Heart's Duo (Ugly Eternity #4) (13 page)

“You’re not. You’re always behind me. Maybe that’s the problem here.” Maddox grabbed the mic stand and repositioned it, turning his back to Joss. “Let’s try this.”

Joss eyed the wide expanse of Maddox’s back. His ass was something out of a wet dream. “I’m cool with this.” Oh yeah. He heard himself. Pure lust dripped from every syllable. There was no calling it back. Maddox glanced over his shoulder with one eyebrow raised. Joss smiled unrepentantly. A dimple appeared in Maddox’s cheek, but he didn’t call Joss out. Turning away, Maddox started over. They made it through four songs before Joss’ body stopped aching—just his cock. Not his chest. That was one part of his anatomy that never quit dreaming. Stupid hope, springing eternal and shit. Did that turn out well for anyone? Maddox finally threw in the towel.

“You’ve still got it. No worries. You’ll do great this weekend.”

And there it was, the reminder of how this was now the rest of his life. “Sure thing.”

An odd look passed over Maddox’s face at Joss’ less-than-thrilled tone. “Are you sure you’re cool with this?”

There was no way he would let Maddox lose Ugly Eternity. “Of course.” It was only his heart that was breaking. Joss could live with that. He couldn’t live with knowing there was no music in Maddox’s life. Maddox didn’t look convinced, but thankfully, he let it go.

“Let’s get this shit cleaned up. I’m sure you have other things you’d rather be doing while the night is still young.” No. Seriously. There was no place he’d rather be than with Maddox, but he was an idiot.

“You go ahead. I can put all this away.”

Maddox spent a moment eyeing Joss as if attempting to decipher his tone. Joss carefully kept his features blank. Nothing good could come of anything else. Maddox was speaking to him again. They were still friends. It was way more than he’d dared to hope for. “Are you sure?” he asked, obviously finding nothing wrong.

“Yeah. Seriously. This is what I do all day. It’ll take me all of five minutes.”

“Then it’ll take us two and a half together.”

Joss sighed. “Maddox, go home. Please?”

With a nod, Maddox headed for the door. “Text me if you get two and a half minutes in and your back gives out,” he called over his shoulder. He ducked out the back before Joss could find anything to throw at his head.

*

The thing about living with someone for years was, eventually there were no more secrets. At least, that’s what Maddox always thought. Joss was the exception to almost every rule. Years ago, they’d been the biggest secret either of them was keeping. Stolen touches, hot glances, and unforgettable nights became the sum total of exactly nothing. Their relationship hadn’t ended in a huge bang of fanfare. They’d simply moved on. It wasn’t hard. Fantasies that occur only in the dark often disappear in the light of day with barely a passing thought. Night time illusions weren’t meant to carry into the day.

Until the moment Joss confessed his feelings, Maddox hadn’t suspected a thing. Now that he knew, it consumed him. A thousand times he should’ve noticed. They were as clear as day now. Maddox’s memories reminded him of a Rorschach. A million times he’d looked and seen a butterfly. Now, someone pointed out the bunny and he couldn’t see anything else. It was fanciful but apt. No one had ever been closer to Maddox than Joss. Maddox couldn’t stop wondering if he’d intentionally kept everyone an inch further away than the man he considered his best friend. Perhaps, it had always been more.

Another thing about living with someone for years was, they didn’t bat an eye when their extra key wasn’t returned when someone moved out, as Maddox had done. That was how Maddox ended up, sitting in the dark, and waiting for Joss to get home. As he’d pulled away from the music store, Maddox pointed his car in the direction of home. Somehow, while he’d been puzzling over the lust in Joss’ eyes, his car took him to a different home—the one he’d shared with Joss.

He’d like to think he’d sat out front, debating what to do. In truth, he’d gone straight in and sat down to wait. He’d also like to pretend he didn’t know why he was there, but ignorance, even when feigned, was ugly on everyone equally. The headlights of Joss’ truck filtered through the blinds, casting a glow across the carpet for a moment before disappearing again.

Maddox intentionally parked out front. Joss always parked in back. Settling deeper in his seat, an evil grin pulled at Maddox’s lips as he tried calculating how long it would take Joss to figure out he was there. His wide frame filled the doorway. Maddox held his breath. Joss’ brown hair was longer than the last time Maddox buried his fingers in it. The idea made his palms itch. Joss toed off his shoes before tossing his keys on the table. They collided with Maddox’s. Joss froze. For a second out of time, Joss stared at the two sets of keys before lifting his chin to search the darkness. He flipped the switch beside him, lighting up the room. Their gazes collided and didn’t move.

