Her Forever Family (14 page)

A
li had been a rescue volunteer for six years, never second-guessing her priorities. During today’s mission she gave one hundred percent of her physical ability, as always. But every little bit of her heart was somewhere else.

She’d warned Hannah that pride could cost lives, then turned around and drew on the same deadly sin.

Benjamin was right, someone else could have taken the call. But Ali was bent on making a point, if only to herself. She didn’t belong in their lives—not on the personal level that seemed to be snowballing out of control. Benjamin and Ethan had to accept the truth and the sooner the better.

Ali was not in their league.

She wasn’t self-deprecating; she just knew the facts. She could never have outrun her past so she’d used it instead to draw survivor strength. It made her a woman so certain of her convictions her friends called her the Rock.

But certainty wasn’t always a good thing—in fact, this time it was tragic since she was certain she could never fit in with Ben’s family or his plans. Her sense of decency would force her to confess her story and then he would look at her with disgust, agreeing it was best that she turn away before the tarnish on her past tainted his future.

As Ali drove the last mile to her home, the day’s events replayed in her mind like an old-fashioned news reel. The excited faces of Ben and Ethan, the team’s cheers during her muddy relay, Hannah’s gratitude, the thankful smile of the accident victim during her airlift to the medical center.

God had been good. He’d given Ali more than she dreamed of, definitely more than she deserved. In response she found ways to bless her Sunday Kids, those who the Bible would call “the least of these.”

Her life was full, she didn’t dare want for more.

Ali pulled the Land Rover through the small alley behind her townhouse complex and into her narrow, one-vehicle garage. She popped the back hatch, let Simba free from her travel crate and together they took the network of pathways to the local park for a short walk. Ali longed for a hot shower to remove the grit and grime that still clung to her skin. Then afterward she’d sit and talk with Josie. The two had reversed roles in recent days, with the young nursing student giving the doctor guidance counseling.

“Ali, wait up!”

She whipped about face to see Benjamin striding toward her, reminding her so much of the first day
they’d met. What had only been a few weeks seemed like a lifetime. She felt more comfortable about the man as a candidate and her opinion of him as a parent had certainly changed. They’d come from such different worlds, but the world seemed a much smaller place now that she loved him.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, unable to pry her tired gaze from the picture he made: clean, dry, well dressed and as handsome as the Texas summer sky is high. From the crown of his sandy blond head to the leather soles of his expensive cowboy boots his demeanor promised “Vote for me. You won’t be sorry!”

“I’m here to invite you to come home with us for dinner. We want to celebrate what God’s done in our lives today.”

“Tell me how Ethan did.” While Simba sniffed about and stretched her legs Ali eased down to one of the slatted wooden benches to rest. When she swept an open hand toward the empty half of the bench, Benjamin joined her.

“My kid was amazing.” He beamed with pride for his son.

Thank you, Father, for showing me how much this man loves his boy. It makes it so much clearer that I need to move on so they can get back to their own lives.

“Ali, I wish you’d been there to see how hard he worked to get up that rope.”

“Did he make it?”

“Only about eight feet and even at that it took him a dozen times to get there.” Benjamin’s eyes crinkled at the edges as he recalled the image. “Ethan has a new ap
preciation for how hard your backside smacked that mat when you fell. I don’t think he’ll be making any more cannonball comments since he sent up more than a few sprays of water himself.”

“And how about you, Dad? How long did it take to get over your case of nerves? I thought you were going to have a hissy fit when I had to leave.”

The smile slipped off Benjamin’s face. His temple throbbed as his jaw clenched to contain a thought that seemed to want out. Clearly she’d hit a raw nerve.

“Tell me what’s on your mind,” she encouraged him.

For a few moments he dipped his chin, then raised it again. An icy stare sliced the space between them, cut through her reserve.

“Are you asking as a doctor or a woman?”

“Whichever you prefer.”

