Hidden History (16 page)

January 4, 1926. Alice and Asher went home before the New Year and I was saddened to see them go. However, I did feel encouraged when Alice told me that I might come live with them if things ever become too difficult for me at home. Naturally, she did not say this in front of my father, and she said it very politely, but I knew exactly what she meant. She meant if my father becamme impossible to live with. I watched Asher’s face as she made this kind offer to me, and I was not entirely convinced that he was in complete agreement. However, he said nothing. Still, it creates a small doubt in my mind. For the truth is, I would rather be unhappy in my father’s house than to disrupt my sister’s happy home with the added responsibility of my presence. I know that they are struggling to make ends meet just now. Asher makes very little working at a shoe store, but he is also studying to be an accountant. “To better himself” is how Alice puts it. Still, I promised my dear sister that I would keep her generous offer in mind.

What surprises me is that my father has been quite easy to get along with of late. I am not sure if this is because he feels saddened by my mother’s death, or perhaps a bit guilty that he did not do more to save her, or maybe he is relieved that she is gone. I cannot bear to think it might be the latter and have determined that I must push such negative thoughts from my mind. In the meantime, I shall try to make the most of this quiet on the home front. I shall try not to aggravate my father and to do my chores quickly and without complaint. My goal is to maintain my high marks in school and somehow secure my escape from here in the furtherance of my education. Mr. Dolton says “education is the key to a brighter future.” In fact, he has this statement posted right above the blackboard. I am sure he must know what he is talking about, too, since his life seems bright and rewarding to me. Mr. Dolton has a pretty wife who is also a teacher. They have no children and when I asked him about this once, he just laughed and said, “Look at how many children God has blessed us with at this school.” Sometimes I wish that Mr. and Mrs. Dolton could adopt me, but I know this is nothing more than a silly dream. For one
thing, I am probably too old, but beyond that I am fairly certain that children cannot be adopted if their parents are living. And although my father has not much of a life, he is still alive.

But, oh, how I miss my mother. If I knew how to pray or if I believed in God I would demand to know why he took her away from me. I would shake my fist in his face and ask him, why? Why? Why?

February 20, 1926. I turned sixteen yesterday. It feels like a big step from fifteen and I suspect I should begin to act more like a man. Of course, no one acknowledged this milestone. My father has never kept track of such insignificant things as birthdays. It was always my mother who would commemorate such events. She would usually make me a small cake and present me with a homemade gift like socks or a shirt, and for that reason the day would feel special.
Mostly I tried not to think of such things yesterday. Fortunately, for me, today was much brighter. Mr. Dolton asked me to stay after school. Naturally, I was worried. I did not recall doing anything wrong. I have found after years of being picked on for being “different” it is best to keep a low profile at school. I try to mind my own business and stay out of trouble. It seems to help that I have been growing like a weed lately. I am taller than my father as well as most of the boys in my class. Unfortunately, my trousers are unable to keep up, or perhaps I should say down. They have been let down as far as they can go and they still only hit just above my ankles. But back to Mr. Dolton. I walked down the quiet halls to his classroom feeling nervous and afraid that something was wrong. Was it possible that my father had paid the school a visit and threatened to make trouble? I have not seen my father for a couple of days and I feel certain he is up to no good. But Mr. Dolton was smiling when I walked in. He reached out and shook my hand and asked me to have a seat. “Your high marks and fine schoolwork have come to the attention of Mr. Brant, Daniel,” he told me. “As a result he is recommending you for the Thornton Scholarship.” I have
heard of that scholarship before, but I did not know it was a complete four-year scholarship. “But it is a little early,” I said. “I still have two more years of high school left.” As it turns out this is exactly what Mr. Dolton wanted to speak to me about. “I know that your father is resistant to your continued schooling,” he told me. “And you are far advanced for your class. We could easily move you into the junior class, Daniel. Of course, you would need to pass a few tests, but we have no doubts that this will pose any problem for you. What do you think?” I told him I thought it was a grand idea. “The only problem is that we need your father to agree to this,” he finally said. “Do you think he can be persuaded?” I considered this, and then promised Mr. Dolton that I would give it my best try. “I will be praying for you,” said Mr. Dolton as he shook my hand again. I wanted to ask him if he really believed his prayers would make any difference, but at the same time did not want to offend the good man.

I think I was relieved to find that my father was still gone when I got home this evening. I took care of the chores, cleaned the house, cooked some supper and did my homework. Still, my father did not come
home. I paced back and forth across the wooden floor in front of the fireplace, trying to come up with an ingenious way to present this new idea to my father, but came up with nothing. I noticed my mother’s old worn Bible sitting by her favorite chair next to the fireplace, and I actually bent down to pick it up. I stood there for a long time just staring at it as I considered reading it. Yet I resisted this unexplainable urge. My only question now is where did that urge come from?