Heart's Reflection (15 page)

"It's all
riddles. You seem so familiar. So right. But I don't remember you being in my
life before yesterday."

"Maybe we've
known each other in other lifetimes. Ever think of that?"

Chapter Four

The SATs were less
than an hour and a half away —ready or not. Reluctantly, I suggested we
set out. Holden just seemed happy to be with me. He wasn't nervous in the
least.

Clearly, he wasn't
scheduled for the big test.

I wished I didn't
have to go, but I didn't know how I could explain missing it to Dad. But I was
determined to talk candidly with him that afternoon.

Holding hands but
without speaking, Holden and I walked toward the school. The two of us felt
more comfortable than my favorite slippers and more exciting than a roller
coaster.

Past lives?

I hadn't pressed
Holden and he hadn't volunteered anything more.

Not that I hadn't
given some consideration to the concept, but this life had always seemed like
more than I could handle, let alone some other ones I couldn't remember.

The sun shone
bright today with the temperature in the 60s, so I wasn't surprised to see a
lot of people already milling around the square near the school.

Despite giving Dad
beaucoup grief when he'd announced his work transfer, I had to admit Savannah
was growing on me. The buildings had an old-world elegance. No office
high-rises or cookie cutter mcmansions. Every building was different and
unique. And there was so much green space. My favorite was the live oak trees.
With the Spanish moss draped from them, it seemed like the city was always
decorated for a holiday.

Someone I knew was
near the square's center, examining the face of a cell phone.

"There's
Lashonda," I exclaimed. "Come on. I want to introduce you two."

In the distance,
the clock in the steeple tower of the corner church tolled nine times.

A memory of Mrs.
Gazardi saying something about a 9:18 a.m. deadline came into my head and then
was gone again.

"Don't be
shy," I said.

"No,
Eve." Holden strained against my hold. "I don't—"

"She'll love
you," I said, dragging him by the hand into a run.

My friend, clad in
some pretty stylish jeans and a t-shirt that molded to her figure, swiped at
the phone face before tossing it into her purse.

"Lashonda,"
I shouted. "Wait up."

She swiveled at
the sound of my voice and waved as she started towards us. I slowed to a walk.

Birds pecked at
the remnants of a muffin on the nearby park bench, so tame they didn't fly
away. Our approach didn't ruffle their feathers. The loudspeaker system of the
passing tourist trolley blasted us with a snippet of narration from the tour
guide about the square.

"You left
your purse at the party, Eve," Lashonda said when we were face-to-face.
"I have it at home."

"Thanks
girlfriend," I teased.

"Don't call
me girlfriend," she said immediately, with a laughing glint in her eye.

"I want you
to meet someone." I tugged at the sleeve of a reluctant Holden jerking him
forward.

"Eve,"
Holden said, "I don't think this is the right time."

"'Course it
is, silly."

"Who's
silly?" Lashonda asked, a quizzical tilt to her head as her eyebrow
arched.

"Holden,"
I answered with a laugh, a glance and a nod his way. My grin felt so wide it
would stretch my chin out of shape. "You told me to go after him and you
were right."

"Him
who?" she asked.

"The
Viking," I said, inclining my head in his direction. "Let me
introduce you two. I want him to meet my best friend."

"Oh, sweetie.
That's great," Lashonda gushed, taking me by the shoulders and giving me a
quick hug. "How about tonight? We can all meet up at the Mall Food
Court."

"Tonight?"
I shook my head, confused. "How about now?"

"Cool."
She scanned our surroundings. "Are you meeting him here before the
test?"

My heart suddenly
felt like a bird from the bench had flown in my mouth and lodged in my throat
with its wings beating.

Omigod. Lashonda
didn't see him. She didn't see Holden standing right there next to me.

Was he really
there? He must not be. I hadn't had an imaginary friend since I was four. I
must be crazy. Delusional.
Straightjacket
and electroshock, here I come.

The tourists,
Lashonda, the birds pecking, the tour bus...Everything and everyone seemed to
be in slow motion. My awareness heightened to the point where I could see and
hear everything at once.

