Heartless (29 page)

We were wasting time, driving through New Hampshire mountain country, further and further away from civilization.

But Strong pushed away any questions from Eli or me. “It’s where they said to go,” he said over and over, and remained vague about who “they” were. His partners on the police force? FBI? CIA? Other sources not yet identified? I didn’t know, and he wouldn’t say.

After an hour of driving in pensive silence, during which time we drove deeper and deeper into the White Mountains, further from our home and school and hope, Eli spoke up. “Strong?” he began tentatively, as if unwilling to rock the boat. “I know you seem to have a plan, but could you let Jo and me in on your secret? Like, say,
where
we’re going?”

Strong shot a dangerous look over his shoulder. “I told you. We’re going after Lucy. I have a lead. It’s gonna take a while. You just have to wait.”

“Then can we pull over somewhere? I have to take a piss, and I’m starving. I know worrying about my friend should suppress my appetite, but what can I say? I’m a stress-eater.” In the rearview I caught the tail end of his most winning smile.

I
t was the night before a major bio-chem exam. I sat in Eli’s apartment, there for moral support, and watching in disbelief as Eli cleaned out the fridge, eating everything he could get his hands on. Macaroni and cheese, pizza, and some hot dogs went down first. Later he made Ramen noodles. It was gross, but also kind of impressive.

When the fridge was empty and the cabinet bare, Eli decided he needed a cheeseburger. “Will you get me one?” he asked. “I need to get these formulas memorized.”

“No way! You’ve eaten more than your body weight already!”

He flashed a smile, then, charming, adorable, highlighting the dimple in his left cheek. Soon after, I drove to the diner to pick up a deluxe cheeseburger platter.

E
li’s best smile never failed to work on me, but it didn’t work on Strong, who made no sign of stopping the car.

It was time to intervene. I reached for Strong’s arm, but he recoiled from my touch. “He’s not lying,” I said, as gently as my shattered voice allowed. “I want to find Lucy as soon as we can, but we’ve been going non-stop since seven this morning. It’s almost four now. Not everyone’s as lucky as me, to run on battery power. Eli needs a break.”

Strong eyed the gas gauge on the dashboard. “We need gas.” His voice was flat, holding nothing like the kind concern I’d heard earlier in the day. He glanced back at Eli. “We can stop at the next gas station we see. You can piss and get some food.”

I
t took another ten miles of driving on the slick, steep roads and curving byways before we found an ancient, lonely gas station. Strong pulled the squad car up to the solitary, rusted out pump. There was a small store attached, with an Open sign hanging cockeyed by a single chain in the propped open door. Eli eyed it with concern. “Fresh blueberries,” a sign screamed in bold white letters in the window, despite the fact blueberry season had ended six months earlier. “Jams, jellies, apple butter!” said another.

“You,” Strong said, looking at Eli. “Get food, do your business, then back here. Five minutes or less.” He opened his door to get out, but then looked back at me. “You. Sit there. If you get out, you’ll garner unwanted attention. You need to stay quiet under the radar, if you want to save Lucy.”

I nodded, swallowing back a snarky comment about the lack of people around us, and having no one from whom to
garner
any unwanted attention. Strong didn’t appear in the mood for humor. Besides, I’d been sitting so long, I didn’t want to get up anyway. I didn’t trust my legs to support me.

Eli stood outside the car and leaned his head back into the opened door. “You gonna be okay out here?” he whispered as Strong fumbled with the gas tank. “He seems…tense.”

“Yeah,” I said, waving him off. “Go, um, find something yummy…in that…abandoned shack. Maybe some blueberries?”

He chuckled. “My thoughts exactly. Wish me luck.” Eli turned and was gone, swallowed whole by the dilapidated country store.

Alone in the car I did a movement test run, bending and flexing my knees and elbows. Sure enough, it was harder than ever to move, as if all my muscles were dried up pieces of beef jerky like my father used to buy for me from a local farm. I groaned, and then pulled down the passenger seat mirror.

