Her Survivor: A Black Eagle Ops Novel (13 page)

She was very big on protecting the sanctity of this place. He could understand why. There was a spirit here; he could sense it. To stay too long would be an intrusion.

“Please understand I’m trusting you with something very special. Frank didn’t show this to me until he was almost too ill to make the swim here. Owning the property across the street, he was always the unofficial caretaker of this secret. The town council knows and he was on it. Now, as owner of the bookstore, I serve on it, too. I’m one of the secret bearers. We reveal the secret to no one or the one person we trust the most.” She placed a hand on his chest and pierced his gaze with her green eyes. “For me, that’s you.”

Dustin barely knew what to say. She’d honored him with something very precious—her trust. He cupped her cheek. “Thank you. I won’t betray your trust. I promise. I like this town the way it is, two traffic lights and all.”

The low-hanging ceiling was closing in on him. His heart rate was accelerating. “Let’s head back out. I want to swim around the pond some more. Work out this new prosthesis.”

“Sure. Are you okay? You’ve got an odd expression.”

“Cave shadows.” He needed to get out of this place. His PTSD was surfacing. Retracing their steps, they stood under the force of the falls for a couple minutes before diving into the pool. They swam and played some more before leaving the water. With the sun starting to set, a chill was claiming the air.

They walked across the narrow street, arm in arm. “Why don’t you take your shower first, Kelcee. I’ll need to clean my prosthesis.” He followed her slowly up the steps, still unaccustomed to this make of artificial foot. He’d be glad to get his running or everyday prosthesis back on.

“How about you shower while I hard-boil a couple eggs for tuna salad?” She opened the refrigerator and reached in. “I’m in the mood for a light supper.”

“Sounds good.” He crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe into the kitchen. “I’ve been thinking. Got a question for you. What if I want to keep working on this relationship after I go back to active duty?”

She peered around the opened refrigerator door at him, her green eyes wide. “What did you just say?”

“Hell, don’t look so shocked. Did you think you were just a short fling? That I wasn’t developing feelings for you? Could you handle a long-distance romance?” The words were already out there floating around the air like that pretty butterfly tattoo beside her pelvic bone. He might as well ask. “Or aren’t you developing feelings for me? Am I presuming too much? Do you think of me only as a friend with benefits?”

No answer came from the pretty face wearing a flush.

He turned and ambled for the bathroom, the weight of the world suddenly pressing on his shoulders.
Don’t I feel like an ass? I’ve misinterpreted everything. Or am I simply rushing her?

Cool air hit his backside when the shower curtain was pulled back. Bare breasts rubbed his shoulder blades. “Hand me the soap, sweetheart, I’ll wash your back.”

Her hands began scrubbing his neck and shoulders. “I want you to know you caught me off guard a few minutes ago. I haven’t been looking forward to your leaving, so I’ve been holding back on some of my emotions. That’s why I looked so shocked when you mentioned working on a long-distance relationship.” Her soapy hands rubbed over his ass cheeks. “We’ll have to talk about it some more. Like, can you tell me before you go out on a mission? Will I have enough time to get to you for a goodbye kiss? How will we keep in touch while you’re gone?” She pressed her lips to his back. “I think it might be worth a try if I can see you when you’re back in port, or whatever they call it.”

“So much of what I do, where I’ll be going, and how long I’ll be gone are secret. It takes a special woman to live like that. You’ll want a boyfriend you can depend on for Valentine’s Day dances or Christmas parties. Your birthday. I can’t promise you that. I don’t have the option of taking a day off when I want. You might get sick or need some kind of surgery and I won’t be able to come be with you, to take care of you. Being a SEAL’s girlfriend isn’t the easiest. I shouldn’t have asked, but I’m a selfish bastard and a possessive one, too. I’d expect you to be faithful just as I’ll be faithful to you.”

“Dustin, turn around.” He did and took in her serious expression. “I’m not a party girl. I never was, even before…” She bit her lower lip. She was hiding something again. “Even before I moved here. So, your being away for holidays and birthdays, I can handle. But I will worry about you, afraid you’ll be hurt and no one will know to contact me.”

“I’ll put your name on my contact information along with my mom’s.” Kelcee was soaping his chest and it felt so damn good. She had these magic fingers that made him feel alive and full of hope. Her sassy personality had brought him to life when he’d first come to Warrior Falls.

“So what does this make us? Going steady?” Her forehead wrinkled. “I’m twenty-six, a little old for that term.”

He laughed and wrapped his arms around her. “It means we’re in a serious relationship. That you are my top priority after the SEALs. That I’ll take care of you.”

She was soaping his hardening cock and his mind was able to focus on one thing only as all the blood left it in a race to his growing hard-on. “Baby, I don’t have a condom in here and while there’s nothing I’d like better than to take you against the shower wall with your luscious thigh wrapped around my hip, I don’t think that’s a wise idea.”

