Higher Octave (Heavy Influence #2.5) (6 page)

He’d mentioned it to me several times after
he moved up north that he’d have to invest in a new wardrobe if he
wanted to fit in with Marshall’s friends. Not that he really cared,
but Marshall did.

“What? Time to grow up?” I teased. “And
throw away the sneaks you’ve been wearin’ since high school?”

He clutched his chest in mock pain. “My
babies? Who have carried me a million miles all over the world?
Never!” he threw up his arm and pointed to the sky in animated
conviction. “I’ll never grow up.”

I laughed. “Me either, man.”

Bobby yanked on the chair pulling it out and
sat down. “So what’s this all about?” He leaned in intently. “We’re
going in to record those songs, right? In a couple of days?”

“Yeah, and some journalist wants to
interview me, and I thought you should be here, too. I know he’ll
probably be more interested in the past, than my future.”

“I wouldn’t say that, man.” Bobby tried to
be optimistic.

A guy named Glen Lim, a
Huffington Post and Rolling Stone contributor, met us a short while
later. A fortyish, athletically slender white dude with blonde hair
–
Huh?
His last
name threw me off. I was expecting an Asian dude. Glen reminded me
more of a pro-golfer than a music journalist. I’d read many of his
articles, but never knew what he looked like. He was nervous,
jittery in fact, and I found it odd, considering his long list of
exclusives with music greats. Maybe he’d had too much
coffee.

He introduced himself to Bobby and I with a
damp hand, and for the first fifteen minutes, he stuck to talking
about the video Marty produced from the Hotel Café show. Then Glen
began treading lightly on my rocky road, and I was as gracious as I
could be with answers, until he asked about Sienna and if any of
the rumors of our affair were true.

I stiffened and cast a
glance to Bobby, who scowled at Glen.
Poker face
, I thought before I
spoke
.
“Sienna and
I were very close, Glen. People can assume what they want about
us.” I shrugged. “I haven’t seen Sienna in a few years. We
primarily keep in touch by texts here and there. She knows where
I’m at if she ever needs me.”

“I recently met with her to
discuss her book deal. You must know she’s written a book
titled,
With the Band
– it’s about her life and time with
Rita’s Revolt
.”

No, I didn’t know, and all the tendons in my
body tightened. I nodded and forced a smile. “Good for her. I’ve
heard embarking on a project like that can help you heal.” I
sighed, crossing my legs. “You know, Sienna and I went through a
few rounds of rehab together. We were, unfortunately, each other’s
enablers for a while, until we parted and got serious about our
recovery. I love Sienna. Tough times make people do crazy shit…but
much like my solo endeavor, it’s all self-therapy, and I think
she’d be able to share some interesting, fun facts about her time
with us and her life with her husband, Dump.”

Glen smiled satisfied and continued. “Sienna
explained that there’ll be a big surprise for Jake Masters’ fans,
saying she can’t deny the truth any longer.”

“Sounds like we’ll all have to wait for the
surprise.” I chuckled, making sure the sincerity reached my eyes,
though I was far from happy about what Sienna had decided to share
in her new book. I wondered if Glen was just baiting me. Why would
Sienna talk about our time together? It would make her look bad,
too. I pushed it from my mind, but Bobby had other ideas after Glen
departed.

Bobby and I sat silently staring at each
other for several minutes after Glen took off. “Is there anything
you need to tell me?”

I almost choked. I swallowed and took a
drink of my coffee, which was now grossly cold. The only person I
should have been really concerned about knowing what really went
down with Sienna was Aly, and she already knew the truth. Did I
really care if the whole world knew how fucked up I was?

“I’m not the same person,
Bobby. Anything that Sienna has to share about me was when I was
fucked up on drugs, and so was she.” I stood and stepped toward the
trash receptacle, tossing my empty cup inside. “Is what it is. I
just hope she focuses on all the good times
and
the love of her life.”

“It’s true, what they’re saying, isn’t it?”
Bobby eyed me skeptically.

I gripped the back of the chair I’d been
sitting in and leaned over it, balancing on tense arms. “Bobby I’m
not proud of some of the things that went on between Sienna and me,
okay? We were both fucked up, and now we’re not.”

