Heart's Desire (8 page)

“You said that?” Sarah asked incredulously.

“I did.”

“So, in fact, Maddie, you turned
him
down. You said no to his proposal.”

Maddie shook her head. “He left me. He abandoned me.”

“Only after you rejected him.”

Maddie wasn’t quite sure she’d heard Sarah correctly. Had she really rejected Nate? Had he really been serious about running away together? At the time, she had thought it was just another line to coerce her to give in. He was out of high school now, life was changing for him and soon he’d be going away to Purdue. She still had senior year left. He hadn’t given her a ring. He hadn’t gotten down on his knee. Very little of it felt like a real proposal. Was Sarah right? To Nate, had his real marriage proposal been real? He’d been the one who had always said he didn’t want to get married. He wanted to travel and go to college. That’s all he’d talked about. Maddie hadn’t taken him seriously.

Not at all.

“Oh, God. I can’t breathe,” Maddie said, grabbing her stomach, then her forehead.

“You want some water?”

“How about straight hemlock?”

Sarah went to the sink and drew a glass of filtered water from the narrow spigot. She handed it to Maddie. “Want a slice of lemon for that?”

“No, thanks. It’s sour enough without it.”

Sarah sat down on the stool next to Maddie and took her hand. “All this time, you didn’t remember your part in this legendary breakup of yours?”

“I didn’t. Or worse...I blocked it out,” Maddie continued, “But he never called me after that. Not once. I was worried silly for over a year about him.”

“I would truly think through everything you want to say to Nate when you do talk to him. I’d be prepared for everything, like Luke said. That includes the possibility that he’s got a wife somewhere. I don’t think there are any children because he seemed shocked that Luke had kids already. So, that’s probably not an issue.”

“Kids? I can’t imagine myself with kids. I mean, someday, maybe. But not yet.”

“Really? You haven’t thought about it?”

“I told you. I’ve been stuck in a time warp. I still think of myself as seventeen.” Maddie delivered her statement with a jaunty flip of her hand through her short hair, but the gesture died awkwardly. It was time to stop fooling herself.

“Then this has been a very good day for you, Maddie. The truth is, you’re not seventeen anymore, and now you can see that clearly. If you continue to think of the past and what happened with Nate the way you have been, you could miss out on the greatest opportunities of your life. Don’t you find it interesting that at the same time as you’re expanding your business, and even considering a move to Chicago, Nate appears here in Indian Lake after all this time like a...”

“Ghost?”

“A sign from God was what I was thinking.”

“What does the sign say, Sarah?”

“Know all your options. Weigh them carefully. Choose wisely.”

A cloud of gloom settled over Maddie. “I thought signs were supposed to make things easier.”

“Who told you that?”

“I think I read it on a needlepoint pillow at Celebrations To Go.”

“Well, there’s always the other route to take,” Sarah offered.

“What’s that?”

“Don’t deal with Nate at all. Don’t call him. Don’t rehash the past. You’ve now dredged up the truth for yourself. You now remember exactly what happened that night. I’m sure he remembers it that way, too. The two of you ran into each other at the lodge by accident. You had an encounter...of sorts. And that’s it. Finis.”

Maddie considered Sarah’s advice for a long and careful moment. “But what about the other time?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I saw him watching me when we were at the Bridal Corner. That was no accidental meeting. It was as if he had been following me.”

“I forgot about that,” Sarah replied, chewing her lower lip. “That’s a very big point. Big.”

“You know what that tells me, Sarah?”

“What?”

“I think Nate wants some answers from me.”

“Oh, Maddie. I think he wants more than just answers.”

“Yeah? Like what?”

“The first thing that comes to my mind is what you wanted this morning when you saw him.”

“What’s that?”

“Revenge.”

