Hide: Part One (The Black Letters Series Book 1) (2 page)

Chapter Two

My mind couldn’t focus the rest of the day.

My body was jittery and hyper aware of everything that happened within close proximity, and I jumped every time the door opened to the office. I continually let my mind drift and had to ask a potential client to repeat his questions and comments several times throughout our meeting.

A bitter chill ran up and down my spine from the mere thought of that stupid letter being in the same state as me. The letters had stopped when I’d moved to Grand Rapids a year ago. I thought I’d escaped them, but now that I was back in my home state of Florida, too close to where it all started, I was panicking.

“What time are you coming in tomorrow?” Corey, the architect who shared the small office with me, asked. I jolted in my seat, startled by his question. “Sorry, didn’t mean to frighten you.”

I shook my head, putting on a smile as I stood from my chair. “It’s fine, I was just focused. I’ll be in around nine.” I nonchalantly grabbed the pile of mail, including the tormenting letter. “See you tomorrow,” I mumbled as my heels clicked on the gray laminate.

The humid Miami air hit me like a freight train when I swung the door open. I loved the warmer weather, but my oxygen supply was cut short at the moment. My brown eyes were constantly moving as I made my way to my car. It was only twenty feet from the office, but my anxiety was always on high alert when those letters appeared.

My eyes skimmed inside the back of the Lexus, my company car while I was staying in Miami, to make sure no one was there. It was silly of me to think such a thing, he’d never hide in my back seat. That wasn’t his style. He was way too intelligent to go for the obvious.

Good thing I knew him well. Or maybe I just hadn’t pissed him off enough yet. The entire ride home, I massaged the front of my neck. It was a gesture that always soothed me as long as it was my hand doing the massaging and no one else.

My phone rang as I pulled into my parking spot at the condo Conklin had provided for me, and I nearly pissed myself. “
Jesus
!” I shouted as I hit my elbow on the glass of the window.

I rubbed my elbow, furious with myself for letting that stupid letter rile me.

“Hello?” I grumbled.

“Hey, is it a bad time?” Becca, my very timid and concerned all the time best friend, asked.

“No, I just got back to the condo. What’s up?” I climbed out of my car, my purse close to my stomach. Even though I was on the phone, I still scoped out the parking lot as I scrambled to the entry door.

“Oh, you know, the usual,” she said timidly. Her voice made me worry. Becca and Tyler were going through an engagement rough patch. His father had committed suicide, and Tyler didn’t express his feelings well enough for my worry-wart of a best friend.

“Did you have another rough day?” I asked, counting on her opening up to me. I could really use the distraction.

“I’m flustered and worried about Tyler. I never see him anymore, and he hasn’t talked to me.”

“I know you’re sick of hearing this, but he lost his dad, Becca. Yeah, they didn’t have the best relationship, but sometimes that can make losing someone harder. It’s not easy hearing good things about a person at their funeral when you really couldn’t stand being around them. He’s probably feeling guilty for thinking his dad was such an asshole.” Tyler’s dad had been the owner of the Conklin business and was a womanizing dick.
Explained why Mitch was such a cocky bastard.

“I think you’re right. I don’t like how he’s pushing me away.”

“Time, Becca. If he doesn’t shape up, then you bring in the gauntlet. Threaten to leave,”

I said confidently. This was the biggest difference between us, I was assertive and knew what I wanted, where she thought too much.

“Let’s hope it doesn’t get that far,” she said shakily.

“I doubt it will. He’ll come around. So I booked my flight from Miami to Chicago today for dress shopping,” I said, changing the subject enthusiastically as I threw my purse on the kitchen counter. I wasn’t going to bring up the bachelor/bachelorette party Nathan and I were planning.

She giggled at my eagerness. “I’m still impressed Nathan and Mitch are coming to Chicago that weekend to get fitted.”

I gritted my teeth at the sound of his name.
Mitch.
How had I let him get to me today? Anger always seemed to help control my unstable attraction toward him. “I’m so glad I get to walk down the aisle with Nathan and not Mitch. He keeps texting me, and the man is driving me bonkers.”

“What’s he texting you?”

“He’s the king of sexual innuendos and cheesy pick-up lines, ugh, and he won’t take the hint,” I grumbled as I plopped down on the couch, kicking off my heels.

“Mitch is hilarious.” She laughed. “You’ll have to show me them when we see each other.”

I slammed my head against the back of the couch. “He’s not
hilarious
. He’s annoying as shit and behaves like a high schooler.”

“Yes, but I think he’s grown up since his dad died.”

“Not that I’ve seen,” I snorted.

