Hidden in a Whisper (12 page)

“RACHEL, ARE YOU RECEIVING VISITORS?”

Rachel looked up from her desk and a smile immediately came to her lips. “Simone! Come in.”

The exotic-looking Simone O'Donnell entered the room attired in a very comfortable calico afternoon dress. The coral-colored flowers set against the cream background complemented Simone's lightly tanned skin and black hair. Rachel envied the simplicity of her beauty.

“I've always heard that expectant mothers are radiant, but you are fairly glowing,” Rachel declared. “Close that door and we shall retire to my living quarters and make ourselves more comfortable. That way no one will be inclined to interrupt us.”

Simone did as she was instructed and joined Rachel in her private suite. “This is lovely,” Simone said upon seeing Rachel's small sitting room.

“Yes, Fred Harvey has been most generous with me. I have all the privacy in the world back here.”

“I should say so.”

Rachel gave her a short tour. “I have my bedroom set up on this side in order to buffer myself from the noise of the lobby. It's a snug fit, as you see, but by putting the dresser at the end of the bed, I'm able to give the bedroom a little bit of separation from the sitting room.”

“This is a wonderful quilt,” Simone commented, running her hand along the top of the bed.

“I purchased it from the ladies'sewing circle at the church. They call the pattern Crown of Thorns, and I think it is absolutely marvelous. However, Reginald calls it English Wedding Ring.”

“Reginald? Who's that?” Simone questioned, her perfectly arched brow raising ever so slightly.

Rachel laughed. “He's the chef for Casa Grande.”

“And he's seen your bedroom?”

Rachel felt her face grow hot. “Certainly not. He caught me walking home from the church sale. As I came in through the back door, he saw me and commented on the quilt. That's all.”

“But you must be good friends. I mean, I've never heard you refer to any man, save my Jeffery, by his first name.”

Rachel bit at her lower lip. She had hoped for a quiet moment to share her heart in regards to Braeden. “Well, Reginald insisted, and I didn't see any harm in it. I mean, you remember how I felt about maintaining a closeness among staff members when we were back in Topeka.”

“Of course I do,” Simone replied, watching Rachel very carefully, “but you seem awfully preoccupied, and Jeffery told me there was a man here at the hotel who was upsetting you. Someone from your past.”

Rachel nodded. “Come sit with me and I'll explain.” She moved away from the bed to her sitting area and offered Simone one of the two high-backed, thickly cushioned chairs. Once they were seated, she continued. “Jeffery was right about there being a man from my past here at the hotel. But it isn't Reginald. The man is Braeden Parker. He's the manager for the hotel.”

“I see,” Simone replied with a grin. “And is he the reason you suddenly seem so nervous and pale?”

Rachel laughed, but not with her usual enthusiasm. “No, that's caused from trying to straighten out my girls and make certain they work in perfect order.”

Simone smiled. “I should be here with you.”

“Yes, you should. How dare you go and get pregnant on your wedding night?” Rachel teased. “Have you seen the doctor yet?”

“I have. He says that I am the picture of health. Of course, he hasn't seen me in the morning with my head bent over the washbasin.”

“Have you been terribly sick?”

“No, not really,” Simone replied. “I'm fine so long as no one mentions food before eleven-thirty. Poor Jeffery. He's had to start taking his morning meal down at the cafe
or up here. I can't even stand the smell of food cooking. But after the morning passes, I feel much better.” “I suppose that's why they call it morning sickness,” Rachel commented. “I think it's pretty normal,” Simone answered, “but one of my neighbors informed me that she was never sick in the mornings but suffered terribly at night. So apparently there's nothing routine or regulated about having a baby.”

Rachel nodded. “I would imagine each case is pretty much unique—like the babies involved.” She reached out and took hold of Simone's hand. “I'm so very happy for you, Simone—and for Jeffery too. I know you'll be a wonderful mother.” She felt the words stick in her throat as tears filled her eyes. She dropped Simone's hand and looked away.

“What is it, Rachel?” It was now Simone's turn to voice concern. She reached for Rachel's hand and squeezed it gently. “Please tell me. Jeffery said you are hardly yourself, and I can see that now for myself.”

Rachel forced her emotions under control. “It all has to do with Braeden Parker.” She looked up at Simone and tried to smile. “We … that is to say, I … oh, I don't know what to say.” Rachel shook her head in exasperation. Simone was her dearest friend, and if she should be able to speak to anyone about this mess, it should be her.

“You two were once very close?” Simone questioned.

Rachel nodded.

“You loved him?”

Again Rachel nodded, fighting back tears.

“You're still in love with him?”

Simone's words hit Rachel like a slap in the face. Rachel had argued over and over with herself about her feelings. She knew she would never love anyone save Braeden, but she had tried desperately to convince herself that she was no longer “in love” with him.