I saw my face. I closed my eyes and pushed the mirror away.

No use crying over spilled milk,
I thought. Then, out loud, to no one but myself, I said, “All that matters is finding Lucy. I swear.”

I believed it.

Outside, Strong finished pumping gas into the squad car. I expected him to get back in, to prepare to drive away. Instead, he pulled out his phone again, stepped away from the car, and began to talk.

I tried to listen, but he was too far away and his voice was too muffled by the upturned collar of his heavy coat. By the looks of it, though, he wasn’t happy. He paced restlessly, raised his arms to the air, and shook his finger at me.

While I watched Strong, the back door opened and Eli slid in, grunting loudly. “God, Jo. I keep thinking you can’t smell any worse, but then I leave you for a minute, and when I come back, I realize. It’s worse.”

I flipped him off, taking care to use the hand that didn’t have a middle finger anymore.

“Very funny,” he said.

“I’m sorry,” I said, looking down at my hands, wondering for a brief moment how many of my other fingers were still attached beneath my gloves. “I could ask Strong to strap me to the roof if you’d like.”

“Nah.” He patted my shoulder through the bar. “You might blow away, and I’ve gotten used to having you around. And we need to talk anyway, now, here, while Strong’s out of the car.” I heard the fizz and pop of a can of soda opening, then the sound of Eli taking a long pull from the can. He belched. “Sorry. Mmm, that’s a lot better. There were a few people inside. Really nice for a little hick store. Anyway, question for you. Do you think this is a little weird, this whole ‘driving to nowhere’ thing? I mean, I don’t feel like we’re any closer to finding Lucy than we were first thing this morning. Not really, anyway.”

“We’ve learned some stuff, right? I mean, we know who’s behind it now.”

“Correction. We know
one
person behind it. Probably not the only person. And I’m starting to wonder what Strong has up his sleeve.”

I nodded. “I know. I’m worried. If he’s so worried for her, why are we just driving around?”

“Right? I mean, I know we’re also trying to protect you, but at some point don’t you think that we could be giving statements down at the station? And I’d like to know what Strong’s buddies are doing to get our friend back.”

“Yeah,” I said again, and I stared out the window at Strong. He grew increasingly agitated with whomever he was talking to on the phone. “Maybe we should ask him to take us back? To your apartment, where this all began? Maybe we missed something there? Or maybe we should try on our own again?”

“Yeah. Or maybe we ask to be taken down to the station. Even though…well…even though I know what it’ll mean for you.”

I did my best to turn to face him, wincing at the sound my back made as I rotated my spine. But I needed to see his eyes when I spoke. “Look, Eli, I’m done. I know that. I’m scared as hell about it, but there’s nothing I can do. So if you think going to the police all the way will help Lucy, I want to do it. I’ve…I’ve done enough damage, don’t you think?”

His eyes filled with tears. It took him a second to speak. “No. No. Don’t forget none of this is your fault. I hope you can remember that. Hold onto that thought, you have to remember.” He ran a fleece-armed sleeve across his nose as he sniffed. “Okay, though. That’s what we’ll do. Now we just need Officer Chatty Kathy to get off the damn phone and get back in here.”

It didn’t look like Strong’s conversation was going to end anytime soon, though. I turned back around and stared out the window.

“What time is it, anyway?”

“A little after four. Why?”

“Nothing really. It’s just that we’ve been on the road for a while, and I’ve been out of touch. My parents have already been freaking out a little since I’ve been acting a little weird. Mind if I hit my email from your phone? Strong’s got Lucy’s.”

I felt the pressure of the phone poking into my shoulder a moment later, and I reached up for it. He had two bars of service, more than enough. I pulled off the glove on my right hand and slid my finger across the screen to unlock it. But nothing happened.

“Ah, dammit,” I said. “I don’t think your touchscreen works for dead fingers.”

“Here,” he said. “Hand it back. I’ll do it. What’s your password?”

