Highland Angel (8 page)

Kirstie doubted Alice’s small round face could get any redder and she felt the sting of a blush upon her own cheeks. “Nay. There was some, weel, nay-so-innocent touching and harsh punishments meted out if the children objected in e’en the smallest way. Roderick didnae do much more than that to a boy until he was eight years of age. ’Twas as if he had made himself some rule all his own, but he held to it. He would get them young and ’twas as if he tried to train them to his ways. He would touch them, the touches slowly growing more intimate, and any rejection of his attention brought harsh punishment. It was all aimed at making the lads accept Roderick without protest when he decided they were the right age for him. It worked with some, but nay all of them.”

“Rather like ye might train a dog,” Alice muttered and shook her head.

“Roderick is verra good at finding a person’s weakness, sniffing out what terrifies one the most. ’Twas nay hard with most of the children. Once he found it, he used it against ye again and again, until ye would do anything, just so he wouldnae put ye through your greatest torment again. He ne’er found Callum’s. A few times it seemed as if he had, but Callum seemed able to overcome that fear or weakness and Roderick would have to try and find another. Breaking the poor boy to his will became an obsession with Roderick. ’Tis why I couldnae free Callum for so long. He was always being watched, if only because Roderick kenned Callum would ne’er stop trying to escape. The older
Callum got, the more the urge to escape became the urge to strike back.”

“I am surprised the mon didnae use ye to try to break the lad.”

Kirstie sighed. “He did, shortly before I freed Callum. We had already guessed that he might and I had made Callum swear he would stand fast nay matter what was done. He did. Roderick tried to use me to break the boy three times, but each time Callum stood firm. Unfortunately, it made the need to free Callum more pressing. Roderick was enraged and he finally noticed how swiftly Callum was growing, that verra soon the boy would be able to look him in the eye. That was when Roderick decided it was time to be rid of Callum.”

Alice shook her head again. “I hear all ye say and I believe ye, yet a part of me just cannae grasp it.”

“I ken what ye mean and I lived it all. Ah, weel, your lads werenae badly done by. And, although I think Callum may forever carry the scars of some heart-deep wounds, I can see now that he can be healed in many ways.”

“Aye, he is a verra strong lad in heart, mind, and body. And, he is yours.”

“Och, weel, I would keep him, but it appears he may have family who will want to take him in.”

“The MacMillans, aye. Once the name was said, I could see it clear. But, that willnae matter, nay e’en if he goes to live with them. He will e’er come back to ye and he will always be ready to stand by ye. Ye ken all that happened to him, lass, and ye still care for him, have from the start. Ye endured pain for his sake and ye freed him from it all at risk to your verra life. Nay, Callum is yours. Moira and Robbie have yet to choose, but I am thinking they may be yours as weel. Although, if Moira was given a choice right now, I am thinking she would want our Payton.”

“Ha, just like every other female.” She smiled faintly when Alice laughed. “One last thing ere I talk to the others—try to get the lads to tell ye what Roderick did. I think it would help if ye could discover what he did to punish them for he may have discovered their fears, may have e’en made them worse. It might save ye an unpleasant moment or two, save ye or Ian from stirring up the same terror or torment by accident.”

“I will do that. They are young enough for the bad memories to fade, but nay if Ian and I stir them up all unknowing-like. Go on with ye, then. Talk to the others. I ken ye will say all the right things.”

Kirstie was not so sure of that as she faced Callum, Moira, and Robbie a few moments later with a distinct feeling of trepidation. She finally just repeated most of what Ian had said to her. As she waited for some response to the news she had just given them, she studied their faces and could see no hint of hurt or insult.

“Weel, I am nay surprised,” Callum said, and the two younger children nodded. “Those three boys were always wanting to be with Wee Alice. Thought it was just for the food, but changed my mind.”

“Ye do ken that they will take all of ye as weel, if ye wish it,” Kirstie said.

