Heller (24 page)

After the
second movie, I was so drunk that I could barely move. I could hear
Daniel and Niq discussing what to do with me as I lay flopped out
on the lounge on my stomach, one arm and leg trailing on the floor.
They fetched me a pillow and a blanket and rolled me into a better
position, Niq deciding to sleep in Heller’s unit that night to keep
an ear out for me. Daniel went home.

I was woken up
by the sound of the front door opening. I sat up, no idea where I
was, feeling a bit panicky. Along with my sore arm, jaw, back and
legs, my head was also pounding and my mouth felt furry and tasted
like a wino’s underpants.
Oh shit, how much did I drink last
night
, I asked myself. Unfortunately, I wasn’t capable of doing
any maths at that point.

“Matilda? What
are you doing here?”

“What time is
it?” I croaked, as my befuddled brain cells tried to regroup.

“It’s after
four in the morning,” Heller said wearily, running his fingers
through his hair. He looked damned good. Dark blue shirt, black
leather jacket, tight black jeans, pointed boots. His ‘out on the
prowl’ clothes, I suppose. I stood up, or rather I staggered to my
feet, and went to face him. I stared up at him intensely. His face
was softer, his lips redder and swollen, his icy eyes mellowed. He
had a satiated look of contentment on his face that made me want to
weep. He stank of expensive perfume and sex. I looked up at him
reproachfully, unshed tears shining in my eyes.

He sighed and
stroked my cheek gently with his fingers. I flinched from his
touch. “Go to bed, Matilda. I’m tired. I don’t wish to talk to you
now.”

I’m not a
person who needs to be told things twice. I walked away from him
and went back to my flat, flinging myself on my bed. For the rest
of the night I was tortured by the image of Heller hungrily
thrusting into a big-breasted woman with a fake tan, who was
moaning ecstatically, her bleached blonde hair streaming on the
pillow, her arms and legs, nails long and red, clinging around his
torso, his hands massaging her breasts, his mouth smearing her red
lipstick with deep fervent kisses. The tears trickled down my
cheeks as I eventually fell asleep.

I woke with a
thumping hangover. I lay in bed for a while, wishing that death
would visit me quickly. Unfortunately, it didn’t. I eventually
dragged my sorry butt out of bed and into the shower, leaning
against the tiles, letting the hot water cascade over my aching
head. I popped some paracetamol and drank glass after glass of
water.

I spent the
day in my pyjamas, eating leftover ice-cream and watching trashy
daytime TV. I ignored every knock on my door and after the third
time, jammed one of my dining chairs under the doorknob to stop any
unannounced visitors. I had enough provisions to get me through a
siege for a few days if necessary.

I rang Dixie,
Mum, both my grandmothers, my two sisters-in-law, a couple of my
favourite female cousins and my other girlfriends, determinedly
cheerful. I didn’t want to tell anyone how I felt, but I needed
women and their sensible advice, their laughter and honesty. I was
completely over men. After my last call, I hung up the phone. It
rang immediately.

“Matilda, have
you had the phone off the hook?”

“No.”

“I’ve been
trying to ring you for hours. You can’t have been on the phone for
so long.”

“I have.”

“I’ve been
worried about you. You’re not answering your door. Are you all
right?”

“Yes.” I hung
up. The phone rang again. I lifted the handset, pressed the
end-call button and took out the batteries.

The English
Patient
was on TV that night and I watched it, tears streaming
down my face. I went to bed early, clutching a spare pillow to my
chest.

The next day I
felt like a human being again, but harder, much harder. I wouldn’t
be fooled by a night-time foot rub from a sexy man in a hot tub
again. I dressed casually and went to the office to check my
emails. More spam, more crap from my family, more porn from Dixie,
even though I’d specifically told her not to send me any. I sighed
heavily. My life was the pits at the moment.

Niq walked in,
ready to settle at his desk and start his school work.

“Hey
cutie-pie,” I said to him.

“Hey Tilly.
You haven’t forgotten that you promised to take me shopping, have
you?”

“No,” I lied.
“If you work hard this morning, I’ll ask Heller if we can go this
afternoon. How does that sound?”