“I know, but what about this?” She dropped to her knees and wrapped both hands around him, taking his erection into her mouth. My God, she had such a sweet mouth.

They ate their tuna salad sandwiches in bed, wrapped up in each other and talking. She teased him about being in a hurry to get his new car. He offered to let her keep it while he was at base. Truth be told, he’d bought it with her in mind.

“No. I am not using your car. After another month of running the bookstore, I’ll have a better picture of my finances. I need to see if Frank’s customers are going to stick with me instead of switching to ordering off the Internet. Then I’ll know how much of a car payment I can handle.” She gathered their plates and took them out to the kitchen.

Self-reliance. She oozed it, and he liked that about her. He loved her inner strength. At times like this, snuggled in bed, having a quiet meal, and talking, he really wasn’t looking forward to going back to active duty. Hell, he didn’t want to walk out of this life, the one with Kelcee. They were so damn good together.

She returned and he held the covers back for her. A laugh escaped from her luscious lips. “I know you. You’ve got that look again.”

“What look?”

“Well, it’s a combination.” She bit his chin. “There’s that sexy grin you’ve got going on and the flagpole that’s raised signaling the SEAL is prepared for duty.”

He scooped her under him and he kissed her slowly. “This will be no duty, Kitten. This will be all pleasure.” He kissed her below her ear and chuckled. “Look at me. I’ve got a steady girlfriend.”

She rapped her fist against the hollow between his pecs. “I am not your steady. A steady girlfriend wears your high school ring.”

He cupped the top of her head and lowered his lips to hers. “You’re definitely more than a steady.” Then he bit her lower lip, tugging on it so he could sweep his tongue inside, touching every part of her mouth, her teeth, her tongue. Clothes were ripped off and thrown helter-skelter around the room. Hands skimmed across glistening skin. Kisses were bestowed everywhere. Gentle nips were followed by soothing licks of the tongue. Whispers of affection amid moans of need filled the room. Together, they shared a gentle, yet passionate lovemaking that sated their souls and bodies.

Dustin disposed of the condom and enveloped her in his arms. Her deep breathing pulled him closer to slumber.
Dear God, I don’t want to lose her.

Wysocki was behind Dustin when they entered a building identified as an ISIS stronghold. They made sure every room was clear in standard SEAL formation. In a small room, rugs were rolled up and something metal caught Dustin’s eye. A toddler on the floor, crying and holding out his hands, snagged Wysocki’s heart. The father of three knelt and asked the child what was wrong. Just as he went to pick him up to offer comfort, Dustin saw the wire across its chubby legs. “Noooo!”

The explosion rocked the building. Blood and body parts flew everywhere. Kent Wysocki’s left hand with his wedding band landed on Dustin’s chest. More body parts covered him and he tried his best to wipe the horror away. Pain seared his body. The weight and dust of falling rubble made breathing difficult. Part of his eyesight was gone or covered in blood. He couldn’t tell which. He struggled to roll over and crawl free.

“Wysocki…Wysocki…” His SEAL brother was dead. The coppery stench of Kent’s blood damn near suffocated him.

“Dustin! Dustin! Wake up, honey!” Someone shook him.

His eyes popped open. He grabbed whoever it was and shoved him away. Someone hit the floor and grunted. “Who the fuck are you? Stay the hell away! I’ll shoot you, you bastard! You killed Wysocki!” He frantically brushed his palms over himself. “I want his hand off me! His guts! His fucking guts are all over me!” Sweat poured off him and he trembled as he freaked out.

“Dustin, it’s a dream. You were having a nightmare. You’re Stateside.” Someone shook his foot.

“A nightmare? Not real?” The mental fog, the smoke, the stench of war slowly dissipated.

“No! Not real. It’s me, Kelcee. You’re with me.”

The scent of jasmine replaced the odor of blood. “Kelcee? My Kelcee?” He sat on the edge of the bed, the heels of his hands in his eyes. “Fuck, I never wanted you to see me like this.” His elbows propped onto his thighs while he kept his eyes covered. He didn’t think he could bear to see her scared face. “Ah hell, baby, you must think I’m one step away from insanity. Maybe I am.”

The memory of pushing someone away floated back. He lowered his hands. “Tell me I didn’t hurt you.” He reached for her, and thank God, she didn’t shrink from him. “I pushed at something. Tell me that wasn’t you.” How could he continue if he’d hurt this sweet, yet sassy spirit?

“I just fell out of bed. You didn’t know who I was. You couldn’t help it.” She reached for the light and a muted glow from the lamp on her nightstand illuminated the room. “How often do you have nightmares like this? Are they normally so disturbing for you?”

