Authors: Natalie Essary
Later that night, I got the rest of the dirt from my crew. Lily did slip and fall. Got her heel stuck between a rock and a hard place. In fact, her precious, vintage, tea-colored Victorian lace-up had to be cut from her foot. But beforehand, the twisted ankle looked damn good through a camera.
Her stockings were ripped. Her sheath soaked through with black water. Wet hair plastered across her pale skin. She had a broken cigarette in her hand that was still smoldering, and those purple eyes of hers were on fire. Probably because nobody was helping her.
You’re damn right Kendol grabbed his camera.
Can you blame the guy?
He and his sister had Lily packed in ice and on a plane to LA before the negatives were dry. I’m sure she was crocked those first few days. Kendol’s always been a mobile pharmacy. Who the hell knows when she actually made it to a hospital to get her ankle checked out. Kendol’s assistant called the Luxe two days later to let Zayzl know that Lily wouldn’t be back anytime soon, because she was scheduled for the second half of her shoot. The shoot that was never planned in the first place. We didn’t even get a phone call from Lily herself. It was all cleverly orchestrated.
And Ash came undone.
To this day, I still don’t know what all she got mixed up in while Lily was gone. She started drinking a lot more than I’d ever known her to drink. Almost immediately. And her attitude was scaring the shit out of the entire staff. She wasn’t mean, of course. Just unapproachable. Watching her self-destruct was a real bitch, and I was scared it was only a matter of time before she wrecked the booth.
Zayzl was holding his breath, waiting for exactly that.
He and Ash started fighting for sport. Whittled it down to an art form, actually. They were like two big open wounds, armed with shakers of salt. It made me nuts. I don’t know how we held onto our crowd. Any other bar would’ve gone belly-up with all the bad mojo flying around.
Then one night, when I’d decided things couldn’t get any lousier, a purple Escalade rolled up at the door and Lily got out.
Not the Lily I knew. This one was different.
Her ankle healed. She wasn’t moving very quickly, but I think the outfit was at fault. She was wearing some scraps of PVC that might have passed as a dress as long as she didn’t try to sit down. She had a tan, for crying out loud, and gold hair extensions to make a mermaid jealous. The didactic duo had given her a wicked makeover.
The room turned like the tide when she walked in. By that point, everybody had seen the infamous Kendol Strike photographs and heard the tale of Lily’s great discovery. They all wanted a piece of her, more than ever. But she smiled politely and pushed her way forward. I knew who she was looking for.
The booth was dark. Ash was up there somewhere, in theory, on auto-pilot and whatever else she’d swallowed. I’d seen her right before the doors opened, and she clearly hadn’t slept or showered with any enthusiasm in a long time. I think she might have even been wearing a flannel shirt. No offense, Salem.
Lily walked right by the booth and came straight for my bar. She crooked a finger at me and leaned over as if she wasn’t being eyed by a huge crowd. “Where is she?” she said.
“Hello to you, too, sis. How you been?”
“Didn’t you get my message, Rorke?”
“Ash is up in the booth,” Zayzl said. He had a nasty leer on his face, and he’d appeared out of nowhere, like a good villain should. “You ought to have a look-see, gorgeous. But I wouldn’t poke the tiger, if I were you.”
I considered punching him in the mouth.
Lily just stared at him.
Zayzl nodded and reached to take her hand. He still had that stupid look on his face, so I grabbed one of my girls to fill in and hopped the bar to follow them. I had a feeling I was about to bust up a fight that had been brewing for a long time.
Zayzl stepped aside at the bottom of the stairs to the DJ booth and let Lily go up alone. I put myself between them. She stopped at the doorway, staring into the dark. I heard her whisper something, and Ash appeared in front of the board like a phantom. Lily stiffened. She looked back at me, and I nodded toward Ash.
But it wasn’t Ash. It was Ash’s evil twin who oughta be locked in the attic eating fish heads.
Lily reached to touch her but pulled her hand back. “You’re wasted,” she said.