“Cool!
Thanks!” He set to work with renewed enthusiasm.

There was an
envelope in my in-tray. It was a letter, no postmark and no return
address. It must have been hand-delivered. I opened it, noting the
thick quality paper, emblazoned with the logo of the hotel that
Lily had been staying at. The writing was large and
extravagant.

Dearest Tilly

I know that you’re
very angry with me and will probably be glad not to ever see me
again, but I wanted to thank you for everything that you did for me
during my visit. I had a blast and wouldn’t have missed it for the
world! My husband has forgiven me already (after I fucked his
brains out last night!) and has now promised me my own sports
car!!! Men are such suckers!

Please find enclosed a
little token of my love and friendship.

Love Lily xxxx

Poor
deluded fool
, I thought pityingly of Mr Hayek. A cheque fell
out of the envelope, made out to me personally, and I nearly fell
off my chair when I saw the five-figured amount written on it. I’d
lived off less for an entire year! I shoved the letter and cheque
in my drawer, before working industriously to finalise my report on
the Hayek assignment so that Daniel could close the account.

Heller
strolled into the office, dressed in the black
Heller’s
polo
shirt, black cargo pants and chunky black boots. His eyes flicked
to me, but he went over to Niq and pulled up a chair, listening
intently for fifteen minutes while Niq explained his current
schoolwork and what he was doing. He asked a few questions in a
muted voice and then stood up, patting Niq affectionately on his
back.

As he walked
past my desk he said, “We need to talk,” and continued walking into
his office. I stopped typing, saved my file, retrieved the envelope
from my drawer and went in, taking a deep, calming breath
beforehand. I sat down at his desk opposite him, my face a serene
mask.

“Why the
communication barricade yesterday?” he asked with deceptive
casualness, swinging on his chair.

I shrugged
coolly, my eyes on my hands. “I needed some down-time.”

“Was it
because of anything I did?” I met his glance, directed at me from
under his lashes in an uncharacteristically self-conscious
gesture.

I shook my
head, deliberately shifting my gaze to the window.

“So
everything’s okay between us?”

“Of course.
Why wouldn’t it be?” I glanced out at the expanse of blue sky
visible from his large windows, filled with a sudden strong desire
to get out of this building. I wanted to feel warm rays of sunshine
on my skin and breathe in some fresh air.

He drummed his
fingers on the table. “I don’t think you’re being honest with me,
Matilda. I think you’re upset with me and I’m not sure why. Is it
something to do with the other night?”

I sat in
silence, wistfully regarding that beautiful azure sky. He sighed in
frustration. I returned my eyes to him and pushed the envelope
across the desk in his direction. “Here you go. This should cover
my upkeep for a while.”

He opened the
envelope and read the short note, his eyebrows rising when he saw
the cheque. He pushed the envelope back to me. I pushed it back to
him. Frowning, he pushed it back over to my side of the desk.

“Matilda, it’s
your bonus. It’s not for me. You earned it. I’ve already received
my fee for that assignment and I can assure you that it will cover
all of our upkeep for a considerable time.”

“I can’t keep
it. They were your clients. It’s your money.”

He growled in
exasperation. “I always let my men keep any tips they receive from
clients. It’s only fair. A tip is for their particular
service.”

“I don’t want
the money. It’s an outrageous amount to tip someone.”

“You deserve
every cent of it. Put it away for a rainy day.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No. It’s
wrong.”

“What’s wrong
about it?”

“I didn’t do
anything to deserve it.”

“You saved Mrs
Hayek from a dangerous situation and that’s important to her. She’s
a very wealthy woman who likes to show her gratitude with gifts of
money. Be graceful, Matilda.”

I exchanged an
intense glance with him, losing the eyeball-battle as usual.
Surrendering, I shrugged and took back the envelope. I wouldn’t
like anyone to think I wasn’t graceful. Or grateful.

I changed the
subject. “Niq wants me to take him to the shopping centre. I told
him that if he worked hard this morning, I’d take him after lunch.
Is that all right with you?”

