Hideous Love: The Story of the Girl Who Wrote Frankenstein (19 page)

but we must also leave Pisa for now

and travel to Livorno

to stay at an empty house

the Gisbornes have there.

My little Percy suffers

and I blame myself

and my lack of producing

good milk for him.

All of these stressful events

create a drought in me.

My father insists that he

be sent more money,

and I cannot even manage

to read my mail.

I ask Shelley to sift through it

for me and read me only

the cheerful sections.

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WITH AND WITHOUT CLAIRE

August 1820

We move again to a village

four miles east of Pisa

at the beginning of August.

Thanks to the prescription

of a mild climate,

calm life, and no medicine,

my Shelley finds himself

in good health and humor.

My spirits will be raised

if Claire retreats

from us for a spell.

At the end of August

my wish is granted.

Claire goes to Livorno for a month.

Unfortunately something shifts

between my love and me.

Shelley shelves the deaths

of our three children

like they are events from a book

he long ago read.

He seems to feel that I spoil

little Percy and fret over him

like a servant fusses over a prince.

Shelley also decides that we must

cut my father out of our lives,

for the time being, as Father

sends such upsetting letters

once again demanding money.

Further, Father and Stepmother

spread gossip about us to the Gisbornes.

Maria Gisborne now refuses

my calls. But what frightens

me the most is that Shelley

and I find a river between us lately.

One I cannot wade across

where the rapids threaten

and the water deepens.

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LEARNING TO SWIM

Autumn 1820

My little Percy splashes

about in his bath,

creating tidal pools

on the floor.

I have given him

a tiny paper boat

to float on the water,

but mostly he chews upon it.

I tell Shelley I want

to take lessons

to learn how to swim properly

as we spend

so many hours

on the river and at sea.

“I want to be able

to teach Percy to swim

when he is old enough.”

I dry the baby off

and find Shelley

immersed in his reading.

“Did you say something?”

he asks me.

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CLAIRE IN FLORENCE

October 1820

Claire moves to Florence

and stays as a paying guest

in the home of a doctor,

Antonio Bojti.

The Bojtis require help

with many small children

and in exchange Antonio’s wife

teaches Claire

to speak German.

The Bojtis also introduce Claire

to their socially well-placed friends.

She makes a good hand

out of bad cards I think

in this arrangement.

We hope that Claire

will miss Allegra a little less

being surrounded by children

and also that she will learn

to become a governess

and thereby become

more independent.

Until then Shelley,

of course, takes care

of her expenses.

Shelley accompanies

Claire on her trip

to Florence, and

I worry that he enjoys

being with her more

than he does me.

I delve into my new novel,

Valperga
, which is set

in fourteenth-century Lucca, Italy.

The book describes the intellectual

and libertarian possibilities

of the nation state.

I incorporate much research

into this book.

I find it challenging and

feel I engage all parts of my brain

even more than I have in the past.

It is as though my zest for knowledge

intersects, like lines that were once

more parallel, but now meet on a grid,

with my ability to imagine.

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CLAIRE FOR A MONTH

December 1820

Claire will be joining

us for Christmas, a gift

I did not ask for.

I begin to feel

at home in Pisa, the weather

even in the winter feels

like spring. And the grand duke

of Florence visits in the winter

making Pisa a center

of fashion, interest, and culture.

I wear my hair up

in combs now.

But even though

I am careful to sport

dresses of style

in pink stripe or light color,

Shelley seems not

to notice me at all.

If he wants adventure,

he invites

Claire to be his partner.

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RESEARCH

Winter 1821

The excavation of facts

satisfies me as does

hoeing my garden.

After I pick through

the unnecessary information

a story begins to emerge

as a bed of flowers

blossoms once the weeds

have been cleared.

I immerse myself

in Italy’s past

in this book,
Valperga
,

and thereby

connect more

to the place I live now.

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JANE AND EDWARD

Winter 1821

Thomas Medwin,

Shelley’s cousin who has

lived in Pisa with us

since October, introduces

us to his English friends

Edward Williams

and his unofficial wife, Jane.

Thomas and Edward

served together in India.

I am not entranced

by Edward’s military exploits,

though he boasts about them often,

but more by his love affair

with Jane, which mirrors my own.

Jane at sixteen married

a nasty naval captain

from whom she separated

the next year. Shortly afterward

she fell in love with Edward.

It was a mad love affair

like two hummingbirds

meeting midflight.

Jane broke convention

and left England as Edward’s wife

even though no divorce

officially happened.

They lived in Geneva

as had Shelley and I

and bore a son, Edward Medwin,

named for their best friend.

Jane now expects her second child

in March.

Jane is pretty,

but rather unexceptional,

like a boiled egg,

except for her musical talent.

Edward shows some promise

as an artist, but is not

our usual caliber of friend

in intellectual rigor.

Still I enjoy their company

and especially Edward’s

naval expertise.

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INFLUENCE

Winter 1821

New friends enrich

our lives as does discovering

a new path into town.

Sometimes the road

proves preferable,

sometimes it is more rocks

and mud.

Either way you encounter

different views,

discover alternate

ways to experience life,

and learn capabilities

and vulnerabilities within

yourself yet unknown.

My circle of friends

widens and constricts

depending upon where we reside.

I sometimes long

for the sphere of influence

I found in England.

Lately I often engage

most intimately

with the research for my book.

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BYRON AND ALLEGRA

March 1821

Byron enrolls Allegra

in a convent at the beginning

of the month.

Claire is so furious

she foams as a rabid dog,

she mutes beyond speech,

though not so beyond

speaking her mind

that she writes

Byron a scathing letter.

Because Lord Byron

promised that he would

raise Allegra himself

or at least until she was seven,

Claire decides she will

set Bryon straight.

Shelley and I unite

over the idea that Byron