Hetty Feather (20 page)

'I do hope you get to be fortunate too, Hetty,' said
Polly earnestly, squeezing my hand.

'Ha! I doubt anyone will ever come wanting to
adopt an imp of Satan like Hetty Feather,' said
Matron Bottomly. 'Come along now, Polly. You have
got a clean cap and tippet on? Still, you'll probably
be taking them off the moment you get to your new
home. Fancy!' She giggled unpleasantly, smoothing
her apron. 'You'll tell them how happy you've been
here in the hospital, won't you, dear?'

'Oh yes, she's been deliriously happy,' I snorted.

Matron Bottomly glared at me. 'You always have
to have the last laugh, miss. But the laugh's on you
this time, Hetty Feather. You'll miss your friend
badly, I can tell.'

'We will stay friends, Matron Bottomly,' said
Polly.

I wasn't so sure. And I was right. I waited week
after week, desperately hoping that Polly and the
McCartneys would attend chapel and then come to
observe the grisly public Sunday dinner. But they
never once put in an appearance.

I had one letter from Polly. It was formal and
restrained, because she knew Matron Bottomly
would have a good rummage through it before
handing it over to me.

My dear Hetty,

I miss you very much, but in every other respect
I am truly happy. Mama and Papa are so very
kind and my new life is incredibly comfortable
and luxurious. I wish you could come and visit me
here. Mama does not wish me to go to the hospital
to see you as she feels it will bring back too many
memories. I am not even called by my own name
any more. I am Lucy now – but to you, dear Hetty, I
will always remain

Your very affectionate friend,

Polly

I reread her letter many times, but then one Sunday,
in a fit of despair, I tore it into tiny shreds. I felt Polly
might have tried just a little harder to persuade her
new parents to visit the hospital. Could they not
take pity on me? It was so dreadful having to live
my life without Polly when she had been my dearest
friend and constant companion for years.

'You must try to make a new friend, Hetty,' Ida
said, patting my shoulder sympathetically as she
served our dinner.

She was trying to be kind, but her advice was
useless. How
could
I make a new friend? All the
girls in my year were comfortably settled in their
friendships. I could trail round after this group or
that group but no one really
wanted
me.

Now that I was on my own, Sheila and Monica
were especially tormenting. They mocked and
mimicked me a dozen times a day. I affected a lofty
indifference to their silliness – but I often cried
bitterly into my pillow at night.

It did not help that I was at such an in-between
age. I was not yet one of the big girls, with their
new chests and their secrets and their infectious
giggles. I was not old enough to be a maid to any
of the mistresses or nurses, or given any extra
responsibilities about the hospital. My life was a
dreary routine of the schoolroom and repetitive
domestic chores, day after day after day.

I did take my turn caring for the newly arrived
foundlings, washing the hands and faces of all the
little five-year-olds bawling for their mothers. You
would think
I
would try to be a little mother to
them, maybe making one my special baby the way
Harriet had long ago cared for me. But I was in such
low spirits I couldn't really feel a fig for any of these
puny little girls. I washed them and carted them
to the privy and lined them up two by two to walk
to the infants playground without even bothering
to learn their names . . . until one day a brand-
new foundling girl arrived. She wasn't particularly
distinguishable from any of the other girls: brown
eyes, shorn head, scrawny body, with a lamentable
habit of bursting into floods of tears whenever she
thought of home.

'Do stop crying so, Alicia,' I said, wiping her
running nose.

'I cannot help it. And I'm
Eliza,
not Alicia,'
she said.

I didn't react at all. My brain was sleeping.
Her name meant nothing to me. But
she
was much
more alert.

'Haven't you got those infants ready for bed
yet,
Hetty Feather?' Matron Pigface Peters snapped as
she bustled past.

Eliza blinked. She rubbed her eyes and then
stared at me, suddenly smiling, though her face was
still damp with tears and snot. 'It is
you,
Hetty! I
have found you!'

I stared at her blankly.

'You are my sister!' she declared.

The hospital suddenly vanished. I was back in
the cottage with Jem, and Mother was there in the
corner, nursing a baby in her arms – baby Eliza!

I clasped her fiercely, and she smiled and squirmed
within my embrace.

'Oh, Eliza, it's so wonderful to find you!'

