Her Vigilant Seal (18 page)

“Thanks, Peter. Thanks a lot guys. I’ll see you tomorrow. Mason, I’ll see you when I see you.” She waved tiredly and headed for her upstairs apartment. She was halfway up the stairs when she heard fast footsteps behind her.

“Wait up, honey.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think,” she said not turning around. “You probably left some things up here. She trudged to the top floor and tried to open the door. It was locked. She turned to Mason.

“How did it get locked?”

“God, you’re really out of it. You gave me the key hours ago so I could lock up. Don’t you remember?”

Now she thought about it she vaguely remembered giving him her keys. He unlocked the door.

He ushered her inside and she slumped. He picked her up and put her down on the freshly made futon. She fell over sideways.

“Uh uh, no sleeping. Bath first, then bed.” He left her, and she gave a tired laugh. Yeah sure she was going to sleep, like that was going to happen. She stared at the ceiling admiring the same damn crack. She heard the bath water running and then the cupboards opening. Eventually he came back.

“You didn’t fall asleep,” he said in a surprised voice. She turned her head to look at him. She gave a weak smile.

“What’s sleep?”

“Fuck, that’s not good.”

He knelt beside the futon that served as her bed, and undressed her limp body. She was so tired it felt wonderful to be taken care of and naked. She knew she shouldn’t feel like that. But she was too tired to fight it. He picked her up and took her into the small bathroom. He slid her gently into the bathtub and laid her head against a towel he’d rolled up. There was bath oil in the water. She’d forgotten she had that. God, the sensations were wonderful. Tears began to form. Then her eyes began to water. Oh God, please don’t let her cry. He sat down beside the tub and looked at her.

“Wanna talk about it?” he asked as he picked up a cloth from the pile on the cabinet and handed it to her.

“No.”

“Okay then, honey. Why don’t you soak for a while? I’m going back downstairs and get the food Pete left for us. It’ll be warm by the time you get out of the tub.” She watched him leave. He was still in his white T-shirt and cargo shorts from the night before. What in the hell was he still doing here taking care of her, when he had just gotten home from God knows where?
Pull it together, Anderson
.

Sophia zoned out until she heard the door open and smelled the scent of pot roast. Then Mason was leaning on the frame of the bathroom door.

“Need help getting out of the tub?”

“No.” Sophia pushed up with her arms but found they didn’t work. She tried again and went down with a splash. She looked at him in surprise. She was in the process of getting up on her knees when he came up to her.

“Hey honey, I’ve got you. Your muscles are overworked. It’s okay. I’ve been there.” He gathered her into his arms and set her on the toilet seat.

“Mason, you’re all wet.”

“I’m a SEAL I like water.” In seconds he had her wrapped in a towel, but she was shivering. “Hold on.” He was back in just a blink with her favorite fleece sweats in his hands. He helped her into them just like she used to help Billy into his pajamas. He bent towards her.

“I can walk,” she said quickly. He arched a brow, but she batted his hands away.

He still wrapped his arm around her waist, and they followed the heavenly scent of beef to the little table. He had two glasses of milk waiting. It was perfect. Within seconds she was shoveling, actually shoveling, food into her mouth. The last food she’d eaten was yesterday morning.
Damn crank calls.

Mason was staring at her. Of course he was. She was eating like a prisoner who hadn’t had a meal in five days.

“Sophia, you have to tell me what’s been going on.”

Oh no, now her stomach was beginning to cramp. She took a soothing drink of milk. Please settle, she begged her tummy.

“I’m just tired. You know about the nightmares. Then today Margie said she couldn’t come in for a few days, so today was crazy. This is just all about me being tired.”

“What about you not wanting my help?”

“I let you help me. Oh I’m sorry, I should have thanked you. God, I’m an ass. You were an absolute Godsend. Thank you so much.”

“Jesus, that’s not what I’m talking about baby. You would rather walk through burning coals than lean on me.”

“That’s not true.” It was
so
true.