Ash started smiling, but she didn’t look up from the board. And it wasn’t a healthy smile. It was the kind of smile that shows up instead of angry words. She had part of the deck broken open, and a bunch of tools were scattered all over the booth. Bits and pieces and parts everywhere. I was amazed the music was still playing. She had a cigarette dangling from her lip and a screwdriver buried in the board somewhere. I don’t know how the hell she could see what she was twisting at in the dark.
“You’re filthy, Ash. What’s wrong with you?” Lily’s voice was cold.
Zayzl moved a little further up the stairs behind me.
Ash picked up her beer. She drained half of it and leaned in to change the song. She still hadn’t said a word. Lily grabbed her by the shoulder and tried to lock eyes, but it didn’t work, so she started talking fast. I couldn’t make out what she was saying because Ash had loaded up “Eat My Dust You Insensitive Fuck” and was sampling it over Tricky.
It actually sounded pretty good.
Zayzl started laughing.
Lily realized what she was hearing and her hands fluttered to her hips. “What are you on? Oh my god.” She held up one of Ash’s shaking hands to prove her point. “Look at you.”
Ash jerked away and told her to back off so low I almost missed it. I stepped into the booth and Zayzl grabbed my arm.
“Let Lily see the truth,” he said.
And that little snap did it. Ash heard him. She yanked her jack out of the board, with the headset still around her neck, and shoved him into the doorframe. When he only smiled, she shoved him again. Then she mumbled something in his ear, pushed her hand into the front pocket of his pants and took off down the stairs.
He moved toward the board without missing a beat, and Lily just stood there, staring after Ash with her mouth hanging open like she was the one who got shoved.
“Let her go,” I said.
She whirled on me. I thought I was about to get an earful, but she looked scared. Finally. And it was clear she had no clue what she’d done to Ash, leaving like she did. Which only made me wonder what else she didn’t know about Ash.
“Could one of you get the light, please?” Zayzl said.
I hit the switch a little hard.
“Easy, Trigger.”
“Shut up. You’re lucky you’ve got so many witnesses right now,” I said.
“Jesus, what did she do to this place?”
All three of us looked around the booth. Once the light was on, we could see it looked like the board exploded.
“Maybe something is broken,” I said. “I wouldn’t touch any of it. Here. Play this.” I flipped through one of the compilation books and pulled out an old faithful. “Just let it run through. Don’t try and be a hero tonight, please. My heart can’t take it.”
He nodded and looked a little relieved.
I put my arm around Lily and led her back to my bar. Then I sat her down and poured her a drink. She barely had her lips on the glass when her new fan club reappeared to whisk her off into the crowd.
My bar was hopping, lined with regulars by then. So I got caught up and cleaned up. Chatted with the girls about nonsense for a while to clear my head. An hour later I went back up to the booth to take Zayzl a drink and set up another compilation for him. It was selfish; I wanted him to stay up there and leave the music alone. He had a full tip jar for once. Nobody knew he wasn’t really doing anything.
When I got back down to my bar Ash was sitting in the shadows between the cooler and the register. I reached to pour her a drink, but she handed me one.
“Are you all right?”
“I don’t know,” she said. Her throat was full of gravel. Her eyes were stained.
“Is she still here?” I asked.
She nodded.
“Go upstairs and take a hot shower. A long one. Use my room. Use my eye drops. Here, take the key.” I pushed it into her hand. “You’ve got an hour until last call. Meet her here when the place clears out. I’ll make sure you’re alone.”
She looked at the key in her hand, set it on the bar and took a long drink from her bottle.
I sighed.
She turned her head.
That was the end of the conversation.
When the lights came up after last call, she was gone, and Lily was looking for her, wanting to know what I knew. She asked me how long Ash had been hanging out at rock bottom, if I knew who went there with her and what she was on. I said as little as possible. It’s not like I had the answers anyway. Eventually, Lily gave up and went to her room.