“It’s always the same one. The day my friend Wysocki died and I was injured. For months, I had it every night. Since I came to Warrior Falls their frequency has slowly lessened.” Sleeping with his arms wrapped around her last night, he’d had his first pleasant dream in a couple of years. His last thought tonight before drifting off was about keeping her in his life. He didn’t want to lose someone else the way he’d lost Wysocki and other SEAL brothers over the years. Maybe that’s what brought the night terrors back.

“Are you afraid of me now?” He opened his arms for her, alarmed that she might not come to him as naturally as before. The distress of how her avoidance would rip him apart frightened him to his core.

She approached him with a slight limp. “No, Dustin. Of course not.”

“You
are
hurt! Where?” He turned her around. Her left ass cheek was red. “Damn it to hell.” He kissed her ass gently, trailing fingertips over the discoloration he’d caused. Granted, he hadn’t meant to mar her, yet he had. “I won’t sleep with you anymore. I won’t risk hurting you again.”

She entwined her fingers with his. “You’re overreacting. I merely fell out of bed.”

“No, Kitten. I pushed you off the bed. I used physical force on you.” He studied her wrists. “Christ, even your wrists are going to bruise. I must have really hurt you.”

A kiss landed on his forehead, and she rubbed her hand over his hair. “Fran told me about Clint’s horrible screaming nightmares after he got back from ’Nam. He still has some issues, like dealing with fireworks. But he’s never hurt her or she’d have beaten the crap out of him. In my heart, I know you wouldn’t harm me. Not on purpose.”

“Of course I’d never intentionally hurt you, but when my fucking PTSD takes over, God only knows what I’ll do. Next time, I might throw you against the wall or hit you. Do you think I could live with myself? Baby, you mean more to me than anyone else on the face of this earth. I will protect you, no matter how much it costs me. And it looks as if I’ll have to protect you from myself.”

A pain so searing hot, yet bone-marrow freezing hammered a wretched beat through his system, taking with it all the happiness and contentment he’d found with his kitten. He was hollowed out inside. A brittle shell.

He pulled her to him and pressed his face against her abdomen. Before he’d gone to sleep, he worried about not losing her. Now he’d have to walk away from this woman he was falling in love with to keep her safe. Was he the kind of man who would become abusive with his PTSD? He couldn’t stay around this sweet and sassy soul he adored to find out. Damn, but she deserved someone so much better than he was. A man who would treasure her the way he did, but without the effects of war eating at his mind and soul.

He reached for his prosthesis.

“Wh-what are you doing?” Panic edged her voice.

He pulled on his boxers. “I’m making you an ice pack. Get back in bed, Kitten, and find a comfortable position to lie in.” He kissed her hand. “I’ll be back soon. Where are your sandwich baggies?”

“Beneath the sink. Really, I don’t need an ice pack.”

“I don’t recall asking for your opinion. Since I’m the one who hurt you, I’ll be the one to take care of you.”
And won’t it hurt like a motherfucker when I walk out of your life to keep you undamaged from my demons? I won’t be a serviceman statistic with PTSD who beats his wife or girlfriend. How could I live with myself knowing I’d used physical force on my woman?

He brought her two aspirins, a glass of water, and a baggie full of ice cubes wrapped in a dish towel. Her eyes were red-rimmed from crying. His whole episode had probably scared her and the pain in her hip was no doubt worse than she wanted to own up to.
God, I am such a fuckin’ ass.

She took the pills with only a small amount of grumbling. He placed the wrapped impromptu ice pack against her reddened ass that was already showing faint signs of bruising. Hell, he must have really flung her off the bed. He reached for his pillow to prop next to the ice pack to keep it in place. He pulled the sheet and lightweight blanket over her, leaned, and kissed her moist cheek good night. “Sleep well, Kelcee.”

“Where are you going?” She cast a sidelong glance at him, sadness in her eyes.

“If you’ve got an extra blanket or quilt, I’ll bed down in the hallway outside your door in case you need help walking in the morning.”

“That’s silly. Lie down with me.” She rubbed a hand on his side of her bed. His side. Already, he was thinking of her bedroom as partially his. Man, he needed to back away before she got hurt.

“I’ve slept on sand, on rocky terrain, and in an inflatable rubber craft. Believe me, sleeping on your floor is no big deal. Which closet do you keep your extra blankets in?”

“The one to the left of the bathroom door. Get whatever you need, since it obviously isn’t me.” Her chin jutted. She was pissed.

His first instinct was to console her, to show her how much he did need her, but he couldn’t afford that luxury. Not when her safety hung in the balance. He remembered Junebug’s recounting ZQ’s rages, the dents he’d beaten into her new refrigerator, and the day he’d raised a fist to her. No, he’d not put this sweet woman through a life filled with that kind of angst—or worse.