Here We Lie (29 page)

So they were all talking and getting ready for the other guests to come and Cameron asked if people my age still used Facebook and I said yeah, sort of, but there were other things and Martin
asked ‘like what?’ and I told them a bit about things like Snapchat which they knew about and UFrenz and WeChat which they didn’t. And Rose and Uncle Gary were all ‘you have
to be careful who you talk to online, there are paedophiles everywhere’ blah blah like grownups do but Cameron said he thought people didn’t give teenagers enough credit for telling the
difference between a real friend and a paedo pretending to like you and then Uncle Gary started saying about how they needed to do more to prepare kids for the real world in schools and a minute
later he was asking me about my school AGAIN. And Emily saw I looked sad and it was because talking to Uncle Gary about school had reminded me of everything that happened with Ava and Poppy and
Georgia. And a bit later she asked me to help her in the kitchen and when we were on our own she asked if I was okay and I suddenly just told her how last term I got some nasty texts from a couple
of girls at school. I said it was over now and that I’d deleted them so I couldn’t show her, but that the girls had said mean things like I was ugly and stuff.

Emily was all shocked and upset for me. She asked what my friends thought when all this happened and I couldn’t bring myself to explain that the girls sending the texts WERE my friends
so I made out I had these whole other and imaginary girlfriends who had supported me and challenged the nasty girls until it stopped. Emily wanted to tell Daddy but I asked her not to but she said
she really had to but I think she must have had a word with him first because he was really nice and didn’t ask too many questions in that way he sometimes does. And he asked if he
shouldn’t get Mum to call the school or the mums of the girls who sent the texts but I said I didn’t know exactly who the texts were from because the senders had blocked their names
which is true though of course I know it’s Poppy and Ava and probably Georgia Dutton too. Plus I said school was over for summer so there was no point raking it all up. And I definitely
didn’t want to tell Mum.

In the end I could see Daddy was relieved not to have to say anything and then the party started and it was all over. THANK GOODNESS because Mum had been on the phone to him earlier, getting
all upset and angry about the engagement again. She EXPLODED when he told her last week. Even under two pillows and a duvet I could hear her yelling that he was a bastard. Earlier tonight I heard
Daddy call her a bitch to Emily when he thought I couldn’t hear. That made me feel all empty and I sneaked three whole chocolate cupcakes supposed to be for later out of the fridge.

Anyway, I don’t know why I’m saying all this because none of it is the BIG news. That happened later, when the party was nearly over and I was going up to the top bathroom off
Daddy and Emily’s room and I got near their bedroom and I saw something between two people. And I don’t want to say what they were saying or doing but I will say that it is a REALLY BAD
secret and that they would be MAD AS HELL if they knew that I knew.

Anxiety knots my stomach as I make my way into Eve’s Whitechapel apartment. It’s a beautiful flat full of her art dealer boyfriend’s tasteful pieces and on
another occasion I would have thoroughly enjoyed taking a proper look at all the abstract designs and elegant statues that decorate the two large reception rooms. Eve herself is delightfully
pleased to see me, taking me straight over to a few uni friends. Charlie apparently isn’t here yet so I stand and wait, an unwanted glass of white wine in my hand, trying to focus on what
Keeley and Fran are saying about their respective toddlers.

I look over at the door every few moments. I last saw Charlie about eight and a half years ago. He can’t have changed that much. A couple of the guys catch my eye and I immediately look
down at the floor. After half an hour, I’m almost ready to break with the tension and Keeley and Fran are no longer even pretending to include me in their conversation, when Charlie walks in.
He looks the same as I remember, just with shorter hair. He looks around, presumably for Eve. I set down my wine and start to head over. But before I’ve taken two steps he laughs at something
the person behind him has said, then he turns . . . and Dan himself is there.

I stop walking, partly from shock and partly with relief. He’s here. He’s all right. My whole body releases as I stare at him laughing with Charlie, then looking around the room.
He’s wearing a white shirt over dark blue jeans. His hair is scruffy and there’s a hint of stubble on his chin. The tide of my relief washes away and is instantly replaced with a wave of
lust. My face flushes as it fills me.

All this happens in a fraction, then Dan turns his head and before I can breathe our eyes lock. It’s as if we’re the only people in the room. In a second Dan is here, right in front
of me, looking down at me, his grey eyes alive with delight and – unmistakably – desire. A delicious shiver wriggles through me.

