Hearts Attached (19 page)

Her eyes are big as flying saucers. “Um, I don’t know.”

“That’s what I thought. Luke and Olivia, you two get home.” Dad leaves the room, and I hear him stomping to his bedroom, surely to get his belt.

We all stand up, and Luke grabs my hand. His eyes squeeze shut like they do every time I’m about to get a whipping.

“I’m sorry I got you in trouble, but you shouldn’t have lied for me,” he says. “I’ll make it up to you, Kenzie. I promise.”

***

“N
o, Kenz, you’ve been through enough. I’ll do this for us,” he whispers.

My heart is splitting in two. Luke and I feel each other’s pain, and it’s why we try to protect each other’s feelings at all cost. Reluctantly, I let his hand go.

“I’ll take you to see them,” he says.

David clears his throat and looks to Lisa.

“Um, we better check on Liv.”

Mom stays, and once they’ve all left the room, I unravel and release a resounding sob. In seconds, she’s pulling me to her waist as she stands next to the bed. She cradles my head, and all I want is to cradle my babies.

“Mom, I love them.”

“I know, sweetheart. I know.”

My eyes weep and heart bleeds for all that we’re losing and all that could’ve been.

“I promised Luke our love could conquer anything, but Mac and Lucy aren’t something to conquer. They’re part of our love.”

Mom pushes me back and frames my face.

“McKenzie, you listen to me. If you already believe you’re going to regret this the rest of your life, then you have to speak up. That nice couple will be devastated, too, if you do it later.”

Heartache rains from my eyes.

“I’m betraying his love, giving the impression that I don’t think we have what it takes to raise them. I can’t give up a part of Luke, Mom. I can’t do it.”

She squeezes my face. “Then let’s go. You have to tell him. I could’ve never given you up, baby, so I told you from the beginning that I would support you. We’ll figure it out. You two can have the whole upstairs of the house if you want.”

I get up from the bed as swiftly but carefully as I can. Luke told me he doesn’t want to give them up, so I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep them.

Luke

As the Mannings follow me to the neonatal unit, I feel as if I’m walking down a dark tunnel, away from Lucy and Mac instead of toward them.

I take the couple through the drill of what they’ll need to do every time they come to see them, swallowing my pain repeatedly. We approach the twins, and I hear the same ewws and awws that our family voiced, but it’s not the same.

Ultimately, they’re strangers. I’m about to explain the medical equipment and health of the twins when Kenzie and Charlotte begin walking toward us.

“Luke, I can’t tell them goodbye.”

“I know, honey. I told you I’d do it. It’s OK.”

“No. I mean ...” She looks at the Mannings. “I’m sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Manning, but I can’t ever tell them goodbye.”

“Kenzie, are you sure?” I ask.

“Absolutely.”

My eyes dart to the couple that think they’re getting our babies. Mr. Manning looks frustrated, and his wife’s eyes are getting teary.

Kenzie continues walking until she can throw her arms around my neck. “I should’ve said it sooner. I’m sorry, Luke. I can’t give up any part of you–of us.”

I grab the back of her head and pull her snugly to me. “Oh, thank you, Kenzie. A part of me was dying here. I didn’t know how I was going to say goodbye.”

“Let’s go, Lee,” Mrs. Manning says, taking hold of her husband’s hand.

Kenzie turns to them. “I’m sorry. I tried, but I can’t do it.”

Mrs. Manning brushes a tear from her cheek.

“It’s OK, McKenzie. I’m heartbroken, but honestly, we were surprised to even get another call from you. I could tell the first time we met that this wasn’t what you wanted, and if anyone at your age could make this work, it’s you and Luke.”

Kenzie hugs her. “Thank you for understanding.”

Mr. Manning sticks his hand out to shake mine.

“Good luck, Luke. I’m disappointed, but I’d rather find out now, before we’re attached to them.”

They leave and Kenzie is in my arms again.

“I’ll work and do whatever it takes to care for them, and you’re going to do everything you planned at Dartmouth. They belong with us, and I have faith that our love will see us through.”

I kiss her temple. “I love you, and Lucy and Mac Harris have the bravest mother ever.” After we spend time with them, we go to Liv’s room. Charlotte follows to show her support. Mom, Dad, Liv and Dalton are all present.

