Hidden Faults (6 page)

Ajeile smiled at me when I turned up at work, commented on how tired I looked, and was I sure I wasn’t coming down with something? I said that I was fine but I hadn’t slept well. “I need some relaxation. The concert will help.”

That reminder won another smile from her, and I made to walk on.

“Jodi, have you heard about Lenai? They’re saying he’s been arrested.”

I froze. “
Who’s
saying that?”

She leaned back a little in her chair as if I’d frightened her. “Uh...people. You haven’t heard?”

“No. And I think your information’s incorrect. Talking about this might bring unwanted attention on you, Ajeile. I’d hate to see that happen.”

Her expression closed off and she looked down at the papers on her desk as though afraid to meet my eyes. Did she think I threatened
her
? “I won’t talk about it. But you know he left?”

“Arwe Kregan let me know yesterday. Lenai’s been seconded to another department who needs his help. Saying more than that is idle gossip, and vicious.” I made the effort to smile, though I felt more like growling. “I know you’d hate to see a man’s career destroyed over that.”

“I would. I’m sorry, Jodi.”

“Just...don’t spread it around, Ajeile. We’re all a team here.”

But I had to wonder if anyone here had exposed Lenai, and if they were the ones spreading the rumours now. I’d have delved more but I didn’t want to encourage the discussion at all.

“There’s a delivery of books for the medical wing arriving this morning. Let me know when they arrive, please?”

“Books?” Her pleasant face screwed up in confusion.

“For the research subjects. We’re already asking them to be made sick for our purposes, but they don’t need to be bored to death. Consider it part of the care and feeding.”

I kept my tone light as if it were of no consequence. She smiled uncertainly. She’d probably tell people—I’d prepared my cover story, and as it was a general gift, I didn’t think anyone would directly connect me to Mas Neim. If they did, his history was sorrowful enough that even Limiw might understand.

The books arrived before lunch, and I took the parcel up to the medical wing in person. Mis Kolmi and her fellow patients fell on the books like starving men onto a pile of fresh bread. I carefully kept my distance and offered a rather dismissive explanation to the duty medic, saying in my most haughty educated accent that it was about time the library was freshened up. We couldn’t allow people in our custody to sit around reading trashy novels. He agreed sympathetically that we had a duty to maintain some standards, even if they were only paras. I didn’t let him see my reaction to that comment.

Mas Neim was asleep, to my intense relief. I spoke briefly to the other occupants of the ward, left the books, and fled. I’d technically kept my promise, even if it would bring him no real solace. I told myself I’d return later that week, and hopefully with news about longer residence in the facility.

Darno made a comment about Lenai. I said the same thing to him as I had to Ajeile. Probably pointless, but as someone with a vested interest in discouraging malicious chatter, I tried to step on it whenever I could. I’d always done this, like a bloody hypocrite—using office gossip to promote my supposed heterosexuality, while making my distaste for it clear when pressed. I sometimes wondered if I would have been happier if I’d been born a paranormal. No one cared about paras being deevs. I’d never have had a career, but I might have found a soulmate. Living like Mas Neim wasn’t worth that, though.

My sexual frustrations took up far too much of my energy lately, colouring all my thinking, and no doubt why I was vulnerable to becoming overinvested in Mas Neim’s sad history and Lenai’s foolishness. I had vacation time due in two months. I sent a message to Staff Management and formally booked three weeks off, even before I’d made arrangements to go anywhere. I had several choices, and if I didn’t get a chance to let off steam and live without the fear of exposure at least for a little while, I’d end up burned out, as Kregan feared. The leave booking made, some of my tension eased. That evening, I’d start researching holiday destinations. Something pleasant to look forward to.

I had good news to bring to Mas Neim when I called in up at the medical ward. I received a report from the duty medic that he and all the subjects from the most recent trial were all doing well and almost completely recovered. I found him in the little solarium, enjoying the autumnal sun. He had one of my new books in his lap and he smiled as I came in, raising the book a little as I sat down.