‘Are you okay?’ I ask.

‘Course. Charlie rang me, he said you were here, that you were asking Eve about me,’ he says, moving closer, right into my space. Exquisitely close. He lowers his voice to a whisper
and I have to lean in to hear him above the jazz that soars around us. ‘Is something wrong?’ He still hasn’t taken his eyes off me. I can’t look away, can’t think,
can’t move.

‘Yes.’ I try to gather myself. ‘I needed to see you.’

‘Good. I’m . . . that’s just so good.’ Dan leans in closer. ‘Em, I don’t know how to say this but I can’t stop thinking about you. I haven’t
called because it’s what we agreed and anyway I know I fucked things up when I met you before, trying to get that story on Jed. But—’

‘That doesn’t matter now. Listen, Dan, you’re in danger.’

‘What?’ Dan frowns. ‘Come here.’ He takes my hand and I let him hold it as he leads me through the living room and out into the corridor. He tries a couple of doors
before we reach an empty room. It’s a bedroom, a spare I’m guessing, littered with coats from the party guests – with what looks like a Picasso sketch above the bed.

Dan shuts the door and the music dulls to a soft lilt. ‘Danger?’ he says, still frowning. ‘From who? Lish?’

‘Yes, well, someone he works with, probably. It might even be Jed’s brother, Gary.’ I tell Dan everything that’s happened since I saw him. Dan looks angry and horrified
by turns. ‘I tried to call you,’ I finish, ‘but it said the number was unobtainable.’

Dan nods. ‘I switched to a new mobile number yesterday. I got tired of your fiancé harassing me.’

I stare at him. ‘Harassing you?’ Thoughts of Lish and the disguised voice on the phone fade from my mind. ‘
Jed
has been calling you?’

‘Yes,’ Dan says. ‘Warning me to stay away from Lish, from you. Every effing day.’

Outside, a piano solo plays fast and intricate. A group of people are talking just beyond the door. One of them shrieks ‘hey, no
way
’ at the top of their voice. Dan still
hasn’t taken his eyes off me.

‘Jed thinks you’ve made up the whole thing to get me back.’

‘I know, it’s—’

‘It’s not just that. He’s been tracking where I go on my phone. That’s how he knew I went to the police, but I think he also wanted to see if I’d go to
you.’

‘Jesus.’ Dan shudders. I reach out and curl my fingers around his arm. In an instant Dan has closed the gap between us. He looks at me, his eyes glittering.

‘I came here to warn you,’ I say, struggling to keep my voice steady. ‘I know you said you were going to investigate Lish on your own, but you can’t. It’s not safe.
They know what you’re doing and—’

Dan leans forward. His mouth presses against mine and I’m lost in the kiss, my whole body trembling.

‘I’m not stopping, Em,’ Dan whispers. ‘Apart from the fact that what Jed’s son is doing is illegal, it’s also dangerous to hand out prescription drugs without
a doctor or a proper medical assessment, and that’s when the drugs are real brands. The Valium Lish sold me was fake, it could have contained anything.’ He steps back, still staring
intently at me. ‘I don’t mean to sound self-righteous about this, but I hate the way Jed is handling it: bullying you, haranguing me, all against fake drugs unless it’s his own
son who’s peddling them. I’m not going to back off. It’s what he wants. And it’s wrong.’

‘But you’re not safe.’

‘I’ve got a lead, something to look into tomorrow.’ Dan takes a deep breath. ‘Look, I understand it’s risky and that being connected to you involves you in that
risk and that, more than anything, means that if you really want me to I’ll stop. But not until I’ve followed this lead tomorrow.’

‘No.’ I shake my head for emphasis. ‘If they haven’t found you yet, it’s just a matter of time. You can’t go home, so—’

‘Then I’ll stay in a hotel. For tonight. After tomorrow I should have something to take to the police anyway.’

I chew on my lip. At least in a hotel Dan will be safe.

‘Come with me, Em.’

I look up. Dan offers me a gentle smile. ‘To the hotel . . . please? If I’m not safe, then you’re not either, so come with me. You can stay in the hotel tonight and . . . and
for as long as it takes until I’ve followed up this lead and told the police what I’ve found.’

‘Stay in a hotel? With you?’ I raise my eyebrows. ‘Just because Jed is being an arse and I’ve kissed you once.’