“Och, aye. I think we just want to set steady for a while, just liking being warm, with full bellies and soft beds. And being as safe as we have e’er been.” Callum glanced at the two other children and they quickly murmured their full agreement.

When David, Alan, and William arrived, all three trying to talk at once, Kirstie felt the sting of tears in her eyes. Three of her waifs now had a bright future and would be cherished. She saw only a responding happiness in the other children and knew there
would be no hurt feelings or jealousies to deal with. Kirstie did wonder, however, what Robbie, Moira, and Callum wanted for their futures. They seemed perfectly content with matters as they stood now, but once Roderick was dealt with, some decision would have to be made. If they thought she and they would simply continue on at Payton’s house, in his life, she was going to have to disillusion them. Payton was her chosen champion, nothing more, and when he succeeded in slaying her dragon, he would be gone from her life.

That realization sat like a cold stone in her belly for the rest of the day. By the time she retired to her bedchamber for the night, she felt as if the chill of it had seeped into the very marrow of her bones and doubted the hot bath waiting for her would ease it. Kirstie finally admitted to herself that, as the children did, she had not allowed herself to look closely at how this would all end. She had settled herself into Payton’s life, worked with him in planning Roderick’s downfall, and not truly considered that their time together was limited.

She placed a hand over her heart as if she could shield it from the pain that was already settling itself deep inside. It was suddenly clear to her that, although she had been successful in her fight to keep Payton out of her bed, she had failed to keep him out of her heart. Such folly, she thought, and sighed. A man like Payton was so far above her touch it was laughable. She was still locked into a hopeless marriage and now she had gone and plunged herself into a hopeless love. The only thing she could do was try very hard not to let anyone know just how great a fool she was.

Nay, she mused, there was one other thing she could do. Kirstie went to the chests of women’s clothing that had been brought to her room. In only a moment, she clutched what she had searched for. Kirstie held the night shift up and blushed. It was made of the finest, sheerest linen and trimmed with silk ribbons and lace. One of Payton’s kinswomen obviously liked to entice her husband.

“And she probably has what is needed to entice a mon, unlike ye, ye skinny fool,” she muttered.

Then, she shook her head and began to shed her clothes. One thing she was sure of was that Payton desired her. He had been rubbing the proof of that against her in the kitchen only a few hours ago. She could even see his desire in his fine eyes, hear it behind every seductive word he spoke. It made no sense to her when women like the well-rounded Lady Fraser sought him out, but there was no denying Payton’s desire for her.

“So, I shall take it,” she said firmly as she began to give herself a thorough bath. “If ’tis all the rogue has to offer, then I shall take it, glut myself on it.”

She had been married for five years. No one would believe her a virgin, even when they found out the whole ugly truth about Roderick. There was no need to cling to her maidenhead for an annulment, either, for there never would be one. At the end of this battle either she or Roderick would be dead. Did she really want to die without ever having known the fullness of the passion she and Payton could share? The answer to that question was a swift and resounding nay. Her love was greedy. She wanted it all, but good sense told her she was reaching for the moon. So, she would take all she could, all Payton would give. At least, when it all ended, she would have some very lovely memories to help ease her heartache.

When she finally donned the night shift, her slightly damp hair tied back with a silk
ribbon, Kirstie felt her courage waver as she looked at herself. For all the shift hung from shoulder to toe, it hid very little. Then she stiffened her backbone. She was about to do some hearty sinning. This was the perfect attire for it. That she was acting out of love took away some of her concern over all the rules she was about to break. Not completely, however, and Kirstie decided she had better get herself into Payton’s arms and his bed before thoughts of sin sapped the last of her resolve.

Payton slouched in his chair and sipped at his wine. Nothing was going right. Roderick still walked free and healthy. His campaign of blackening the man’s name was beginning to bear fruit, but the man had yet to be shunned completely. It was proving far more difficult than it ought to be to get people to heed his warnings and to try to find any witnesses willing to speak out. People either disbelieved it all, were appallingly disinterested, or were too afraid to step forward. Payton knew patience was a virtue in a campaign against such evil, but he was rapidly running out of it. Every time one of the children flinched or their big eyes held dark shadows instead of sweet innocence, he wanted Sir Roderick MacIye dead.

