Highland Harmony: Avelina and Drew (Clan Grant Series Book 8) (16 page)

“Been a long time overdue, lad. Do what you need to do. We’ll all support you.”

Drew was confused, though the man’s support meant a great deal. Had they all known?

He grabbed the axe and spun on his heel. Pausing for a moment before heading back to the keep, he stopped and yelled over his shoulder. “My thanks.”

The time had come.

He threw his shoulder into the front door, which opened with a percussive bang, then sped past his mother up the stairway. He raced through the passageway, but then paused when he was nearly there, stopping only for long enough to take the deep breath that would give him strength to finish what he must. He swung the axe over his head and then brought it down hard on the latch and the lock, springing it open with a clanking loud enough to wake the dead.

He reached for the door, but then decided it was not quite destroyed enough. He used his momentum to arc the axe just right so it landed in the wooden door with a thwack, embedding itself right in the middle. Pausing to stare at his handiwork, he rested his hands on his legs and wiped the sweat from his brow and stared at what he had done.

He smiled as his sire came barreling down the passageway toward him.

“What in hellfire are you doin’, Drew? Have you lost your mind? You’ve destroyed my door.” His father’s expression of shock did not deter him.

It only fueled his ire. Yanking the axe out of the wood, he grasped the tool to swing it again. “I’m doing what I should’ve done many, many moons ago. No more, do you hear me, Da? No more,” the axe struck again, “ever,” and again, “ever.”

“Lad, what we did, we did out of love. You understood that. Your mother could not tolerate the fear of losing you. You were always safe inside those walls. Stop, will you not?”

“Nay, I will not stop until ‘tis destroyed.” He would complete this no matter how long it took. This was something he needed to do.

His mother’s footsteps echoed through the passageway. “Drew, are you daft? Please stop what you’re doing now before ‘tis too late.” Her hands flew up to either side of her head. “Aye, you’ve lost it, you have. Arthur, stop him. He’s addled.”

“Stand back.” When the door was splintered enough for him to walk inside, he moved into the large room and headed straight toward the bed.

He squeezed his eyes shut to stop the tears that threatened to fall at the sight of the cursed thing. How many times, how many days…visions ravaged his mind, forcing him to do the only thing possible. He swung the axe over his head attempting to cleave the bed in two.

“Drew, there’s naught wrong with that bed. Leave it be, son.”

“Aye, there is much wrong with it.” He swung the axe again. “And ‘twill never be used again.”

“Lad, we had it special made,” his mother whispered. “Just for you. You were such a busy lad, and we could not keep you in one place. You were everywhere. We were forced to do something. ‘Twas the only way we knew you would be safe.”

“Aye, I know, ‘tis why I’m destroying it.” He swung the axe again, sending splinters of wood flying everywhere. “I know your intentions were good,” he panted. “But it cannot happen again. To anyone.”

His parents stood in the doorway watching, his mother with her hands held over her ears.

He continued to heave until the bed was in pieces, then he pulled back the fur on the window opening and tossed the pieces out.

“Why, Drew, why?” His sire stared at him.

“
Why?
” Drew thought his head would explode. He dropped the handle of the axe to the ground, flinging it away from him. “Because I could not live with the thought that it might ever be used for another. That another wee lad might be tied up and kept prisoner in this room.”

His mother wailed. “Drew, ‘twas the only way we could be sure not to lose another. I made your sire do it. I could not bear to lose you, too. Please, do not be angry with us. ‘Twas the only way I would not go daft. Four beautiful bairns and three dead. Oh my sweet bairns.” She sat on a stool and hung her head in her hands, sobbing.

His father strode toward him, his hands on his hips. “Look what you’ve done to your mother. She’s been tortured enough. Can you not see we did what we had to?”

“Da, you tried to lock me up in here after I had grown. Look me in my eyes and tell me ‘twas right.” His breath heaved as he spoke. “I’ve had enough. I’m sorry for your losses, but they were my losses, too. They were my brothers.” He wiped his sleeve across his face to clear the sweat away. “I’m done with grieving. ‘Tis time for me to live my life, and if you wish for me to do that somewhere else, I shall. I’ll not put myself in a position to be locked up again, but before I left, I had to be sure you would never lock up another.”

