Her Darkest Road (Roughneck #4)

Patty,

You were right. This story needed to be told. Thanks for believing I had what it takes to tell it.

                                 Love you,

                                  Nicole

Her Darkest Road

Copyright 2015 Nicole Hart

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form-except in the case of brief quotations-without written permission from the author.

This book is a work of fiction. Names and characters are the product of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is entirely coincidental.

HER

DARKEST

ROAD

A Roughneck Series Novella

Nicole Hart

Chapter 1

“Isn’t she beautiful?” I whispered, without prying my eyes off of my beautiful baby girl. She let out a little yawn as I tucked the pink blanket tighter around her. I read that swaddling babies gave them comfort and I wanted her to feel just that. It was hard to look away from her, she was too perfect.

“Bells?” I asked when she didn’t respond. She was staring at the ceiling without looking in my direction.

“Bells?” I repeated.

“What?” she snapped as she looked down, cutting her eyes at me before staring at the TV.

I just shook my head. I wasn’t going to fight with her here, not now. I didn’t understand why she was so angry all the time. If she wasn’t angry, she was disgusted - with me, with her life, with the world around her. I couldn’t seem to make her happy anymore.

She hated being pregnant, she bitched about it constantly. It’s like that little plus sign on that stick triggered everything else that was wrong with her world. I did my best to do right by her. As soon as we found out she was pregnant I arranged to have the house built. I remembered all the things she wanted - we would talk about it after we first got married. But once the build started, she said she didn’t care what it looked like. So, I took it upon myself to make it the way she wanted, back when she had dreams. Now, she acted like her life was a nightmare. But I’d made a vow to stick with her through better or worse, and things were definitely getting worse. But a promise was a promise.

“Miss Belinda, how are you feeling, honey?” a young nurse squeaked as she bounced into the room with a couple of magazines in her hand.

“I’m feeling good,” Bells replied, and gave the nurse a sweet smile. Her eyes were bright and cheerful; the cold stare she just gave me had disappeared in an instant.

“Well, that’s good to hear. You’re a trooper,” she said as she patted her shoulder, and put the magazines on her lap. “I grabbed these from the nurse’s station for you.”

“Thanks,” Belinda grinned as she picked up the magazines.

“How’s that beautiful little bundle doing?” she asked as she looked in my direction.

“She’s great!” Belinda chimed in before I could answer. The truth is she had only held our baby briefly a couple of times, usually if there was a hospital staff person around. Otherwise, she had completely ignored Samantha. I didn’t even look up; I kept my eyes on my beautiful little girl, listening to her little grunts as she wiggled around.

“But, would you mind taking her to the nursery for a little bit?” Belinda asked without looking in my direction. I jerked my head up as I glared my eyes at her, willing her to look at me.

“My husband has to run some errands and I could use a nap, I’m a little tired,” she said, and started to yawn.

She was lying. I didn’t have any errands to run. I didn’t want to put my baby down. I sure as hell didn’t want to send her to the nursery. I wanted to tell the nurse that it wasn’t true. That she was lying, even about the yawn. It was as fake as the smile she was wearing for the nurse.

But I didn’t. I didn’t want to cause a scene or start an argument.

“Sure thing, honey,” she said as she walked over to me, and held her arms out for Samantha. I darted my eyes over to Belinda, who was giving me the cold stare again.

“I’ll take good care of her, dad, I promise,” she said as she put her arms under the pink blanket, and took my baby out of my arms. I tried to return her smile.

“You just give us a buzz when you’re ready for us to bring her back,” the nurse said to Belinda as she compared their armbands to make sure they matched before leaving the room.

“I sure will,” Belinda said quietly as she put her head back on the pillow, and closed her eyes.

“I don’t have errands to run,” I said quietly as soon as the door shut.

“Just go home, Joe,” she said with her eyes still closed.

“Bells, please. I just want to spend time with my family,” I said as I tucked a strand of her blond hair behind her ear. I watched as her lip trembled slightly, and a tiny tear caught right under her eyelashes.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” I asked. It seemed to be the same question I asked daily, but never getting an actual answer. I stared at her face. Her skin was flawless, and I remembered how her blue eyes used to shine when she looked at me. I hadn’t seen it in a long time. I missed who she used to be. I ran my hand down her cheek and she slapped it away, and then opened her eyes.