Ash didn’t come back home until the next afternoon. I was sitting at the bar, eating a burger, and she came through the door looking like she spent the night under a bridge.
I poured her a shot, and the truth came out.
“Rorke, I want you to cut my hair.”
I almost dropped a bottle of whiskey.
“Come again?”
“You heard me.”
“You sure about this?”
Her expression didn’t change, so I nodded. But inside I was squealing like a little girl and dancing on the bar. I pushed my food aside and got up before she could change her mind.
She let me wash her hair in the sink. Usually when you wash someone’s hair who isn’t a lover, they close their eyes. Or they make small talk. Or they look anywhere in the room but at the person doing the washing. Not Ash. She looked right at me every chance she got.
We set up a chair and a drop cloth under the lights in the middle of the dance floor. She put on The Gothic Archies. I couldn’t decide if that was a good sign or a bad one.
Rooms go very still when hairs get cut, so I took advantage and said something that needed saying. “You hurt Lily.”
Ash’s head jerked around so fast I almost stabbed her in the eye.
“She doesn’t get it,” I went on. Snip. Snip. “She doesn’t understand why you’re upset. You have to talk to her. You have to explain.”
She shot me the loudest glare I’ve ever seen. “Are you sure Lily isn’t just a really good actress?”
I nodded. And prayed I wasn’t a liar.
“She told you I hurt her?”
“Well, she worded it differently. But, yeah,” I said. “Have you noticed she has a bit of an accent now?”
Ash sighed. “I was hoping I was just drunk.”
I kept clipping.
“Crows” came on.
“She was looking for you after closing. She waited a long time. This morning I found a bottle of wine and two glasses on the catwalk. Only one of them was used.” Snip. Snip. “Maybe you should go knock on her door before you lose your chance.”
“I can knock until my knuckles are bloody, but it won’t grow me a dick.”
I nearly clipped off her ear.
“I’ve got news for you, honey. She won’t be getting any from that platinum prince she blew in here with. He’s only got eyes for himself.” I held up a hand mirror like an exclamation point. “I’m pretty sure this is what she wants,” I said. She watched her reflection. “But you’ve gotta stop sticking shit up your nose and be fun again.”
“I’m not laced, Rorke,” she said flatly. “I’m not drunk. I’m not high. I still can’t make her famous. I sure as hell can’t make her a wife.”
“You make her happy. Who cares about the rest of it?”
“She does.”
“I don’t believe that.”
Her eyes were so intense she scared me a little. And then the lock tumbled on the front door. We heard laughter and several voices. We sat there staring at one another in the tiny hand mirror, listening, not breathing.
“Okay, so what?” I whispered. I held onto her arm so she couldn’t take off. “She’s back. She’s with Kendol and Z. They’re just here to see Rasputina. Be cool. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“They’re two hours early,” she said.
“Then go up in your booth and relax. Play something swanky. I’ll mix the drinks. This is it, know what I mean?”
“Yeah,” she said. “Don’t make it easy for her to decide, right?”
“Cha-ching.”
I watched her walk away as I swept up eight inches of her blue-black hair. I could tell she felt better by the way her boots hit the floor. I didn’t have a chance to do her face or change her clothes, but honestly, she didn’t need it.
I was patting my shoulder and fancying myself the fairy godmother of downtown when I spotted a monkey in my machine. Zayzl was waiting in the DJ booth, and he wasn’t alone.
You met Wolf, I’m sure. He’s the meathead at the door with the two-tone eyes. And yes, he’s just as scary as he looks.
When Zayzl started feeling a little outnumbered, he grew a pair in the shape of a bouncer. He put an ad in the paper and hired himself a lackey. The two of them were waiting with their arms crossed over their chests, fogging the place over with testosterone. That little weasel was so geared up he pounced on Ash the second she hit the top of the stairs.
“You won’t be spinning the show,” he said. “Wolf is here to take you up to your room for the night.”
