having enormous contractions …and long ones …she may be farther along than we think.” She spoke quietly and Adrian was screaming.

“It's coming …it's coming …” She was crying incoherently and Bill wanted to cry too. He couldn't stand seeing her in pain, and it got worse as the doctor examined her. She felt as though there was a searing pain shoving its way right through her, and the doctor nodded with satisfaction.

“It's almost time to push, Adrian …just a few more contractions.”

“No!” she screamed, and then struggled to sit up, fighting the monitor until she dislodged it from her swollen middle. “I won't! I can't do this!”

“Yes, you can,” the doctor said again, as Bill tried unsuccessfully to soothe her. It made him feel sick to watch her in pain, and she was writhing in the bed as the doctor conferred with the nurses. It was much worse than the training film and Bill wanted to ask them why they didn't give her something for the pain, but the doctor interrupted him when he tried to ask her. “Would you like to have your baby right here, Adrian? You're going to have your baby very soon. I can see its head now. That's it …come on …you can start pushing.” Adrian gave a hideous scream, and she looked at Bill as though begging him to save her. One of the nurses attached handles to the bed, and another fixed stirrups at the other end, and suddenly everything was draped in blue paper, and they had handed Bill a shower cap and a green gown, and the entire room was transformed, as he held Adrian's shoulders. “That's it …come on …push the baby out of there!” the doctor urged her on, and Adrian continued to insist that she couldn't. Her whole being seemed to be controlled by pain and Bill wanted to beg them to give her something for it. And she screamed every time she pushed as he held her and cried. But no one noticed his tears. Adrian was crying too. They both were, and then suddenly as she fell back again, and then sat up and pushed again, there was a long, reedy wail, and Bill looked up in amazement. He looked at Adrian and she was smiling through her tears and then she was screaming again as she pushed the baby out, and fell back against the pillows exhausted. “It's a boy!” the doctor said, and Adrian and Bill were both crying and laughing, and he looked at the tiny being who was looking at them with big startled eyes and a tiny nose just like his mother's. She was straining to see him, too, and then she gave an awful moan as the doctor delivered the placenta.

“He's so beautiful,” Bill said in a hoarse voice, “and so are you.” He leaned down and kissed her and she turned to him with a look that they would never share again, a look and a feeling that was born only of this moment, but that they would both remember forever.

“Is he okay?” she asked weakly.

“He's perfect,” the doctor announced, doing a little sewing on Adrian. They had just given her a local, but she hadn't even noticed. And the pediatric resident had just arrived to check out the baby. But the baby looked fine. He weighed eight pounds and fourteen ounces, a healthy size, and Bill kept saying that the baby looked just like his mother, but she thought he looked like Bill, which didn't make any sense, but Bill didn't want to say that.

He helped take the baby to the nursery while they cleaned her up, and he was back again half an hour later. It was only five-fifteen. For a first baby, he had come remarkably quickly. They'd only been in the hospital since four-thirty. But to Adrian for those last few moments, it had seemed endless.

“I'm so sorry it was so hard for you,” he whispered as he leaned over her, marveling at how different she looked than only moments before. Her hair was combed, her face and body washed, and she had even put on lipstick. She was a totally different person than the woman who had been hysterical and screaming in anguish.

“It wasn't that hard,” she said quietly, and it was odd, as he looked at her, she seemed suddenly more grown-up now. It was as though in a moment, she had become more of a woman. And before that, she had been a girl. In some ways, she was right, she really had been a virgin. “It really wasn't that bad,” she said happily. “I'd do it again. …” She smiled and he started to laugh. She was saying exactly what he had predicted. “Is he okay?”

“He's wonderful. They're making him all clean and pretty for you, and then they're going to bring him back.” And a few minutes later, a nurse came back with the baby, all clean and smelling sweet, wrapped tightly in swaddling clothes and a blanket. He opened his eyes when the nurse handed him to her, and Bill and Adrian looked down at him in wonder. He was perfect in every way, and a miracle beyond anything Adrian had ever dreamed of. It reminded Bill of Adam and Tommy in some ways, but this had been different too. Different, and very special. He felt much closer to her suddenly, even closer than he had before, as though they shared one soul, one mind, one heart …and one baby. As though the three of them shared a single heartbeat. And the baby opened his eyes and stared at them, as though trying to remember if he knew them.

Adrian started to cry again, but they were tears of joy. Everything about this little person had been worth it. He was worth all the pain, the confusion, the anxiety she'd been through. He was even worth the loss of her marriage to Steven, and she was now suddenly doubly glad that she hadn't let Steven force her to abort him. It was a hideous thought, as Bill helped her unwrap him a little and put him to her breast. He took to it at once, as Bill felt tears fill his eyes as he watched them. It was all so simple, so easy, so much what life had been intended for. Two people who loved each other and the children who entered their lives like tiny blessings.