“I said go home. Just leave,” she said with the familiar cold tone. The tears that threatened to escape her eyes were gone and she was giving me a blank stare. There was no emotion in her voice.

“Belinda, don’t do this,” I said quietly, trying to stay calm.

“Go. Home.” she said, and her eyes got so wide - it was as if she was trying to pierce a hole through me.

“Fine,” I said quietly, and walked to the door. “I’ll be back later.”

She didn’t reply and I didn’t look back in her direction. I walked out the door and headed around the corner to the nursery window. I scanned the rows of clear baby beds until I found the one with my little angel resting peacefully. Baby Montgomery was written on a note card and taped on the outside of the bed. We were so lucky to have a perfect baby girl. It was a blessing, and Belinda made it seem like a curse. But I couldn’t help but smile as I watched Samantha kick her legs right out of the blanket the nurse had just tucked around her. I chuckled quietly as I watched the nurse cover Samantha two more times, and each time she would wiggle her way out. The nurse finally walked over and took the blanket out and she fell asleep immediately. The nurse just shook her head with a smile and walked back over to the desk. My little girl was tough and determined. I was already a proud daddy.

I watched her sleeping for a while before I walked into the dim waiting room. I wasn’t ready to go back into Belinda’s room, but I didn’t want to leave the baby either. My eyes got heavier and I drifted to sleep.

When I woke up, I glanced at my watch and realized I had slept for almost four hours. I jumped up and walked over to the nursery window. Samantha’s bed was empty, but I looked at the rocking chair in the corner and one of the nurses was holding a little pink blanket. She made eye contact with me and I pointed to the empty baby bed. If she was back in the room, I wanted to be there with her. The nurse lifted the bundle slightly and gave me a nod as she continued to rock, letting me know that she was holding my angel. Belinda hadn’t even bothered to get her back. It pissed me off immediately, but then I realized that maybe she had fallen asleep, too. I tried to keep a positive attitude about it as I walked back to the recovery ward and opened Belinda’s door. She was flipping through a magazine and didn’t look up at me.

“I’m going to call the nurses to bring the baby back in here,” I said as I stared at her, watching her flip the pages.

“I’m tired though, I need a nap,” she said, still flipping the pages. I wondered if she had bothered to sleep this whole time.

“Well, you can take a nap, but I want to spend time with our baby,” I said as I pushed the red button.

“Can I help you?” the voice came over the intercom.

“Will you bring the baby back please?” I asked.

“Yes sir,” she said, and I heard a clicking sound.

A few minutes later, a different nurse wheeled the baby into the room and placed the bed beside Belinda. They exchanged smiles and the nurse left after comparing the bracelets.

Once the nurse shut the door behind her, Belinda turned on her side, facing away from us as I scooped Samantha into my arms.

“I’m going to sleep,” Belinda mumbled as she covered her head with the blanket.

“You do what you need to do,” I said, refusing to let her ruin this time with my daughter.

I sat in the rocker in the corner and propped my angel against my chest. She fit against me perfectly. My heart swelled with emotion as Samantha bobbed her head against my chest. She was looking for her momma. I kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back until she fell asleep against me. As much as it bothered me that Belinda wasn’t trying to bond with her baby, I knew in my heart I had enough love for the both of us.

Chapter 2

“I think I’m going to get a job,” Belinda said as we walked through the front door.

“What?” I asked, confused. She had just given birth three days ago and she wanted a job. She hadn’t bothered to work since we got married, but she was ready now? I didn’t understand her anymore.

“Yeah,” she said with a big smile. “I’m ready to get out of the house.”

“Bells,” I said calmly. “You just got home from the hospital. The baby needs her momma. You need to bond with her, it’s important.”

“I know, I know,” she said quietly as she shook her head, letting out a loud sigh, and started to unbuckle Samantha from her car seat. She put the baby against her chest and stared into space. She didn’t blink or show any emotion, she just stared. Samantha started to squirm and grunt; it was time for her to eat.

“She’s probably hungry,” I said as I stood in front of her, and patted the baby on the back. She didn’t respond, she just continued to stare.

“Bells,” I said quietly.

“I need to go lay down,” Belinda said with a sigh, and put Samantha in my arms.