CHAPTER TEN

T
HE
MONTH
OF
May moved into Indian Lake on the strains of romantic ballads playing on the local radio station. Once the tourist season began the first weekend in May, most of the merchants in town piped the same music through their businesses because the nostalgic tunes kept the tourists shopping and spending money inside the antiques stores, restaurants, dress shops and local art galleries. As far as Maddie was concerned, every cup of coffee tasted better when one was listening to Frank Sinatra or Josh Groban.

Maddie lugged a commercial-size trash bag filled with empty sugar and flour sacks, egg cartons, butter boxes, milk cartons and dozens of other containers that had held the ingredients she’d used over the past two days. She’d received a plethora of orders, from prom parties to baptisms, family reunions, birthdays and anniversary celebrations. And she still had to manage her increasing daily business at the café.

Maddie was more than surprised at the number of catering orders she was receiving this year compared to last. When she asked her new customers how they’d heard of her, eighty percent of the responses were always the same. “We bought your cupcakes at the St. Mark’s Summer Festival last year. We never forgot them.”

The St. Mark’s Summer Festival had been Sarah’s brainchild to raise money for the renovation of St. Mark’s Episcopal Church, which had been in deplorable shape. Sarah had talked many of the merchants in town into renting booths at the festival, then donating their profits to the church. It had been the best move Maddie had made, marketing-and advertising-wise, for her business. The festival had been held right after the Fourth of July parade. For the past thirty years, Indian Lake had drawn twenty thousand or more visitors to the town for the parade, and that number was likely to rise with the added attraction of the St. Mark’s Summer Festival. Maddie had customers she’d never seen before. They came from a five-countywide area, and a great many of them had been from Chicago. She had also picked up three new vendors for her cupcakes in New Buffalo. One was another café and the other two were restaurants. Now she was baking and filling orders to beat the band, and she was making good profits.

She had worked until one in the morning the previous night, then woke up at five and worked another two hours this morning.

Like most single people in Indian Lake, Maddie lived in a renovated portion of one of the old Victorian mansions on or around Maple Avenue. Maddie lived with eighty-five-year-old Hazel Martin, a friend of Mrs. Beabots, who was as kind as Mrs. Beabots but not nearly as intriguing a character. Hazel’s house was on Lily Avenue, and had been divided into three apartments back in the seventies. Hazel lived upstairs, where she could sit in her “Florida sunroom,” a room with three walls of beveled-glass windows that looked out over the glorious trees of stately Maple Avenue and the equally lovely Lily Avenue. The house was three stories high, complete with a widow’s walk and wraparound, turn-of-the-last-century porch. Maddie knew for a fact that Mrs. Beabots envied that porch a great deal. Hazel still hosted summer dinners on her porch and late-night bridge parties in the screened enclosure on the north side. Maddie had her own backdoor entrance and parked her van in the driveway so she could come in late and leave early when need be without disturbing Hazel or Gladys Wright, the piano teacher who lived in the smaller apartment next door. Fortunately for Maddie, Gladys gave all her lessons during the hours when Maddie was at the café.

Now that Maddie was on the verge of making some real money, she’d vaguely thought about moving. Uncle George had spoken to her about buying a house for the tax write-off, now that she needed to be concerned about such things. He’d suggested buying a Victorian so she could rent out several apartments, but what Maddie really wanted was a condo in Chicago.

She knew she didn’t have enough money yet to even rent a second home, much less buy one, but still she dreamed about it. If she were in Chicago, she and Alex could meet with investors whenever necessary. They could go to lunch together and meet at the theater doors for an afternoon matinee. They would window-shop together and perhaps duck into a wine bar...

A gust of warm spring wind clawed at her pants’ leg and then pushed the plastic recycle-bin top closed, bringing Maddie back to the present. Her thoughts had kidnapped her once again.

Maddie secured the trash-barrel lids and went back into the café, locking the backdoor behind her.

“Where to start?” She scratched the back of her neck and shook her short hair. She walked over to the line of six mixers, each a different jewel color to help her remember which cake was which when she was making up the batters.

