Hell's Kitty (Welcome To Hell) (2 page)

“Fetch the missing souls, he says, as if I were a bloody hellhound instead of a rare and mighty hellcat,” Felipe grumbled as he stuffed some clothes in a duffel bag.

Did Lucifer not understand what a waste of his talents
retrieving those damned souls was? Felipe was a master hunter. He could track anything—and take it down. Just look at his impressive file, the monsters he’d conquered, the records he’d broken.

Any deaf minion could go to the sirens
far away island and round up some escapees. Didn’t Lucifer understand this task would cut into Felipe’s more important tasks? Such as keeping the catacombs free of the giant two-headed rats so the miners could work without fear of getting eaten. Or tracking the delinquent damned souls who thought to skip out on their punishment. And what about beating the wenching record set by the demon Remy before he settled down with Ysabel, the witch?

“I swear, if I find out this stupid quest was arranged somehow by that no good
fire demon, mated to Ysabel or not, I’ll rip his dick off and feed it to the hounds.”

No matter how he complained, though,
Felipe doubted Remy was behind Lucifer’s task. Having raised him since he was a wee cub, Ysabel would kill Remy if he so much as plucked a whisker from Felipe’s chin, which irritated her demonic mate to no end.

“Stupid no good—
”

“I hope you weren’t talking about anyone we know,” purred Lucifer in a deceivingly soft tone.

Felipe strangled an unmanly scream at the Lord of Hell’s unexpected entrance. “My lord, I didn’t hear you knock.”

“As if I’d do anything so
ordinary and mannerly.”

“Was there something you forgot?” Or wanted to rescind?  Say like one stupid job
?

“
Sometimes I forget we live in a more evolved age with hellphones and what not. It occurred to me after our conversation and my orders that I could call over to the sirens and demand they return my missing souls.”

Demand? Only Lucifer would have the balls of steel required to demand anything from those
independent women. There was a reason the sirens lived on an isle by the edge of the dark sea, alone and ungoverned. “Did they agree?”

Flopping onto his
buttery smooth, demon-leather couch—with hand-stitched cushions—Lucifer’s brows drew together in a straight line. “Not exactly. Thelxiope, the oldest of the sirens and the head bitch in charge, says she would have loved to have handed them back. Damned souls do them no good you know. They prefer live demons or mortals because only they have viable seed. Anyhow, apparently, my lost souls had the misfortune to meet Jenny as she was practicing her siren song and well…” Lucifer trailed off.

The failing of every feline raised its whiskered head. Curiosity prompted Felipe to ask,
“What happened?” How bad could it be? The souls were already dead and couldn’t die again unless they threw themselves in the abyss for the ultimate soul recycling. Hard to eternally punish the damned if they died too quick.

No one was quite sure how it worked, whether Lucifer himself controlled it or it was just the way it was, but any
human who expired on the mortal plane and became a damned one couldn’t quite die down in the pit. Feel pain, get injured, suffer torture, yes, but only the abyss could promise oblivion.

A grimace twisted the Dark Lord’s lips.
“Doesn’t matter. Let’s just say, they’ve been adequately punished and there’s no longer a pressing need to fetch them, which means you’re off the hook when it comes to collecting them.”

“Yes!” Felipe fist pumped
the air, unable to contain his joy. He acted too soon.

Lucifer wasn’t done.
“Which is good because I need you for another job.”

No
!
Felipe kept that comment to himself. It never paid to antagonize the King of the Pit. Just ask the guy in the clock tower forced for eternity to call out the hour while flogging himself with a cat o’ nine tipped in barbs. His punishment for arriving late to a meeting with Lucifer.

“
For your new task, I’d like you to meet with and escort my newest recruit back to the inner ring for assignment.”

Why did that sound deceivingly simple? “Who is
the recruit, and where am I getting them from?”

“Jenny is on Siren Isle
, and she needs a ride back here. Given her unique talents, I’ve decided she should join my awesome legion and become one of my special evil minions.”

“Why can’t she come herself?”

“It’s complicated. Suffice it to say, I need you to accompany her. I’ll have someone from Charon’s fleet pole you over.”

“If you’ve got
a boat already going, then what do you need me for?”

“
Firstly, to convince the chit to leave.”

“I thought she was joining the legion.”

“She is. She just doesn’t know it yet.”

“Have you asked her?”

“Of course not. Asking isn’t something I do.” Lucifer snorted. “Although, I did mention it to her guardians.”

