Heather Horrocks - Who-Dun-Him Inn 01 - Snowed Inn (9 page)

“Whoo, boy,” Liz said from the chair she pulled up to the mirror to watch the entertainment. “You’ve got a great reality show in there. BJ just voted herself off the island.”

Stephanie came in behind me and placed a platter on the fancy cart used to haul food from the kitchen to the dining room, then loaded the platter with plates of Burgundy Beef. “I do believe this is the most interesting group you’ve had so far, my friend.”

I had to chuckle. “It’s my only group so far.”

Xavier’s melodious voice behind us startled me as he told Lonny, “I’ll follow you to the door and watch from there so I can be ready when you start advancing.”

I said, “I’ll go with you,” and led the way into the dining room. Lonny and Xavier waited just outside the door.

Martha waved at me. “I am so enjoying your Mystery Mansion. You’ve done an excellent job setting the atmosphere.”

“Thanks,” I said. “Now you may all open your envelopes and pull out clue number three.”

As the players followed my instructions and read the information they were to reveal, I gathered empty soup bowls and spoons. Stephanie trailed me, pushing the cart and placing a full dinner plate in front of each of them.

Garrett winked at me. “And what is this?
Mystery
meat?”

“Burgundy Beef,” my grandmother spoke up. “And you’ve never tasted better.”

Garrett speared a bite, chewed it, and nodded at Grandma. “You are absolutely right.” Setting down his fork, he unfolded the paper containing his next clue. “And,” he said, “speaking of sex change operations—”

Bonnie laughed.

“—Did I mention I’m having one next month?”

“Smooth, Garrett. You missed your calling as an actor.” Bonnie looked at her own paper. “Hey, I need a new roommate and I want to make sure I get a female one this time. Perhaps we could work something out.” She was ad libbing.

“I have to ask,” Martha said. “What will be the name of the murderously decadent dessert I’m sure you’ll be serving?”

“My grandmother’s delicious Death by Chocolate.”

Dr. Ray looked at my grandmother with a gaze reminiscent of my father admiring his prize-winning tomato plants, and said, “I’m sure it will be
to die for
, too.” I didn’t think I could watch much more of this senior courtship. Glancing into the mirror, I wondered if Liz was catching all this.

Grandma looked at Clark Harmon’s paper and giggled. “Well, as you all know, I’m such a famous male baseball player, I have women in every town. And there’s a woman at this table whom I plan on getting to know better tonight.” The others laughed, and Grandma looked like she was having great fun.

“Anything else I can get for you folks?” asked Stephanie.

“I’d like some water, please,” Calabria said.

Stephanie immediately looked away as much as she could while taking Calabria’s cup. It was obvious there was something wrong between Calabria and her, and I knew that was all part of the play.

“I do not bite,
bella
,” Calabria joked. “No woman has ever found me distasteful.”

Stephanie glanced at him and then away. “Yes, sir.” She took the water glass and refilled it from the pitcher on the sideboard, then asked me to take it back to him, which I did.

He looked at me strangely. “What is wrong?”

“Oh, sir, I’m sure there’s nothing wrong. She’s just shy around men. Her husband is quite jealous, you know.”

“Oh,” Calabria said, clearly understanding that concept.

“May I have a bourbon?” Martha held up her goblet of punch.

“Be careful, my dear. You never could hold your liquor.”

“Please don’t open your mouth, Gregorio.” Martha said sweetly. “When you do, something stupid invariably falls out.”

I started to answer Martha’s question— no bourbon— but Stephanie moved the cart toward the door, and an empty platter clattered onto the floor. Just as planned.

Everyone jumped. Also as planned.

From just outside the door, Lonny winked at me to show me he knew his cue. Taking a deep breath, he settled into character, and the man who entered the room was not cute Lonny, but an angry, older captain whose wife had cheated on him.

“You. Maxwell.” He stopped inside the door and pointed at Calabria, who was playing the part of Maxwell. “I’ve discovered everything. And now you will pay.”

