Her One True Love (19 page)

She opened her mouth to protest and shot her gaze to Jeannie, who merely widened her gaze in an unforgiveable gesture of excitement. “Yes. Why don't we?”

With Matthew's hand still grasping her elbow, Jane surrendered to the inevitable and allowed Matthew to steer her into the main arena of the glistening ballroom. The orchestra continued to play, the beautifully attired men and women continued to dance, yet everything felt entirely different from when she and Jeannie arrived.

Jane cursed the frisson of attraction heating her body. Just his touch and proximity was enough to cause an almost animal reaction in her. The love and trust she had for him had bloomed without her consent or control.

She felt more mature than ever before. She wanted to hold him, kiss him, and even make love with him.

Elizabeth or no Elizabeth, she was weakening.

Part of her motivation for coming to the city had been to dismiss Matthew from her mind and heart. Yet now, through his kisses and caresses, support and belief, he had burrowed deeper into both.

“Matthew, wait.” She abruptly stopped and when he turned to look at her, Jane forced her gaze to his. “Surely you came here with an associate or maybe someone else tonight?”

“I came alone. I thought a night out speaking with a few business friends could further my cause with the village. It has helped, somewhat. I was just about to leave when I saw you ahead of me, making for the door as though your life depended on it.”

The annoyed tone of his voice rankled. Jane lifted her chin and glared. “Then say what you need to say. I need not remind you that after tomorrow, you will be contacting your wife. We should not be seen here together.” Her tone was as cold as she could make it, and Jane prayed he did not hear its quiver as she did.

His gaze hardened. “I need to speak with you. Alone.”

“About what?”

“About . . .” He clenched his jaw and glanced at Jeannie before meeting Jane's eyes once more. “I want to make sure I am clear how you wish for this meeting with Mrs. Cage to play out. I have yet to meet her as you already have. I'd like to be prepared for what I will find when we get to the house.”

He's lying.
Jane's heart picked up speed. “But we could just as easily discuss that on the way tomorrow.”

“And we would have, if I hadn't seen you here this evening. When I saw you, I couldn't wait that long.”

The heat of his gaze was undeniable, and Jane trembled. Danger and passion swirled in his eyes, fueling and scorching at her weakened desires. If she was to be alone with him now, she wasn't sure she'd have the strength to douse the fire flowing so fiercely through her body. The result would be an explosion that would be irreversibly damaging to them both.

Jeannie coughed. “Jane?”

Jane snapped her gaze to Jeannie's. “Yes?”

“Shall I leave you and the squire to talk?”

Jane shook her head. “No. You stay here. Right beside me.” She met Matthew's intense gaze and lifted her chin. “Now, what is it you would like to know?”

F
rustration flowed through Matthew as he led Jane and Jeannie to the seats lining the walls around the dance space. He had to find a way to talk to Jane alone. The undisguised fear in her eyes was something he hadn't anticipated. What on earth was going through her mind? She looked positively afraid of him.

He clenched his jaw.

The potential passion that had burned between them each time they kissed had barely left his thoughts. He could not return to Biddestone without a final departing taste of her, whether that be tonight or tomorrow. Once he, Jane, and Jeannie visited the boardinghouse, he would return home. As much as he hoped to be back in the city within a couple of weeks, God only knew how long it would take to track down Elizabeth.

Agreeable, quiet Jane had vanished under the years of caring for her mother—and in her place had risen a strong, determined, and passionate woman. One he wanted for his own.

He stared at Jane as she and Jeannie took their seats, their eyes averted. “Jane, I must speak with you alone.”

She stared ahead, and just as Matthew became convinced she intended to ignore him, she lifted her chin and met his eyes directly. “Why can we not talk here?”

His frustration to speak freely grew more dangerous by the minute. “It is not just tomorrow I wish to speak with you about.”

“Then what else?”

“Elizabeth.”

She swallowed and color leaped into her cheeks. “What of her?”

Damnation
. Why was she behaving this way? Was she tossing him aside now that she had the Board's agreement for her to work with Mrs. Cage? He glanced toward the exit. “Perhaps you would consider joining me for a moment's air?”

Indecision warred in her hazel eyes as he held out his elbow.

Seconds ticked by until the beginning of humiliation rushed through him. If she rejected him now, would it not be as succinct as Elizabeth's rejection all over again?

At last she stood and snapped open her fan. “We will not be long, Jeannie.”

Jane slipped her hand into his elbow, her fingers pressing into his forearm. He kept his chin high in a bid to hide his relief. When he glanced at her, she stared resolutely ahead, her fan raised as though hiding her face from onlookers. His brief satisfaction dissolved. Hadn't he sworn to Adam Lacey that Jane's reputation would remain his paramount concern? Yet, here he was . . .

