Hell Inc. (32 page)

When
I awoke, the sky outside was dark. Levie hadn't shown, and I was
starting to worry not only about him but about how much time had
passed. This just made the whole situation a nightmare from hell,
literally. I hadn't the slightest clue where to start. I flung
myself off the bed and began pacing. The adrenaline that was flowing
through me was making it hard to sit still (not to mention that I was
feeling a bit claustrophobic). It wasn't that the room was small or
anything, I just felt trapped by indecision. Like I was in a box and
all the infinite possibilities of what could or might happen were the
walls keeping me locked inside. It was at that moment that I noticed
the genie's bottle again. I had left it sitting on the nightstand
like some sort of bauble.

I
snatched it up and stood staring at it, wondering if it even worked
down here. It hadn't before, when I'd wished to be alive again.
Like that was ever going to happen. I slumped back on the bed and
squeezed the pink glass, wishing it would just shatter and cut open
my hands. At least that would give me a distraction to focus on. I
rubbed my thumb over the pink swirls wondering what the damn thing
was pretending to be. It was too narrow at the opening to be a vase
but just about the right height and thickness on the bottom. I threw
it on the floor and kicked it. Another childless act, I know, but I
couldn't help myself. I was angry. I had a right to be. I was
dead.

A
wail escaped my throat and I threw myself into the pillows sobbing
like some deranged teenager who'd just broken up with her boyfriend.
I spent the better part of the next hour feeling sorry for myself. I
do admit my short attention span got the better of me. Even sadness
wasn't entertaining enough to hold my interest for long.

I
lugged myself out of the deliciously fluffy down pillows (this was
Hell, right?) and began to pace again. When nothing came to me, I
kicked the nightstand out of sheer desperation. A mistake since I
was shoeless. I grit my teeth against the pain and watched just the
tiniest bit of blood seep out from the edge of my toenail and drip
onto the floor next to the genie's bottle. I picked it up and rubbed
the blood off with my finger, wiping the residue on my pants and set
it back onto the nightstand. If my eyes hadn't been so puffy and
swollen from crying, I probably would have noticed the smoke sooner.

Orange
tendrils drifted out and curled around my wrists. I swiped at them
absentmindedly, feeling the light touch but not really noticing what
was actually going on. The minibar caught my attention, and I prayed
to whatever god that might still be looking out for me that there was
booze in it. I opened the tiny white door and found nothing but V8
and a lean cuisine.

“What
the fuck? Where's the chocolate cake and the Grey Goose?”

“This
isn't level three, darling. You're not here for gluttony, you're
just visiting.” I sighed, tired of all the little surprises the
last few days had had in store for me and turned around, hand planted
on my hip, to see Diamokina lounging on the bed. Her gypsy skirts
and bright orange skin looked rather out of place on the beige and
white bedspread, and I felt a spark of irritation flare up inside.

“I
tried calling you earlier and you ignored me. What do you want now?”
Diamokina grinned at me, and I tried not to stare at her pointy
teeth, scary as they were.

“You
just don't know all of the rules in the handbook. It takes a drop of
blood to summon me to an interdimensional destination.” I
rolled my eyes and threw up my hand.

“Oh,
is that it! Gee, I guess it just slipped my mind.” I turned
back to the minibar and snatched the can of V8. I popped the top and
poured the tomato juice down my throat in one swallow and because I
actually
hate
vegetable juice, I began to gag and cough.
Diamokina laughed, and I heard her jewelry singing as she sat up on
the bed.

“You
are quite the silly girl,” she droned as I turned to glare at
her, one hand clutching my throat. “But surely you can't blame
me for all of this? We never did get the chance to discuss our new
arrangement. That demon of yours whisked you away in an instant and
left me to deal with that bottom dweller.” Her mouth curled
into a sneer and her fingernails dug into the mattress, rending the
fabric and releasing an errant spring. “That took me longer
than I had expected and when I set out to find you, all I got was a
charred piece of meat and an angry lesbian vampire.”