And, most lowering of all in his slightly drunken opinion, was that his attempts at seduction were also failing. A full fortnight had passed since he had decided he would have Kirstie in his bed and his bed was still cold and empty when he crawled into it at night. Kirstie was not cold to him, but she was certainly resisting him with a frustrating success. A part of him was pleased that she was not proving to be an easy conquest. He had had far too many of those. Another part of him, he mused as he glanced down at his aching groin, was not pleased at all. Payton idly wondered if a man could suffer any damage from a near-perpetual erection. His vanity was stung as well. Why was she not tumbling into his bed with the ease so many others had?

The soft sound of his bedchamber door opening drew him from his thoughts. He hoped Strong Ian was not coming to taunt or lecture him again. The man was finding far too much enjoyment in Payton’s failure to get Kirstie into his bed and, far too often, too sternly disapproving of Payton’s attempts to seduce the woman as well.

When Kirstie slipped into the room, softly shutting the door behind her, Payton nearly dropped his tankard. Never taking his gaze from her, he finished his drink and awkwardly fumbled around until he was able to set the empty tankard down on the table next to his chair. He surreptitiously tugged his shirt down to hide the painfully visible proof that he could not be in the same room with her and not want her. Especially when that room was a bedchamber and most especially when she wore only a too-thin night rail.

“Is something wrong with the bairns?” he asked, not surprised to hear how raspy his voice was. Payton was astounded he could utter a single coherent word.

“Nay, they are all sleeping,” she replied in a soft, somewhat unsteady voice.

“Why are ye here, then?”

Kirstie took a deep breath to steady herself and was pleased with the calm, strong tone of her voice as she replied, “I want ye to make love to me.”

A heavy silence met her words. She had imagined many responses to her approach, but never one where Payton just sat there silently staring at her, acting as if he had been hit in the head. Or, she mused as she looked at his tankard, as if he was one sip away from becoming a useless lump of drunken unconciousness. She had not considered the possibility that he would be too drunk. Then she frowned. In the three weeks since she had met him she had not noticed that Payton was given to indulging in too much drink.

“Ye have been drinking?” she asked.

“I have been doing rather a lot of it in the past three weeks,” he replied, wondering why he was still sitting in the chair and not rushing her into his bed.

“Ah, so ye are drunk.” She wanted to weep with disappointment, for she was not
sure she would be able to work up the courage to approach him a second time.

“I dinnae think so, although I begin to wonder. Repeat the reason ye are here.”

“Must I?”

“Oh, aye, I believe so.”

“I want ye to make love to me.”

Slowly, Payton got up and walked over to her. Just hearing her say those words had him so heavy with need he was surprised he could walk at all. Yet, the end to the long days and nights of aching hunger had come so abruptly, so simply and directly, he could not fully believe it. He grasped her by her slender shoulders and pressed his lips to her forehead.

“Again,” he whispered against her skin. “Tell me again.”

“I want ye to make love to me,” she whispered back, then blushed when he leaned back a little to stare at her. “I dinnae understand why ye keep asking me to say it. ’Tis what ye have been trying to coax from me for a fortnight, aye? Jesu, have ye changed your mind?”

“Nay. Och, nay, I havenae changed my mind. I have been fair to crippled with the wanting of ye since we met.”

“Och, aye? I believe ye were about to climb into Lady Fraser’s bed when we met.”

“Weel, then since I first saw ye in the light, without all the mud and marsh grass.”

She shivered faintly. The thought that this beautiful man wanted her was enough to send her desire soaring. Slowly, she curled her arms around his neck, hoping he would hurry and start doing what he was rumored to be so good at. Although she had finally convinced herself to just reach out and take what he offered, what she so desperately wanted, too much hesitation could easily prove fatal to her resolve. There were just as many reasons why she should
not
be in his arms as there were reasons why she should be, and she did not want her mind to start thinking about the former again. Too much thinking could easily turn her
aye
back into a
nay
.