Ben’s gut was sore from holding back emotion. For years he’d kept his feelings in check. He was calm for Theresa’s sake when Ethan had been diagnosed. Then he was strong for Ethan when his mother had died. Since that time he’d remained steadfast and positive, certain God still had a plan for their lives, to give them a future and a hope. Ben was determined to wait on the Lord’s timing even when his best friend cajoled, pestered and threatened. He’d wanted to cry out a thousand times at injustice, loss and insinuation but he’d kept it all inside. There were so many blessings in his life, he had no right to complain.

But now, to have the woman whose rejection that very morning was still fresh equate his agitation with a
hissy fit,
well that was simply more than a man should be expected to endure.

“Ali, I came here with the best of intentions. I meant to tell you what a wonderful day we had and to thank you for helping us move beyond the relational mess that had built up in our home.”

“However…” She waited.

“However…” He paused, lowered his head to glance at his hands as they dangled between his knees. He should stop and pray, get his racing pulse under control, but the emotion wanted a voice, wouldn’t wait another moment. He looked up.

“However, I’m really struggling with the fact that the woman I love will give so much of herself to others, to people who don’t deserve her gifts, people who can’t repay her kindness, people who will never be more than a drain on society. But she won’t go into the emotional deep end with me. I just don’t get it and I don’t know how to deal with it.” His inflection mirrored his mounting frustration.

Simba heard, stopped her sniffing and poking. She trotted over, stood next to his knee, closer than she’d ever been. She settled on her haunches at his feet, watching with the intensity that only another dog could possibly understand.

Ali’s face was equally impassive, unreadable. Did she care at all? Had he gone too far or not far enough?

“Benjamin, I’m a bit confused because I don’t know these people you refer to as
drains on society
. How about giving me a clue.”

Guide my words, Lord. I have a feeling she’s not going to take this well, but I need to get all the cards on the table.

“I saw you last Sunday.” He hesitated, but knew he had to say the rest. “It was just for a few minutes. In the woods at Halfway Landing.”

She leaned away as if she needed to put distance between them.
“You followed me?”
her voice was incredulous.

“No, that’s not how it happened.” He shook his head and held his palms outward to emphasize his innocence. “I met the folks from Lend a Hand out there to talk about some cooperation between their foundation and my campaign to help clean up that area. I wanted to see it firsthand, but I was warned about the no-accounts that hang out and leave a mess in the woods. I expected to find transients and undesirables.” He lifted both shoulders, lost for words. “But you, Ali? Why would you hang out with the very people who burden the city for tax dollars we can’t afford and shouldn’t need to spend? Why would you associate with such trash?”

The rush to judgment he’d meant to avoid went straight from his lips out into the world without benefit of first filtering through his good sense. The sound echoed in his ears about the same time Ali reacted to it. A sad smile curved her soft lips, she closed her eyes briefly, shook her head.

He knew that reaction. It was the spoken-just-like-a-stupid-man gesture. His goose was as good as cooked and any moment now she’d skewer him. But instead of unleashing fury, she seemed to accept his comment like an accurate indictment.

“Those
‘undesirables’
are some of my
pro bono
clients from the homeless shelter. They would never get therapy otherwise. I call them my Sunday Kids
because that’s the only day of the week we get to spend time together.”

He sucked in a breath, wishing it was as easy to suck back in the accusation. He’d known in his heart of hearts there was a reasonable answer, but she’d been so secretive.

“Are you trying to get them to go back to their parents where they belong?”

She laughed at the suggestion. The sort of brittle, nervous response a person has when they get a terminal diagnosis.

“Benjamin, being with a parent is not always the best place for a child. Those kids share a common experience that no one should have to endure.”

“Physical abuse?”

“Worse.” She breathed in deeply as if preparing for a revelation. “The worst, actually. Sexual abuse by a parent.”

He flinched at the most perverse of behaviors, always having hoped there was a fiery reserved section in eternity for people who would injure a child, with a special hot seat for sexual predators.

“I’m sorry. I’d never have guessed.”

