Hellhound Born (Kasadya #3) (3 page)

Someone could have prepared me for this!

Anger spiked again and, just like a candle being blown out, was forced away by another feeling. I sucked in a breath, and stepped away from the cottage. He stepped into the doorway and leaned against the frame.

“That will happen from now on until one of us dies. Come in. I will make us something to eat. You still have some healing to do,” he casually explained and disappeared.

Holy crap! That was weird!

After a few minutes of debating my options, I gave up and slowly made my way into the cottage. Now standing and without someone trying to kill me, I looked around at the place. It was a small cottage with just the essentials. I would venture to say it looked like a hunting cottage. My mind traveled back to the room that had a cell in it. Hunting indeed, a cage was needed for it. Fear washed over me again, and again it was instantly replaced with another feeling.

“Stop doing that!” I yelled, storming towards what I thought was a small kitchen.

I found Chax pulling out some food to prepare a meal.

“I don’t have much choice in it Kasadya. It is a natural action which will occur every time my spirit feels when yours are in distress. It’s like a failsafe that will respond on its own,” he explained, not even bothering to look at me.

He pointed to the wash bin in the corner. Looking at my hands, I walked over and washed the blood off. I watched the water and blood mix running down the drain.

I have Fallen blood on my hands
.

The feeling was unsettling. I never wanted to hurt them. Poor Raphael, his wing looked so bad. Again, my sadness was caressed by another feeling. I bit my tongue, considering I had better get used to this. I finished up and dried off my hands with a towel. Turning around I watched him peel an onion and chop it up like Jamie Oliver. I walked over and sat down on one of two chairs at a small table.

“It's nerve racking. It feels like I am being processed,” I tried to explain my side of this.

 “Indeed,” he answered as he grabbed a frying pan and dumped the onion into it.

Oh goodie, so here I am. All mated and born.

No wait, spirit mated and born. So what the hell do I do now?

I looked around the kitchen, anything to avoid looking at him. I probably can't avoid the issue that was somehow not uttered by either one of us. I sucked in a breath and pulled on my big girl panties.

Time for some explanations
.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, my eyes fixed on his back.

 He was pretty good with a knife. Then again, with thousands of years to train, he would be.

“You were not ready. You still needed to find your place in this world. But most of all, you needed to find yourself,” he said as he flipped the onions and green peppers he had placed in the pan.

 He still wouldn’t look at me. I hated the yin yang crap he did. This was no exception. For him, it’s just another day around the block. But, looking at him, I wondered.

“The kiss?” I just had to ask.

I mean, who wouldn’t
.

He was silent for a moment, and I started to fidget in my seat.

Why do I feel like his next words were going to have a huge impact on me?
Is it that important?

“Kasadya do you fear me?” he asked, rendering me dumbfounded for a minute.

Am I afraid of him?

I sat there and thought about it.

“Yes.” I replied as there was reason to deny it. He could feel my emotions.

“Because I hurt you, or because of the
born
I had to destroy?” he asked.

 Again I searched for the right answer. Yes, he did bang me up in training, and again last night, but I hadn’t feared him when it happened. But when he killed the hellhound, I had feared him.

 “When you killed him,” I answered.

He nodded shaking the pan to prevent it from burning.

“Do you trust me?” he asked again.

His question threw me off a bit.

Hell, the last time I trusted someone, my best friend stabbed me in the back
.

My mind drifted back to that moment when she stepped out of the cave. Anger and heartache flooded me.

 
Why did she do that to me? Why would she side with them?

Once again my anger was replaced and Chax turned to look at me. I saw the hurt in his eyes, and quickly put two and two together.

“I was thinking about Kali. I trusted her and she betrayed me. She sold me out for a demon. Even worse is that she played me the whole time and I didn’t even know it. How can I trust anyone?”

My explanation didn't replace the pain I saw in his eyes. He turned his back to me again continuing with the food.

“Understandable, giving your experience with trust. We share a bond now. In short, Kasadya, your life is my responsibility now. I cannot ask you to trust me. But, I ask that in the future you will give me the opportunity to earn your trust. Will that suffice?” he asked scooping the food into two plates.

I mulled over what he said for a while. He walked over to the table and placed my food in front of me.

“I will,” I finally said after he started to eat in silence.

He looked at me and nodded. We had a long and hard road in front of us.

This is not going to be easy
.

We finished our food in silence, both of us were probably searching for explanations or wondering what the hell to do next. I could see he was stiff and not his usual self. His calm demeanor had slipped a little. And in some instances, I swear I saw panic in his eyes.

“Chax are you disappointed that you are my charm?” I asked as he washed the dishes.

I waited in agony for an answer. It was eating at me while I watched him; he seemed disappointed by all of this.

I don't blame him. I mean just look at me! Everything I touch turns out into chaos.

His back stiffened and he turned around, a shocked expression on his face. Afraid of his answer I tried to find something else to look at.

“No Kasadya. I am not.” he all but whispered to me.

My heart picked up pace with that, and I fled out of the kitchen, away from his intense stare. Confused as to why I was unnerved with his answer, I paced the lounge trying to figure out what was the matter with me.

Can it be that I am ungrateful or is it just nerves?

I felt the air move and my mouth flew open.

Did he just freaking shift out and leave me here all by myself?

Immediately his feelings replaced my anger.

Holy crap! He can do it even when he isn’t here!

 My legs turned to jelly and I sat down.

This is going to take some getting used to
.