“What about your annulment?” he asked as he began to stroke her thinly covered back.

“I realized that wasnae possible now.” She began to unlace his soft linen shirt. “This battle can only end with Roderick’s death, or mine. He cannae let me live. In this instance, ’twill truly be only death which will end the marriage. If naught else, I will have to let it be known I am alive if I am to get that annulment.” She opened his shirt and thought it had to be a sin for a man to have such beautiful skin. “But, I suspect ye kenned that.” She softly kissed his chest and felt him tremble, his arms tightening around her and pulling her closer. “I suspected the flaw in that plan from the moment I thought on it. Ye ne’er argued it, however.”

He pulled her close, nestling her against his groin, and was enthralled by how perfectly she fit him. “I decided it was but a ploy to try and hold me at a distance so ye would heed no argument.” He gritted his teeth as he fought to control his desire, to allow her to keep touching him. “Ye are nay longer concerned about committing adultery? Can ye now see that ye are nay his true wife and ne’er have been?”

“Payton, why are ye trying to recall me to all the reasons why I shouldnae be here?” she asked.

“Because I am an idiot?”

“Weel, I would ne’er be so unkind as to say so. Still…”

“Aye, still. One last question ere I strip ye of this wee scrap of linen ye wear. Are ye certain Sir Roderick ne’er consummated your marriage?”

“I may be innocent, but I am nay ignorant. Nay, he ne’er did.”

“Why?”

“Doesnae that make two questions?”

“Why?”

Kirstie sighed and looked at the wall, feeling the sting of a deep blush upon her cheeks. “I told ye that, at fifteen, I looked like a child. I truly did. I was verra late coming into womanhood, though I threatened the few who kenned it into silence. It finally descended upon me on my wedding night. Roderick didnae give me a chance to warn him, so, I fear, he discovered it in a rather embarrassing way.”

“Ye mean he—”

“Aye. I didnae ken it at the time, but he had obviously stiffened his backbone and gritted his teeth, prepared to do the deed as quickly as possible. He staggered into my bedchamber, muttering something about a husband’s duty and inheritances. I had prepared myself to tell him what had happened, only he kept sticking his tongue in my mouth. Then he yanked up my shift. He was ill all over the bed linen, then ran out of the room. After that I began to look a wee bit more like a woman and less like a child. He tried a time or two after that night but could ne’er get verra far. At first I thought it all my fault, that I repulsed him.”

“Foolish.” He began to kiss her neck, breathing deep of the clean scent of her skin.

“Weel, after I had a wee problem with one or two of his men trying to tumble me, I decided it wasnae me. It was him. Then I began to notice that there were verra few women about the keep and fewer still who were even allowed near him. That was when I decided he must prefer men. That also explained why he was increasingly angry with me, his faint tolerance rapidly turning into a somewhat brutal contempt, even hatred.”

“Mayhap he thought a wife would cure him.”

“Mayhap. Or he felt, if he could breed me, it would help him hide his true self from the world.”

The way he was kissing her face, her throat, even her ears, had desire flowing through her veins at an increasingly heady speed. She did not want to talk anymore. She wanted them both naked, wanted to feel those gently caressing hands against her skin, and wanted to touch his skin. Kirstie had the feeling Payton sought to go slowly, gently, to soothe any virginal fears she might have, or even to ease her free of any lingering doubts. She was not sure how she could tell him she did not need, or even want, such consideration. He had been promising her paradise for a fortnight and it was time he delivered.

As she had told him, she was innocent, not ignorant. She might not know exactly how they were supposed to fit together, but she did know that the ache she felt was demanding that they do so. On her wedding night she had been prepared to endure it all for the sake of her family and for the begetting of children. Now, she craved it. It was what Payton had been trying to make her feel, yet now that he had, he was dawdling.