“First
of all, what did you do to Terrence and again, thanks for the
reminder that my body is completely and utterly ruined. And how do
you know Helena is a lesbian anyway?” Diamokina rolled onto her
back and stretched like a cat.

“He
nearly had me but those two lovely furry blokes bashed in his head
with a club.” A magazine appeared in her previously empty hand
titled
Bottles Weekly
and she began leisurely flipping through
the pages. “Anyway, the handbook's on the table there. Give
it a go, and I'll see what I can do.” She paused for a moment
and squinted at one of the ads.

“What
the fuck are you – ” I paused when I saw the pink
hardcover next to the TV. It was embossed in gold writing that read:
Introduction to Wishing, Volume One: Genies
. I sighed and
grudgingly picked it up. It was heavier than I'd expected and had
much the same look and feel of a Bible. Oh, the irony. I opened up
to the introduction which was, of course, written in a language
completely unfamiliar to me.

“What
the hell is this?” I'd be damned if I were tricked into
accepting another bunch of gobbledygook in exchange for more
problems. Diamokina shrugged, and I threw the book at her. Yes,
literally. She rolled easily out of the way, and the book smacked
into the down pillows with a soft thud.

“There's
no need for violence, girl,” she said, folding her magazine up
and laying it beside her. “I'm only here to help you.”

“Help
me?” I croaked, one hand splayed across my chest. “You
can't help me now; I'm dead.” Diamokina shrugged her narrow
shoulders and pulled some of her white hair across her breast,
stroking it lightly. Her head was almost entirely bald except for
one long, ponytail of white that was nearly down to her ankles. She
flicked the tips back and forth between her fingers as she spoke.

“So
what? A bond is a bond. You're my master until you pass over.
You're still you. Body or no.” She blinked her thick lashed
lids at me, the solid blue of her eyes shimmering. “I can help
you.”

“Can
I wish myself not to be dead?” Diamokina looked up sharply.

“Not
like that you can't. That would be disastrous.”

“Thanks,
I've figured that out by now. Of course I need to work on my
wording, but the whole concept, can I even do it?” Diamokina
narrowed her eyes at me.

“You
question my powers?”

“No!”
I shouted, throwing up my hands. “I'm not questioning your
freaking powers, I was just asking a simple question!” I puffed
the air from my cheeks in exasperation. I was sort of in the process
of developing an anathema to wishing. I didn't want to do it ever
again. Not for fame, not for eternal life, just not ever. I only
wanted to be alive again. That would be enough for me. “Let's
just wait until Levie gets here, okay?” Diamokina waggled her
brows at me and began plaiting her hair.

“Are
you sure that you trust him? After all he's done to you?” I
gave her a harsh look. How much did she know about all of this? She
grinned at me, her pointed teeth shadowed by the poor lighting. It
made her look rather scary. She held out a hand and out popped the
contract.

“I
found this in your living room when I went looking for you. Before I
knew you were a jalapeño popper.” I glared at her and
snatched the contract out of her hand. It was the one that Levie had
given me. The one I had meant to read. I sat down on the edge of
the bed and unrolled it.

The
writing was in a fancy, black cursive ink. Typical. But the words
themselves were not. In fact, they were anything but. After I
managed to wade through the horrifically complex laws of wishing, I
got to the real juicy part. The part that explained exactly what
they did with your soul after you died.

Shock
was too mild a word to describe my feelings. I had expected
something a little more along the lines of torture, pain, or office
work but this? Everything was starting to fall into place now:
Lunen's words, Levie's actions, the sex.

By
signing this agreement, the wisher agrees to be the sole and only
mate of the assigned. If for whatever reason, the caseworker decides
against their charge, they must do so before consummation of the
agreement. Once the relation is consummated, the two shall be bound
together for this life and the next.

Demons
mate for life.

Fuck.

I
dropped the scroll like it was poisoned.

I
was bound to Levie via the contract. I was basically a mail order
bride. I raced to the toilet and tried to throw up. I gagged and
heaved for several minutes with no results. I stared into the basin
and wondered what would happen if I tried to drown myself in it. A
tap on the door caused me to wheel around in fear.
Please don't
let it be Levie.
If I saw him right now, I might decide to kill
him.