He looked at her. She couldn’t meet his eyes. She looked at her food. She’d only finished half her plate. It felt like she’d eaten hers and Mason’s plate. At least she didn’t feel like throwing up anymore. Well she would if they kept talking about this.

“Can we not have this conversation now?” she begged. She could see the conflict on his face but he relented.

“Are you done?”

She nodded.

He took their plates into the kitchen area. He came back and helped her out of the chair, correctly guessing she needed the assistance.

“Let’s get you into bed.”

“Okay.” She hoped the bath would help. She hadn’t tried it before. He went into the bathroom and came back out holding a bottle of baby oil. He pulled off her fleece top and turned her onto her front.

“Honey, I want to try an experiment. Let’s see if I can help you get some sleep, okay?”

She shivered as he brushed the hair over her shoulder onto the pillow. It was so cold but she also knew what was coming. She’d only had a handful of massages and never from a lover. She waited for him to squirt the oil on her back. She heard the bottle open and waited. Nothing. She peered up. He was warming it in his hand. Oh God, he made her heart swell. He trickled the warm oil down the center of her back and smoothed it into her skin in warm circles. He slowly moved upwards to her shoulders and started in on the tight muscles in her neck. She jerked in pain.

“Shhh, I know it hurts, honey.”

She whimpered. He used his thumbs lightly at first and then as time went by increased the pressure.

“It’s really hurting,” she complained softly.

“Just a little bit more. I feel the knots. Let me get them out, okay?”

She nodded.

He pressed and prodded and she felt something give, and then for the first time in a week she felt like she could move her neck.

“Oh my God, what did you do?”

“Just relax. I’m not done yet.” His magical hands kept going, down to the middle of her back, rubbing, and massaging. Sophia arched into the pressure, loving the feel. He used the heel of his hand on her lower back and she moaned. He swept upwards and then his fingers kneaded the muscles in her aching arms until finally their fingers were tangling and his head was close to hers. He kissed her temple.

Her body felt so light and airy. She felt him shift off the bed. Something warm touched her back. He was wiping off the oil with a washcloth.

“Okay love, now let’s go to sleep. It’s been a long day.”

His warm naked body got in the bed behind hers and pulled her close. He was right. This time she could go to sleep. What a gift.

Mason knew the moment she came awake. She hadn’t jerked in his arms, no cries, no whimpers, nothing like that for his girl, unless it was a nightmare. He waited a long while for her to try to get up or do something. She did nothing. As a matter of fact, she was working hard to keep her breathing even. She didn’t want to disturb him. What was this need not to do anything to bother him? Why was she adamant not to come to him for support? He finally moved his arm and checked the glowing dial of his watch. Nine o’clock, she’d only slept for five hours, not nearly long enough.

“Sophia honey, what woke you?”

“Nothing.” Now that was a line of bullshit if he ever heard one. He snuggled her closer.

“If nothing woke you up then let’s go back to sleep. God knows I need to sleep until morning.”

“Okay,” came her soft reply. He waited and it took maybe ten minutes. The little minx changed her breathing to make it seem like she was asleep. Like he didn’t know exactly what she sounded like sleeping. He’d memorized those sounds. He had soothed himself with them while in the jungle. Apparently it was time for their ‘Come To Jesus’ talk.

“Sophia, faking it won’t work. I know what you sound like when you sleep. As a matter of fact, I know what you sound like when you come so don’t try faking that either.”

This time she jerked and giggled.

“I don’t think there’s any worry of that, Mr. Gault.”

He turned on the bedside lamp and looked down at her.

“Oh, you plan to make sure I don’t try to fake it, huh?” She smiled up at him.

He looked down at her beautiful face, so happy to see there were no traces of bruising. He kissed the jaw that had once been swollen and she sighed.

“We’re going to have a little talk.”

“But I thought…”

“Honey, why won’t you ever let me help you?”

“Well you’re already a team leader. You have enough people leaning on you the last thing you need is some wimpy ass female bugging the hell out of you. Don’t worry, I promise not to be a burden. We’re just having some fun. I understand that.”