“How did it go?” Dad asks.

“We’re not giving them up, and I don’t want to hear your speech. I’m still going to do what you expect of me. We’re going to live with Charlotte, and Kenzie is going to work while I go to Dartmouth. No, we don’t have all the details figured out, but we’re raising Lucy and Mac. Period.”

“Yes!” Liv yells with a huge grin.

My dad scowls at Liv before he looks at my mom. She shrugs her shoulders.

“They’re adults, David. They love each other and those babies.”

He lets out a loud breath. “Alright then. I hope you’re mentally prepared for all the responsibility you’re about to have.”

“No, Dad, I’m not, but Kenzie and I have the kind of love that will navigate us through this.” I squeeze her hand tight. “We’ve been holding each other up our whole lives.”

McKenzie

“W
ake up, honey.”

I open one eye and glance at the clock.

“Don’t call me honey when you’re waking me up at one in the morning.”

“I’m not waking you up, he is,” Luke murmurs before rolling over.

Only Mac is crying, and if I don’t get up, Lucy will join in, so I drag my butt out of bed. Luke has to get up in less than three hours to go to work at his part-time job for a shipping company. It’s only temporary until he starts school in a month, but it helps pay the bills.

The twins just turned four months old and are thriving. Mac’s blue eyes stare back at me from his crib as he coos and smiles. He and Lucy have been home for about seven weeks.

“Are you talking to me?” I ask him with a grin. “You have to do it quietly so you don’t wake up your sister.” He coos again and kicks his chubby legs. “Shoo wee, you have a stinky diaper.”

I get Mac changed and rock him back to sleep. At least one of them will get me up another time tonight, and I have to be up for good at six-thirty to get ready for my full-time job as a bank teller.

We don’t like it, but the twins must go to a sitter three days a week, and Luke’s mom watches them the other two work days.

After Liv and I were released from the hospital, Amanda and Shelby gave us a baby shower. All of our friends pitched in to buy us many of the baby items we needed.

I don’t think our male friends ever dreamed they would be attending a baby shower at the age of eighteen, but they were good sports about it and showed up, too.

Before the twins left the hospital, I was having panic attacks over them coming home. After several talks with Luke, I realized I was worrying about my ability to parent because of the abuse I suffered from my father.

Even though I had never behaved violently in my life, I had fears that I would lose my temper and harm the babies. Luke convinced me to finally share with my mother the secret I had kept from her for so many years.

She took it hard, and I found out my dad had abused her at times. We went to several counseling sessions together, and it did more for us than I ever imagined. I realized I should’ve shared it with her when I was young.

We’re closer than before, and it helped us both begin the healing process from the abuse and abandonment we felt from my father. It helped my mom so much that she has gone on a few dates with a male nurse.

After putting Mac back into his crib, I slide into bed and spoon with Luke. Without entirely waking, he pulls my arm around his waist and places it against his chest. I love this man.

Luke

The alarm clock goes off, and I struggle to get out of bed. It’s four in the morning, and I have to go to work soon.

I’m about to hit the shower when I hear Lucy begin to cry. I stand at the bathroom door, debating whether to hurry in and let Kenz get her, but I can’t bring myself to do it.

“Hi, baby girl.” Lucy smiles, batting those eyelashes like her mommy. It makes my heart feel something most eighteen year old males don’t get to experience.

I change her diaper, which was something that took a little time to get accustomed to. She kicks her legs the entire time, making it quite a challenge.

“Lucy, I have to get in the shower. You need to cooperate. Remember, this family operates from teamwork.” She grins at me, and I wipe away the drool on her chin.

I’m not sure if it’ll work, but I turn on the contraption attached to the side of her crib that plays soothing music and projects colorful stars on the wall. I pray it has her drifting back to sleep.

As I drag myself to the shower, I think about the stars moving on the wall and recall a special moment Kenz and I shared when we were younger.

***

A
ge 15:

“I miss Liv,” Kenzie says. “I wish I could’ve went to summer camp with her, but Mom couldn’t afford it.”

“But then you wouldn’t be lying here, taking in this awesome view of our solar system.”

She giggles, and I can’t help but notice out of the corner of my eye, her newly visible boobs, bouncing as she laughs. We’re stretched out on a blanket, side by side, gazing up at the stars.