She dumped sticks of salted butter into each stainless-steel bowl, lowered the beaters and turned on the machines to cream the butter.

As she measured out sugar, placing each measuring cup beside each mixer, she wondered just how much being a franchise owner was going to actually change her life.

Right now, her psyche was a tangled ball of string that rolled around in her belly, keeping her awake at night. Being honest with herself, she had to admit that she used her business to explain the fact that she couldn’t sleep and hadn’t slept the whole night through since Nate left Indian Lake.

She’d come to rely on her ability to blame Nate for all the pain in her life. Frankly, she should have meted it out a bit further. Her mother’s lack of love was to blame for her feelings of inadequacy. Yet at the same time, because Maddie was so fiercely driven to prove she was better than her mother, that she could have a better life than her mother, her success was in part due to her mother.

Nate’s impact on her life was the fuel she needed to push herself beyond her limits and take risks she might not have taken otherwise. She’d jumped at the chance to open the café with Ann Marie’s help. She’d pursued each of her trademarks and patents with a vengeance. Buried deep in her heart had been the absolute necessity to prove herself to Nate. Secretly, she’d always known she would see him again someday. In those first weeks and months, even years, since he’d left Indian Lake, she’d looked for him down every street and at every gathering. She’d thought he would come back for her. But he never had.

And now, here he was.

But for what purpose?

He hadn’t rushed to see her or call her. He’d spent more time talking to Luke than anyone else in town. Of course, after that punch she’d delivered, he’d probably never speak to her. She was surprised that she still felt a small pinch of rejection at the edges of her heart. She was surprised that he could still hurt her. She didn’t know why his actions would elicit any response from her at all.

It made no sense.

Maybe she needed to see a counselor as Sarah had done when she went to the bereavement group. Maybe a trained professional could explain the psychology to Maddie. Yes, that was what needed to be done. Then she could check Nate off her list for good.

Maddie, you fool. You thought you were over Nate years ago
. She swiped her palm over her face.
Seventeen. What does anyone know at seventeen?

Being excruciatingly brutal about herself, Maddie accepted that back in high school, she had loved Nate. She had loved him completely, utterly, naively, with that kind of first love that only the young experience. The kind of love that allows the young to dive head, heart and soul first without reservation or experience to throw off caution and red flags. It was this young love that Maddie had read about in poetry and the romantic novels in high school. Perhaps her studies had meant so much to her back then because that world of emotion was the world in which she was immersed with Nate.

It was a childhood thing.

But not a
childish
thing, she had now come to realize.

She and Nate had both gone their separate ways, growing and changing their views of the world. Or maybe they hadn’t changed so much.

The fact was that Nate had come back here to Indian Lake.

Nate was a doctor now. He’d fulfilled his dream, and she was happy about that.

Maddie hauled a twenty-five-pound bag of flour out of the bottom cabinet. She felt the muscles strain in her lower back.

Maddie had to admit she couldn’t keep up this pace for much longer. She was going to need her rest or she’d get sick. For the first time, she seriously considered hiring someone to help her do the night baking. If she had a helper, she could get her own baking done between five and seven, have a normal dinner, maybe even with friends, and be in bed by nine. It was doable.

She looked out the small kitchen window and realized the sun had just broken the dawn. It was another day. A new day.

That meant she had another twenty-four hours during which she would wrestle with herself over the problem of what to do about Nate.

Blunt self-honesty told her that the real reason she pushed herself so hard was that if she was working ninety to nothing, then she didn’t have to think about Nate. And right now, the last thing she wanted was to be reminded that she had Nate Barzonni’s cell number in her phone. And she still had not called him.

Since Easter Sunday, when she’d delivered her much-gossiped-about punch to his stomach, her one constant thought was that until she picked up the phone and called him, she would not have her answers.

Oh, she had tried.

With her hand shaking, she’d picked up the phone a dozen times to place the call. She’d chickened out every single time.