'Jem said I had brothers and sisters already here,
but I was to look most particularly for you, Hetty,'
said Eliza.

'Yes, yes, dearest Jem! We have a sister Martha
– you will be so proud of her when you hear her sing
in chapel, but she does not quite remember home
the way we do. And we have one lovely brother here,
Gideon, but sadly we will not see him often as the
boys are so separate from us.'

'And Saul?' Eliza said. 'Jem taught me:
Martha
who has poorly eyes, Saul who has a poorly leg,
Gideon who cannot talk – and Hetty who isn't one
bit poorly and talks all the time!'

'Oh, Jem is so wonderful,' I declared fervently.
'Eliza, you must tell me every single thing you can
about home, especially everything about Jem.'

'Jem
is
wonderful,' said Eliza. 'He knows
everything.'

'Yes, he does – but he doesn't yet know about
Saul. I'm afraid he died several years ago, Eliza. He
caught the influenza.'

'Will I catch it?' Eliza asked, looking alarmed.

'Oh no, no, you seem a very strong, healthy little
girl – and it's summer now, anyway.'

'Hetty Feather, get that child into bed this
instant
!' Matron Pigface bellowed.

Eliza whimpered at her harsh tone.

'Don't let her bother you – she's silly old meanie
matron,' I whispered into Eliza's ear as I hurried
her into bed. 'Don't cry! I'll come and find you later.
I shall creep back after lights out.'

I tucked her up carefully and gave her a quick
kiss on her sad little wisps of hair. The other infant
foundlings stared, and Matron Peters tutted and
tossed her head. I went back to my own dormitory
feeling light-headed with sudden joy. I whirled round
and round, dancing a little jig, flinging out my arms
and stamping my boots.

'Look at Hetty Feather, she's gone totally loopy,'
said Sheila, tapping her forehead significantly.

'She's
always
been loopy,' said Monica. 'My
Lord, Hetty, I hope you don't fancy you're
dancing
.'

She started up a stupid imitation. Another time
I'd have slapped her, but now I couldn't be bothered.
I undressed quickly and got into bed, pulling the
covers over my head.

I lay in the dark, thinking of my newly-found
sister. I remembered how scared and lonely I had
been when I came to the hospital at her age – and
how baffled to find that Martha scarcely remembered
me. I would be
such
a different sister to little Eliza.
I would watch out for her every day, and woe betide
anyone who taunted her or stole her Sunday sweets.
I would help her with her reading and writing until
she was the star of the infants class. I could even help
her with her darning because endless practice over
the last five years had made me an accomplished
needlewoman.

I would tell Ida that Eliza was my sister. I was
sure Ida would give her little treats of butter and
sugar too. I would make up stories to entertain
her –
not
lurid adaptations from the
Police Gazette
!
No, I'd tell beautiful stories of princes and palaces,
tales where good fairies waved their magic wands
and little foundling girls wore white silk gowns
and silver slippers, and went to the ball, and lived
happily ever after.

I would tell Eliza such a story tonight, I decided.
I
would be her good fairy sister, waving my wand
to make her warm and happy. Perhaps Eliza and I
could even run away back home together? Jem had
clearly remained constant. He had told Eliza to look
out particularly for me. He was still my own dear
Jem and I loved him with all my heart.

I had so many questions for Eliza. How tall was
Jem now? How broad were his shoulders? Had his
voice broken? Did he still whistle while doing his
chores? Did he speak of me often? Had he told Eliza
of our plans? I rather wanted him to have kept them
secret, but I decided I would not mind too much if
he had confided in Eliza. She was such a sweet child
she could come and live with us eventually. I would
be like a second mother to her.

I waited in a happy fever until all the girls in my
dormitory were asleep and then crept out of bed
and tiptoed along to the door. It was so black and
eerie out in the corridor that I almost lost heart and
scampered back to bed, but I felt ashamed of myself.
Great girls of nearly eleven should not be scared of
the dark.

I forced myself to picture little Eliza sobbing
piteously in her infant cot, waiting in vain for me.
I could not let her down. I took a deep breath,
clenched my fists and stumbled on in the darkness
until I reached the infant dormitory at last. I held
my breath as I passed Matron Pigface Peters's room,
but I could hear her ugly snorting snores through
the door. I pictured her flat on her back, snout
quivering, big mouth pursed, and had to clamp my
hand over my mouth to stop myself laughing.