When he kissed her, she wrapped her arms around his neck and let herself be swept away by the heat his clever tongue induced within her. It took a moment after the kiss ended for her to realize he had removed her night shift. His hands clenched slightly upon her shoulders as he held her away from him and looked her over. Kirstie fought the urge
to try and cover herself with her hands. There was no place for such timorous modesty in what they were about to share. When his gaze met hers again, she trembled beneath the force of the desire she could see there.

Payton struggled against the urge to toss her down onto his bed and immediately bury himself within her. She was ivory perfection. Her breasts were small but perfect, the rose-colored nipples hard and inviting. Her waist was small, her belly taut, and her hips slender but well shaped. Her equally slender legs were long, perfectly formed, and strong, with a space between her silken thighs that invited a man to settle in. The sight of the neat triangle of black curls shielding her woman’s flesh had him trembling like an untried youth. He started to remove his clothes, hoping that chore would aid him in regaining some scrap of control.

Kirstie clenched her hands into tight fists as he undressed far too slowly for her liking. When he shed his shirt she had to fight the urge to immediately touch him. He was all lean, taut muscle and smooth, golden skin. It was no wonder the man’s beauty was nearly legendary. Then he removed his boots and hose and she found it difficult to breathe. His legs were long and muscular, the fine coat of reddish hair only enhancing the light golden tone of his skin. What rose up from a tidy thatch of auburn hair at his groin was what truly held her gaze. Roderick’s manhood had never looked so imposing. Kirstie began to wonder if some of Payton’s reputation as a great lover was born of the fact that he had a little more than most men. She did not really think something of that impressive size was going to fit inside of her. Perhaps, when people whispered that Sir Payton Murray could make a woman scream, they were not meaning with pleasure.

The look of consternation on Kirstie’s face, and the hint of alarm in her eyes, did a lot to help Payton cool his heated blood and grasp some semblance of control. He pulled her into his arms, lifted her slightly, and carried her to his bed. He sprawled at her side, then kissed her. To his relief, her unease was not enough to steal away her passion, for she quickly responded as she always had. Kirstie was a passionate woman and he knew he could use that to ease her introduction into the heady delights they could share.

Kirstie clung to him as he kissed and caressed her. All the hunger and need he had stirred within her over the last weeks swamped her when he turned his seductive attentions to her breasts. A strange wildness possessed her as he kissed, licked, and suckled at her breasts. She barely flinched when he slid his hand between her thighs. His long fingers both eased and heightened the hot aching there. It was as if every soft, seductive word, every stolen kiss, every subtle caress, and each heat-filled dream over the last three weeks had never been forgotten or fully recovered from. She enjoyed his kisses, his gentle caresses, but it took only a few of them to leave her shaking with need. Payton muttered something about needing to be sure she was readied for him, and Kirstie suddenly knew that she was. Completely, blindly, ready. She had been getting readied since the moment she had set eyes on the man.

“Payton,” she cried, nearly bowing up off the bed when he slid a finger inside of her.

“Ah, lass, ye are so verra ready for me,” he said, even as he prepared to enter her. “It still may hurt a wee bit.”

“I dinnae care,” she nearly growled and wrapped her limbs around him.

He laughed, but she heard no mockery in it. Then, for one brief moment, pain cut through her somewhat frenzied need. Kirstie held herself very still, every one of her
senses fixed upon the joining of their bodies.

“Lass, are ye all right?” Payton asked through gritted teeth as he fought the need to move.

She shifted her legs slightly, felt him slide deeper within her, and shuddered. “Oh, my. Aye, I am all right. S’truth, I am verra fine, indeed, though I think ye still have some work to do if I am to see that paradise ye have been promising me for days.”

Payton grinned, then echoed her gasp of pleasure when he began to move. “Ah, lass, ye are a wonder,” he managed to say before he lost himself to passion.

Kirstie smiled and ran her foot down Payton’s calf. Her body still felt all atingle, but the near swoon she had fallen into had passed. If this was what Payton could make a woman feel, it was surprising that there were no women camped outside his door.