“And?”

“And the harpy in charge laughed as she declined. Did you know Thelxiope even had the nerve to use the words, no thank you?” Lucifer shuddered. “I’ll bet they’ve trained the chit to have manners too. We’ll have to break her of that bad habit. I will not tolerate politeness.”

Again, common sense got overruled by instinct.
“Why don’t they want her to come to the capital? Doesn’t this broad know the honor such a post brings?” Ass kissing. Never hang with Lucifer unless you planned to lay it on thick.

“Who knows
why. She’s a woman.”

“Can’t you just order her?”

Lucifer grimaced. “It pains me to admit, but Siren’s Isle is kind of out of my jurisdiction. I lost it in a game of strip poker eons ago. I still say those wenches cheated. But they won, even if by underhanded means that involved a lot of naked titty. They’ve yet to accept a rematch. So, given the situation, I can’t make them send Jenny to me.”

“So teleport in, grab the girl
, and teleport out before they even have a chance to notice.”

Steam curled from Lucifer’s nose. “Are you doing on purpose to point out my difficulties with that damned isle? Portals don’t work in and around the isle. Something to do with the interdimensional rift they’ve got to the mortal world to snare their sailors.”

“Sorry, boss. I wasn’t aware of that. That’s a bitch.”

“Pain in my ass more
like, but since I rarely have a need for anything from them, not usually an issue. Except for now. I want Jenny.”

“Aren’t you afraid Mother Nature will have a jealous fit?” When the Queen of Green threw a fit, the whole world knew. Wagers were heavy that if she ever caught the big guy cheating in an obvious way, California would end up in the sea.

“I don’t want the girl for sex.”

“You’d better not,” a female voice answered from seemingly nowhere.

Felipe practically jumped out of his skin and peered around.

Lucifer, on the other hand, didn’t appear surprised at all.
“Calm yourself, kitty. She’s not here, but she’s got eyes and ears everywhere. Can you believe she doesn’t trust me?” Lucifer pretended affront then grinned. “Smart woman. Jealous woman too. I like that about her. Anyhow, we’re getting off topic. I want you to go to Siren Isle and convince Jenny to join my legion of awesome minions.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you. You have a way with ladies. I want you to use that famous charm, deviled tongue, magic dick, whatever it takes to get her back to the inner circle. If I weren’t currently involved with a woman who doesn’t understand how cruel monogamy is for a lusty man, I’d do it myself. But my girlfriend is a cruel mistress. Another thing that makes her unique and worth a little effort.” Lucifer lowered his voice to a whisper. “Just don’t tell her.”

“I won’t.”
Mostly because talking to Mother Nature was likely to rile Lucifer’s jealous side and see him roasted over a low flame basted in his own juices.

“
Smart kitty. So that’s the plan. Travel there and do anything it takes to bring Jenny back to the castle. Oh, and be prepared to fight.”

“I’m pretty sure I can handle one reluctant siren.”

“She’s not exactly a siren. No one’s quite sure what she is as a matter of fact. And handling her won’t be your biggest problem. Getting her off the island is.”

“Am I going to have to fight the sirens to take her?”
Because if that was the case, then he could run into a few problems. Very few males encountered those wenches and walked away—body and freewill intact. It took only a few notes, so he’d heard, to turn most males into mindless slaves. Good thing he was tone-deaf. He wouldn’t know good music if it slapped him in the face with a guitar.

“
Fight the sirens? I doubt it will come to that. While Thelxiope might have said I couldn’t have Jenny, the other sirens all think it would be good for Jenny to expand her horizons. The problem is, whenever Jenny goes anywhere near the water, we have sea monster problems. As in, they go ballistic and won’t let her leave.”

“Can’t
the boatman beat them back with his oar?”

“
That only works for Charon.”

Felipe scrubbed his face, feeling whiskers pop as his inner kitty g
rew more and more agitated with the mission.

“
Is she truly that necessary to the legion?”

“She has special skills I need.”

“Can I ask what those skills are?” Felipe doubted they were the boudoir kind. Mother Nature had made it pretty clear what would happen if she caught Lucifer cheating on her. That woman wielded an evil green thumb when provoked.

“No
, you may not ask.”

“I guess saying I’m busy isn’t an option?”

Lucifer smirked. “Depends. Are you attached to your fur? I could use a new rug for my office.”

Forget hiding the shudder that went through him at the polite menace in his boss’s voice.
Felipe shivered and executed a salute for good measure. “It will be as you order, boss. I’ll be leaving right away.”