“Well, Tyler thinks the same as you,” Becca sighed, “but Tyler doesn’t think highly of anyone lately.”

“Tyler needs to pull his head out of his ass,” I said matter-of -factly.

“I agree,” she groaned. “I miss you. I can’t wait for Chicago.”

My body sagged as a smile formed on my mouth. I missed Becca too. We went to college together and shared housing. I’d even followed her to Grand Rapids. Once the Conklin empire took off in Miami, I planned to find my way back to Grand Rapids. That city was good for me, and was far enough off the radar that the writer of my cryptic letters didn’t know my address. “I can’t wait either. I’ve got to get going, though, so- I’ll call you tomorrow.”

***

My lie to Mitch earlier about organizing my closet had turned into a reality. My clothing was now color coordinated and hung accordingly in the walk-in-closet, while each pair of shoes followed neatly underneath. My bedding was in order along with my desk and bookshelves. The kitchen was spotless, but not because I’d cleaned it.

Nathan was OCD about the condo being meticulously neat all the time and insisted that it be cleaned three days a week. I didn’t complain because he paid for the services. The only stipulation I had was that the maid stayed out of my room. Privacy was something I needed. I didn’t like people being in my business, and if I wanted anyone to know about my life, I’d tell them. I was trusting in my younger years, but my interactions with the writer of the cryptic letter had changed that. I’d been young, weak, and naïve, but now I was strong and confident, my only resistance to succeed at life was from those letters.

Calling my mom ran through my mind, but I didn’t have it in me. My relationship with my mother was wonderful, but those black letters had an impact on my entire family, not just me.

Just as I was about to leave my phone on the charger, it began to buzz. My mother must have sensed I secretly wanted to talk to her.

My guilt stricken finger swiped my phone to answer. “Hi, Mom.”

“Jamie! Mom won’t let me go on a date!” It was my younger sister, Riley. She was fifteen years old and overly dramatic. I loved her endlessly.

“Riley, Mom and Dad didn’t let me go on dates until I was sixteen. Besides, how can it be a date if you’re not even old enough to drive?”

“He’s old enough.”

Now there was the problem. “How old?” Silence passed through the phone. “That’s what I thought. Does mom know you have her phone?”

“She’s sitting across from me in the living room.” Riley’s tone became whiny, causing me to roll my eyes. I heard the twins arguing in the background with my brother Trevor. The age differences were spaced far between all of us, and I’d always wondered just how many of us were planned. I knew the twins were a surprise because I was in my sophomore year of high school when my mother found out.

“Go rally our siblings and hand the phone to Mom.”

Riley sighed with annoyance, but did as I’d asked.

“When are you coming home to the madness?” my mother asked over all the loud voices.

“Ha! I moved away for a reason, Mom,” I teased. Secretly, I missed that house more than anything. Being on my own had its perks, but leaving my big family wasn’t easy.

“Maybe I’ll come visit you by myself.” She chuckled, sarcasm high in her voice. I laughed with her. That house wouldn’t survive three hours without my mom. “I’m kidding, I couldn’t do that to your father.”

“How is Dad? Is he home?” I asked sounding hopeful.

“No, honey, he had to switch to the night shift.” Her voice dropped her words cracking slightly as though she were trying to hold back emotion. Guilt filled me like a knife twisting in my stomach. “When will I see you again?” Her words sounded brighter, making the ache not as bad.

“I’ll come home sometime soon, I promise.”

“Collin and Jacob’s birthday is coming up. I’m sure they’d be ecstatic if you made it to their party. It won’t be anything big, just something at our house with their friends from Kindergarten.” My mother’s voice was gloomy, embarrassed she couldn’t afford to throw a party at a trendy and overly priced venue.

“I’m sure it’ll be great, Mom. I loved all my birthday parties at the house.”

Both my parents felt bad about their financial struggles. I sent them money monthly. At first they wouldn’t accept it, but— I finally made them take it by asking them to put it toward things for my siblings, or groceries. I told them it was the least I could do after all I put them through. They never once acted as though my mistakes were the cause of their shortage in finances, even though it was true.

“Well, I need to finish up dinner. Thanks for taking my side with Riley. She sure is boy crazy,” My mother sighed deeply.

“So was I at that age.”

“Oh Jamie, I’m afraid she’s worse than you were!” We both laughed at my mother’s joke.. According to my mother, I was an angel who had never dated anyone in high school. She didn’t know about my secret life, the part that caused my life to come crashing down like a mile long stack of Dominos.