Bobby’s eyes drifted over me, trying to read
my mind and the meaning of what I’d decided to share with him. He
just nodded his head dolefully, and it made my stomach curl.
“Okay.” That was all he said.

We walked back to his townhouse a few blocks
away, the one that Marshall used to occupy when they’d first
started dating. I didn’t want to wait around at the coffee house
for Gabe to pick me up, so I sat on Bobby’s blue velvet couch,
tapping out a text to Sienna—first a long one, telling her what I’d
heard. And then I erased it and went with:

• THINKIN’ ABOUT YOU. I HOPE THINGS ARE GOOD.
  

I stared at the screen until Gabe’s text
interrupted my duress.

“Bobby. I’m out!” I shouted. He came out
from his bedroom, wiping his hands with a white hand towel. I threw
a thumb over my shoulder. “Gabe’s here.”

“Alright. See ya tomorrow.”

I stalled for a moment. I wanted to better
explain myself about Sienna, but Bobby held his hand up, stopping
me. “Dude. I’m not the one you have to worry about. I’m not gonna
judge you.”

I bowed my head. “Thanks, man.”

Gabe and I drove back in near silence to my
mom’s, and all the while, I held my phone, waiting for Sienna to
reply. I’d talked myself into going on the defense, in a tactical
sort of way. I was going to get ahead of any potential damage. I’d
written a song about us, about all the speculation. About our grief
and loss, finding comfort in each other. I hadn’t debuted it during
my set at The Hotel Café, but now I would. I’d be meeting Bobby to
rehearse and go over the songs we’d be recording over the next
week. That song would now be included.

We pulled down into our
downtown neighborhood. I spotted the Von’s supermarket on the
corner, and it reminded me that my mom asked me to stop for eggs,
I’d been eating hardboiled eggs like nobody’s business, trying to
stick to a protein diet as much as possible. I remembered looking
at her like she was crazy, feeling like I was fifteen again. I’d
usually smart off, making some excuse as to why I couldn’t run an
errand for her, but this time I told her,
no problem
.

I pointed. “Pull over at the Von’s. I need
to grab something for Kate.”

I made quick business of
grabbing a carton of eggs and getting in line. I waved to familiar
faces and was happy that they just smiled and waved back. I wasn’t
in the mood to chat; of course, that was before I saw
her
again.

Grace strolled through the sliding doors,
pushing a red shopping cart.

6

I was the last person in line, in lane five,
and the grey-haired grandma in front of me was still unloading her
cart. I backed out, curving around the end cap filled with tabloid
and fashion magazines. I played it off like I was interested in
their idiotic headlines, all the while tossing a curious eye in
Grace’s direction, watching her gather her produce items. She wore
a white gauzy-looking dress, and her air was pulled up on top of
her head. Her fair skin looked slightly pink, like she’d gotten
sunburned. When she pushed her cart out of view, I moved in her
direction. My heart raced.

What would I say to her? I had to say
something, anything.

She pushed her cart leisurely toward the
dairy section, and I moved at her pace, keeping a bit of distance.
I perused the shelves like I was looking for something when she
suddenly turned around, spinning the cart around with her. We
locked eyes. I felt so ridiculous at that moment, and the blood
rushed to my head. I don’t think I’d ever been more embarrassed in
my life, and I could feel the warmth of it spread across my
face.

Grace smiled cheerily, waving. “Jake. How
are you?” she said, rolling her cart toward me. If she noticed my
embarrassment, she didn’t show it.

I gave her a corny grin and
lifted the grey carton I held in my hand. “Eggs.” And then what
came out next was more of a thought, but it slipped out instead.
“You look great.”
Kill me.

Now it was her turn to grow pink in the
face, and she gave a little snigger. “Thank you.” She looked around
awkwardly.

I managed to get a grip. “I wanted to say
thank you for coming the show that night, but you pulled a
Houdini.” I smiled down at her and watched the smile fade from her
face.

She looked at me thoughtfully. “I’m sorry. I
just got…your lyrics.” She looked away shaking her head. “They hit
close to home.”