“I thought you might.
” A smug smile graced Lucifer’s lips. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m late for lunch with Gaia, which means I’m going to get scolded.” Lucifer rubbed his hands together. “I can’t wait.”

Again with the darned curiosity.
“You want to fight with your girlfriend?”

“Of course I do. A
big fight means make-up sex. The best kind. Some days it’s good to be me.” With a snap of his fingers, the Lord of Hell popped off leaving behind only a faint cloud of smoke reeking of brimstone.

Finished packing,
Felipe swung his duffel bag over his shoulder. “I guess I’m going on a beach vacation.”

On the bright side, he was pretty sure
his rival Remy never boasted bedding a siren before. Maybe he could make this trip worth his while. As for the dark side of his quest? He didn’t believe in negativity. He would prevail. He was a hellcat, and he always landed on his feet.

Perched atop her assigned rock on the island’s edge, Jenny combed out her corkscrewed, still green hair. At least she’d gotten past the point of wincing whenever she hit a snarled spot. Gallons of conditioner and habit meant she could now handle the daily torture. Raidne insisted she do it, even if her hair tangled within moments and the sailors never seemed impressed with her strange-colored locks. “Looks like moldy straw,” more than one of them observed. And no amount of bleaching or hair products could change that fact. But at least it was soft, even if it always had a windblown appearance.

“I don’t feel any vibrations,” Raidne hollered
, interrupting her rhythmic strokes.

Probably because Jenny wasn’t singing yet.
This was the part of her day she always dreaded. All the sirens on the Isle, even Jenny, the adopted, honorary one, took a turn crooning to the waves. Although, in Jenny’s case it was less croon, more like croak, massacre, and torture anything with ears.

Despite all her lessons, everything Jenny uttered seemed to grate upon the listener. Nails on chalkboard couldn’t compare with her voice.

Didn’t stop her teachers from insisting she sing. They were convinced she held some siren root—a warped one—probably passed down through one of their rare male offspring sent off into the big world because Siren Isle catered to women only. Well, women, their children, and their captive lovers. Of which currently only lovers applied. The sirens hadn’t sired any daughters in decades, centuries in the case of Thelxiope and Raidne. It wasn’t for lack of trying, though.

Each of the sirens had their own harem of men, lovers whose sole purpose was to serve their mistress in whatever way she desired. They also made great maids and farmers when their boudoir talents weren’t up to par or in need.

How Jenny sometimes envied them the extra helping hands. Poor Jenny had no sailors to do her bidding. Her one and only boyfriend was a courtesy one given to her by Molpe on her twenty-first birthday to take care of her virginity problem. He solved it all right, and she’d even grown fond of him and he of her until the idiot removed the wax plugs in his ears.

He couldn’t swim away from the isle fast enough when he heard her truly sing for the first time.
He didn’t get far. The Styx harbored too many hungry denizens.

H
eartbroken for a while, Jenny got over his loss, but she never accepted the offer of a replacement. If you asked her, sex was overrated. She much preferred a good book, but she did miss his mopping and dusting skills.

“Still not sensing any singing!”
Raidne yodeled.

In
spite of clearing the area before her open-air concerts, her teachers always knew. Apparently Jenny’s special melodic talent caused a deep thrumming in the rocks lining the island. It also caused nosebleeds, deafness, madness, and screams for mercy from those unlucky enough to actually hear it.

Forget the usual tales of sirens and their lovely melodies luring sailors to their deaths or enslaving them to their will.
Unlike her aunts who could charm a man into doing anything they wanted, when Jenny sang, things wanted to kill themselves.

And yet her adopted aunts all insisted she practice
her corrupted talent.

“Jenny!” Raidne hollered her name.

No more putting it off. Time to pitch a note. Jenny’s lips parted, and she sang. It didn’t take long for the effect to show. A lone bird dropped from the sky with a warbling croak. The dancing waves that rolled onto the rocks on shore retreated. The sunlight from the mortal realm, which streamed through the odd hole in the clouds, dimmed.

D
espite it all, once Jenny started, she relaxed. Smiled. Closed her eyes and, in her mind, to her own ears, heard only beauty.

A shame no one else did.

The screaming started about halfway through her seventh song.

“Make it stop!” a voice shrieked. “Please, by all that’s unholy, make it stop singing.”

Jenny cut off mid note in time to hear a smooth, masculine reply. “Shut up you, idiot. It’s not that bad.”

