Her Counterfeit Husband (18 page)

“Even if I don’t remember, I’m still responsible for the abhorrent way I behaved.”

“No, no you’re not.”

She wrapped her arm around his shoulders and urged him to stand, but he couldn’t
bring himself to face her.  With a sigh, she knelt by him and took his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her.  His eyes teared up and
he
shook his head.  Her grip on his face tightened.

“Jason, I order you to look at me.”
She released h
er breath and closed
her eyes for a few seconds before opening them.  “I can’t explain everything.  You’ll just have to take my word for
it, b
ut here goes… You’re not the same person I married.  What that person did is not your burden to bear.  You have nothing to be sorry for.  You are a gentle, kind, and caring gentleman.  I don’t want to think about the past.  I want to embrace the future.  For the first time in my life, I can do that, and I don’t want what happened back then to taint what I have now.  Can you do that for me?  Can you forget what Appleton told you?”

“That seems to be a question more appropriate for you to answer given the way you suffered.”

“Yes, I can forget. 
I have
forgotten
.” Her ey
es filled with tears, but
she blinked them away.  “When I look at you
,
I don’t think of any of it.  I only think of
how
much better things are now.”

He cupped her face in his hands and brushed her cheeks with the pads of his thumbs, wondering what he’d done to be blesse
d with a lady who was so willing
to forgi
ve
him
.  “I make you this promise: I will never do anything to hurt you again.”

A tear trickled down her face, and he gently wiped it away.  He leaned f
orward and kissed her forehead.  He felt another tear fall down her cheek and lowered his head so he could kiss it away.  She
lowered her hands and held
onto his arms.  At first he tho
ught she meant to pull him away
but soon realized she had tightened her hold, a silent encouragement for him to stay close to her.  And honestly, there was no other place he’d rather be. 
He didn’t know if she brought her lips to his or if he
brought his lips to hers
, but his heart leapt at the intimate contact.  It was so wonderful—so completely wonderful—to be with her this way.  He might have taken this for granted before, but he wouldn’t again.

When their kiss ended, he pulled away from her so he could look
at her
and
smiled at the joy he detected
on her face
.  So that’s what she looked like when she was happy.  Since his health improved,
he’d noticed the sorrow in her
eyes, but now there was no sorrow there and it gave him a
feeling of elation to know they really could start
over.

“I want to marry you,” he whispered.  “
Even if it is foolish
, I feel it’d be a new beginning for us.  Please say yes.”

She let out a light chuckle and brought her arms around his shoulders.  “Yes.  I want nothing more than to marry you.”

His heart ready to burst, he pulled her into his embrace and kissed her again.  The past was the past and could stay there.  From now on, it would be the future.  And he could think of nothing that could ruin it.

A
nna’s hands shook as she collected
her comb and hand mirror and
place
d
them in
her
valise
. 
It was hard to focus on what she needed to pack when her heart was beating so fast she thought
it might jump out of her chest.  She stopped for a moment and took a deep b
reath to help ease her nerves.  She couldn’t believe she was doing something this
rash.  It seemed like a dream.  To be sure, she pinched herself
.  No.  She was still awake.

“Your G
race, you ought to let me pack your things,” her lady’s maid said as she entered the bedchamber.

“I know.  It’s just that I…” She blushed and took another deep breath.
  She didn’t feel comfortable with her enough to say that she was too excite
d
by Jason’s kisses to have fetched her to pack on her behalf.

Her
maid smiled.  “I think I understand, and it’
s about time you enjoyed life, Your G
race.”

Unsure of what to say, Anna changed the topic. 
“I’ll select something to
change into before I leave
.”

“I’ll help you with it.”

With a nod, Anna turned to
her
wardrobe to select her
traveling
o
utfit.  Once she did, her maid helped her into it and styled her hair.

“I’ll pack my things, Your G
race
,” she said when she was done
. 
“
I won’t be long.
”

“No,” Anna quickly replied.  In her haste, she’d forgotten her maid would plan to prepare for the trip as well.  Good heavens but her mind wasn’t what it should be. 
Her thoughts were one big jumbled mess.  Cleari
ng her throat, she added, “His G
race and I want to make this a private affair.”

“You don’t nee
d to explain to me, Your G
race, but I’ll add that I think it’s terribly romantic.”

“Yes, it is, isn’t it?”