The air shifted again and looking up, I found him holding a bag towards me.

“Nanini packed some of your things. There are also new clothes. The shower is over there,” he pointed to a door.

I looked between him and the door and nodded. A shower would have been splendid at the moment. I took the bag and walked towards the door, opening it up I took a last look at him, standing there just as always.

 “Thank you,” I said before closing the door and turning around.

Panic seized me and I slipped down towards the door. My breathing picked up and I felt like passing out.

Crap! I didn't make it. Hello panic attack
!

The air moved and Chax was in front of me. Concern was written all over his face. Bending down he picked me up from the floor in one swift move. He folded his arms around me and held me to him.

 “Breathe Kasadya,” he instructed as he rubbed my back.

A calm feeling started to drift inside me and after a while I felt in control again. Ashamed at my weakness I couldn’t look up when he pushed me back but didn’t release me.

“How long have you been having them?” he asked, using his hand to force my gaze upwards.

Tears filled my eyes but I blinked them away.

Hell, I am stronger than this.

“I don’t recall when,” I replied.

He searched my eyes for a while and then nodded.

“Sometimes, when we least expect it, we feel the impact of life and all of its trials and tribulations. . You have been very brave and fought with courage regardless of what had come at you. This is your soul trying to tell you that it has taken on a burden,” he said rubbing my cheek with his thumb.

Confused, I looked at him trying to figure out what the hell he just said.

“Your soul paid the price. You were forced to grow up and fight too soon. It needs to be mended and healed,” He further explained.

Holy crap! My soul is freaking messed up because of all of this the crap. How in the freaking hell would this have happened?

 
“H-h-how do I fix it?” I stuttered, my body shaking again.

He released me gently and took a step back.

 “It is filled with despair, anger, fear and all the negativity you have had over the time. You must find the opposite, to balance it out and heal,” He finished with a small smile. “Take a shower and relax. You are stressed and tense from the latest incident. Start by taking better care of yourself. Your body may continue but it needs your soul to drive it,” he finished and shifted out.

I undressed, in some kind of stupor, then got into the shower. My mind was racing through all of my battles and trials, and yes, all I could come up with, was negative feelings. Only when I thought of my team and some others, did I feel some form of happiness or love. I had always kept my head up and just went with all of it. But now I realized that what Chax had said was true. I didn’t stop once and think of what was going on inside me and how I felt about being trapped in hell, unable to shift to my friends and family and find safety. So many crappy things have happened to me. I just put on a brave face and kept going every time. Crap, I suck at everything it seems. Well, except for killing demons.

I wonder if that was why mom and dad always had those days where they would go off on their own and do something. Mom loved spending time at a spa, or a jungle, while dad was always going to some sort of game. I was always happy for them, because then I got to do what I wanted. Which wasn’t really all that much, and now thought about it, was pretty boring. I wish we had been born with manuals about how to go through this life and just make it out OK on the other end. It would have been so much easier. Instead, we mess up, get whacked over the fingers, and then just do it all over again.

The great, big circle of life. I thought it suck of course, but it was still true. I needed to get myself fixed. What was going to happen when I went all sissy in a demon fight? I’ll end up dead, that's what’s going to happen. And don’t forget everyone will see me like that. Oh my freaking soul! Amon, Seth and Chax have all seen me like that. I slapped a hand over my face and tried not to scream in frustration. Its official, I suck big time.

When I was finished and all cleaned up, I walked out to the lounge. I felt a lot better, in a clean kind of way, but not on the inside. There were so many things I had to face today that tomorrow wasn't appealing anymore. Chax was also cleaned up and sitting in a chair. He looked lost as well. We sat there in silence, unable to form words or try and talk to each other. I looked around, avoiding him, and my eyes landed on the door, and the cell beyond it.

 “What is this place?” I asked needing an answer.

 “When we started losing so many hellhounds we had to try and find a way to save them. We tried many methods to try and calm them down and bring them back. This was one of them. We thought that isolating and securing them would buy them time to calm down. It didn't work. Their rage grows beyond control,” he explained without looking at me.

 I was turning one cuff around my wrist; the feel of them brought back too many memories. It also conjured a sense of betrayal. My mind drifted back to last night and how he freaked out. Did he think I was out of control? Maybe I was, but I was only trying to save someone I believed to be my friend.

“Why did you bring me here?” It slipped out before I could stop it.

I didn't look at him, I knew I couldn't.

  He was silent for a minute.

 “Do you know how close to death you came yesterday?” he threw back at me.

 I could hear and feel his anger as it radiate off him. Chills ran down my back as I remembered how cold he was, how easy it was to...
no, not going there
.

“I wanted to fix things, and save Kali. I didn't know that it was a trap. I didn't know that Ryan...” I trailed off, unable to finish.

“In truth, I was mad at you for endangering not only yourself but others as well. More so, I was angered that you didn't trust in me. I trusted you Kasadya. I trusted you to keep clear of more trouble.” His voice was laced with bitterness.

  “I'm sorry. I just wanted Ballen off our backs, and I had a plan to keep the relics from him, but...” The image of Kali holding them and smirking at me was stuck in my mind.

It was so easy for her
.

“Kasadya I understand, but as I said before you need to trust me.”

True, but I had feared his reaction and losing Kali. Again, I rubbed the cuffs, unable to shake the feeling of being trapped yet again, of being someone’s prisoner.

“Do your cuffs work the same?” I asked, turning one around to try and relieve the itch I had under it.