“You didn’t throw your back out.” Joss shook his head at Maddox’s observation, seeming almost rendered mute. “I could remedy that.”

Joss looked skeptical. Maddox couldn’t blame him. It wasn’t like the ass fairy showed up every night. Joss’ hands moved to his hips before falling to his sides. He shifted from foot to foot. It couldn’t have been more obvious he didn’t know how to react. “So…this is what? Payback?” That pissed Maddox off a bit. “Am I going to wake up in the morning to find you gone and then the next time I see you it’ll be as if nothing happened?”

“I guess you’ll have to find out… or not.”

“It’s a brilliant plan, actually. I wondered why it seemed all was forgiven. Kicking a man when he has nothing left is pretty damn good though. I have to give you that.”

Maddox came to his feet, doing his best to keep his anger from showing in his tone. “Since you’re not interested, I guess I’ll go.” As he reached for his keys, Joss struck. His T-shirt tightened across his back as Joss clenched the front, towing him forward until they were nose to nose.

“Fuck you, you bastard. I never said I wasn’t interested.” His dark blue eyes were almost crazed with lust. Maddox recognized the emotion shining in the other man’s eyes a split second before their mouths collided. He felt the same. It clogged his throat and sat heavy upon his chest. His skin crawled with need and no amount of sucking on Joss’ tongue assuaged his thirst. The night of the wedding reception, Maddox had been out of his head, but he remembered every detail. In truth, he’d never forgotten a single time they’d touched over the years, but he was no man’s secret. That wasn’t a life he cared to live. The cock beating behind his zipper, begging for Joss’ touch didn’t care if this was one time or forever. It didn’t keep score. Aching need was all it knew.

As if Joss could read his mind and saw his impatience, he freed Maddox’s erection. A moan came from Maddox’s chest finding his throat before vibrating through their kiss. It mixed with the flavor of coffee and man, making Maddox’s stomach growl. When Joss’ fingers encircled his erection, time seemed to slow as electricity crawled over his skin. The building pressure tightened his skin. His dick leaked as Joss’ taste buds scraped his.

*

Until Maddox’s tongue touched his, he hadn’t understood. There was no way Joss could’ve prepared himself. It hurt—way more than anything ever. The pain outweighed the pleasure by tenfold. Joss wanted it, ached for it. Tomorrow would come soon enough, crippling him. Maddox would be gone. Tonight was all he would get. The heat of Maddox’s skin against his palms kept Joss grounded. The emptiness clawing away at his stomach eased as he ate at Maddox’s mouth. He was the only thing that made Joss feel full. Maddox was the only one—period. His heart slammed against his sternum and his stomach plummeted as Maddox hooked his ankle and took him to the floor. Before he hit, Maddox braced his fall, proving his strength as he covered Joss’ body with his.

“Bedroom?” Joss suggested, incapable of forming more than one word.

“Later.” The promise in Maddox’s tone had Joss’ cock twitching. Joss tugged at Maddox’s shirt until he gave in, allowing Joss to pull it over his head. He tossed it aside. He hadn’t seen Maddox like this in a long time—shirtless with his jeans undone. Goddamn, it was arresting. His body had always been sexy. After years of gyming it—fuck. Joss was trying his damnedest to stroke every hardened line, completely convinced he could memorize them if he tried. There was a deep indention running the length of Maddox’s stomach. Joss wanted to lick it. His mouth watered in his desire.

Maddox kept him pinned to the floor by straddling his hips. His face was tight with lust and something else. Joss was too turned on to decipher it. Maddox pushed Joss’ shirt up an inch, massaging each freshly exposed strip of flesh as he went. For a moment, Joss wondered if his mind would withstand the torture. He burned. By the time Maddox worked the material over Joss’ head, Joss was panting as if he’d ran a marathon.

The pressure that had begun at his toes was already tightening his balls and making his dick leak. Joss craved and longed in a way he couldn’t recall ever experiencing. He was instantly thankful Maddox hadn’t chosen to challenge him tonight the way he’d done the night of the wedding reception. Joss didn’t know if he could lie with Maddox holding him like this. It was worth it. He was the worst sort of motherfucker because he couldn’t regret it. If he took back the things he’d done, there’d be nothing left of his heart.

Everything Sophie had said was true. He loved Maddox. It made him conniving and ruthless. No matter how hard he’d wanted to let Maddox be happy with someone else, he couldn’t. While others might fear how far they’d go to hang on to the other half of themselves, Joss knew his limits. He had none. Incapable of stopping, Joss sat up and buried his nose in the crook of Maddox’s neck. With his arms wrapped around Maddox's waist, Joss drew the other man’s scent into his lungs.