A minute later, he flipped through my emails in the back seat. “Okay, it doesn’t look like…oh, now….wait a sec. Jo? Did you tell your parents to come here?”

If only my heart had been beating in that moment. If only I’d been able to feel the physical pain of it skipping a beat in my chest. If only I’d been able to feel my blood pressure drop and my head begin to spin. If only I’d been normal, in that moment. It would have felt so much better than it did to have absolutely no physical reaction to the
new
scariest news I’d heard in the prior forty-eight hours.

“What did you say?” My voice was low and filled with fear and fury.

“I said…well, here.” He thrust the phone back up and it dropped into my lap. I fumbled with it, almost relieved to discover that my hands at least could still shake. But not relieved enough to forgive them for doing it right then when I needed them most. While I fumbled, though, the phone went back to sleep.

“Dammit,” I said. “Can you unlock it please?”

We had to try a couple times more before I could actually read the emails. Someone, someone who was not me, had hacked into my email account multiple times, emailed my mother, and asked her to come. I read her email over and over.

Dad and I are on our way…tomorrow evening…hang tight…

“Oh dammit…” I said, panic rising in my head but not my belly, where I would have been able to handle it. “Dammit dammit
dammit!
Eli! Do you know what this means?”

“Yes,” he said, his voice flat.

“My parents! They’re on their way here!”

“Yes.”

“Someone, someone who is
not me,
told them to come, and they’re coming! They could be waiting for me at the dorm right now! My parents! They’re in danger!”

“Yes.”

“God!” I shouted, my voice like shards of glass under a heavy boot. “Can’t you say anything other than yes?”

“Yes,” he said. “Once I figure out what else to say. But for now, holy Jesus, we need to get back! Now!”

“But why? Why would they do this? Why do they want my parents? My parents didn’t do anything to them! It’s me they’re after! Why?”

He reached through the bar and touched the back of my head. “Who knows? Money, I’m guessing. They’re loaded, right? And if they can’t use you anymore, if they’ve given up on you….well, maybe now they want your parents.” He paused, and thought a moment. When he continued, his voice was grave, heavy with meaning. “Your parents are in danger!”

“You think?”

“You better call them,” he said, his voice still so flat I could barely hear it. Or maybe he was whispering. I wasn’t sure. “Maybe you can stop them. Tell them to take the next plane back west?”

“Yes!” I tossed the phone back over my shoulder, through the bars. “Will you dial this number for me?”

He misdialed twice before we finally got the phone to ring through to my mother’s cell phone. But the phone rang, and rang, and rang some more. Outside, Strong yelled into his phone, his own voice muffled by the thick glass of the squad car. Around him, the few people from inside the store had gathered to stare.

Finally, as I was about to hang up because I couldn’t handle the dismal idea of attempting to say anything useful via voicemail, I heard my mother’s voice on the other end of the line.

“Jo?” she whispered. “Jo, is that you?”

“Mom,” I said, and relief at the sound of her voice made my own falter. “Mama, where are you?” Then I glanced at the phone in my hand and remembered. “How’d you know it was me at this number? Why are you whispering?”

“Shh. Stay calm now, baby. Daddy and I are together. Lucy said it was Eli’s number, so I assumed it was you. Lucy’s here too.”

I didn’t need her to spell it out any further. I could take it from there.

Holy crap, they have them, my parents are captured, they’re with Lucy, Lucy’s alive, but my parents are in danger and I have to save them and I don’t know how to do it.
Luckily, I didn’t have to fight to keep my breath even or steady; I stopped pretending to breathe while I forced myself to think.
Stay calm, don’t panic.

“You’re with Lucy?” I said.

In the back seat Eli popped to attention, momentum carrying him forward to crash into the front seat. His fingers shot through the bars and he pulled himself upright.

I ignored him and kept talking. “Where? How? We’ve been looking for her. Are you at the dorms? Where
are
you?”