But
it was only Diamokina. I sighed with relief and went back to hanging
my head over the toilet. She swaggered in and propped one of her
generous hips on the counter next to me. “You want to know why
they do it?” she asked me, and I shook my head. I didn't
fucking care. It was wrong, no matter the reason. It was
wrong
.
“Well then, I can understand that. It's better not to know
and be afraid than to know and be terrified.” I glanced up
sharply at her, but she was just grinning away at me like everything
was peachy. “I can help you.”

“You
know what,” I said, staggering to my feet and pointing an
accusatory finger at her. “That is the third fucking time that
I've heard that today. I don't believe you. Go away.” Dia
shook her head and twirled her own bottle around on the tip of her
index finger.

“I
can make sure you live to tell another tale. And I can get you out
of your contract. I can even fix your little problem with 3
^rd
Century Realty. And the yetis. And the fairies. I can get your
friend back, safe and sound. All you have to do is help me help my
people.” I looked askance at her and pulled the knob on the
shower. Frustrated, she threw her bottle on the floor of the
bathroom. It didn't break of course, but it was dramatic enough to
get my attention.

“How
do you know about all of that?” I asked, turning the shower
back off. I shouldn't have been surprised, really, but I was. There
was a feral grin on her face now, like she had a secret and knew I
wanted in on it. I sighed. “Fine, I can at least listen.”
Diamokina smiled in satisfaction and grasped one of my hands,
pulling me to my feet and dragging me out of the bathroom.

“Now
sit.” She pushed me onto the bed and magicked a glass of red
wine into my hand. “And listen.” She rubbed her hands
together, and I waited for her to continue. The genie took a deep
breath and opened her mouth to begin when a knock interrupted us. We
exchanged a glance, and I silently pleaded with her to open the door.
Diamokina might have rolled her eyes at me, but I couldn't be sure
considering they were a solid blue.

Levie
was waiting outside, wings tight against his back, eyes narrowed at
the genie. “What on earth are you doing here?” he
snapped at her. Dia smiled and leaned her upper body against the
doorframe in a very suggestive manner.

“She
doesn't want to see you,” she purred, reaching out a finger to
brush across Levie's chest. He slapped her hand away with no small
amount of force and shouldered his way past her and into the room.
He stopped in front of me and knelt down, taking one of my hands in
his.

“What
has she told you?” he asked me, voice soft. I pulled my hand
back and slapped him. Hard. Right across his left cheek. Levie
didn't seem surprised.

“Fuck
you,” I said to him, proud of myself for keeping my voice
strong and steady even though I felt about a moment away from tears.
I had agreed to sell my soul, true, but I hadn't expected him to be
the one profiting from it. “You tricked me. You made me your
bride without me even knowing it. What is your fucking problem? How
do you people fucking live with yourselves?” Levie shook his
head and stood up.

“It
is not what you think.” It was then that he noticed the
unfurled contract lying across the floor. The one that I'd neglected
to read. The one that bound me to him. “Despite what you may
have read.”

“Oh yeah?“ I snapped, ignoring Dia's satisfied leer. I flung myself to the floor and scrambled back up, contract in hand and began to read. “Once the relation is consummated, the two shall be bound together for this life and the next. What the fuck is that then?“ Levie was still shaking his head. “Fine.“ I threw the scroll at his face, and he batted it away easily with one hand. It rolled across the floor and ended up back at my feet. “Explain it to me.“

“You
are a Guardian. Only Guardians can hold genies.” He gestured
absently at Dia, but his eyes were still focused on me. “And
only Guardians can breed with demons.” I took a step back from
him and ended up pressed against the sliding glass doors that lead to
the balcony. I hadn't gone out on them yet. I was too scared to see
what Hell really looked like, outside of offices and fancy hotel
rooms. “Demons can only make more demons with the first
Guardian that they mate with.” I felt my eyebrows climbing up
my face.