HETAERA: Daughter of the Gods (36 page)

My seclusion only gave fodder to more speculation
that all was not well between Pharaoh and myself, and Mara reported that
whispers of my celibacy had reached the palace. Ladice had asked once again if
I should attend her, but I demurred, giving a paltry excuse. Mara gave me a
shrewd look and asked if I was still unwilling to leave Sais and Amasis behind.

But I could not.

I don’t know what I waited for. I suppose for some
foolish Egyptian girl to grow a foot large enough to fit my slipper. But only a
Thracian woman was tall enough to fill the treasure. And I would not dare to
approach him and claim to be his queen. Neferenatu and his lot would murder me
before my words met Pharaoh’s ears, even if I dared to speak them.

I spent long hours pacing in the courtyard of my
own rented home. I feared that someone might remember days of the past when
Charaxus and his lovely Flower danced for entertainment, but none came forth to
denounce me. Days passed and Amasis did not visit me, nor did I go to him. What
would be the point?

Still I ached for news of him.

I heard from Mara that the royal court bid him to
begin his search in Sais. The falcon caught his treasure there, they reasoned. A
great procession of women lined up, royalty and lesser nobles to try on the
slipper. I watched them from my covered roof. Mara brought me some wine and
slipped her hand around my waist as I spied on the proceedings.

“It is for the best, Dori.” She sighed and leaned
her head against my shoulder. “You know he must choose another.”

I watched another litter depart from the palace,
with some poor dejected creature no doubt weeping behind the linen curtains,
her royal family’s hopes no doubt scattered with a jingle of a slipper’s brass
bells.

“You always have my best interests in mind, near
sister.” I said, moving away from the view. She moved to kiss me, but I dodged
her advance. “Not now, Mara. I’m tired, dearest.” I patted her cheek and
ignored her frown.

I felt old, well beyond my years. My heart ached.

“Dori,” Mara said, taking up my
peplos
. “I
can see your heart is heavy. I only ever wanted you to be happy. I think you…”
She shook her head and began again. “I am truly sorry it is not to be with this
man. For your sake, if not for his. If I could, I would make it so, for you.” Her
face looked strangely scrunched as if she were about to cry and she fled like a
wraith from my sight.

That night, I mixed a measure of lotus wine and
honey and drank deeply. I wanted to sleep like the dead. Instead, I slept
fitfully, in small dozes where I would jolt awake for no reason I could name.

For once, I did not dream. Even the precious
steeped lotus could not bring me serenity.

I thrashed about my fine bedclothes, drifting in
and out of consciousness, until the dark early morning hours just before dawn. Unable
to gain respite, I had just pulled back the linen sheet to fetch myself a drink
of cool water when a soft thump sounded from the other side of my chamber,
nearest the window.

“Kyky?” I whispered into the dark. No chattering
response. No answer at all. “Who is there?” My heart pounded. Sweat trickled
down the small of my back. I opened my mouth and prepared to scream for help.

“One who needs you,” said a voice I never thought
to hear in my bed chamber.

Amasis
. My heart seized in my chest.

“Nesu?” I slipped from my bed and kept my back to
the wall. My tongue felt heavy from the lotus wine. “Is it you? Where are your
royal guards?” I heard someone moving towards me.

He bumped into the wooden cedar chest by my bed
and whispered a curse. “I left them at the palace. They think I am sleeping.”

“I can scarce believe you could sneak out of the
palace undetected.”

“You forget, I was a soldier. I am used to
stealth.” Though he jested, I sensed that his heart was heavy, for no mirth
tinged his words.

“What are you doing here?” My eyes strained
against the darkness.

“I hardly know myself.” I heard him laugh without
mirth. “Ah, Rhodopis. What am I to do?”

He sounded so weary. I sat down on the edge of my
bed.

“Come here,” I patted my silk wrapped mattress,
grateful again for the extravagance my profession afforded me. I felt the
weight of him sink beside me. A warm cloud of sweet almond enveloped me.

