Hide My Thoughts: A Romantic Suspense Thriller Book (Hide Me Series 2) (2 page)

West Shepherd paced through Katerina’s apartment. He felt completely helpless, and was absolutely infuriated by it. He imagined he could hear Katerina crying softly in the bedroom. That’s what she’d been doing for almost two days now and he didn’t know how to help her. She'd rejected every attempt he’d made so far. They were both on indefinite leave from the fire department. When Lieutenant Masterson had suggested it, Katerina’s eyes had showed panic. But there was another killer out there – and Katerina was his obvious target.

West wasn’t surprised this was hitting Katerina so hard. He knew she had already felt guilty enough about Pam, the receptionist at her old workplace, who had probably been killed because the last psychopath was looking for Katerina’s address. And now there was a new dead woman? And nobody could figure out her name or who she was but she had been found with a picture of Katerina’s face over her own face. The message was clear.
I killed this lady because I couldn’t kill you.
The guilt was eating Katerina alive. Add that to the fact that they had thought this was over, but now there was another killer and he could totally understand it. He was rocked himself.

A text came through on West’s phone. Blaise.
Can I come over in a bit?
West texted back in the affirmative and asked Blaise to bring him some beer. He had already drank the three beers he had in the house and it wasn’t enough. Neither he nor Katerina had been able to sleep for days now. Maybe more beer would help. If he could get Katerina to drink some that would be even better.

Wait, he could do better than beer. This situation was heinous, and nobody was going to blame Katerina if she needed a little bit of chemical help to get past it. He snatched his phone up again and scrolled through his contacts.
Thomas Chastain
. He dialed the number without even a thought to what time it was. They had the shades drawn in the tiny apartment and hadn’t been outside since the discovery of that body. Days and nights blended together and meant nothing when you couldn’t sleep.

The phone rang in his ear.
Come on, pick up.

“Dr. Chastain,” a deep male voice spoke in his ear.

“Thomas. It’s West Shepherd.”

“West! It’s good to hear from you.” The joy in West’s father’s oldest friend’s voice carried clearly through the phone.

“Thanks, Thomas, but I’m sorry to say this isn’t a social call. I need help.”

“Of course. What can I do for you?” The tone became businesslike immediately and West was glad. He didn’t have any energy to spare for social comments right now.

“My - uh - my girlfriend is going through a really hard time right now. She can’t sleep. In fact neither of us can. She’s having some - uh - mental issues I guess is the easiest way to say it. I was wondering if there’s anything you could do for her. Get her some sleeping pills or something?”

The voice on the other end of the line was silent for a moment. West could almost hear him gather his thoughts. “Well West, it’s not really that easy. I shouldn’t prescribe anything to her without doing an examination first. And sleeping pills for a temporary issue is not always the smartest path. This
is
a temporary issue?”

“Have you been watching the news Thomas? Did you see anything about the body they found in the industrial area the day before yesterday? My girlfriend is being targeted by the man who did that. In fact, Katerina thinks the only reason the guy did it was to send her a message.”

The man on the other end of the phone sucked in a breath. “Okay, that’s pretty bad. I will call you in a prescription for something strong. How about an anti-anxiety medicine too? Do you think she needs that?”

“She might.”

“Give me her name.”

West gave the doctor Katerina’s information and hung up. He knew she wouldn’t want to leave the apartment and he didn’t want to leave her alone. Maybe the pharmacy would let Blaise pick up the medication? He texted Blaise again, then was startled by a small noise at his elbow.

He turned quickly. Katerina was standing at the end of the hallway, her pretty, auburn hair cascading messily around her puffy face.
She
had
been crying
. A half smile played around her lips, almost negating the haunted look in her green eyes.

“Your girlfriend?” Her tone was lightly teasing.

West blew out a breath. Her moods had been unpredictable the last couple of days. But she seemed okay at this moment.

He felt his mouth curve in a return smile. “Can I call you my girlfriend?” he asked lightly, grasping her hands.