I crept past her door, down into the infants
dormitory. It was still so dark I could scarcely make
out the little iron beds, let alone their occupants,
but I knew the newest foundlings slept nearest the
door. I listened – and heard muffled sobbing.

'Eliza?' I whispered.

'Oh, Hetty, you've come at last! I'm over here!'

I felt my way towards her and then hugged her
tight. 'There now! I told you I would come. Budge
over and make room for me. I am freezing to
death!'

I clambered in beside her. She was very cold
herself, but I put my arms right round her and
rubbed her little shivery shoulders and arms, and
after a minute or so we both started to warm up.

'There now, is that better?' I whispered.

'Oh yes, Hetty, much!'

'Do you know something, Eliza? When I was even
smaller than you, I used to jump into our brother
Jem's bed and cuddle up close to get warm,' I said.

'Oh, I did too!'

I paused. I was astonished, to be truthful.
Jem had never cuddled Martha or Saul or Gideon
– only
me.

'Well, Jem is very kindly,' I said, a little stiffly.
'And I'm sure he wanted to take care of you, Eliza.
You must miss him dreadfully. I know I still do.
Please tell me all about him, and Mother and Father,
and Rosie and big Eliza and Nat.'

'Oh, they are all very well,' said Eliza. 'Mother's
hands are sore with the rheumatics, and Father
gets fierce sometimes, and my big sister Eliza stays
at home to help Mother, and my brother Nat is
courting and very silly. I saw him kissing Sally from
the village and she's
horrid,
with a big fat floppy
chest.'

'Ssh!
Whisper,
Eliza – we don't want the others
to hear us. Now, tell about Jem.' I swallowed. 'Is
he
courting?'

'Oh no, not Jem,' said Eliza. 'He says he's
waiting.'

'He's waiting, is he?' I whispered, my heart
pounding under my nightgown. Oh, dear, sweet,
faithful Jem, I thought. 'I wonder who he's waiting
for?' I asked.

'Oh, I
know
!' said Eliza.

'Tell me then,' I said, scarcely able to speak for
excitement.

Eliza took a deep breath. '
Me!
' she said, and
collapsed into further giggles.

'Hush!' I said fiercely. 'Don't be so silly, Eliza.
Tell me who Jem is really waiting for.'

'Me, me, me, me!' Eliza chanted.

'Yes, but you are only a little girl and Jem is
nearly a man,' I said, trying to put her in her place.

'I am still his sweetheart,' Eliza declared. 'Jem
says when I am quite grown up and can leave this
horrid hospital, he will come and marry me.'

'What?'

'Yes, and I am to wear a long dress and Jem will
wear a fancy gentleman's suit – and guess where we
will live, Hetty!'

I did not answer her. I could not speak. I felt as if
my heart was being torn in two.

'We will live in our squirrel house!' Eliza said
triumphantly.

'No!' I mumbled.

'Yes yes yes! We have this squirrel house, Jem
and me. It is deep in the woods. It's our secret place
and we have such lovely games there.'

Eliza prattled on and on. I could scarcely bear
it. I put my hands up and covered my ears, but her
little mouse squeak echoed inside my head.

Jem had shared all
our
most secret special plans
with this silly little child. He had repeated all his
promises to her. He had duplicated everything. He
had not even bothered to invent new games for her.

I bit my lip hard, but I could not stop myself
sobbing.

'Are you crying, Hetty?' Eliza asked. 'Don't be
sad. We have each other now. And when we leave
here I will ask Jem if he would mind very much you
coming to live with us too, as you are family.'

She was doing her best to comfort me – but I had
to fight hard not to push the poor little thing out of
her own bed. I could not endure it. My dear Jem had
betrayed me utterly. No, he wasn't
my
Jem. He had
parroted all his special promises to Eliza – and she
innocently triumphed in his attention. He clearly
had no intention of keeping his word to her any
more than he had to me. He'd just been playing with
us, saying sweet things to keep us little girls happy.
Oh, how it hurt now to find out he'd been mouthing
meaningless nonsense.