Calabria looked at his paper for the piece of information he was supposed to share, shrugged, and said, “Maria? I’ve been having an affair with a woman, but she told me she was separated from her husband.”

Lonny turned to Stephanie. “You told him what?”

Stephanie acted flustered as she replaced the platter clumsily on the cart. “I never had an affair with him.”

“Like you didn’t have an affair in Singapore?”

“Oh, no, Steven, don’t make the same mistake you did in Singapore. I can’t change my name again and start over.”

“What did he do in Singapore?” Garrett called out.

Stephanie looked terrified. “He killed a man in a jealous rage. But I thought we were past that now.”

The guests watched closely while Lonny stalked menacingly around the table. Past the empty seat saved for Clark Harmon. “I never thought the SOB who’s been cheating with my wife would be sitting at my own table.”

Martha laughed. “Oh, he could well be that SOB.”

Garrett said, “Let’s put it to a vote.”

Gregorio leaned back in his chair and smiled, obviously amused, so the night wasn’t a total loss. “I could be.”

Lonny stopped ten feet from Calabria. “I don’t take kindly to being cheated on.”

Calabria shrugged and played to his audience with a smile. “There are so many women, after all, but I’m sure I was never with your wife. You are mistaken. Your wife poured water, yes, but she did not even look at me.”

“Oh, Gregorio,” Martha waved her hand, “Don’t plead innocence. It is a well-known fact you screw around.”

“Silencio!”
Calabria snapped. “You are ruining the play.”

“Oh, I am sorry.” Martha leaned back with a wide smile. “Proceed,” she told Lonny, who stood behind her.

“Ma’am, this is not your fight, though I do appreciate the support.” With that, Lonny advanced on the older man.

“Can’t we settle this like civilized men?” Calabria continued to ad lib as he stood. He grinned.
Good
.

“It’s too late for that.” Lonny moved again, and managed to look menacing while making very little forward progress. “A beating will help you remember to stay away from my wife.”

Lonny was convincing.

Calabria stood, his grin fading a little.

Maybe Lonny was a bit
too
convincing.

“Captain,” Dr. Ray said, “surely, you can work this out.”

“Let ‘em fight,” said bloodthirsty Grandma.

As the song on the CD faded to silence, Lonny picked up the extra (inexpensive) goblet set in the middle of the table for this purpose and threw it into the fireplace. The shatter echoed, and since the goblet was filled with dry, magician-type powder, the flames flashed hot and bright for a moment.

For the first time all night, the room was totally silent, until strains of Beethoven filtered over the speakers. I knew the glass would be thrown, but still, even my heart was pumping faster.

Alexis’s hand flew over her heart.

Martha cheered Lonny on. “Go get him, tiger. Protect your wife’s honor.”

Xavier straightened his shoulders, gearing up for his part as Lonny had done, and ran into the dining room, yelling, “Don’t do it, Steve. He’s not worth it.”

“Don’t try and stop me.” Lonny took another two steps toward Calabria. As Xavier raced closer, Lonny pulled his fist back as if to punch. And, just as they practiced, Xavier grabbed Lonny’s arm. These guys were good. I had to smile.

Calabria stood still, staring first at Lonny and then at Xavier. Perhaps he really thought he was going to get hit.

Xavier wrapped his arms around Lonny and started pulling him back. “Come with me, buddy. Don’t drag this man into it. Go talk to your wife. Ask her what’s going on.”

I hardly heard the rest of the lines as I watched Calabria’s face. He looked pale. The actors were
too
convincing, perhaps, and really scared him. He sank into his seat.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, Gregorio.” Martha laughed. “The ghost of affairs past, perhaps.”

He glared at her. “You knew about this.”

“Not the play.” Martha grinned. “But I couldn’t have planned it better if I’d tried. Relax and enjoy the fun.”

Garrett whispered in Martha’s ear. She shrugged, and I heard her say, “Earlier today.”