Just having fun? Was she out of her fucking mind? He’d been thinking about her night and fucking day. His mind refused to accept the words his ears just heard. He thought about to their time together, the look of joy on her face at the door last night. He wasn’t wrong. This was more than a little bit of fun for her. Why had she said that?

“Is that what you want? Just some fun together? Because I want more.”

“You can’t,” she said softly shaking her head.

“I do.”

“Okay, then I can’t. I can’t risk it.” Ah, now he finally heard truth.

“Can you explain it to me?”

“I’ve failed at every relationship I’ve ever had and you’re becoming too important to me. If you walk away I don’t think I could survive,” she said on a choked sob. He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“I’ve seen how you are with Billy and Margie. You don’t fail at relationships. You’re their rock. You’re fast becoming mine too.”

“It’s an act Mason. You haven’t seen the real me.” He couldn’t comprehend what she was saying. He’d been with her during some of the most difficult times of her life, if that wasn’t real he didn’t know what was.

“You’re not making any sense. Can you please explain it to me? Tell me about these relationships where you’ve failed. I want to understand.”

“Okay, the truth is no matter how hard I try I end up being too needy. I might not be right now, but I will be and you’ll hate me for it. I just know it.” She turned away from him and looked out the small window. He turned her chin so she was forced to look at him.

“Sophia, you’re the least needy person I know. As a matter of fact, you try to take on too much. I would love it if you would lean on me a little.” She gave an inelegant snort.

“Yeah sure. A clingy female is what every man wants. Sign you up.”

“Jesus, Sophia, you’re not listening. Who the fuck did this number on you?”

“That’s none of your business.” She stiffened.

“It is too if it’s keeping us from being together. I want you to explain yourself.” He winced inwardly. He was even using his commander voice but nothing seemed to be getting through the walls Sophia built around herself.

“It’s not one person it’s two people. Well actually it’s three if you count my dad.”

“He sure as shit does count, if he made you feel this way.”

Sophia couldn’t help the wobble in her voice. “I was part of the reason dad left. He didn’t leave mom on this last bout of cancer he left her the first time around when I was fifteen and Billy was five. He said he was tired of all the needy women in his life.” Sophia remembered her dad looking her straight in the eye. It had been when her mom had been in the bathroom throwing up from the chemo treatments. He said she was a whiny, needy little girl and she should have grown up years ago. He was sick of her clinging to him and always wanting a pat on the back or a hug.

“Tell me,” he begged.

“What?” Sophia looked at Mason. She had almost forgotten he was in the room with her.

“I want you to tell me exactly what just went through your head. Tell me the memory that has tears pouring down your face.”

Sophia realized she was crying.

“I was fifteen and the washing machine broke. I only had my learner’s permit so I couldn’t drive to the laundromat. Dad was mad because he didn’t have any clean clothes.”

“I told him Mom was too sick to drive me and I asked for a ride.” Sophia started to tremble. When Mason went to hold her she shook him away.

“Dad stormed into their bathroom and Mom was kneeling at the toilet throwing up because of the chemotherapy. He came back out, picked up the keys, drove me to the laundromat, and dropped me off.”

“When I called for a ride home he was so angry because I hadn’t dried the clothes and folded them. He said I didn’t ever think. But I
had
thought. I didn’t want to waste money. I knew our dryer at home was working. I thought he would be proud of me.” Mason ached to hold her but she had her arms wrapped around herself and was rocking.

“He brought me home and I put some of the clothes in the dryer and went to help Mom. She was so sick and I started to cry. I’d forgotten we needed to go grocery shopping and there wasn’t any of her favorite soup at home or any ginger ale.” Mason knew he didn’t want to hear what was coming next.

“I went to ask for a ride to the grocery store and he blew up. He yelled at me for crying, for being a whiny, sniveling little bitch just like my mom. He said I should have grown up years ago.” Now she was sobbing.