“You never let me thank you.”

“You just did. Are you feeling better?”

“Almost normal.” I couldn’t detect any hostility behind the loaded word—he seemed much more at peace. “Happy birthday.”

“How—”

He grinned. “Heard one of the medics grousing about missing out on some birthday feast or other. You said it was yours this week—I put two and two together. I’m not daft.”

“No, you’re not. Are you enjoying the book?” It wasn’t one of the light fantasy stories I’d selected, but a history of our country I thought Mis Kolmi might like.

“It’s fine. History’s all different from when I was a boy, though. I remember...I know I was told about a time when people like me were heroes. When we lived in peace with your kind, and were valued. But it’s not in this.” He tapped the book. “Was I imagining it?”

I’d grown up during the terrors. The book he held was one I’d used in senior school. I’d never heard anyone talk about a time when paras weren’t considered dangerous—the idea seemed unlikely to me. They used to live under fewer restrictions, but their kind had a long and bloody history. He felt badly treated, but they used to burn paranormals, bury them alive, kill them in their beds so they couldn’t use their powers to defend themselves. Naksen was kinder than that.

“History gets revised all the time,” I said. “Perhaps they’ve done more research.”

“Is that how it works?” he murmured. “Never was much for clever stuff. I learned my lessons and did my schoolwork, then I left as soon as I could. My wife...she was the clever one.”

His eyes clouded in sadness so I hurried up and told him my news. “I’ve managed to arrange another six weeks here, after our trial finishes. I might even be able to get you a permanent spot helping us. Would you like that?”

“No drugs?”

“Not while you’re here, no. I can’t make any promises, though. How do you feel about that?”

“I think that’s wonderful. Thank you.” He reached out a weathered hand to touch my knee. “It’s your birthday and you’re giving all the gifts. I’ve got nothing to repay you with.”

“You’ve given your help, Mas Neim. That’s much more than many people would do.”

“Call me Neim, doctor. It makes me feel too old to be a title.”

“Then call me Jodi...er, unless there’s a medic around,” I added in a low voice. “They’re a bit sticky about these things.”

“And you don’t want to be seen to be too nice to the likes of me.”

I started guiltily. “That’s not—”

He held up a hand. “It’s all right, Jodi. You’ve done more than most would. But you better run along or they’ll talk. I hope you enjoy the rest of your birthday.”

“Thanks. You...enjoy your book. Let me know if you need anything.”

His sad eyes said what his voice did not—I’d denied him the only thing he really wanted. But his gratitude seemed genuine and I left with a clearer conscience. A life as a test subject wasn’t what I’d want for anyone, but it was far, far better than living in poverty and illness, or drinking himself into an early grave. If I could grant him one of his two wishes, that was better than nothing, wasn’t it?

I had a chance to talk to Timo about it that night, after his boys had run us all ragged, wildly excited about birthday presents and lucky pies. Hana and Timo hauled them off to bed and, I gathered, had a hell of a time getting them to calm down.

Timo emerged after nearly an hour, saying Hana was reading to them. When he asked me how the research was going, I pretty much blurted out everything that had been on my mind, included Lenai’s abrupt ‘secondment’ and my moral dilemma over Neim.

He insisted I’d done exactly the right thing and for the right reasons. “Jodi, for all you know, he’s a spy for the Nats.”

“He’s a para, Timo.”

He arched an eyebrow at me. “You’re about to offer him a job because he’s useful. What’s stopping them doing the same thing?”

“You didn’t see him. He was heartbroken. I checked on his wife. She really did die the way he said, and his son was adopted out. That was in his records, no secret about that.”

“I’m not saying his story wasn’t true—just that he could have been recruited to test you. You have to be careful. None of us working for the government are safe—no one at all is. Look at this Lenai chap.”