And that made Anna’s stomach tighten even more in a mixture of fear and anticipation.  Sh
e wanted nothing more than to marry Jason
, but in the back o
f her mind, she
worried that someone would discover that he wasn’t the real Duke of Watkins.  And if he found out, what then?  Wou
ld he still want to be with her
? Pushing aside her worries, she pulled the cord that would notify Appleton her things were ready.

“I hope you have an enjoyable trip,” her maid called out as she left the bedchamber.

By the tim
e Anna turned from the cord, her maid
was already gon
e.  Anna
went over to her vanity and checked her reflection.  She couldn’t recall how long it’d been since she cared about her appearance, but she wanted to please Jason so she studied her hair to make sure not a strand was out of place.
Then
she pinched her c
heeks to give them more color.

“You have something f
or me to take to the carriage, Your G
race?” Appleton asked,
his lips curled up into a grin.

“I take i
t you’re happy,” she replied as she
turned away from the mirror.

He stepped into the room and shrugged.  “I might be a slight bit relieved you’re showing good judgment.”

Resisting the urge to
let him know
that his answer amused her, she motioned to the items she planned to take with her.  As he picked them up, she lo
wered her voice and said, “His G
race blames himself for things he never did.”

Appleton sighed.  “It wasn’t my intention to let him know, but when he asked why you and I are closer than a butler
and the lady
of the house
are supposed to be
, I had to explain to him that my interest in you goes no f
urther than that of
a
father
and
daughter.”

“So he knows
about that night you found me in
the gazebo?”

He nodded.  “But I didn’t tell him about your husband’s mistresses
or illegitimate children.”

“Those things aren’t unusual for a duke to have.”

“No, they aren’t, but
I didn’t wish to burden him with all of your husband’s indiscretions.”

“Maybe
he’ll find out anyway.”

“Maybe
, but not today.”

He was right.  Considering Jason’s reaction to finding out as much as he had, it was best not to give him
a
nother reason to experience
undeserved
guilt
.

“I’ll take these down now,” Appleton softly said and left her bedchamber.

She watched him as he left, thinking it would have been better off if Jason had never found out about that part of her
past
.  It wasn’t right he should bear the guilt of another gentleman, and yet, it was his guilt that pushed her over the edge.  She’d fought her feelings for as long as she could, but knowing how deeply he wanted to protect her crumbled what was left of the wall that she’d carefully constructed around her heart.  And now she would love him forever.  She didn’t know if it saved her or doomed her, but she knew the course was set and she’d follow it, wherever it led.

***

The
new
valet presented Jason with his comb, and as Jason ran it
through his
blond hair, a knock came at his bedchamber door.

“I’ll
get that
, Your G
race,” the valet said.

Jason nodded and turned his attention to the mirror.  He
couldn’t stop thinking about the new start he and Anna were making.  It was a huge step they were taking, and he’d always be grateful she was willing to do it.

The valet returned to him.  “Is there anything else you wish to take for your trip?  Appleton is ready to take your
valise
to the carriage.”

“Just this.” He handed th
e valet the comb and looked
at the doorway where Appleton stood.  No longer seeing the butler as a threat to his relationship with Anna, Jason smiled.  “I’ll be down soon.”

As Appleton came into the room, Jason turned to the valet.  “You may go.”

The valet bowed and headed out.  Jason waited until Appleton carried his things out of the room before he went to the small room off to the side of the bedchamber.  It’d been a curious thing that Mason should mention the desk in this room.  He glanced
back at his
empty bedchamber.  If he was going to take a better look at the contents in that desk, now was a good time.  Besides, if he didn’t, it would be on his mind during his trip, and he’d rather be focusing on Anna than thinking about this desk and Mason’s curious interest in it.

He sat down at the desk
and open
ed
the drawers, wondering what it was that he should be looking for.  There were many papers, and they were neatly divided up into categories.  Since he was still learning to read, most of the script looked like a jumbled mess, but he did
come across a list of numbers.

Numbers were far easier for him to understand, so he took it out of a stack. 
The name at the very top was his father’s name. 
H
e ran his finger along the top column and softly sounded out the few words written on it.  Then he ran his finger along the left side and down the rows.
  Excited, he realized this was the list
of salaries
his father used to pay the servants.  A careful study of the list, however, made him frown.

Two and a half months ago
,
he recalled going
down the staircase at a slow pace, afraid if he went too fast, he’d do more harm to his body and delay a walk with Anna.  He hadn’t had the patience to wait for her to decide it was a good time to see him
, so he was on his way to see her
. 
As he made his way down
the
stairs, he listened
to her play on her piano, her music blocking out the sound of his footsteps.