Her Secret (7 page)

“What can you prescribe to help both Sar and
I fight our urges?” Danial asked.

Stephen gave me an encouraging smile. “At the
rate the virus levels are dropping, you’ll be back to normal by New
Year’s, Sar. You’re mostly healed up inside. I’d guess by then you
could try getting pregnant.” He turned to Danial. “I checked into
several options. As you know there are a few drugs on the market
that combat turning—”

“Most just give the blood a foul taste while
increasing the body’s ability to manufacture new blood,” Danial
said with a grimace. “Those are similar to the blood replenishing
packets Sar used before. Mostly hunters use them as a last
desperate effort.”

“I didn’t mean those,” Stephen quickly
assured him. “I meant something to combat the desire to be bitten.
This would work psychotropically, not just physically.”

I didn’t like the sound of that. “What will
it do? And why didn’t you mention this before, back when The Lust
first presented itself?”

“We couldn’t use it before because you were
pregnant. The drug will take away your desire to be with a vampire
and let you control yourself until the virus leaves your system.
But
,” he added, “It’s a trade off. You’ll feel differently
while on it, and it may affect your personality.”

“What do you mean?” Theo and Danial said
together.

“Sar will lose her desire,” Stephen said
simply. “Medically, you can’t suppress one biological urge, and not
suppress another of the same kind. She’ll act a lot less driven and
passionate about all of her needs and desires.”

His explanation scared and repelled me. I’d
never wanted to be anyone other than who I was. “Isn’t there
anything else less severe?”

“Not really,” Stephen replied. “Humans who
are turning can be very unpredictable, going to enormous lengths to
complete the process. They can become violent, or sometimes even
harm themselves in an effort to attract a vampire to finish the
job.”

“What other options are there?” Danial
asked.

“There isn’t much else. You can either turn
her, or Sar goes into solitary confinement for the next two months.
Any vampire will be attracted to her in this state, and she will be
attracted to them. It won’t take long for one to take
advantage.”

One already had
. “Do it,” I said
softly. “I can’t live like I’ve been living.”

Stephen nodded, and left the room.

“Sarelle, are you sure?” Danial said,
concerned. “This is what you want?”

I didn’t want to be on drugs. What I wanted
was to have Theo and Danial both, and maybe Devlin, too. Alas, life
regrettably wasn’t fantasy. “It’s the only line of attack
left.”

“Say this does work for her,” Danial said
slowly to Stephen. “What do you have that will work on me? I can’t
risk taking anything that might compromise my reasoning or reaction
time—”

“You should be fine without drugs,” Stephen
replied. “The one Sar is being prescribed will alter her behavior
enough so she won’t provoke any encounters. From what you’ve told
me, your actions with her weren’t outside a normal vampire’s desire
for sex and blood. You never sought her out for either from sheer
physical need or desire, something I’m surprised at. But you also
showed remarkable restraint under The Lust, so it may be either a
testament to your strength of will, or that you’re so new at making
vampires.”

“You’re sure?” Theo stated. “I don’t want to
risk him being around her if you aren’t.”

“We’re going to find out. Dose me,” I said
bitterly. “I have to do something, and this is the only option I
can live with.”

“I understand why you feel that way, Sar,”
Danial said. “But I’m hesitant to—”

“It’s her body,” Theo growled. “So it’s her
decision, not yours.”

“Yes, I know,” Danial said. He let go of my
hand. “Take the next few days off, both of you. Theo, please call
me in twenty-four hours to let me know how she is.”

“Will do,” Theo said. “Or she will, if she
feels well enough.”

“Goodbye, Sar,” Danial said softly, then
left.

Dismayed, I got dressed quickly. When we
emerged, Danial was gone. Theo and I picked up the prescription,
paid the bill, and then headed to the pharmacy at Alan’s Creek.

The pills were small and yellow. The
instructions said to take one every day with food. Shrugging, I
popped one, and then Theo and I got an early lunch at the Chinese
place in Alan’s Creek. Theo asked a few times during the meal if I
was feeling okay.

“I don’t feel any different. Do I look
different?”

“Kind of sad,” Theo replied. “But that might
be because you’re usually smiling, and you aren’t now.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” I said slowly.