Ash just smiled and shook her head like she thought he was a real piece of work. She set her beer down by the board she’d recently put back together and started flipping through her music. She hardly looked at them.
But Zayzl wasn’t kidding.
“If you don’t go with Wolf, you leave me no choice,” he said, and he held up a small baggie filled with white powder. “I haven’t decided how to use this yet. But Lily could certainly stand to hear about it. Maybe you’ve got some suggestions, since you seem to think you know what she wants.”
“That’s not mine,” Ash said. She was still flipping through her books.
“It’s not?” He feigned shock. “I’m pretty sure Wolf found it on the floor of the booth just this morning. In all the rubble you’ve conveniently cleaned up. Didn’t you, Wolf?”
Wolf grunted.
“And you’re the only one who comes up here, Ash. Besides, people have been talking lately. About your extracurricular activities.”
She looked over at him slowly. I saw her fingers curl, but her face was stone. “Maybe you dropped it,” she said.
“I wouldn’t bring drugs into my bar.”
That got a laugh out of her, and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut anymore. I was feeling ballsy ’cause I had a push broom in my hand. “That’s enough, Zayzl,” I said. “The bar’s not yours. And your attitude blows.”
He kept his eyes locked on Ash. “Tonight is important to me, Rorke,” he said. “Your girl here’s been off her game lately, and a haircut doesn’t make her sober.”
“Don’t be a jackass. She could run that board from the grave, and you know it.”
“Well, that wasn’t what I had in mind, but I guess it’s an option.”
Then Kendol popped his glossy head in the booth, and I felt like I was in a fucking variety show.
“I’m sober. You need a jock tonight?”
He’d materialized right on cue, grinning like a fiend. And I knew damn well he wasn’t sober.
Ash turned, took his drink out of his hand, and tossed it in his face. Then she stomped down the stairs. Zayzl motioned for Wolf to follow her, and Kendol took a dive off the deep end.
It was startling. The Merlot made a paste of his party makeup, and he was shrieking like a woman. I grabbed a bar rag, but he pushed my hand out of the way and yelled for his sister. I just shook my head. I didn’t know what else to do. He was too much to take seriously.
But then I saw Lily.
She was standing at the bottom of the stairs, very confused and looking across the dance floor after Ash. She turned to me. I pointed and mouthed, Follow her!
But she didn’t. She pushed by me. She went to Kendol.
“I asked you to leave her alone, didn’t I?” she said. She grabbed the rag out of Zombarbie’s hand and started stabbing at the stain on his shirt and fussing with his makeup. “Why do you have to fuck with her, Kendol? Why does everyone have to fuck with her?”
Zombarbie leaned back and crossed her arms. She looked like she was enjoying the show.
“Lily, you weren’t even here,” Kendol hissed. “I didn’t say a word to that bitch,” Then he accidentally ripped a ruffle on his Lestat shirt, and the curses really started flying. I hoped it’d be enough to turn Lily off, but she seemed familiar with his tantrums.
Everybody’s voices were reverberating through the bar like a cheap funhouse. There was no music playing, nobody in the club but the bunch of us fighting. It was ridiculous.
Then I looked up and noticed Zayzl was gone.
I heard a door slam and the sound of Wolf’s boots on the metal stairs. Zayzl was nearly skipping behind him, rolling up the sleeves of his crimson Hot Topic tuxedo shirt like he’d just kicked some serious ass. He made a turn for my bar and clapped his hands together. “Who’s celebrating with me tonight?”
Kendol followed him, of course. Since he was wearing his drink, he’d need another. Z followed Kendol because that was her thing. And Lily just stood there, staring at the ground. She looked over toward the catwalk for a beat, but then she followed Kendol, too.
I was disappointed.
I wanted to go after Ash myself, but I had a bar to open, for crying out loud. As it stood, I was gonna have to sweet talk a member of security into mopping wine up off the floor before the second sound check for the band. Plus, I’m no fool. I wasn’t about to leave that slimy weasel behind my bar with his brand new friends, his telltale baggies, and his false accusations.