I suddenly feel her hand in mine.

“You’re right, Luke. I wouldn’t be lying here next to you ... my favorite place to be.” Her voice is sweet and soft, and it makes me want to roll on top of her. I squeeze her hand and take a deep breath.

“A shooting star, Luke,” she says excitedly as she points to the sky.

“Make a wish, Kenz.” Her eyes close, but I see the faint smile on her mouth from the moonlight. Her soft skin is glistening, crimson lips owning the onyx space surrounding us. I do this with Kenzie any chance I get.

“What’s the record for how many we’ve seen in one night?” she asks.

“Twelve.”

“You have the best memory. Did you make a wish, too?” Her head turns, and I get the best view, one better than any fleeting star. Kenzie’s crystal blue eyes twinkle, the gleam bright from the moon.

“No,” I reply before looking back to the sky.

“Why? You make me do it.”

“I feel selfish to wish for anything else.”

“That means something came true,” she says, once again excited. “What was it?”

Rolling on to my side, I lift our hands, so I can lace our fingers tighter. Kenz rolls over, too, looking eager as ever to hear my answer. I watch as she glances to our hands and begins abusing her lip.

“Growing up, I would wish on every shooting star that your dad wouldn’t hurt you again. It finally came true, and that’s why I know our record, Kenz.”

She yanks her hand away and slings her arms around my neck, knocking me over to my back. For only seconds, her mouth presses hard to mine.

“Luke, that’s ... I don’t even know what to say. You gave up all those wishes for me.” She slides off and scoots against my side. Kenzie’s hand covers my hammering heart ... the one that beats continuously, so it can experience another day with her.

“That’s not true. They were for me, too, so I wouldn’t see you hurting again.”

Her hand moves from my heart and snakes its way behind my neck. Fingers are soon exploring my hair, causing a spine-tingling pleasure as memories flicker through my mind. Kenzie is stars and summertime, fall and leaves, winter and snowmen, and spring and rain. I’ve shared it all with Kenzie Baker.

“Make a wish for you, Luke.”

“I’ll make one for the both of us.”

***

R
ushing, I rinse the shampoo from my hair and grab the towel. I have to tell Kenzie.

“Honey, wake up.”

She whimpers before rolling onto her back. Water from my hair drips onto her face, so she opens her eyes wide.

“Luke, what are you doing? Are the twins up?”

“No, I realized two things in the shower, and I’m dying to tell you.”

“Seriously? You’re waking me up to chat?”

“I know, I’m sorry, baby.”

She sits up and yawns as she scoots back against the headboard. “OK, what is it?”

I give her my boyish grin, hoping to smooth over her lack of sleep.

“If I wasn’t so tired, I’d lure you back to bed. You look hot wearing only a grin and a towel.”

“Do you remember when we were fifteen, and we laid on the blanket and gazed at the stars?”

“Which time? It’s too early, Luke, and we did that often.”

“It was when I shared with you about wishing for your dad to stop hurting you. You also kissed me, so like I could forget.”

“Of course, I remember.” She nods several times, probably hoping I’ll hurry up, so she can have at least one more hour of sleep.

“I realized we were always dating, Kenz. Since we kissed that first time, at ten years old, we’ve been dating. We just kept it PG. Well, until last year.”

She smiles at me. “Even at four-thirty in the morning, you’re being romantic. You’re right. I guess we always were. What’s the second thing?”

“I remembered the wish I made that night.” My grin only stretches farther. “I wished that I would get to marry you someday.”

Her eyebrows raise. “You wished that at fifteen?”

“Yep. You had me pretty excited that night. Marrying you meant sex was a sure thing.”

I grab her face and kiss it all over. She tries to pull away since every part of it is getting wet from my hair and mouth. After jumping up and heading toward our dresser, I throw my hand back at her and point.

“I’m marrying your cute ass, Kenzie Baker, as soon as I can take care of you the way you deserve.”

She giggles and holds a finger to her mouth, signaling for me to speak quieter.

“OK, but this cute ass would like to stay in bed for another hour. I love you, you confusing boy.” She rolls over but soon sits back up. “Luke ... that night, I wished that whatever you wished for would come true.”