No, he was hardly shaming her. They were practically lifelong acquaintances taking a stroll. No one need know how much deeper his desire for her burned.

The crush at the doors had abated and they managed to emerge into the anteroom with little delay. They headed slowly toward the outer doors, stopping to request his overcoat and her cape from the attendants. He took her cape and placed it gently over her shoulders, unable to resist resting his fingers on her shoulders for a little longer than necessary. Her soft floral scent rose from the velvet and whispered beneath his nostrils.

Inhaling, he held out his hand, gesturing Jane toward the outer door. Her unexpected smile relaxed him as they continued forward. Immediately feeling taller, broader, and happier, Matthew nodded to people he recognized, subtly ignoring their questioning stares toward Jane. He imagined she was little known in society compared to Monica . . . and her sister was hardly held in the highest esteem among their elders. Monica's stage career had pretty much guaranteed the previous generation would never hold her in the high regard her peers did.

He glanced at Jane. The confident tilt of her chin and the steadiness of her posture told him all too clearly she wasn't as far removed from Monica as others, including himself, had presumed.

They emerged through the doorway, and he led her away from the building and down some stone steps into a secluded area lined by darkened shops. The night was cold, and she shivered, tying her cape at her neck.

He ran his gaze over her hair, wishing he could say or do something to ease the tension emanating from her. “How are you?”

“Well.” She turned and stared along the street. “What did you want to talk to me about? I cannot stay out here very long and leave Jeannie to her own devices. Not only is this the first dance she has attended in the city, she received some distressing news from home this afternoon.”

Matthew frowned. “Distressing news?”

She met his eyes. “It's Mrs. Ashby. She's been taken ill, and Thomas has requested that Jeannie return to Marksville first thing in the morning.”

The worry in her gaze twisted Matthew's heart, and he touched her jaw. He stared deep into her eyes, willing her ease. “I will visit Marksville upon my return and see how Mrs. Ashby fares. I will then ensure a message is sent immediately back to you. I am sure whatever I can tell you will put your mind at rest.” He smiled. “You and I both know it will take a hard knock to keep Mrs. Ashby down.”

She laughed softly. “That is what I said to Jeannie when we were packing her case.”

“There you are then. Thomas and Monica will ensure Mrs. Ashby is taken good care of, and Doctor O'Connor will have been sent for, I am sure.”

She sighed. “You're right. I will be much happier once I know how she is. Thank you.” She stepped back, and his hand fell away from her cheek. She stared along the street once more. “So, what of Elizabeth? You said you had something to tell me.”

“Will you not look at me?”

Slowly, she turned.

Defiance had replaced the concern in her gaze.

Matthew's stomach knotted with unwelcome insecurity. “What is it? What is bothering you beyond Mrs. Ashby?”

“Nothing. I just don't think it is seemly for me to be standing out on the street this way, that is all.”

“Don't lie to me.”

She flinched. “
Me
lie to you?”

Annoyance simmered across his skin. “I love you. I will be with you sooner rather than later, but if you don't trust me—”

“I do trust you.” She glared. “But that doesn't mean my trust makes speaking with you about Elizabeth any easier. Do not say you love me . . . you can't, not yet. Not while you are still married to Elizabeth. I won't allow it.”

“You won't allow it?” He shook his head and snapped his gaze to the star-spattered sky before meeting her gaze once more. “How is stopping my declaration possible if that is how I feel?”

“You should not so easily throw out those words when I have been waiting to hear them from you for years. It is not fair to me. How do you think I feel hearing them when you are married to another?”

He clasped her hand, frustration building. “Why are you acting this way? If you do not tell me what has happened to cause you to look at me as though I am Satan himself—”

“I could
never
you look at you like that.”

“Then what is troubling you? Tell me. Please.”

Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “I am trying to distance myself from you.”

“But why? What could I have possibly done since we left the Board this morning?”

“It isn't you. It's me. I'm scared. Scared of what this means . . . what it
will
mean.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “How are we to be together, even if you and Elizabeth do divorce? You're a man of responsibility and respectability.” She opened her eyes. “I don't want to be with you if our relationship will be tainted with scandal for years to come. Surely you don't want that either?”

He lifted his hand to her face and brushed a tear from her cheek. “We have known each other a long time. I suspect nothing but celebration from the villagers when they see us together.” He smiled gently. “Besides, we are strong enough to weather a few negative comments from onlookers, are we not?”

Her gaze flitted over his face before resting on his mouth. “I don't want to cause you more strain when you have so much to deal with at home—and now with the Board too. I can barely sleep at night for thinking about all that I have asked of you.”

“You have asked for nothing I wouldn't have done willingly.”

“You would never say anything else for fear of hurting me.”

“See? Deep inside you know I'm incapable of hurting you.”