“We can get through this,” Theo said, taking
my hand in his. “By Christmas you’ll be your old self.”

I nodded but didn’t reply.

“Do you want dessert? We can stop at the
bakery down the street.”

“No. Let’s go home.”

* * * *

After we’d arrived home, and Theo had gone to
walk the dogs, I showered again and then brushed out my hair. It
was long now, almost to my hips. Irritated, I made a mental note to
get it cut. While I was at it, I should get the highlights touched
up, too...

“Ready for a dinner?” Theo said from behind
me.

“That was fast,” I said, cracking a
smile.

“What do you mean?” he said curiously. “We’ve
been gone an hour.”

I was about to correct him when I caught
sight of the clock. He was right, an hour had passed. “I lost track
of time.”

“It’s from all the traveling yesterday and
today,” Theo said, kissing my cheek. “Next week will be
simpler.”

“I’m going to Danial again next Saturday,” I
said. I meant the words to come out flat and bold, but for some
reason they were not only hesitant, they were almost pleading.

“Why?” Theo growled.

“Because I want to spend time with him. It
won’t be anything but friendly—”

“No,” Theo said curtly. “You aren’t
going.”

I felt a sudden sense of helplessness and
despair, then anger surged up, drowning that out. “The hell I’m
not. Now that I can control myself, I want to spend more time with
him and with the kids—”

“This has got nothing to do with the kids,”
Theo growled. “So don’t pretend it does.”

“We aren’t going to fuck,” I said nastily.
“And that’s all you’re concerned about, right?”

Theo stared at me aghast, his eyes flashing
from blue to yellow. “I don’t want you rediscovering your desire
for him,” he growled. “You’re my wife.”

Don’t remind me
. “I’m not spending the
night. I’ll go for dinner, and some conversation. Most likely
Theoron will be there, and probably Elle, too. You made a big deal
about me not spending enough time with Theoron a month ago. Now
you’re telling me I can’t?”

“If the kids are going to be there, I’ve got
no problem with it,” Theo said, his eyes fading back to blue. “I
just wish you’d asked me instead of springing this on me.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t,” I said haltingly. “But
I feel confident that the drug will work, and I want to feel normal
again. That means spending time with the kids. Danial also has
taken up riding, something I liked years ago—”

“He did that sometimes out West,” Theo said,
nodding. “He’s always liked horses. It was something I couldn’t
share with him. They get very nervous around me.”

“Then Elle will probably have trouble, too.”
I let out a sigh. “But I’m sure he’ll want Theoron to learn to
ride.”

Theo hugged me. “I understand you’re going
through something, Sar. If you need this, that’s okay. This I can
handle.”

“How was last night?”

“Terrible,” Theo said darkly. “I couldn’t
find enough to keep me busy. I brought over three loads of wood,
and took Ghost and Darkness for a long walk until about midnight.
They finally refused to walk any further. When we walked today, we
went very slowly, as they weren’t eager to go. Both dogs have
barely moved all day.”

I went quickly over to Ghost. Sure enough,
his paw pads were tender when I touched them. “You shouldn’t have
taken them.”

“Sar, I didn’t know what else to do.” His
eyes were wild, remembering. “I thought about you and about him and
about what you had to be doing and I couldn’t stand it! I couldn’t
sleep or eat.” His eyes met mine. “I thought about getting a gun
and coming to kill him.”

I backed away from him, a look of horror on
my face. “What?”

Theo’s features were shifting slightly. His
eyes changed from blue to yellow and back rapidly, the pupils
reforming over and over. “I knew it was wrong! I love him; he’s my
friend! Still, it kept going through my mind was that if he was
dead, you couldn’t sleep with him! He did this to you! You never
used to be like this! I used to be enough for you! We used to be
enough for each other!”

I took a deep breath, and then made myself
hug him. “You are enough,” I said softly. “What we have is enough.”
Silently, I hoped to God that it would be.

* * * *

I woke up the next morning to the ringing of
the phone. “What the hell time is it?” Theo grumbled beside me.

I looked groggily at the clock. “Seven,” I
said, sighing. “We’ve overslept. We’ll never be at Danial’s by
eight, not and have time to shower and have breakfast.”

