Here We Lie (16 page)

I shake my head. Dan stands up. ‘I’m going for a pee then if you like I can drop you at home – or nearby, if you don’t want to be seen getting out of my car,’ he
says. ‘I’ve only had the one drink, by the way, just in case you were wondering.’

‘Okay, er, thanks.’ I put my jacket on and wait outside, shivering in the few flakes of snow that whirl through the air. It’s the soft, wet kind, turning to slush as it hits
the pavement. Dan’s suggestion to go to Southampton on Monday is crazy. But I can’t stop thinking about how Lish looked earlier, or the money I found or the things he wrote:

bimbo cunt bitch

IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU

I shudder as Dan emerges from the pub. We walk around the corner to the side road where he is parked. I can feel Dan’s gaze lingering on my face, but I resist the temptation to meet his
eye. The streetlights cast a soft glow around us, the pavements glisten. We reach Dan’s car, a silver BMW. When I knew him eight years ago, he could barely afford a second-hand Ford Focus in
dire need of a paint job. The car reminds me that I still know nothing about his personal life.

‘Do you have a house that goes with this vehicle?’ I ask lightly.

Dan clicks open the central lock, then raises an eyebrow. ‘Why? Because you never imagined I’d be able to afford either?’

I blush, unable to deny it. Dan rounds his eyes with exaggerated shock. ‘Are you possibly suggesting that the only way I could make money would be to marry it, Ms Campbell?’

‘No,’ I say. ‘Um . . .
are
you married?’

Dan chuckles. ‘No, never been there. And I live alone before you ask. I’m renting a two-bed apartment in what is laughingly known as Hoxton borders.’

‘What about, you know, er, dating?’ I ask, hoping my question sounds light and casual. I don’t want Dan to think I’m
that
interested in his answer.

‘Whenever I can fit it in around my work.’ Dan opens the passenger door for me and stands back to let me into the car. ‘You know me.’

So he hasn’t changed. Not really. I feel both a sense of relief and of disappointment as I get inside the car. Which is when I decide. I
will
go with Dan to Southampton. Because
he’s right: I need to know the truth about Lish for myself.

Of course, when Monday morning arrives I am wracked with guilt as I call in sick at school. I spent the whole of yesterday catching up with every single piece of outstanding
marking and making detailed plans for the rest of the week. I will have to add an extra rehearsal for the school production at the end of the week but, other than that, I am well ahead of myself.
The school secretary utters a weary sigh when I mutter I’m feeling flu-ey and think I should stay at home.

‘You’re the third sick call I’ve had in the past twenty minutes,’ she says with a groan. ‘Feel better by tomorrow. Please.’

Guilt twists in my guts. I apologize and ring off. Jed has already left for work, of course. He has no idea about any of this. No one does. I considered confiding in Laura, but the thought of
her sceptical reaction to my suspicions about Lish,
sorry but that sounds really far-fetched,
holds me back. I will have to tell her and Jed in the end. I will have to tell Jed
everything.

Just not yet.

Dan arrives, as arranged, at ten o’clock. It’s a crisp, clear day and our journey to Southampton speeds by. After our long silences in the pub, we are chatting and laughing with
surprising ease within minutes of setting off. Dan asks about Martin and Rose and a few old, mutual friends he has lost touch with. I, in turn, enquire about his work. It seems he’s doing
really well, a regular contributor to several nationals and blogs.

‘And what about the rest of your life? You said you weren’t married, but what about significant relationships?’ I ask as casually as I can.

‘No girlfriends as such.’ Dan gives a shrug and it’s there in the slight incline of his head: he’s keeping something from me.

‘You mean no one at the moment?’ I press.

Dan concentrates on turning a corner. I’m almost certain he’s buying himself time to think. But what does he need to think about? Why is my question so difficult for him?

‘I broke up with someone in the States last year,’ he says. ‘Nice girl. Californian so almost as much of a foreigner in New York as I was. We worked in the same office. It was .
. .’ He raises his hand from the steering wheel then carefully places it back. ‘It was okay. Nothing major. She was the last person I dated for more than a few weeks.’

‘I see.’ I’m still sure there’s something he’s not saying, but before I can work out a way to phrase another question, Dan is speaking again.

‘What about Jed and you?’ he asks with a grin. ‘I never imagined you’d end up with someone so much older.’

‘You make him sound geriatric – he’s only fifty,’ I protest.

‘Still, what are you doing with a fifty-year-old?’ Dan winces. ‘Sorry, that came out wrong. I’m just trying to understand how you two got together.’