So there the four of them stayed until the show started. Zayzl was so proud of himself he kept giving away the liquor and stepping all over my toes, while Lily tried to repair Kendol’s soggy ego by kissing his ass. Time blinked by, and the bar filled up.
I had just about made up my mind to start hating Lily when I saw her pitch an earring over the bar. She reached for her earlobe, glanced around, waited a second or two, and then announced her loss. Several fashion-conscious people dove to the ground. And while they were all distracted, crawling around in their fancy digs, she filched a bottle of cognac and a pack of smokes. Ash’s brand, ditto Ash’s brand. I watched her slip the loot into her bag. Only then, of course, did the missing jewelry reappear.
“I found it,” she said.
I took a shot. She really wasn’t that great of an actress.
When the lights dropped and everyone migrated toward the stage, I overheard Lily pleading with Zayzl. “Let her spin the show. Unlock the door. Please, Zayzl. You know they all want her. Why are you doing this?”
Zayzl shook his head and waved her away, following his new friends and loudly reminding Kendol that he was lined up as a guest DJ after the band. Then he took the remote mic out of his jacket pocket and announced Rasputina himself.
It was all wrong.
I wanted to vomit, scream, maybe slip something in his drink. I couldn’t decide, so I called the bar up the road and ordered food for Ash instead. I asked Lily if she wanted anything, but she said no. When I was on the phone, she climbed up to the catwalk.
You can hardly see it from here. It runs the depth of the stage over the side bar. Lily always sat up there during live shows, drinking her wine and swinging her feet over the crowd. It’s where she’d go to wait for Ash, too. Or to watch her spin. It sits level with the DJ booth, and the only thing between the two is a long drop to the dance floor. She always said it was the best seat in the house.
I don’t know how long she stayed up there watching hot chicks play cellos, but she was gone when I grabbed the extra set of keys to Ash’s room and climbed the stairs to our suites.
I was worried what kind of shape Ash would be in. I anticipated some damage control, some cursing, at least a little broken glass. But when I got to the landing, I heard Massive Attack thumping through Ash’s door.
And then I heard Lily moan. The little vixen must’ve shimmied through the vents.
I set the food down and got the heck outta there.
I think that might’ve been about the time I started questioning everybody’s motives. Even my own. I needed normal for a while, man. I wanted to see some friendly faces, talk a little smack, and drink scandalous amounts of booze. So I went back down to my bar and hung out with a few of my crew who weren’t there to see the show and didn’t know anything about any kind of drama.
During the second encore, I saw Lily slip down the stairs and into the crowd. She was wiping her nose with the back of her hand. I couldn’t tell if she’d been crying or what, and I wasn’t even sure which option was worse at that point. She left for the after-party alone.
After the club cleared out, Ash came down the stairs, holding her takeout box. She set it on my bar, and I poured her a shot. She took it, leaned back against the wall and studied me. I couldn’t read her at all.
“Why the fuck do we have locks on the outside of the doors?” she said.
“In case we need to use the rooms for storing treasure instead of people. Want me to nuke your Amarillo?” I asked. “I’ll take the pickle out first.”
She smiled. Kind of. So I grabbed her Styrofoam.
“I need a better plan,” she said. Her voice was so low I thought it might be in my head.
“You need to figure out a way to make him back off.”
“Which him, Rorke?”
I handed her a beer. “Point taken.” I couldn’t believe what I was about to say next. So much for family. “Can’t we just buy Zayzl out? You, me and Lily? That’d get rid of one of one of our problems.”
“Nope. I tried.”
I cocked an eyebrow at her. “You tried to buy Zayzl out?”
She nodded.
I wanted to ask her where the hell she got the dough to buy Zayzl out on her own, but instead I said, “Whose dust was in the booth?”
“His. He planted it. Then he sent Wolf up there.”
“Wait. Wolf’s not in on it?”
“Nope.”
“Christ. You should’ve said something, Ash.”