A brow arched of its own volition.
Not that bad?
She’d never heard anyone say that before. Even Molpe, the most patient of her teachers, couldn’t hide a pained wince when Jenny went all out. While their siren attributes made them more or less immune to the effects of her voice, strong musical renditions tended to grate unpleasantly even for them.

Leaning forward on her perch,
Jenny peeked over the edge of her rock. Below her was where the dock to the isle, the only safe spot to land, inched out into the bay where the Styx flowed on the one side, and the Darkling Sea buffeted from the other.

A long boat bobbed on the waves, one from Charon’s fleet, similar to the one
that had dumped those poor souls last week. Jenny still felt bad about what happened to them.

But as Aunt
Raidne said to cheer her up, “Not your fault they got lost. Maybe next time Lucifer will keep better track of his recruits. And besides, having soul-zombies that don’t leave icky body parts everywhere will only enhance our reputation, not to mention keep our beaches clean of corpses.”

Raidne
, always seeing the bright and disturbing side of things.

B
ack to the current boat. Were they here to herd the zombies back to the nine circles of Hell? Did they arrive here by accident?

And who was the tall
, good-looking fellow with the deep black hair hued with hints of red and a muscular body usually seen only in Molpe’s calendar of Chippenhell’s Exotic Strippers? Jenny stared. She couldn’t help it.

Most of the sailors who landed on the isle were bewitched by her aunts
, pathetic in their eagerness, and mindless in their need to please, their lust was for the one who sang them to the isle’s shores. Jenny’s seamen, on the other hand, were usually crying for their mothers and rocking themselves while humming. It was hard to find a man attractive when he was drooling and staring off into space.

Yet, this fellow
seemed unaffected by her singing, unlike his companion who held a rag to his bloody nose.
He must be wearing some new kind of protective ear gear.

Whoever they were and whatever they wanted wasn’t Jenny’s problem. She called for her aunt. “We have visitors!”

The sailor, standing on unsteady legs and clutching at his oar, moaned and wavered while fresh blood ran from his nose. The man with the impressive physique didn’t so much as shudder. On the contrary, he swiveled his head and glanced to her rocky aerie, caught her staring, and smiled. Full-lipped, white-toothed, and utterly beguiling.

Oh my.
It was Jenny’s turn for once in her life to suffer faint legs. She collapsed on her butt. Stunned. Slightly breathless. And warm all over.

What magic is this?

She didn’t know why, but when a faint chuckle drifted to her on the briny breeze, her nipples hardened and she had to crawl from the edge, lest she give in to temptation and peek again.

She’d just reached the edge of her rock when Raidne appeared.

“Good grief, Jenny, why are you slithering about on the ground like a snake? You’ll dirty your skirts.”

“He smiled at me.”
Jenny stated it as if that were all the explanation needed.

All it did was confuse poor Raidne. “Who smiled at you?”

“The man on the dock. He smiled at me, and next thing I knew, I couldn’t catch my breath and my legs went weak.”

“Truly?” Raidne beamed. “This I have to see.”

To Jenny’s horror, her aunt strode to the edge. “Watch yourself, Aunt. He’s got some powerful magic.”

Ignoring her advice,
Raidne stared down below. “And a really cute butt. Yoo-hoo, ahoy there, handsome.”

“My lady of the isle, how kind of you to greet me,” was the velvety, masculine reply.

Thank goodness Jenny was still on the ground because the sound of his voice made her shiver. Jenny waited for her aunt to collapse before his seductive magic. She didn’t, but she did let out a low whistle of appreciation.

“He’s also got an impressive set of abs. I think I should inspect those up close.”

Raidne straightened and fluffed her bosom so it practically spilled out of her gown, smoothed down her skirts, and finger combed her long, blonde hair.

“Careful,
Aunt. He’s wearing some protective ear gear of some sort. My song didn’t affect him.”

“Don’t worry about me, Jenny.
Auntie will take care of the dashing young man.” With a wink and a lick of her lips, Raidne skipped out of sight down the stone steps carved into the bluff.

Tummy still doing flips, Jenny debated heading back to her cave—decked out in the finest ornaments from wrecked sea
-ships a girl could ask for—or keeping an eye on her aunt.

Oh, who am I kidding
? I want to peek at that man again.

Back she crept to the edge of the cliff
. She peered over the edge, met the bold stare of the newcomer, only inches from her face, and shrieked.