She hid her face behind her hair, but not before he saw her smile grow. He pulled her to him and kissed her lightly on the top of her head.

“Sorry I called without asking you first, but I figured you would appreciate the option to take something that would help you get through this.”

He felt her body tense and knew he’d said the wrong thing. He tried again. “Blaise is coming over.”

“Does he know who the woman is yet?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask him any questions. He’s coming over to tell us what they’ve found out so far.”

Katerina pulled away from him and paced through the living room, much like West had been doing a few moments before. “I just don’t understand how seven women can be murdered and the police can’t find an identity for even one of them!” Her voice raised and West stepped forward to try to calm her. They’d been over this again and again. That and the fact that there was obviously another killer out there. A killer who was somehow linked to Frank Phillips, and who for some reason was now taking over the job of targeting Katerina.

West caught her in mid stride and tried to pull her to him. Katerina fought him and stepped away angrily. She strode back down the hallway and slammed the door to the bedroom. West watched her go and shook his head, feeling completely helpless again. He hated the feeling and wanted desperately to be doing something. But he wasn’t a detective, and he didn’t want to leave Katerina on her own. Part of him said to just leave her. Let her deal with it on her own if she wanted to be nasty to him. But the more mature part of him overrode that voice. None of this was Katerina's fault. Her response was completely understandable. They would get through this, and then she would be herself again.

He was worried though, very worried about her state of mind. Besides feeling extremely guilty, she seemed uncharacteristically angry. Almost like she was a different person at times. He hadn’t known her that long though. Maybe she did have an angry streak when she was under pressure. Could that be possible? Too bad her mom wasn’t around anymore to ask.

What about Jordan?
Why hadn’t he thought of her before? Jordan could probably even help Katerina feel better. He walked to the kitchen and found Katerina’s phone, sticking up out of her purse. He wondered briefly if he should take the phone to Katerina and tell her what he was thinking, then decided against it. It would be better if Jordan just showed up.

He scrolled to Jordan’s contact and sent her a text message.
This is West. Katerina needs you. They found another body. Can you come?

The answer came back almost immediately, but it still seemed like forever to West.
OMG. I’ll be right there.

Katerina lay in her bed, her hands kneading her thick bedspread. In her head the voices raged.

It’s your fault.

You might as well have killed her yourself. Pam too.

You got the wrong guy.

You are stupid. You’re a hack. You can’t get anything right.

You are too stupid to live.

You're a freak.

Katerina ground her fists into her temples and moaned lightly. The thoughts wouldn’t stop and they were driving her as crazy as the images of the dead women had weeks before.

She had been okay a few days ago, not quite herself, but ready to jump back into her life after the ordeal caused by Frank Phillips was over. Or so she thought. When they’d found the body of the woman with Katerina’s picture covering her face, everything had seemed to change. The little bits and pieces of Frank Phillips that she had thought were mostly gone from her psyche came roaring back. They poked at her, bit at her, and wouldn’t let her rest. And the thoughts. She didn’t know if they came from Phillips or not, but they were a new and unwelcome addition to her days. She listened to them and tried to figure out if they were her own voice or if there was another consciousness inside her- berating her, tearing her down, trying to destroy her. She told herself that the concept of another consciousness inside her was stupid, but she knew that a month ago she would have thought being able to pick images out of another person's mind, just by touching the person, was stupid too.

A soft knock sounded at the door to her bedroom and red-hot anger flared inside her. She sat up quickly and bared her teeth at the door.
That man. Why wouldn’t he leave her alone? Why wouldn’t he just go, disappear, get out of her life forever? She didn’t ask for him to be here. Right now she just wanted to be alone.

“Katerina,” a mild voice called. A woman’s voice.
Jordan
. Anger flared again, deeper, and Katerina dug her nails into her palms. As quickly as it came, the anger disappeared, like a bubble popping on the surface of water. She shook her head, completely perplexed at the emotion but glad at its sudden disappearance.