“He was consorting with terrorists,” I snapped.

“Says who? Kregan? Kregan, a department head in the Nats Medical Research arm? Jodi, do you really have any idea if he’s telling you the truth?”

I paused. All I had was my gut instinct, as I had with Neim. “I trust him.”

“Which is fine. But the only person you can really know isn’t lying to you, is you.”

“And you.”

He smiled. “Okay, and me. Your parents, your sisters. But Kregan’s not kin, neither is Neim. Don’t lose everything because you’re too willing to trust.”

“
Marra’s nipples, I’m not! I know Neim was playing me, but I think his motives were straightforward. I don’t think Kregan had a reason to lie. If he was, then there’s no consequence for me anyway. Are you
trying
to make me paranoid?”

He reached for my wrist and held it. “I’m
trying
to make you careful. Because if anything happened to you...it’d be like losing Hana, or the boys. Damn it, Jodi—don’t ever think it would be a good idea to throw your life away for someone you’ve never met before. What would that do to me?”

His deep blue eyes were as solemn as the day his father died, and I’d come to the house to comfort him. I could never bear to see him in pain. I’d known him almost all my life, loved him since he and I were teenagers.

“I swear I won’t take any stupid risks. I didn’t this time, didn’t you notice?”

He let out a breath. “You were tempted.”

“No, I wasn’t. I felt guilty for not being able to help. Not the same thing. I want to help him, but not at any price. He’s just another human being. You don’t care about him being a para, surely.”

“No, I don’t. I care that he might get you into trouble.” He made a playful whack at the side of my head. “You’re a worry, Jodimai hon Belwin.”

“You’re neurotic, Paltimo hon Darmo.”

“Your professional assessment, Arwe Jodi?”

“Yep.”

“What is?” Hana came into the room and stood looking at the two of us, her hands on her hips.

“Your husband’s a bit mad.”

She came up to him and put her arm around his waist. “Oh, I know
that
. Or he’d never have married me.” Timo grinned at her. “We need to find someone crazy for you to marry, Jodi. Only insane people do that and have kids.”

“All too true,” I said lightly. Hana didn’t know my secret—only Timo did, of all the people I was close to—so she constantly fretted about my single state. “I wonder if the young lady I’m taking out tomorrow to the Kladi concert is crazy enough for me.”

“The Kladi concert? You had tickets? You horrible man!” She smacked my arm and glared.

“But...but...the kids!”

“For Kladi tickets, I’d have sold them into slavery! Timo! Tell him!”

“
She’s right. She’d definitely have sold them into slavery.” He yelped as she smacked
him
. “Well, darling, what do you want me to say? Jodi’s money, Jodi’s time.”

“But the Kladi concert....” She gave me an exaggerated pout. “You get me their new skim and I’ll forgive you.”

I bowed deeply. “Of course, my lady Hana. Autographed, if I manage it.”

“Hah. Believe it when I see it. Timo, the alcohol. No birthday parties without drinks. It’s the house rule.”

Talking to Timo helped—always did. The concert the following night was every bit as good as predicted—a bomb scare in the middle of the show only delayed matters by half an hour, which wasn’t long as such things went—and the audience contained some truly beautiful men which added to my enjoyment. I had to spend the night with Ajeile, but I escaped spending the weekend on account of my mother’s previous command that I catch a rollo to their house out in Zania. I cried off spending both days of the weekend with my parents by claiming I had a research paper to review before Gifir and which I’d neglected through my own stupidity.

I couldn’t escape going to Temple with her and my younger sister, Warna, even though my father had somehow managed to excuse himself. I’d sometimes thought of revealing my infertility to my mother as a way of making her give up on trying to turn me into a proper Child of Marra, but given her views, that might have caused her to give up on me altogether. Children of Marra were notorious for shunning anyone who didn’t meet their narrow requirements for sanctity, and Mam was unbalanced enough that I didn’t know if she’d go that far.