He hesitated.
“I’m not keen on the idea, but yes, I suppose so. If that’s what he
wants.”

“That’s what
he wants. It will be good for him to get out into the real world.
He’s cooped up in here far too much.”

“It’s better
that way.”

“Who for? You
or him?”

“Both of us.
Are we finished here? I have an appointment,” he asked bluntly. I
took the hint and stood up.

“Can I borrow
a car this afternoon?”

“I’ll ask
Rumbles to drive you.”

That made my
blood boil. “You never let me drive. Don’t you trust women
drivers?”

“It makes me
feel better to know he’s there.”

“I want to
drive this afternoon. Like a normal person.”

“If I say no,
will you lock yourself away again and not speak to me?”

“Possibly.
Depends what mood I’m in.”

He gave a
long-suffering sigh. “I don’t want you to do that again, Matilda. I
was concerned.”

I didn’t want
to hear about it. “Well?” I asked belligerently.

“Okay, but
I’ve only got 4WDs. Do you know how to drive one?” I rolled my eyes
in disbelief and muttered under my breath, but loud enough for him
to hear, about him being a sexist neanderthal whose views of women
must have been formed sometime during the Stone Age, although in
all truth I’d never driven one before. His lips compressed with
irritation. “The keys are in a locked metal cabinet on the wall as
you go down the stairs to the second basement. You can take one of
the fleet vehicles. Whichever one is free. You’ll need your staff
card to open the cabinet to get the keys and then you need to swipe
your staff card and the barcode of the keys in the reader to record
that you’ve taken it. Do the same when you get back to record your
return. You’ll also need your card to go in and out of the
building.”

I stood up to
leave. He added one last instruction, “And please be careful.”

“Don’t worry,
I’ll be careful of your precious 4WD,” I snapped.

“No, Matilda,”
he reproved gently. “I meant be careful of you and Niq.” I walked
out of the room without another word.

Heller left
the office not much later, barely missing Daniel who was arriving.
I showed him the cheque Lily had sent me.

“You deserve
it,” he insisted.

“That’s what
Heller said.”

“Don’t feel
guilty about it. Just deposit it in your bank account.”

“I s’pose.
Hey, Niq and I are going shopping this afternoon. Do you want to
come? You never get away from here.”

He hesitated,
hand subconsciously creeping up to his scar.

“You might
meet somebody cute,” I teased.

“It’d be
better than looking at you all day!” he retorted rudely. I laughed
and ruffled his hair, messing up his fashionable do. He squirmed
and pushed me away.

“Come on,
it’ll be fun. The three musketeers go shopping,” I pleaded.

“I don’t like
to go out in public,” he admitted. “People stare at me.”

“So what?
Everyone stares at everyone. It’s human nature.”

“I should talk
to Heller first before I decide.”

“Heller’s gone
for the day. You’ll have to make a decision by yourself for once,”
I teased again. He slapped my arm. “When was the last time you left
this building?”

“I don’t know.
It’s been a long time.”

He was
reluctant and I should have just let it go, but I didn’t. The devil
was inside me this morning and I pestered poor Daniel until he
snapped and agreed to come with us. I knew it would annoy Heller
and that’s all I cared about right then.

The morning
passed. After a curt phone call from Clive, I went down to the
security section to take delivery of a fresh canister of capsicum
spray that he handed over in his usual dour manner. I received a
few slaps on the back from some of the men I hadn’t even met, and
that made me feel good.

I made the
boys some lunch, checking Niq’s schoolwork while we ate. He had
worked very hard, so none of us felt guilty in ditching the office
for the afternoon. I asked Daniel if he was going to change,
thinking he’d be overly hot in his long-sleeved shirt, but he
didn’t want to. That made me realise that I never had seen him in
short-sleeves, not even on the hottest day. I briefly wondered why
and determined to ask him the next time we were alone.

I found the
car keys and picked up the last 4WD left in the garage, as
instructed. I regarded it with dismay, because it must have been
one of the oldest of the
Heller’s
fleet, an ugly workhorse
of a utility vehicle. It had surely been designed for some
bone-rattling charity endurance race across all the deserts of the
world, not urban living.