‘Twice,’ he says.

‘It doesn’t mean I’m about to jump into bed with you in some seedy hotel.’

‘It will be a nice hotel.’ Dan grins. ‘And we can have separate rooms, if you like. Please, Em. I need to know you’re safe. Plus there’s something I need to tell
you. Nothing to do with this stuff, something personal.’

I should say ‘no’; find my own hotel – or go to stay with Martin or Rose. It’s completely fucked up to leave Jed and jump straight into bed with Dan, however much
I’m attracted to him. Saying ‘no’ is the sensible choice.

I don’t make it.

The hotel is warm after the cold December air. I know Jed will be calling me so I have switched off my phone. Neither Dan nor I have any luggage, of course, but the hotel
manager is as smooth as he is professional and doesn’t bat an eyelid. Our room is small but smart, with a great view over the streets of Covent Garden and elegant black and white tiles in the
bathroom.

I sit down in the armchair next to the window and stare outside. What am I doing here?

‘Have you eaten?’ Dan asks.

‘I’m not hungry.’

He walks over. I can feel him behind me, the heat of his body as he leans down, smoothes away my hair and kisses the back of my neck. ‘I want you,’ he whispers in my ear.

I turn around and look up. His eyes burn into me.

‘I want you too.’ The words slither out of me, under my breath. I don’t even know I’m saying them. I can’t think. Can’t feel anything except the most
overwhelming desire I’ve ever experienced in my life.

‘How have you been?’ I ask. ‘Since I saw you?’

‘Miserable,’ he says. ‘Missing you.’

Outside the streetlamps glimmer and traffic zooms past. I can still feel the imprint of Dan’s lips on my neck.

‘I don’t just mean missing you recently. I realized when I saw you at the beginning of the month that I’ve been missing you for eight years,’ Dan goes on, his voice low.
‘I was such an idiot when you knew me before . . . I wanted travel, excitement, sex with every woman on the planet. A whole load of stupid, stupid stuff and I went and tried to get it and
none of it made me happy because you and I were meant to be and I fucking threw it away eight years ago. And I didn’t even realize until I saw you and at first I told myself it’s just
because you’re so bloody gorgeous, but the more time I spent with you the more everything in my life made sense again and I don’t know what I can do, what I can offer you, but I
can’t help how I feel. I love you. I’ve always loved you. I’m pretty certain that I’m always
going
to love you.’

My cheeks burn as he finishes. Dan backs away and sits on the end of the bed. ‘So,’ he says. ‘This thing I need to tell you, it’s—’

‘Is it about Jed?’

‘No.’ Dan rubs his forehead. ‘Christ. Shit. Is there anything in the minibar?’

‘Wait.’ I go over and sit beside him. I’m so close that I can feel the muscles under the thin cotton of his shirt. I’m suddenly certain that I know what he’s going
to tell me. And I know that if my guess is right, I will have to turn around and walk out of the door. ‘Is it that you’re married?’ I ask, my guts twisting into a knot.

‘No.’ Dan frowns.

‘But you’re with someone?’

‘No, of
course
not. I already told you I’m single. I’m in love with you.’

I stroke his cheek. He closes his eyes as my thumb traces the line of his lips. I want to kiss him, to touch him. I need to feel that he’s real, that this is real.

‘Then whatever it is that you want to tell me can wait,’ I say.

Dan opens his eyes. He puts his hand on the wall above my head. He leans close, over my face, so that his lips are almost touching my skin.

‘This is real,’ he whispers, as if he heard my unspoken question.

My breath catches in my throat as his lips brush my nose, my cheeks, my mouth. Then I stop thinking and I give myself up to his kiss.

I wake up, wrapped in Dan’s arms. I lie on the bed, my entire body heavy on the sheets. I focus on his hand. It rests on my arm, just above the elbow. Soft, warm, I
can’t tell where his skin ends and mine begins. I can feel his breath on my neck, slow and steady.

I know I should feel guilty about what I’ve just done. Not only am I still, technically at least, engaged to another man, by any measure it is crazy to dive into bed with Dan without
stopping to think. Trouble is I don’t feel guilty. I’m happy. Ridiculously happy. Dan wants me and I want him and right now I can’t see beyond that.

He stirs, his arms pulling me back. I squirrel into his chest.

‘I love you,’ he whispers.