“Did you know that I was once a thief?” he asked. “Long
before I entered Apries’ service...it seems ages ago. I was very young and poor.
I snuck into the homes of the rich and stole fruit from their gardens. Have you
never wondered why I sanction some temples and not others? Once Apries was
defeated, I visited every temple to ask what sins I’d committed. Those that
spoke truth--the ones who decried my thievery--they are the ones I have
sanctioned.”

I could not guess why Pharaoh stole into my house
at night to tell me he was a thief.

I could not guess why he was here at all.

“I know how much you value truth and honesty.” I
said to make polite conversation. I heard him sigh.

“What can I do, Rhodopis? You have given me
counsel before. Tell me what I can do?” His voice broke. Had the royal families
overcome him at last?

“What is it?” My heart ached for him. “I will help
you, if I can.”

“I know,” he said. “I know.”

We sat for some time, while I waited for him to
speak. The light became ghostly and birds began to rouse and twitter outside my
window ledge.

“I have prayed, Rhodopis. All of Egypt has heard
that I have prayed to almighty Ra to bring me a worthy wife to raise up as my
queen.”

I did not want to hear this. I could not…why could
he not speak to me of other things?

“I have found her, Rhodopis. I know it. And yet I
fear she may be lost to me.”

I forced my mouth to work. “Surely that which is
lost may be found?”

“Ha,” Amasis said and paused. “I would lift this
woman up as Great Wife, yet I cannot endanger the future of Egypt for my own
selfish desires. We are on the brink of war. Kourosh of Persia masses his
troops on the border. Without support from the royal families, Egypt will
fall.”

“And the royal families will allow Egypt to fall
to this Kourosh, just to force you to favor whom they wish?”

Amasis gave an odd snort. “I believe some of them
would sell off the palace stone by stone just to keep me from it.”

“That cannot be.”

“No,” Amasis agreed. “They would not act openly of
course, but they grow bolder each day that I delay my decision. In their
arrogance, they believe themselves certain to overthrow the Persians, once I am
safely ousted. That is not a new strategy. You were not here some seven years
past when the Kushites gained the throne. Apries took it back for Egypt and now
I have taken it from Apries. You might say we are all thieves, in that regard.”

“What about the Greeks? Do they not send you aid?”
Oh, I did not want to help him win this woman, but I could not stand to see him
suffer so!

“The Carians and Greek mercenaries will arrive any
day but I will not repeat Apries’ mistake. I will not alienate my people to
save their lives. Not when I have the power to avoid it.” His warm hand covered
mine.

“Will it be enough?” I asked.

Amasis inhaled deeply. “I have contracted with
Polycrates of Samos to build a naval force of one hundred warships for Egypt. If
Egypt and her allies can hold the seas, the Kourosh and his armies will never
penetrate the deserts of the north without exposing his armies, no matter how
much gold he sends to the Bedouins. Still, it will not be enough, for I have
heard recent reports that Polycrates has sent an envoy to Cambyses, son of the
Kourosh. If he has betrayed us, the Greek mercenaries alone could not withstand
the Persian armies. We must have his warships.”

“I see.” Princess Therawejt’s insults on the trip
to Sais suddenly made much more sense. And it further made sense that Amasis
would visit Ladice often, as cementing relationships with his Greek wife could
only strengthen the support of this Polycrates. “I see,” I repeated, nodding.

“Of course you do.”

Something about the way he spoke that simple phrase
warmed me through and through. I rubbed my thumb over the back of his hand. His
fingers clenched mine and he drew my hand to his warm lips.

“Rhodopis,” his voice was thick with emotion.

I felt him draw closer and scarcely dared to
breathe, afraid that the spell would be broken and he would remember that he
was a god-king and I, a courtesan.

“Rhodopis, I was never so much myself as when I
was with you. I exist, pretending all is well and that I do not feel this
hollowness in my middle. Curse you for finding me! Would it have been better to
go through life without knowing you existed? I don’t know. I just know that
I’ve found the other half of my soul, and I cannot stay away.”

Oh, sweet, silvered words!

My breath caught in my throat. I felt as if I’d been
slapped.

“Nesu….” I began. But I did not know what to say.