Though she’d rehearsed what she would say to him, she kept changing her mind. Her conversation with Sarah on Easter Sunday had replayed so many times in her brain, the tape had been stripped of all meaning, until she didn’t know what was conjecture and what was real.

The bottom line was that she would never know the truth until she talked to Nate. Her decision now was whether she wanted to do that at all.

She was terrified that Sarah had been right. If it was true that she had pushed Nate away, that he hadn’t abandoned her as she had told herself he had for eleven years, then she had based her entire adult existence on a self-inflicted lie.

“Self-inflicted” was the operative key.

She had to face the fact that the Maddie she had chosen to believe she was wasn’t the real Maddie at all. Maddie had been holding a self-sabotaging pity party for herself since high school, and she had blamed Nate’s abandonment on her family and social status. Deep down, she hadn’t thought she was good enough.

Maddie longed for a new start
. In Chicago? With Alex?

Thinking about Alex, Maddie realized all too clearly that while she did want to be successful, mostly she wanted a life filled with joy and friends and good times. Maddie couldn’t help wondering what her life would have been like if she had faced up to her participation in her breakup with Nate back when they were seventeen. Would she have left Indian Lake? Would he have had to leave the way he did, surrounded in mystery and secrets?

Maddie added the eggs and flavoring to the sugar and butter, then slowly folded in the sifted dry ingredients.

She placed colorful paper cupcake holders in greased muffin tins, then measured the batter into each holder. She placed the first batch of cupcakes into the oven and set the timer.

Maddie went to her office and checked the phone for messages.

“Hi, Maddie. Jake here from New Buffalo. Say, we had a killer crowd this weekend already. So, I’m going to ramp up our standing order. I’m going to need three dozen cupcakes on a daily basis. Then eight dozen for Saturday and Sunday. Sorry, I mean sixteen dozen for the weekends. Let’s see how that works out. Give me half chocolates of various kinds. Your choice. Then lots of lemon and strawberry. Nothing healthy. Surprise me. They all sell, so it doesn’t matter. If there’s a problem, give a ring. Ciao.”

“Are you kidding me?” Maddie smiled as she scratched notes into her order binder. The next message came on. “I’m trying to reach Maddie Strong of Cupcakes and Coffee Café. This is Mia at Alex Perkins’s office. I’m calling to confirm your appointment with Alex on Tuesday with both Alex and Mr. Stapleton. Alex told me to tell you that he expects the meeting will take about three hours and he is looking forward to seeing you. He will call you personally as well.”

She hit the recorder again. This time it was Alex’s voice. “Hey, beautiful. I left a message on your cell, but it must not have gone through, so I’m trying the café. I’m going to send a car for you on Tuesday. I’ll give you details later. Call me when you can. I’ll be in the office at eight. Take care.”

The recorder beeped.

Maddie sank into her office chair and ran her fingers through her hair. “Wow. A real investor.” She stared at the phone.
Alex.

She felt the blood in her veins turn to ice as she faced the unknown. She balled her fists. “I can do this,” she told herself and glanced at herself in the antique gilt mirror she’d hung on the wall next to her desk so that she could always check her hair and lipstick before greeting customers. “I can do this. I want to do this. I will succeed in doing this.”

Her gleaming green eyes stared back at her. The girl in the mirror seemed genuinely confident. It was not bravado. She believed what she said.

Maddie rose from the chair and went to the front of the café and turned the closed sign around to open. She unlocked the door and started back toward the counter to finish preparing the coffeepots for the self-serve counter.

She passed by her vintage Vesubio Espresso Machine, which she’d won on a bid on eBay. The machine was her pride and joy, and truly a focal point of the café’s decor. The top, which was emblazoned with an eagle motif and the name of the unit, lifted off to reveal the basket for the coffee inside. The copper-and-brass unit was heavy, impossibly well made and fourteen inches tall and about six inches wide. She hoped she could convince James Stapleton that it would be a signature move to install Vesubio espresso/cappuccino machines in all her franchise shops.