‘He swept me off my feet,’ I say, trying – and failing – to resist the urge to impress Dan with Jed’s romantic entry into my life. ‘He knew what he wanted
from the start.’

‘Mmmn.’ Dan nods, slowing to take a right turn. ‘Good for Jed. I’m pleased he makes you happy.’ He glances at my bracelet. The gold is glinting in the sunlight.
‘Did Jed give you that?’

‘No, that was my brother and his boyfriend, an engagement present. They gave Dee Dee one identical.’

‘Pretty,’ Dan says. ‘Your brother always had good taste.’

I nod, wondering what Martin would say if he knew I was seeing Dan today. He would understand my need to find out the truth about Lish, but he would also, I am sure, warn me that Dan Thackeray
messed me around once before and I should think very carefully before trusting him.

Once in Southampton, Dan consults the GPS on his iPad then heads for what he tells me is the main student pub off campus. It’s a spit and plywood sort of place with a few
tatty Christmas decorations hanging limply from the wall above the bar. I gaze at a row of plastic Santas as Dan fetches us both an orange juice then peers around the room. Considering it’s
only just past midday, the pub is packed.

‘It’s good that the people I saw last time aren’t here,’ he says. ‘Don’t want anyone getting suspicious.’

A thrill wriggles through me. Despite the constant ache of losing Dee Dee, my anxieties about Lish, plus today’s guilt over missing school and withholding information from Jed – I am
enjoying myself here, with Dan. It feels like an adventure. It feels like fun.

More fun than maybe it should.

I push the thought away.

Dan’s eyes alight on a young couple huddled in the corner. I have no idea why he thinks they might be in the know about who can supply anything illegal around here, but I let him lead me
over. We sit at the table opposite. After a while, the guy looks up and notices Dan watching him. A moment later he whispers to his girlfriend, who gets up and leaves. As she passes our table, she
nods swiftly at Dan. And that’s all it takes.

‘Come on.’ Dan leads me over to the young guy. Close to, I can see that his fingernails are bitten and there’s a rather fusty smell emanating from his grubby T-shirt. We sit
down. The young guy looks from me to Dan.

‘What do you need?’ he asks quietly.

‘Valium,’ Dan says. ‘Vicodin. Maybe other stuff too.’

The guy purses his lips. ‘Not my scene.’

Dan nods. ‘I heard there was a guy . . . weird name. Lesh or Losh or something?’

The guy studies him. ‘You mean Lish?’

I hold my breath.

‘That’s it,’ Dan says. ‘Lish Kennedy.’

‘Not around.’ The guy sits back. ‘I could probably fix you up with someone else.’

‘I’d like Lish,’ Dan says. ‘He comes recommended.’

‘I bet.’ The guy smiles, revealing a set of surprisingly small white teeth. ‘Lish can get his hands on anything chemical. Try here tomorrow night, after nine or so. He should
be here then.’

‘Thanks.’ We pick up our orange juices and go back to our table where we finish the drinks in silence. My hand trembles on the glass. So it’s true. Lish is trading in
pharmaceutical drugs, just like Dan said. I drain the juice and set it down.

‘Do you want me to ask anyone else?’ Dan asks, putting his own glass on the table beside mine.

‘No.’ I can’t quite take in that Dan was right about Lish’s dealing. Not that peddling a bit of Valium and Vicodin connects him in any way to potassium cyanide, but still
. . .

‘Are you all right?’ Dan asks. ‘Do you want me to take you to the station?’

I shake my head. The truth is that the exchange with the guy in the grubby T-shirt has raised more questions than it has answered. Now I’ve had this fresh and disturbing insight into
Lish’s secret life I need to know more.

Beside me Dan watches and waits. I chew on my lip, an idea forming in my head. Then I turn to him, meeting the stone grey of his eyes full on.

‘I want to look in Lish’s room in his student flat,’ I say. ‘See if we can find out more about the stuff he’s dealing in, maybe even get a hold of some of the
illegal supplies. It’ll be proof – well, a starting point for me to talk to Jed . . . maybe a proper police investigation.’

Dan blinks, startled. ‘You’re saying you want to break in to his home?’

‘No. I don’t know. I just . . .’ I tail off, uncertain exactly what I
am
proposing.

Dan looks thoughtful. ‘Does Lish live on his own?’ he asks.

‘No, Jed bought him a three-bed flat in Portswood.’

Dan raises his eyebrows. ‘He bought his son an entire flat?’

I shrug. ‘He said it would be cheaper in the end than rent for another two years. He pays for Lish’s clothes, his iPhone, everything, he’s very generous.’ I stop,
wondering why on earth I’m bigging Jed up so much. ‘Anyway, Lish rents out the other two rooms to students, friends. I don’t know if they’ll be in or not.’