Physically, Joss was screaming for release. Emotionally, Joss was shattered. If it was Maddox’s intention to wreck him, he’d won. On every level, the man had beaten him and Joss couldn’t bring himself to care. When it came to Maddox, Joss had zero sense of self-preservation. If Maddox needed to steal his soul, it was his. Maddox’s fingers brushed through his hair, tugging lightly and making Joss’ roots sting as he urged Joss to meet his stare.

“I’m still furious.”

Joss nodded. He understood. “You should be.”

“This isn’t about that.”

It was the truth. Joss knew Maddox. “Okay.”

“I need you to believe me.”

Joss didn’t hesitate. “I do.”

*

He did. Maddox could see the faith in Joss’ eyes. It was a heady thing. For so long, Maddox had been the villain—unworthy of trust. He could destroy Joss. If ever anyone wore their heart on their sleeve, Joss did so now. Maddox could crush the man beneath his heel and never look back, but Joss trusted him not to. He held Joss’ stare as he lowered his mouth to Joss’. As much as Maddox’s dick begged for him to hurry, Maddox couldn’t rush. This time when their lips met, it was achingly sweet. The sensation of air leaving Joss’ lungs and stroking Maddox’s cheek, seared into his brain, becoming a memory made. He added it to the long list of mental photos Maddox kept locked in his head.

A kiss is only a kiss until it means something. It meant something. Maddox just wasn’t sure what. He urged Joss onto his back once more, chasing the man’s tongue and sucking each time he caught it. He moved from his lips to his neck. The bristles on Joss’ jaw scraped his. Tomorrow, it would serve as a reminder of this moment. Joss’ fingers dug into Maddox’s sides as he worked his way down Joss’ body.

“Trust me,” Maddox said, cajoling Joss with his voice as he spoke against the man’s chest. Joss’ hands fell away, surrendering control.

“I do.”

An evil smile pulled at Maddox’s lips. He could feel it shaping against Joss’ skin and he was helpless to stop it. He counted Joss’ ribs with his tongue, working his way lower. The desire to feel Joss’ arousal against his taste buds was driving Maddox insane. He could tie the man up, stealing his power, but there was no greater control than taking a man’s cock down his throat. It rendered them all equally helpless, leaving them addicted. Maddox knew how to hook Joss. Maybe he wasn’t as skilled at tying a person to his side, but this he could do.

The instant he set Joss’ erection free, Maddox swiped his tongue down the man’s length before pulling away. He could see Joss struggling to draw air into his lungs as Maddox dragged the man’s jeans down his legs. With Joss nude, Maddox took mercy on him, swallowing him whole. His throat burned with Joss stretching it wide. It was the sweetest painful pleasure. When Joss snagged Maddox’s hair, openly fucking Maddox’s willing mouth, his heart soared. It was decadence to give pleasure. He owned Joss in that span of seconds, stretching into minutes. Each one felt like an eternity that ended too soon. The sounds coming from Joss’ throat fed Maddox’s lust. He was ready to explode without Joss ever touching him.

Joss’ muscles tightened beneath him. He could feel the sharp edge of Joss’ rising orgasm. Pre-cum coated his tongue. Maddox growled at the taste. It was delicious. Joss’ breath hitched a half second before he cried Maddox’s name and exploded. Cum dripped from Maddox’s chin, but he swallowed as fast as he could. He couldn’t pretend innocence. There’d been other men since Hawke. What there hadn’t been since Hawke, was anyone he cared about or anyone who cared about him. His heart recognized the difference in a way his head hadn’t until it was too late. The backs of his eyes burned and his nose stung. Maddox clenched his teeth against the sensation as he pressed his lips to Joss’ hipbone.

The gentle way Joss ran his fingers through Maddox’s hair made him wonder if Joss knew where Maddox’s head had gone. He prayed he didn’t. It wasn’t fair. Maddox didn’t want it, nor could he control it. Wanting to let shit go was nowhere near the same as doing it. Somewhere along the way, Maddox had let it go. The realization was oddly crippling.

Joss’ fingers moved from Maddox’s hair to his cheek before tightening on his jaw. At his urging, Maddox tilted his chin up, meeting Joss’ stare. Maddox saw it then. This encounter was painful for them both. It was for different reasons, but it was there. Crawling up Joss’ body, Maddox made a few stops along the way, pressing his lips to Joss’ stomach and then his chest before capturing his mouth.