"Ummm,
yeah." I was finally able to mumble to Lashonda. "Meeting him
here."

"Well, don't
wait for him too long. You don't want to be late for the test." With a
wave, she turned on her heel and started in the direction of the school.

"Eve.
Listen." Holden reached for me but I evaded his grasp.

"No," I
said. "I can't...This is all..."

Before I knew it,
I was running. I didn't remember when I'd started moving, waking to conscious
thought only when already in mid-dash.

"Stop.
Eve."

Hearing his voice
only increased my speed and I dodged between two benches to get away. I
registered Lashonda's widened eyes as I passed her before propelling myself out
of the square and across the street to the other side. Once there, I stopped on
the curb in front of the church and scanned the path I'd taken. I searched for
Holden but didn't see him. Some kind of commotion—probably the tourists
who clogged the city—blocked my view.

"Eve."
Holden's voice from behind caused me to turn. He stood at the entrance of the
church, holding the door half-open. He waved me toward him, a slight smile
twisting one side of his lips. Suddenly, I wondered why I'd been so spooked.

Why was my first
instinct always to run away? Shouldn't I start facing things instead of
avoiding them?

Besides, Holden's
face was so handsome, so dear to me. I...I loved him. Didn't I?

I should just go to him
, I thought. But
when I got closer, Holden turned and entered the church, forcing me to follow.
Inside, my eyes easily adjusted to the dim interior after the bright sunshine
to see Holden as he passed through a door to the right of the nave. Through
that door I found a winding staircase that must lead to the tower steeple.

Up, I climbed,
probably more than two hundred stairs. When I reached the top, Holden was
there. He'd apparently opened the window and he was leaning on the sill as he
gazed out onto the city landscape.

A breeze blew
through the steeple from the window ruffling my hair and sending a chill
through me.

"What's going
on, Holden?" I asked. "Why couldn't Lashonda see you?"

He didn't leave
the window but turned his head to me. "Maybe, the best way is for you to
see. Come here."

Stepping up next
to him, I grasped the sill to lean out.

"Look over
there." He pointed down.

I followed his
direction and looked to the street below.

A trolley tour bus
was pulled over, parked at a strange angle on the street in front of the
church. A man in a cap designating him as the driver sat on the curb with his
head in his hands. The passengers had left the trolley and milled in a cluster
at the front bumper.

"What am I
looking at?" I asked.

Holden didn't
answer. Merely shrugging, the sad turn of his lips etched lines around his
mouth.

My gaze returned
to the street where I observed Lashonda pushing her way out of the crowd. She
stumbled as she mounted the curb. Even from here I could tell she was sobbing.

"Lashonda,"
I called to her. What was wrong? "Lashonda. Are you okay?"

She didn't seem to
hear me.

A man clicking
photos with his a long lens camera moved to the right just as the woman next to
him moved to the left. The momentary parting in the cluster allowed me to see
the focus of their attention.

Me.

My body lay still,
broken and bloody in the street.

"Ahhhhhhhh,"
I screamed, jumping back from the window and whirling away from the scene.
Step-by-step I backed up until I bumped into the metal railing of the
staircase.

"You did
this." I accused Holden.

He flinched and
his expression turned wide-eyed and stricken.

My mind raced for
answers. "Are you death?"

"No."
Holden strode to me and, despite my cringing from him, he grasped me by the
shoulders. "No. I'm life."

"No," I
said. "I'm lying in the street. How can you say that?"

"Because it's
true. I'm your life. Or rather, we are each other's life. We're fated hearts.
We were meant to be together."

He tried to pull
me into a hug but I resisted.

"You said
before that we knew each other in a past life." I searched to make sense
of this.

"Yes,"
he answered. "We were married during one of my five lifetimes."

"Five
lifetimes? I don't understand," I cried, shaking my head.

To add to the
confusion, the sound of footsteps climbing the steps freaked me out. What now?