“You aren’t going to try and breastfeed? I heard you talking to the nurse about it,” I said, hoping she would give it a chance.

“There’s formula in the bag,” she said as she walked past us without looking back, and shut the bedroom door behind her.

The cries of my little angel drowned out my thoughts of Belinda. Samantha needed to be fed and I didn’t want her to be kept waiting.

“Ok. I hear you angel,” I whispered with a smile as I searched for the can of formula in the diaper bag. Samantha started to scream louder.

“Temper, temper,” I chuckled as I put her down in the bassinet, and jogged to the kitchen to make a bottle.

Her cries became more demanding by the second. She was determined and wasn’t giving up. I scrambled around the kitchen trying to make a warm bottle as quickly as possible. I didn’t want to keep her waiting for a second longer than she had to. She was spunky already, and I had a feeling this was just the beginning of her temper. I could see it in those big blue eyes of hers; she was a force to be reckoned with.

“I’m coming, angel,” I said as I walked quickly back to her bassinet. She stopped crying as soon as I scooped her into my arms and gave her what she was demanding.

“Is that better?” I whispered as I sat on the couch, and watched her devour the bottle. She stared at me while she ate. I read that babies her age could only see shapes, but I didn’t believe that right now. The way she was looking at me, she knew exactly who I was. I had no doubt.

Once Samantha finished her bottle, she fell asleep in my arms. I didn’t want to wake her, so I stayed still.

My thoughts drifted back to Bells. Why would she want to get a job right now? She didn’t need to work. The oilfield was booming and I was secure in my job. I had saved every bit of extra money for years to make sure we would be stable if we hit a rough patch. Why wouldn’t she want to stay home with the baby? What was wrong with her these days? I was already worried about going back to work next week. Would she care for Samantha the way she needed? She needed constant attention, and Bells didn’t seem to worry about it. We needed to talk about it. I needed her reassurance that she could handle this; that she even wanted to.

The next morning

I had been up with Samantha for a couple of hours. I didn’t mind, though. It didn’t even bother me getting up with her every three hours during the night. Every time she squirmed or whimpered, I would wake up anyway. Belinda didn’t attempt to get up with her, and I didn’t push it. I could handle this on my own.

“Morning,” Belinda said as she walked into the living room.

“Morning,” I said quietly as I locked eyes with her, and saw a gleam in her eye. It was the same look she used to give me every morning. It was the old Belinda. The one I fell in love with. She walked over and sat beside me on the couch. She reached up and kissed my lips, then kissed the baby on the head. I couldn’t help but stare at her. Every once in a while I would get a glimpse of who she used to be. It’s the one thing that has kept me going the past couple of years. I promised to love her through better or worse, and I meant it. And once she got pregnant, I knew I was in this for life. I wouldn’t leave her. Belinda had a hard life, and I chalked her issues up to that. She had spent her childhood in and out of foster care. She never felt like she belonged anywhere. It really took a toll on her. When I met her she was fragile, and I wanted to take care of her. I wanted to be her strength.  That seemed to work for a while. She seemed happy for a couple of years, with a few setbacks in between. She would get depressed sometimes, but I always wanted to fix it. I wanted to fix her. And I thought I had, until she got pregnant. Everything went downhill from there. But the moments that I saw her look like this gave me hope. And I held on to it.

“How’d you sleep?” I asked, and smiled at her.

“Good,” she said, and wrapped the blanket around Samantha a little tighter. “I’m sorry I didn’t get up with her.”

“It’s ok, I’m sure you’re tired. I didn’t mind,” I said as I fixed my eyes on my angel, hoping this moment of happiness wouldn’t disappear as soon as it appeared.

“I am. But I’ll do better, Joe. I’ll try harder. I want to be a good mom,” she said as she took the baby out of my arms, and kissed her head.

“Ok,” I said quietly, hoping and praying she would keep her word.

“You’re not still thinking about getting a job, are you?” I asked after a few minutes of silence.

Belinda tilted her head and stared into space for a few seconds. I couldn’t help but stare at her, trying to figure out what she was thinking. But then she nodded her head and looked in my direction. She gave me a small smile and shook her head.

“No, I changed my mind,” she said quietly, her voice full of guilt.

“I’m glad,” I said, the knot in my stomach growing. I couldn’t shake the eerie feeling I had deep down.