The phone continued to ring. Theo crawled
over to the end of the bed and swiped it off the dresser. “Yeah,”
he said grumpily into the receiver. “She’s right here.”

I took the phone from him. “Danial?”

“No one let me know how you were. It’s been
twenty four hours.”

“I’m okay. I don’t feel any different.”

Theo picked up the phone in the living
room.

“Then can you come today sometime?” Danial
asked. “I know I told you to take a few days off, but Elle’s been
asking for you.”

“That’s strange,” Theo said with a hint of
sarcasm. “She never has before.”

“She had a nightmare last night,” Danial said
coldly. “She didn’t tell me much, but I gather Sar was hurt in it
badly, if not killed. The attacker was a vampire.”

“I’m sorry,” Theo said quietly. “Is she
okay?”

“She’s fine. She won’t admit it, but I think
the vampire in her dream was attacking her, too. I’m guessing this
is residue from Manir’s attack. She’s never mentioned anything
prior to this about being afraid of vampires, ever.”

“We’ll be there in a little while,” Theo said
darkly. “Do you have any news on Manir’s location?”

“I might, if you ask me nicely.”

“Look, I deserve that for my earlier comment,
but knock off the attitude. We have enough problems without
snarling at one another.”

“I agree,” Danial replied. “Get here as soon
as you can.”

* * * *

Two hours later, we arrived at Danial’s
house. Elle ran out to greet us, hurling herself into my arms.

“Mom! Want to go for a walk?”

I hugged her. “Sure, Honey.”

Theo came around the truck in a rush and
grabbed her. “Can I come, too?” he said, tickling her. She laughed,
squirming all over, trying to get away. “Or is this a girls’ only
outing?”

“No,” she said seriously. “You can come. I
just thought you had duty tonight, so you had to rest all day.”

“Who said that?” Theo asked.

“Brian was talking to Danial.”

Theo shot a look to me. “Why don’t you go
ahead with Mom, Elle? I’ll catch up to you.”

Elle grabbed my hand and began leading me
down the path. With bird guide in hand, she began showing me not
only many birds, but also the tracks of many other animals in the
moist forest floor.

“You’re very smart,” I said proudly. “There
aren’t many kids your age who know as much as you do.”

“What do other kids do?” she asked.

Watch TV and play video games
. “Waste
their time with things that don’t matter.”

“I wish I had more friends.”

“You will,” I said quickly. “Aran Jr.’s
getting older, and your brother—”

“I want girl friends,” Elle said peevishly.
“They’re boys.”

That was impossible right now. Elle had to be
closely guarded, as she was an easy way to get to Danial and Theo,
not to mention me. “We’ll see about you getting those dance lessons
you talked about, okay?”

“Yes!” Elle shouted. “Can I really?”

“Maybe,” I said mischievously. “If you’re
good and study hard. Now, what track is that?”

“A deer. A doe by the weight in the press of
snow, and young.”

“This one?”

“A raccoon,” she said, pointing to the small
hand print type of trail in the snow.

“And this one?” I said, pointing to a fox
track.

She shot me a perfect copy of Theo’s
long-suffering look. “That’s Warren,” she said as if it was
obvious. “Now what about the lessons?”

“I’ll talk to your dad about it, if you’ll
tell me about this dream you had.”

“There was a bad vampire attacking,” she said
fearfully. “It was you and me alone. You fought, but he...he turned
you.”

“Are you afraid of that happening to me with
Danial?”

“No,” Elle said quickly. “But in the dream,
when you turned...you came after me.”

“That’s all movie hype,” I said confidently,
hoping like hell I was right. “When someone becomes a vampire they
aren’t suddenly ravening beasts. That’s a plot device so that
characters can do bad things and then say they had a good reason
for that because they weren’t in control of themselves.”

“How can you know?” Elle said searchingly.
“You’ve never seen anyone turned.”

“I’ve been in a position before when I wasn’t
in control of myself,” I uttered, blushing. “I would not have hurt
you, even then. Also, I’ve heard the story of how Danial and Devlin
became vampire and there was no murder or mayhem in it, at least
committed by them.”