Mrs. Gazardi,
still wearing the flowing gown of the previous night, emerged to frown first at
me and then at Holden. "You still haven't done it, I see."

"Done
what?" My voice was a shrill shout. "Kill me? I think he has since
I'm bleeding in the street."

"No you
foolish girl," Mrs. Gazardi said. "He was supposed to educate
you." She stalked to the window. "It's almost too late. We have to do
it now or never."

I felt tears
streaming down my cheeks.

How could I feel the moisture of tears when
I was dead?

 
I must have spoken aloud because Holden answered me.

"You're body
isn't dead. Not yet," Holden said with a sad shadow in his eyes.

Shaking my head a
sob slipped out. "What are you saying?"

"You can go
back to your body now and you'll survive. You have a choice."

"I can
live?" Turning out of his arms I made to descend the stairs. "Okay
then. Let's go."

The sad eyes
returned. "Like I said,
you
have
a choice. But if you choose to live...if you don't die now, we can never be
together."

"Why? You
said—"

"You can go
back but I can't."

"What?"

"He's already
dead," Mrs. Gazardi said. "He has no body to go back to. And his soul
can only remain on earth for three days after his body passes."

"I didn't
move here from Miami, I died in Miami." A tremor shook his voice as Holden
said the word died.

"But—"

"And if you
don't die now, we won't be reborn at the same time for our next lives,"
Holden explained. "We won't live and love each other in the next
incarnation."

Shaking my head, I
tried to clear it. Fear still pounded through me forcing out every other
thought, making my mind foggy. "This makes no sense."

"Don't be
afraid. Fear blocks love and it's your fear that has kept us apart
before."

He placed his palm
against my chest and memories flashed in my head. Memories of him. Of me. Of us
together as teens running hand-in-hand through a field. His appearance was
different then and so was mine but somehow I knew it was him...me...us...in a
past lifetime. Maybe he really was a Viking then.

"Why didn't
you do that before?" I asked.

"Because you
weren't ready," Mrs. Gazardi interrupted with an impatient twitch of her
hand.

"I'm still
not ready." But I had to be. This was happening.

Locking eyes with
Holden, he answered my unspoken question. "I appear to you now as I will
when we meet each other in our next life," His lips twisted in a grimace.
"
If
we meet each other
next."

"You mean
I'll remember all this?" My arm swept in an arc around me.

"No," he
shook his head. "Probably not consciously. But your unconscious will know
me."

"You said we
were married in one of your five lifetimes. Did we have children?" My
tears had stopped and I moved closer to Holden, leaning against him.

"One." I
felt his smile against my forehead. "A boy. But then I was called to war
and died in battle. So we didn't have the years together we should have."

"What about
your other four lifetimes? Weren't we together?"

"No." He
stiffened. "You were too afraid to feel the pain of loving someone to take
a chance in each of those lives, so we missed each other. That's why this time
they allowed me to come here and talk to you."

I felt his
displeasure. His disapproval—anger even—lashed me with guilt and I
pulled away.

More memories of
my past lives came to me. No painful jolts this time. The images were more like
old friends. But from them I realized that the pain of losing Holden in our
first lifetime together had so traumatized me that I had not wanted to
experience that soul wrenching pain ever again. And that fear had followed me
from life to life. I still didn't know if I'd be able to break free of the
fear. Hadn't I been living this lifetime shackled by inhibition, choosing not
to take chances?

Stepping toward
the window, I gazed down at the street as an ambulance screeched to a halt.

"Come
on," Mrs. Gazardi demanded. "This is taking too long."

"So who are
you in all this?" I asked. "Obviously, not just my school
counselor."

Her inner light
began to shine so bright I had to shield my eyes.

"I am
Gazadriel," she said in a booming voice, part the woman I knew and part
otherworldly baritone. "I am here to guide you to where you may go."

"Are you
certain if I go with you now we'll have a lifetime together?" I asked
Holden.

"Nothing is
certain," he replied. "We will still have to make it happen. But it's
certain we will have the opportunity. If you stay here now...we won't.