After I hung up with my mother, I knew I couldn’t avoid opening that letter any longer. It was calling my name from my purse in the kitchen. I sauntered down the hallway in my pajamas, my hair damp from the shower I’d taken to pass the time. Thankfully, it was still light outside. Darkness always made those letters more daunting.

My hand began to shake as I pulled the black envelope from my purse. The envelopes were always pleasant looking, but the insides chilled me to my bones.

Taking one final look around the condo, I sat on the couch, my fingers running along the back of the envelope and then slipping under the wax sealing that was stamped with the script lettering
R&J
. I shook my head, realizing how dumb I was for being frightened of a stupid piece of paper. My hesitance evaporated as my thumbnail peeled the paper back, making a long ripping sound as it opened.

I knew you’d come back. You’ll always come back.

- Rod

“Why is it so damn hot in this state?” Nathan exclaimed as he slammed the door shut behind him. I nearly fell off the couch at his entrance.

I stood quickly, shoving the letter and envelope in the back of my pajama bottoms. “Didn’t know you were going to be around tonight,” I stated, attempting to sound normal.

He tossed his suitcase on the table while sliding out of his jacket. “Yes, that’s because I was supposed to be on my way to Chicago at this very moment, but I had a last minute adjustment to my schedule.”

“Yeah?”

“Kobiashi couldn’t wait until Friday to meet because he was so excited to share his latest idea.” Nathan’s chest was puffed up, unable to contain his ego.

“Well...? What was his idea?” I asked impatiently.

“Kobiashi wants to build an amusement park in Miami, and he’s so thrilled with our work on the latest tower of condos, that he wants Conklin to build it. All of it!”

I gasped, my eyes going round and my jaw dropping open. “An amusement park? Are we even qualified for that?”

“Of course we are. If we need help we’ll contract out the other services. Can you fucking believe this?” Nathan shouted with enthusiasm.

My shocked expression turned into a wide grin. “How big of an amusement park are we talking?”

“Big enough to earn us numbers with a lot of zeros,” Nathan sang. He slung his arm around my shoulder. “Let’s celebrate tonight.”

“I thought we were going out Friday?”

Nathan shook his head. “Hell no, we’re going out tonight. I have too much adrenaline.”

I laughed, but then looked down at my clothing. “I’m going to have to change.”

“Well, hurry the hell up, I’m in the mood for a rockin’ time.”

Chapter Three

Red heels and a little black dress. The perfect outfit for a night out.

My hair was curled and wild from the humidity, matching the dark eye makeup that highlighted my brown eyes. I wasn’t trying to impress anyone, men were the last thing on my mind right now.
Except for Rod.
He was always in my thoughts, right at the surface or hidden deep in my darkest nightmares.

“So are we feeling enthused enough to go to Twist?” I asked Nathan as he opened my door to his yellow Ferrari.

Nathan scowled at me. “I hate that bar. It’s too loud. We’re going to Magnum.”

I rolled my eyes as he shut the door and continued to the driver’s side.

“I should have known by your clothing.” He’d kept his dress clothes on, minus the jacket and re-styled his neatly trimmed dark brown hair. It was always in its place, but he’d add some edginess whenever he went out for
pleasure
.

Nathan fired up the Ferrari as he glared at me. “I like to look professional, not like those young punks at Twist.”

“They’re easy, though,” I pointed out.

Nathan slowly stepped on the pedal, cautiously easing his way into traffic. Sometimes I wondered if he was really a sixty-year-old trapped in a thirty-two -year old’s body. “Have you not learned by now that I enjoy a challenge?”

“I’ve learned you only do one night stands,” I taunted.

“Exactly, a one night challenge.”

“So getting a guy to sleep with you in one night is a challenge, not just him being easy?”

Nathan’s chest was puffed as he spoke. “It’s a challenge if they say they aren’t interested in one night stands.”

I shook my head at his odd love life. “And I thought you weren’t complicated like all the other men in the world.”

“Sweetheart, I’m about as complicated as they come.”

That was the truth. At one point, I’d wanted Nathan. His attitude and constant need to be right was a turn on, along with his charm. The first time I’d met him was at a restaurant during the lunch hour. He was all business at the bar, talking on his phone as though he were the only one in the building. I was irritated as hell, annoyed by his outspoken conversation. When I was finally sick of his dominant voice, I went to approach him just as he got off the phone.

His blue eyes struck me first, then his firm jawline and neatly trimmed dark hair. His expensive suit helped shape his lean figure, giving him a presence of power and influence.

His looks didn’t stop my stubbornness though, and I let him have it. Needless to say, he liked my grit and offered me a job. Later I found out he was my best friend’s boyfriend’s brother.