A sudden gust of warm breath against my cheek
signaled his position a scant moment before his lips covered mine. He kissed
me. A true and honest kiss that a man gives to a woman. My senses reeled and I
turned to molten gold against him.

This could not be! And yet, how long had I wanted
him?

“No, please,” I broke away. “Please do not torment
me! I know you have your duty. You have given your word to the people, after
all. You must stay the course of your decision, I know this. But, I do not want
to hear the name of your queen. Not now, when you are here with me like this.” I
forced myself to push away from him.

“Rhodopis.” He drew back as if he could see me in
the dark. “I watch for you, did you know? I visit the Cyrene, Ladice, for I
know of her fondness for you. Seeing your handmaiden, the Little Blue Eyed One
gladdens my heart, for I feel as if you are there.”

“Nesu…” I protested weakly. I could not breathe.

“It is so. I send my men to gather news of you in
the city, to seek for signs of you at the palace. I smile at the very mention
of you, even when we cannot steal away and talk. My heart lifts. I watch for
you, and see you wherever I go. I hear your name on the lips of the people.” I sensed
him smiling now, beside me in the darkness.

“This thing between us cannot be.” I was
miserable. “You yourself have said it.” At last Love had opened to me, and yet
it was as far away from me as the stars in the skies above.

 “Rhodopis,” he mumbled against my lips and laid
me back against the silk mattress. “Light of Ra, help me. Help me find a way to
make you mine.”

Oh, the swift prick of pain that speared my heart!

I had little trust in a man’s words, but Amasis
was a soldier—a man of action. And this man wanted me.

“Hush,” I whispered back. “I want no more of
words, only this…this time with you.”

His lips took me with the force of a sandstorm. Every
fiber of my body burned with desire. Amasis fumbled with our clothing, drawing
my robes away with rough, desperate hands. His uncharacteristic awkwardness
roused me even more. This was no hollow daydream, no whore’s pretense. I
wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him to me.

The air was thick with the scent of sweet almond
and desire. His mouth was a hot torrent of pleasure raining on my face, my
neck, my breasts. I arched against him, straining to fill the ache within me.

He gave a little cry of wonder as he sank into me.
I had never felt so complete, so whole, so
worthy
before. What
did I care of the goddess’ glory? I had the love of this one man. And for me,
it was enough.

“Ah,” he sighed. I felt a warm drop against my
lips and tasted the salt of his tears on my tongue. He lay there for a long
moment without moving, allowing my body to adjust to the weight of him within
me. His warmth infused me like sunlight. I was alive and on fire with him. Then
he moved and pleasure speared my core.

When he thrust inside me, again and again, it was
as if the waves of the Nile lapped at my body, warm and fluid and full. My hips
lifted to meet him and I twined my legs around his long dark limbs. He felt so
good within me, gods he felt so good! I am ashamed to say that I did not ply my
trade with him. I did not think of the
hetaerae
schooling, of
what the temple training declared I should do to please him.

I laid with him, a simple woman who desired him. I
let the heat and rigid, silky motion of his body bring me to climax. When I
cried out and shuddered against him, his body stiffened and I felt his phallus
flexing within me as he spent himself.

“Ah!” Amasis leaned his face against my cheek and
kissed my eyelids. “This is truth,” he whispered. “This is real.”

There was such raw emotion in his voice, such
wonder. I wanted to lie with him forever. I wanted to shield him from worry and
pain, and to bring him joys beyond measure. If only I could hear that awe in
his voice…that truth.

Realization pricked me like a rose’s thorn, sweet
and despicably painful.

I loved him
.

I knew then, that I had never loved before. Amasis,
the proud and clever god-king. Amasis, who cared less for my beauty than he did
my counsel--who knew my past transgressions, and trusted me with his own. I
wanted to be at his side, to help him bear the burdens of his throne, and to
give him children to fill his life with joy. This was not the hollow dream of
my youth. Egypt was my spirit, yes, and Amasis, my heart.

We satisfied ourselves with each other’s bodies,
and did not need to speak. Our minds and souls already joined. I did not know
this man, and yet I felt I did. For to be with him was like staring into a clear
pool. The other half of myself.