This was the worst of it. Even worse than the horrible thoughts and the horrible guilt. The anger. The anger at West especially. Where West had been her safe-haven before, suddenly it felt to her like he was now the cause of everything that was wrong with her. He caused the thoughts, he caused the emotions, he was the problem in her life. When the anger subsided she hated that more than anything. She loved West, but she couldn't help treat him like he was a monster. She knew he was going to get tired of her bipolar personality soon and leave for good, but she felt helpless to stop behaving like that. It was like she was being controlled. But Jordan, Jordan could help her. Jordan could make her feel better.

She hopped off the bed and pulled the door open. “Jordan …” She meant to say more, but as soon as she reached her friend, she collapsed into her arms, crying.

Jordan held her and hugged her and rubbed her hair. “Shhh, Kat, It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. They’re going to figure all of this out. I promise.”

After an age, Jordan pushed into the bedroom with Katerina still in her arms and they both plopped down on the edge of the bed. Katerina felt better. The voices were muted. Her emotions seemed stable for the moment.

Jordan played with a loose thread on her pants. She seemed to be trying to come up with the right words. Katerina chewed on the inside of her lip, hating that her friend didn’t know what to say around her. It made her
feel
like a freak to be involved so deeply in all these murders.

“We found another body.” Katerina finally said.

“West told me,” Jordan breathed. “I can’t believe it. It couldn’t possibly have been the guy in the hospital right?”

Katerina shook her head. “No. He never left the hospital. He’s got a police guard and they say he's still too weak to stand or sit on his own.”

“So who could it be then?”

“That’s the million-dollar question. Is it someone who worked with Phillips? Were there always two killers? Or is this someone who is angry with me for shooting Phillips? We don’t know. We don’t know anything. The cops haven’t figured anything out yet.” Katerina heard the bitterness in her own voice and tried to squelch it. She knew the police officers were doing the very best they could.

They heard voices and male laughter ring out in the living room. “Who’s that?” Jordan asked.

“Probably Blaise. He was supposed to come over today.” Katerina felt Jordan stiffen next to her. Concern for her friend put her own problems on the back burner for a few blessed moments. She peered at Jordan curiously. “What’s wrong?”

Jordan shook her head, her blonde hair falling over her face. Katerina knew that trick. She pushed a lock gently back over her friend’s ear and watched her face closely. “What’s wrong, you don’t like Blaise?”

Jordan sighed. “No, it’s not that.” She brought her gaze up to her friend’s and took another deep breath. “There’s something I never told you, Kat.”

Katerina nodded and waited for her friend to spill it.

“It’s nothing big. It really doesn’t matter at all. I just…”

“What Jordan? Tell me.”

“I don’t want to make it seem like a big deal. You’ve got all this other stuff going on…”

Katerina threw her head back and uttered a short laugh. “Believe me, if you distracted me from all this other stuff it would be awesome.”

Jordan smiled faintly. “Okay, well, something happened about two years ago, when your mom was sick. Remember, I was going out with that guy?”

Katerina wrinkled her nose. “Bobby?”

Jordan nodded. “That’s the one. You didn’t like him much, did you?”

“I hated him. It was just something about him.”

Jordan nodded. “I know. You tried to tell me, and I didn’t want to listen. I should have. You always seem to know about people.”

Katerina smiled faintly, happy that this was all finally out in the air. “I remember you were kind of mad at me for a while. I was so relieved when you guys broke up and you started talking to me again.”

Jordan looked down guiltily. “I was mad at you but you were so right. And I should have told you that you were right about him. I never told you why we broke up.”

Katerina shook her head and bit her lip. She hoped she wasn’t about to hear something that was going to make her angry at Bobby. Anger felt dangerous right now.

Jordan looked at the ceiling as if trying to decide how to start. “We were at a party at one of his friend’s houses. He’d had too much to drink, and I might’ve had a little too much also. We’d been going out for about three weeks only, and we hadn’t had sex yet, and I guess he decided it was too long. He came on really strong and pushed me into one of the bedrooms in the house. I told him no, but I didn’t fight him. I didn’t think he was going to take things too far. He locked the door to the bedroom and pushed me down on the bed and started tearing at my clothes. I freaked and I even screamed, but then he put a hand over my mouth and held me down. I thought I was about to get raped.”