Funny how small the world can be.

The more we worked together, the more attracted I was to his work ethic. Our personalities clashed and molded together in the most perfect way, and the pulse between my legs throbbed for his authoritative energy.

It wasn’t until a New Year’s Eve loaded with liquor and bad decisions that I found out he was gay. We were drunk, half-naked and groping each other, but he wouldn’t sleep with me, even though I pushed him to the very edge with my body and signals. He was handsome, masculine, and not into women.

We never talked about that night, and I was thankful. The fact that Nathan was gay helped erase the sting of denial. I liked his drive and passion for success, and if we were together, it’d help give me independence for my own life. Maybe one day I could convince him to switch teams, but I wasn’t counting on it.

Nathan parked in a private ramp for Magnum, telling me to hold on while he went to open my door. He was always a gentleman.

“So, why’d you get all dolled up this evening?” he noticed as he held his arm out for me to take. “Looking for a special lady?”

I gave him a sly grin. “My eyes are always open.”

Nathan laughed. “Let’s see if we can find anyone worthy.”

The only thing I was looking for tonight was a distraction from the fear of my past. A nervous chill crept up my spine as I gripped Nathan’s forearm tighter.

Magnum wasn’t busy, which wasn’t surprising being it was a Thursday evening. Most of the men who were here had partners, but that didn’t faze Nathan as he made his entrance. He shook hands with a few men sitting at the bar, including the bartender. He gave him a wink as he ordered us drinks.

“He’s too young. You shouldn’t flirt with him,” I scolded.

“Who? Miguel?” Nathan asked, giving me a puzzled look. “He has potential.”

I watched the young bartender as he mixed our drinks. He was very attractive with his tanned skin, dark hair and matching eyes, but he was young and would treat Nathan like a sugar daddy. Not that Nathan would ever let any man get that close.

“He’s very handsome, but you’d never be able to come to this bar again.”

Nathan bobbed his head as though I had a point. My lip twitched in satisfaction. I loved when he let on that I was right.

***

My lips were tingling as I tried to hold a conversation with the woman sitting next to me. “See, I can’t get close to a man. It’s just not worth it,” I slurred, holding my shot of tequila in the air.

The older woman sighed as she clanked my glass. “Amen.” We downed our shots, and I closed my eyes, relishing the feeling of all control beginning to fade from my body.

Nathan was leaning comfortably back in his chair at a table close by, his tie loosened and his dress sleeves rolled to his elbows. Miguel was sitting next to him, batting his long eyelashes, hopeful for Nathan’s attention. Every now and then Nathan would lean over and whisper something in Miguel’s ear, causing him to blush. His apron was set on the table, so I assumed he was either taking his break or done for the night. I had no idea what time it was.

“So money bags isn’t your man?” the older woman asked in her raspy voice. She sounded like she’d smoked her entire life. “Thought for sure he was straight with your cute little tush on his arm.”

“Ha!” I laughed loudly, waving my hand in the air for the new bartender to bring me another drink. “Been there, tried that. He wouldn’t ‘even fuck my ass—’, those were his exact words.”

The woman laughed. “Hard to find bi-guys. Seems only the ladies like to swing both ways.”

“Hmm, maybe for you darlin’, but not this woman. I love me some nice, thick co-”

“Jay!” Nathan said way too loudly as he flung his arm around my shoulders. I grasped his wrist with both hands to steady myself. “What are you going on and on about to the lovely Beatrice?” He was very smooth and collected, and I hated that he had the ability to drink half the tequila at the bar and not be affected. Miguel was standing next to him, looking like a puppy wanting to be picked to take home.

“What? You worried Beatrice is going to be my new best friend?”

Nathan howled, squeezing me to his side. “Oh please, no one will ever replace me.”

“Ah, you’re forgetting Becca,” I tisked.

Nathan rolled his eyes, his Conklin grin forming on his plush lips, lips that looked extremely kissable to me at the moment. I bit my lip in contemplation, wondering if I should give them another taste.

“Oh boy. I think it’s time Jay and I head home.” He turned to Miguel, flashing him a smile. “Sorry, Miguel. See you next time I’m in town.” Miguel’s big brown eyes lost their hope as Nathan began to pull me off the stool.

“I’m perfectly capable of walking on my own,” I slurred. I tried to elbow him in the side as I stood, but I completely missed, causing my body to lurch forward, nearly falling to the ground. Thankfully, Nathan caught me, laughing hysterically as I tried to find my footing in my too high red heels.

“And this is why it’s time to call it quits. Have a good night, Beatrice.” Nathan laughed as he wrapped an arm around my waist, coaxing me to walk toward the exit.