Dr. Ray frowned. “Martha, I haven’t seen—”

Martha put her finger to her lips and shook her head.

Dr. Ray shrugged and smiled at Grandma, who was apparently asking him what he knew.

Xavier pulled Lonny to the door. “Come, Captain. You need to take your medication.”

Through the dining room windows flashed the lights of an approaching vehicle. It could only be my favorite mystery writer, Clark Harmon, finally arriving. I could hardly wait to meet him. Ever since my brother, Paul, first shared one of his Max McKnight mysteries with me when I was in ninth grade, we both were hooked.

I excused myself and went outside. Kent had gone home an hour ago, and I could barely tell where he’d blown snow. The air was so cold, it hurt to breathe. I shivered and my face was freezing after just a few moments outside. The wind picked up and whistled loudly, carrying the smell of wood smoke from the direction of Horse Feathers Ranch.

The vehicle was not another airport shuttle, but an older model, blue Ford pickup. Rent-A-Wreck, perhaps? It slid to a stop on the driveway. Out stepped the driver, a tall, slender man, wearing a cowboy hat and cowboy boots. I’d seen pictures of Clark Harmon in the back of his books, so I knew what to expect— but he needed a better picture. A more current one, at least, because an inch-long, black beard hid his face. He stomped snow off his boots.

“Welcome to the Who-Dun-Him Inn.”

Impatiently, he said, “Take me to Mr. Calabria, please.”

I was an idiot. The guy had to fight his way up here in a snowstorm, so he was in no mood to talk. I opened the door. “Your group is well into dinner and the play. Your part is being filled by my grandmother, of all people. But we have another one for you.” Grandma playing a butch baseball player and Harmon a southern debutante (BJ’s part) ought to prove interesting. I was rambling because I was actually meeting my favorite author, and he was not in a good mood.

I pushed open the door. “You forgot your bag.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, flicking snow off his pale blue denim jacket. It was one like a thousand guys owned, Levi brand, fake wool-lined, snapped up the front. Very similar to the coat Robert was wearing, which still resided in my closet downstairs. “I just want to get my business taken care of.”

I offered to take it from him, but he brushed me off. “No, thanks, ma’am. Please just take me inside.”

He certainly wasn’t as charming in person as I’d hoped. When I led the way into the dining room, the others looked up. “Your last author has arrived.”

Alexis tilted her head as she studied Harmon.

Bonnie shrugged and returned to her Burgundy Beef.

White-haired Dr. Ray put down his fork and watched intently.

Grandma Ross ignored the new man entirely.

Calabria grinned.

Martha waved her punch-filled goblet toward him and said, “Welcome, last author. There is no bourbon, I fear.”

Clark Harmon asked, “Which one is Calabria?” His harshly spoken words surprised me. Had he never met his agent? Or guru? Or whatever Calabria was supposed to be?

Martha laughed and wiggled a finger at Harmon. “Come on in, honey. The more, the merrier. Gregorio is the one at the head of the table.” With a mischievous grin, she stage-whispered, “This isn’t Clark, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Calabria glared at Martha. “Can you be quiet for five minutes? Let them put on their play.”

So Calabria thought this was part of the play, but Martha seemed to have realized it wasn’t. With growing horror, I whispered to the man, “Please tell me your name is Clark Harmon.”

“No, ma’am, it’s not.”

That was what I was afraid of. I needed to get this clown out of here, and fast. I spoke quietly. “Sir, this is a private party. I must ask you to leave.”

“I will, ma’am, just as soon as I’ve had my say.” His eyes were cold and his face drawn tightly with anger as he turned toward Calabria and called out harshly, “So you’re the so-called man that doesn’t mind stealing other people’s wives.”

“He’s the one,” Martha said. “Will there be more of you?”

Calabria looked puzzled, but joked, “This needs revisions to move the plot forward. It is a repeat.”

Martha smiled lazily. “Rumor has it this is quite common where you’re concerned.”