Katerina felt rage bubbling underneath the surface of her mind. Suddenly she wanted to get at Bobby. She wanted to put her hands on his throat. She wanted to rape him with a … a broom handle - or a tennis racket. The images of her forcing a tennis racket into Bobby’s body ripped through her mind and Katerina shook her head, terror suddenly overlaying her anger. She’d never had a thought like that in her life.

Jordan didn’t notice and kept talking. “There was a lamp on the table next to the bed. I grabbed it and smashed it against Bobby’s head. He took his hand off of my mouth to grab his head and I screamed long and hard. His body was still pinning me down so I couldn’t move. The party was loud, and I was positive nobody was going to hear me, but someone knocked on the door and asked what was going on. I could hear whoever it was rattling the knob, but the door was locked. Bobby slammed his hand over my mouth again and leaned on me, hard, pushing all the breath out of my lungs. I couldn’t breathe and I was so scared. His other hand was clenched into a fist and I was just waiting for it to smash my face. I held totally still and we both listened to the man outside the door. It seemed like he had gone away and my heart sank. I felt like he was my only hope.”

Jordan grabbed Katerina’s hand and squeezed hard. Katerina squeezed back. Was she about to hear that her friend had been raped and never told her? And what in the world did it have to do with Blaise?

“Bobby turned his attention back to me and started pulling at my clothes again. He ripped my shirt almost completely off. I couldn’t make a sound with all of his weight on me. My mind was frantic, trying to come up with ways to get out of the situation. But then a smashing noise caught both of our attention. The guy who had been outside the door kicked it in and came running in the room. There was no light in the room except from the moon coming in the window so I couldn’t see him very well. He rushed over to the bed and grabbed Bobby and threw him off of me onto the floor. Bobby was dazed but pissed. He stood up and lunged at the guy. The guy sidestepped him and Bobby flew right past him into the wall. The guy said, ‘Look I’m a cop, you don’t want to fight with me. You’re going to get arrested.’ But Bobby didn’t seem to care. He turned around and lunged at him again. The guy couldn’t completely get out of his way that time and they dropped to the ground, fighting. A bunch of people crowded into the door and started screaming stuff and Bobby’s friend came in and pulled the two of them apart, then my friend Cecelia pushed her way in and pulled me out of the room. We ran out of the house and she drove me home. It was all very anti-climactic. I never saw Bobby again. He never tried to call me or anything. But I always wondered about that cop. He was tall, and had jet black hair, and, I don’t know, I guess I just always wished I had stuck around and found out who he was. I know it sounds stupid – like some rescuer fantasy, but even though I tell myself that, I haven’t been able to get him out of my mind for two years.”

Katerina let out the breath she had been holding. Jordan hadn’t been raped. Bobby didn’t need a tennis racket to his nether regions. Sudden understanding whooshed into her head. “That’s why you always go to the cop bars… You’ve been looking for that guy!”

Jordan’s lips twisted guiltily. “You caught me.”

“And what does it have to do with Bl- wait - is Blaise the guy?”

Jordan dropped her head. “I’m not sure. I never really got a good look at the guy. Blaise is the right size, and his hair is the right color, and even his voice sounds the same, but how much can you really remember about a voice you heard one time two years ago? I do remember he seemed to have a bit of an accent, though, and Blaise doesn’t have an accent. So it can’t be him, right?”

Katerina thought hard. “What kind of an accent?”

“I’m not totally sure, Spanish I guess. But it was very slight.”

Katerina didn’t think Blaise had an accent either, but his coloring certainly could be from some sort of a Spanish background. She smiled to herself. The sudden mystery that had nothing to do with anyone being killed had made her feel much better. In fact, she thought she could go out into the living room and talk to the guys like a normal person.