“I can walk!” I slurred, trying to shove him away. “I didn’t drink that much!”

“Yeah, yeah, tell that to the drag queen you were chattering at all night.”

“Drag queen?” I said in shock.

Nathan chuckled, then lifted me, carrying me to his car.

He gently slid me into the Ferrari, buckling my seat belt and taking off my heels. I felt his hand move stray strands of hair from my face, noticing a slight tremor to his touch as he held in his amusement. The car door closed as I made myself comfortable in the small space.

Nathan smoothly pulled out of the ramp, his hand turning the music down. “Don’t turn off Elton! This is my favorite song!”

“
Tiny Dancer
? Really?” Nathan asked in surprise.

“Well, duh. I know your favorite is
Candle in the Wind
, but come on,” I groaned dramatically.

“How do you know that?”

“Because every time I get in your car that song is blasting. And you’re constantly humming it,
everywhere
.”

“Like where?”

“At your desk, in the elevator, waiting in line for takeout, the shower…Where don’t you hum that song?”

“Whatever,” Nathan exaggerated. “Why don’t you just count the lights on the highway.”

“I will if you lay me down in sheets of linen,” I flirted.

Nathan began to sing. “You had a busy day today…”

“Hold me closer Tiny Dancer…” Nathan and I sang full out at once, continuing until the chorus was over.

The smile couldn’t go unnoticed on Nathan’s face as he shook his head. “You’re something else.”

I giggled, then sighed as I closed my eyes. My heart was beating fast, the alcohol running through my veins, drowning out all my worries and memories.

My hand wandered, finding the expensive fabric of Nathan’s dress pants, gently stroking his firm thigh.

I heard Nathan chuckle, then felt his hand grasp mine, holding it in his lap as he continued driving us home. The ride was long enough for Nathan to serenade me with “
Candle in the Wind”.

While he sang I hummed, my mind drifting to other thoughts as I pulled his hand in my lap. The warm skin of his forearm was on my exposed thigh, and I widened my legs, slowly pulling our entwined hands close to my hips. The course hair of his arm brushed against my smooth skin, and I let out a soft moan, wanting to feel his skin all over my body.

Nathan’s hand was dangerously close to my panties as he shut off the car, and I pouted when he pulled away from me. I couldn’t move my legs, and found myself very comfortable in the plush leather seats. I was almost irritated when he opened my door and hauled me out of the car.

“Come on Jay, I thought you could handle your liquor,” Nathan teased.

“Hmm,” I murmured as I wrapped my arms around his waist, not only because I could hardly walk, but because I wanted my hands to roam across his torso, hoping to get a feel of the definition I knew was there. I tilted my head up, taking in the scent of his expensive cologne. I rarely got close enough to smell it because he dabbed it on his neck so little and rarely.

Nathan grunted as he tried to pull me up the stairs. I licked my lips, my hand finding the front of his belt, slowly tugging at his shirt. “Nathan, are you sure you only like boys?” I murmured into his neck.

“Positive,” he said quickly as we finally found our way to the front of the condo. He ignored my hand beginning to play with the button on his pants.

I licked my lips again, then slowly peppered kisses along his neck. He stopped his movements of trying to find his keys while holding me upright. “Jay…”

“What?” I whispered innocently, my lips finding the shell of his ear as I stood on my tiptoes, my hand wandering. I lost my footing though, and stumbled into him, letting out a giggle as he caught me.

“My God, you’re wasted.” His arms were holding me upright, pinning me to his chest so I couldn’t move. “I need to get the keys out of my pocket so we can go inside and get you to bed,” he patronized.

“Hmm, to bed. That sounds wonderful,” I purred.

“No, no, no… to your own bed.”

“Nathan…” I pouted, my lips mere inches from his.

Even though my eyes were closed, I knew he was smiling at me. “Jamie, we both know what’s not going to happen.”

I pouted my lips even more. “Just kiss me one more time.”

Nathan laughed even harder, but I stood confident in his arms, my eyes still closed, lips still tingling. “All right, one kiss. But I’m warning you, it’s not going to change me.”

Just as I parted my lips to protest, his hands found my cheeks, tilting my head upwards to meet his mouth. His movements were gentle, softly plucking my bottom lip between his. As quickly as my arms moved to wrap around his waste, the quicker Nathan moved his lips from mine, tenderly plucking them once more before he spoke.

“Got nothing. Sorry, sweetie.”

My eyes sprung open as a frown spread across my face. Nathan smiled and winked at me, turning to open the door.

“I don’t believe you,” I challenged.