‘Let’s hope so.’ Dan gives me a mischievous grin and stands up. ‘I’ve got an idea. I’ll explain on the way.’

I grin back, feeling suddenly reckless, then grab my jacket and follow him to the door. The freezing air outside stings my skin. The sky is still bright and clear. It’s a beautiful
afternoon. By the time we’ve reached the car our cheeks have a rosy glow and our noses are pink from the cold.

Dan finds Lish’s road on his sat nav and we drive straight there while Dan explains his plan. It’s almost 2 p.m., the sun about as high in the sky as it’s going to get at this
point in December. I stare at the light against the trees and go over what I’m going to have to say in order to get myself inside.

‘So you’re sure neither of the other tenants will recognize you?’ Dan asks.

‘Definitely not,’ I say. ‘I’ve never met them. I just know there’s a girl and a boy.’

A moment later the sat nav tells us we have reached our destination. Dan slows and I peer out of the window, examining the buildings as we pass. I’ve seen pictures of Lish’s modern
apartment block and I know it’s on the corner of a road with a large hedge in front, so I’m hopeful it won’t be too hard to recognize.

Dan drives up and down. On the second pass I spot it.

‘That’s it.’ I point.

Dan parks his car on the street opposite the hedge and stows his iPad in the glove compartment.

‘How come you’ve never been here before?’ he asks.

‘Lish only moved in at the end of last term and Jed and Zoe brought him down together. I, er, I wasn’t involved . . .’

‘. . . because the former Mrs Kennedy doesn’t want anything to do with the soon-to-be?’

‘She hates my guts for stealing her husband,’ I say, then feel the urge to defend myself and the affair that led to Jed leaving his wife. ‘Not that it was really like that. Jed
and Zoe were virtually separated when I met him. I mean, it wasn’t like I seduced him away from her. He just . . . it just wasn’t that simple.’

A beat passes. ‘It never is.’ Dan is still gazing at the drive beyond the hedge that leads to Lish’s student flat.

I shoot a look at him. Is he being sarcastic? I can’t read his expression.

‘I’m just saying Jed was desperately unhappy in his marriage,’ I go on, hating how defensive I sound but unable to stop myself. I don’t want Dan to judge me harshly. Which
is ridiculous. Of all people, Dan has absolutely no right to criticize me for anything I do in my personal life. And why should I care about his opinion anyway? ‘Zoe treated him like
shit,’ I persist. ‘She still does.’

Dan is still looking out of the car window. ‘I’m sure it was complicated,’ he says, his voice soft and low. ‘Anyway, I can’t blame him for falling in love with you
. . .’ he turns and his eyes fix on mine ‘. . . having been there myself.’

For a second the air between us seems to crackle, as if all the oxygen is being sucked out of it. Then Dan turns away and opens his door and the cold air rushes in.

I follow him out of the car, feeling unsettled. I tug my jacket around me and we stand on the pavement, looking across at the apartment block.

‘Which flat is it?’ Dan asks.

‘Ground floor, 1B.’ I peer at the front of the ground floor. The curtains are drawn and there’s no sign of anyone inside. ‘Perhaps it’s empty after all.’

‘Let’s hope not,’ Dan says. He goes over the plan one last time. ‘Okay?’ he finishes.

I bite my lip, unsure now I’m here if I can really go as far as he’s suggesting. And yet, if it works, I will get to explore Lish’s room without the other residents even
knowing I’m there.

The image of Lish’s disgusted face in the hall mirror flashes before my mind’s eye. I
have
to find out more about his drugs connection. If there’s a stash in his room,
I’ll have something concrete to take to Jed.

Or the police.

I owe it to Dee Dee to try at least.

I shiver. I mustn’t get ahead of myself.

‘Let’s go,’ I say.

And together we cross the road.

It’s STILL going on at school. Not the pointing and talking so much, but the ignoring me, even though Sam happened around my birthday which was over three weeks ago. I
was at Daddy and Emily’s for the weekend and it’s just like last weekend and the weekends before that . . . nobody calls me or includes me in anything. Ava and Poppy have, like, decided
they don’t want to be friends since what happened with Sam, which doesn’t even make sense. I’ve tried to tell them that I got all confused when I was with him but Ava said I had
some serious thinking to do and Poppy said she thought I was maybe attention seeking because of my parents getting a divorce. It was weird, actually, because she acted all like she felt sorry for
me – and I thought maybe she was, after all her parents split up too – but afterwards I saw her talking to Georgia Dutton who she’s got REALLY friendly with now and they looked
over at me like I was a disease they might catch.