I was enamored. “They can have that affect.
Sometimes I can’t handle them either.” I chuckled ironically, and
the happy smile reappeared on her exquisite face. “I’m glad to see
you’re getting out of the house, finally.” As soon as the words
rolled out of my mouth, I wanted to spontaneously combust, and she
did too, by the look on her face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean
to…”

Her breath caught. She placed her hand on my
shoulder, sending a comforting sensation through me, and her words
rushed out. “No. Please. Don’t be sorry. I’m sure Gabe told you why
I disappeared that night. It’s okay.”

“That came out…” I looked up, searching for
anything better to say…“lame. I’m sorry.” She was still smiling at
me. “But hey, you look great. You look like you got some sun.”

She moaned. “I put sunscreen on my little
man, but failed to cover myself.”

“Baby steps.”

“I’m not sure if I’m taking any steps yet.
It’s more like I’m crawling.” She pursed her lips.

“Crawling is better than just lying there.
Trust me, I know.”

Her eyes drifted over me, and a soft smile
remained on her gorgeous face. A moment passed, and I could
practically see the wheels turning behind her eyes as she tipped
her head up to meet my gaze.

“Thanks.” Her voice cracked.

My heart skipped, urging me
to say something more. “You wanna grab coffee some time?” I
clutched the carton of eggs so hard, I felt one of them
crack.
Shit.
I
hoped it wouldn’t ooze out.

Surprise sparked in her eyes. “Um. Sure.”
She nodded and gripped the red cart more tightly.

I wanted to tell her there was no pressure,
but there was a shine in her eyes when she smiled at me. “Cool.” I
shifted backward, feeling anxious about keeping Gabe waiting. “I’ll
get your number from Gabe.”

“Okay.” She began to push her cart forward
and I walked beside her. “See you soon, then.”

Indeed you will.
“Sounds good.” I waved goodbye.

I felt a spring in my step as I grabbed a
new carton of eggs, paid, and walked out of the store. I wasn’t
sure what I was feeling, but an easy semblance of something that
had been missing for so long flared. There was something inspiring
and hopeful in Grace. Gabe was out of the car, leaning against the
hood.

“Sorry. I ran into Grace,” I mumbled quickly
as I passed him to open the car door.

His eyebrows inched upward.

“I asked her to coffee.” I couldn’t look at
him, and instantly felt a discontented vibe.

“Jake, she’s not…”

“Stop.” I interrupted, standing with one leg
in the truck, looking at him over the hood. “This isn’t a conquest,
Gabe, it’s just coffee.”

“Jake, with all due respect…” He paused.
Concern draped over his weathered face, and he looked away from me
and moved getting in the truck. “I don’t want to put you in any
stereotypical category...”

“But you are,” I said flatly, sullen by his
assumption. I pulled my door shut, and he did the same. A tense
moment passed. “I don’t need babysitting, and neither does she. If
she didn’t want to meet me, she wouldn’t have said yes.”

Gabe started the car and began to drive from
the parking lot. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business what you do.
You’re right. I’m just hired to drive you.”

There was no malice in his tone, but his
words stung. Sure, I hired him to drive me, but we’d become
friends. Grace was his friend, even more so than I.

He continued, “She’s just been through a
lot, and she’s delicate, Jake. Getting involved with you wouldn’t
be a good thing for her. You’re on a different playing field. She’s
a mother and a widow. You’re a young rock star with your entire
life ahead of you.”

I nodded; he was right.
“Gabe I just have to know her, okay? There’s a lot going on there,
and I just have to see what it’s all about. I’m drawn to her, and
it’s not in an
I wanna fuck her
kinda way.”

I thought about what I’d said to Gabe as I
walked into the house carrying the eggs my mother asked me to get
for her. I wasn’t sure what I wanted from Grace. I knew she was
older than me, but her age never crossed my mind. I wanted to get
to know her and those raw emotions she’d let loose while I
performed. It didn’t dawn on me that she might think I was
interested in her in a lustful sorta way. I shuffled through the
kitchen, now regretting asking her to coffee as I put the carton in
the fridge. She certainly didn’t need me in her life.