She looked up and met Simone's compassionate expression. That was her undoing. With a sob, Rachel answered, “Yes.”

“Is he married?” Simone questioned quietly.

“No.” Rachel pulled a handkerchief from her deep apron pocket.

“No, it's nothing like that.”

“Then what is it?”

“We were once engaged,” Rachel said with a heavy sigh. “I broke off the engagement because of something someone told me. Something that condemned Braeden as being unfaithful to me.”

“And were the allegations true?”

“I thought they were, but now I'm not so sure.” It was the first time Rachel had ever admitted her doubts on the matter. “I took the word of my mother and her friends. They told me Braeden was seeing someone else. My mother was well-known for having knowledge of the neighborhood and those around her. It seemed logical to believe them—especially her … because … well, I'm not a beautiful woman and I had no fortune to speak of. Braeden had plenty of money and a good job. He was well liked and dashingly handsome. I knew it was a wonder that he would even look at me.”

“Rachel, you are a lovely woman. You have a beautiful face and your figure, well, I've heard the girls comment on wishing they were so well proportioned.”

Rachel sniffed and smiled. “My hips are too wide and my bosom equally full.”

“Yes, but your waist is small. You have the perfect hourglass figure.” “You're sweet to say so, but even if I could take pride in my looks, it wouldn't change the past. I had no confidence in anything about myself then. I was the daughter of a railroad worker. After he died, we were even poorer and my mother had to seek financial support by running a boardinghouse. I'd only managed to meet Braeden because we attended the same church.”

“Ah, so he's a believer?”

“Yes,” Rachel admitted. “Or he was. I haven't talked to him lately about his feelings on the matter.”

“Have you talked to him about any of his other feelings?” Simone asked seriously.

“No. I can't. Every time he's near me, I know I can't speak to him about anything important. I've hidden behind a fac
ade of anger and snobbery, and I hate myself more each time I walk away and leave the matter unresolved.”

“So tell him this.”

Laughing, Rachel dabbed her eyes. “You make it sound so simple.”

“Why does it have to be hard? You obviously still care for this man. He isn't married, and you will be working closely together under the same roof. I'd say this isn't likely to be a situation that will go unquestioned for long.”

“I know you're right. I've seen him go out of his way to talk to me.”

“What happened?”

“I went out of my way not to be talked to,” Rachel replied with a hint of a grin. “I just keep thinking that I'll accidently open my mouth and out will pour all manner of thought that I've kept buried and would like to keep hidden for good. I mean, what if I suddenly declare my feelings and he laughs at me? What if he despises me for my weakness?” Simone shook her head and let go of Rachel's hand. Easing back into her chair, she crossed her arms. “You must stop this nonsense of worrying ‘what if?'and talk to him. Take him aside on the pretense of business and force him to listen to what you have to say. Just be honest. If he won't listen to you, then you will have at least tried.”

“I'm afraid it isn't Braeden who refuses to listen. It's me. I suppose I'm just as afraid of what he might say.”

“Like what?”

“Like it was a good idea for us to part company and how he's glad we never married. I could just see myself baring my heart, then having to watch as he devours it.”

Simone nodded. “Or you can say nothing and always wonder.”

Silence filled the room for several moments as the two women simply looked at each other. Rachel wished the answer were that easy, but she knew deep inside that the entire matter of Braeden Parker was anything but.

“I let hearsay destroy my life. Even knowing what the Bible says about avoiding idle talk, I allowed it to influence my choices in life. I refused to trust my heart on the matter because I was young and figured
my nai
had led me to this place. I never gave Braeden a chance to defend himself because I'd always known my mother to be right about the things going on around us.” Rachel sighed. “I don't know if we can go back to what we had.”

“Then don't,” Simone replied matter-of-factly. “Go forward to something better.”

“I just don't know.” Rachel felt overwhelmed and frightened by the feelings raging within her. One minute she was convinced that Simone was right and she was ready to march across the lobby and plant herself in Braeden's office and tell him everything. The next minute she was certain that as soon as she admitted to having feelings for him, Braeden would mock her and cause her further pain.

“A wise woman once told me that God does nothing by chance. He has a perfect order for everything. Do you still stand by that philosophy, or was that just a flowery speech for my benefit?”

“I still believe that,” Rachel finally admitted.

“Then God must have brought you two together for a reason. And if not for love, then for reconciliation,” Simone said softly. “Either way, you win.”

“But if he doesn't return my feelings—” “You'll be in no worse a state than you are right now.”

“But he'll know how I feel.”

“So your pride gets a little singed,” Simone replied. “At least you'll know, and you'll have this matter behind you. Either way, I'm figuring that God is big enough for the job.”