She swiped her fingers under her eyes. “I'm scared of everything I feel, want . . .” Her gaze dropped to his mouth once more. “Desire . . .”

The hunger in her eyes evoked his physical yearning for her. “Jane . . .”

She shook her head, tears glistening in her eyes. “For years I waited for you to notice me. To save me from the drudgery and diminishing words of my mother, but you didn't see me. You didn't care. And now you are prepared to risk everything for me? I won't let you do that.”

“I will not be risking everything.” He tightened his fingers on hers. “We will find a way.”

“I won't let you step away from the village, so what are you to do? I want to be in Bath now. How can we ever make this work?”

Matthew's heart beat faster. Was he to lose her all over again? “It's not a case of you letting me do anything. I was blind, but I see clearly now. Do not hold us both in bondage for my mistakes, Jane. Please.”

She closed her eyes.

His heart ached to see her so agonized, but he had to press her, had to know she wanted him too. Whatever she said, his marriage was over and he would live his life as a bachelor, if necessary. If Jane wanted him and Bath, then he would willingly give the decision of what happened to the squirage to his younger brother, David.

“I need you,” he whispered, rubbing his thumb over her gloved hand. “I need
us
. Tell me you don't want me. Say it and I will not bother you again.”

She opened her eyes and their gazes locked.

The laughter and shouts of the footmen and hansom drivers above them rang out in the cold night air. Cigar smoke drifted, mixing with the tang of their liquor . . . mixing and tainting Jane's soft, sweet scent, which clung to his nostrils in cruel torment.

She lifted her hand to his jaw. “I want you. I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone in my entire life. That doesn't make any of this easier.”

He released his held breath and pulled her into his arms. She clung to his upper arms, and he covered her mouth with his. He kissed her deeply, taking all her amazing strength and will into his soul and trapping it there. The road ahead was fraught with difficulty, but they would triumph. He dipped his tongue into her mouth, and she met his need with equal ferocity. His arousal soared. He could bear it no longer. He wanted her; wanted to feel her, touch her, have her cry out with the pleasure he had given her.

“Jane . . .” He mumbled against her mouth before easing her gently away. “I want you. I leave tomorrow, and I do not wish to go without saying good-bye properly.”

Confusion seeped into her gaze before it was quickly replaced with comprehension. Her mouth dropped open, and she flicked out her tongue to wet her bottom lip. His cock twitched as he followed her silent contemplation.

She nodded. To what she agreed was evident in the desire burning in her eyes.

Matthew swallowed against the fire that smoldered beneath the surface of his skin. “You are certain?”

She laughed softly. “Of course not, but I cannot bear not being close to you, not knowing you, any longer.”

He kissed her again, deeply, passionately, praying she sensed every ounce of his devotion and care for her.

She pulled back. “Tomorrow.”

Matthew's heart thundered. “Tomorrow?”

“Jeannie is returning to Marksville, and I will be alone in the house.”

Bringing her hand to his mouth, Matthew gently kissed her fingers. “Tomorrow.”

She slid her hand into his elbow, and Matthew led her back up the steps toward the Assembly Room, his heart beating fast and his desire rife for release.

 

Considering they were to travel to a less affluent part of the city, Jane had insisted they take a hansom cab to Mrs. Cage's boardinghouse, rather than Matthew's carriage. As the cab pulled onto the woman's street, Jane was happy she had done so and Matthew had agreed to her request.

As the horse's hooves struck the cobbles, she and Matthew were greeted by sullen stares from the thin, soot-covered faces of little boys, smoking men, and harassed, tired-looking women.

Unease clutched like a fist in her stomach, but Jane smiled at every person, determined to show their state of dress and dwelling did not concern her—at least not in the way people seemed to believe. She longed to shout that they were there to help, to do everything in their power to make a difference to as many children as possible, even if there was little she could think to do for the parents. But who knew what ideas and innovations might befall her the more time she spent there?

Small flutters of excitement tentatively whispered through her, and she turned.

Matthew watched her. “Are you all right?”

Jane smiled. “Yes. Perfectly.”

“Good.” He smiled and tightened his grasp on her hand as it lay on the seat between them.

“I cannot wait to get started.” Jane sighed. “I'm sure the weeks I have to wait until the New Year will be infuriating, rather than enjoyable.”

“Yes. For us both.”

She looked into his eyes and her heart beat faster. Nothing else had been said of what would happen between them later that evening. Not a single word referring to the silent promise of a night of intimacy.

Jane swallowed against the dryness in her throat and slid her gaze to the window as the cab pulled up outside Mrs. Cage's gate. What she and Matthew had planned was so very wrong when he was still married, but Jane could not find it in herself to wait any longer. Her move to Bath had brought so much change, it felt foolish to fight the woman she had slowly become.