“Most people wouldn’t because they don’t think twisted thoughts.” Ali’s chin dipped as she stared at her muddy boots. “It’s the deepest, filthiest pit to climb out of for the few of us who make it.”

“Don’t you mean the few of
them?
”

“No. I mean
us.
” Amber eyes sought his. “You called them trash and many would agree. They’re disposable, throw-away kids who’ve been used and forgotten. I spend my Sundays with them because I relate to what they couldn’t escape, can’t forget. I’m one of them, Benjamin.”

“What?” He heard exactly what Ali said but didn’t want to make sense of what she was telling him.

“My father began crawling into my bed when I was ten years old. He threatened to go to my little sister if I refused him. What else could I do?”

“You mean he…” Ben couldn’t say the words.

“Yeah. Hard to believe a man would defile the very daughter God trusted him to love, isn’t it?” Fat tears pooled in the corners of her eyes, slid beneath her lashes and dribbled down her mud-streaked cheeks.

“So, now you know my dirty little secret. That’s the reason I could never be more to you than a paid employee. I don’t deserve anything better.”

A deep, deep sadness flooded Ben’s soul as he grasped what Ali was telling him.

And suddenly Ethan’s problems seemed small. He had family, friends, resources. He was loved and lovingly cared for in a world that held such low regard for the weak, for the least of these.

“I need some time to process what you’ve said. Will you please come back to the house with me?”

“Time won’t make any difference. Trust me on this.” She shook her head, wild strands of red wisped about her face. “I’ve used years of education and experience to try to make sense of what happened. I haven’t been able to understand it, but the past molded me into who I am today. I learned to accept the things I couldn’t change, as the Serenity Prayer says.”

“So that’s it. You’ve accepted defeat before you’ve even tried to make a go of it with us?”

She gave a resigned shake of her head.

“Benjamin, the progress you wanted so desperately is being accomplished between you and Ethan. You have everything you need to realize your dreams. I’d just be a burden you’d regret one day.”

She was dismissing him again, using the tragedy of her past to wave away the role she played in their lives as if it were smoke from a snuffed out candle. Well, he and Ethan would not be waved away.

“You know what I think, Doctor Stone? I think you’ve settled into analysis paralysis. You’ve created this safe little zone for yourself where you can rescue people, come and go through their lives, depending on the day of the week, and then move on without having to stick around for the long haul. And that’s not the heart of who you are. That’s not the person I’d want for my rock.”

Ali stood slowly as if the day’s work had increased the torque on all her muscles. She turned her face away and walked toward the edge of the park, not glancing back.

Simba came to her feet, nudged her long nose against Ben’s clasped hands and rested her head against his knee. He settled a palm gently behind her ears, felt the solid strength of her neck and knew if she wanted to take off a digit with her powerful jaws, she could. The animal shuddered with the force of her sigh, a sound that told him she felt his pain.

“Simba, come,” Ali called.

Simba’s dark eyes raked Ben’s face. She tossed her head, an invitation. He leaned down and accepted the rough touch of her tongue as it gently lapped his jaw, only once, a single kiss goodbye.

Ali hadn’t even done that.

He’d been afraid of the wrong female all along.

“Josie, what if he’s right?” Ali asked as she poured coffee into a smiley face mug. “What if I’ve been telling myself I’ve got things under control when the truth is I’ve been setting limits for years on how deeply I’m willing to get involved?”

She kept remembering the boy who’d taken his life. Had she failed him with her emotional distance? Then there were her Sunday Kids. Had she conveniently pigeon-holed the amount of help she could give them, accepting their futures as outside of her influence?

“Oh, that’s hogwash, boss. Look at me, will ya? If you hadn’t helped me get my GED and apply for nursing school, given me that job and let me bunk with you I’d still be on the streets. If that’s not getting involved I don’t know what is.

“And would it be so horrible if you did discover your feet stink like everybody else’s? That you’re not immune to weakness after all? Isn’t this what you psychotherapists call a
breakthrough?
”

Ali smiled as she settled on the other stool at her kitchen counter and set her mug on the granite surface.