He headed out the door, but stopped for a moment next to his sobbing mother. “Mama, I’m sorry, but ‘tis over. I could not abide by having these reminders here anymore.”

Boyd rushed into view and stood in the passageway, wide-eyed and breathing hard, but there was a sense of satisfaction in his expression once he realized what was happening. He knew better than most how much Drew had suffered in this room.

“Where are you going now?” Arthur Menzie asked. “When will you return this time?”

Drew turned around to answer his sire. “I cannot answer your questions, because I do not know. I may never be back.”

His mother stood and beckoned to him, so he leaned down to kiss her cheek. “I’m sorry, Mama. I love you both, but I need to get away.”

He strode down the passageway, but then stopped and turned to look at his sire. “I know you needed to spend your time grieving. My only wish is that you had also spent some time with the son who survived.”

A weight lifted off Drew’s shoulders as he made his way down the stairs and out the front door of the keep. He lifted his face to the clouds, wishing the sun would shine through.

Boyd put his arm around his friend’s shoulder. “Needed to be done, Drew. They’ll deal with it.”

Drew nodded to his friend, grateful for his support at this difficult time. When he lowered his gaze again, he paused, surprised to see the path to the stable was full of his clan members.

“Drew, ‘twas right, what you did.”

“Come back to us, Drew. You are the one we need.”

“Drew, we’ll support you in whatever you do. You’re the backbone of our clan.”

Drew’s brow furrowed as he walked past his friends. How could that be true? His sire had always been the leader of the clan—except for the one time he’d been ill. They had never looked up to him. He was the one who was always drunk, the one who could not help but make mistakes. Wasn’t he?

His steps slowed as he heard further confirmation.

“Drew, do not leave us forever. Do what you must and come back. We understand. You were a great leader when you took over for your sire.”

“Glad you threw it over the edge.”

“We’ll miss you, Drew.”

When he finally made it to the stables, the lad flew over to him. “You’ll not leave us forever, will you, my lord?”

“My lord? You’ve always called me Drew.” He ruffled the red hair atop the lad’s head.

“Aye, but you seem different today. You look like a lord.”

Drew smiled and climbed onto his horse.

Boyd mounted next to him and said, “Mayhap Avelina Ramsay is meant for you. Have you changed your mind?”

“I’m still uncertain at this point. I’ll give it some thought, mayhap see how I feel around Lina now that I have righted that wrong.” The next thought in his mind was whether or not he could confess the truth to Lina about the lad in the bed. It had been him, without a doubt. But it didn’t answer his question. Why would Lina dream about something that had taken place years ago?

Chapter Seventeen

Lina lay on her side in the huge bed, waiting for slumber to overtake her, but sleep would not come. She rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. Drew had disappeared after his argument with Aedan two days ago, and she was certain he would not return. She had not seen Erena since their visit under the lavender flowers, when she had been advised to be patient.

She was not patient.

Every lad she saw or heard about became of interest to her. She scrutinized everyone, but found naught to admire. She had to concede that Erena was probably correct. Drew was the only lad for her.

Her eyes grew heavy, so she turned onto her other side, deciding to think about the last time Drew had kissed her in the hopes that it might give her pleasant dreams.

Many hours later, she was awakened by someone shaking her shoulders, and by the sound of her own voice screaming. She was still disoriented as she peered up into Drew’s green eyes. It was another nightmare, she realized. About that poor wee laddie in the bed.

“Lina, Lina, wake up!” Drew said. “What is it? What could make you scream so?”

Her first coherent thought was that she was imagining things. But then she searched his gaze and realized she wasn’t. Drew Menzie was very much in her chamber, leaning over her in her bed, his own hair and clothing in total disarray.

Suddenly, she realized something…something that changed everything. Shoving away from him, she flew out of bed and backed up to the wall, her eyes wide.

“Saints above, ‘twas you, Drew Menzie.” They were the only words she could get out at that moment.

“Of what do you speak?” He stepped back and leaned against the table next to the other wall.

“My dream.” Tears slid down her cheeks and she swiped at them with the back of her hand. “The lad tied to the bed. Everything makes sense now. You.
You
were tied to a bed. You came to me in my dream asking for my help.”

His shoulders sagged and he sat on the edge of the bed. “Aye. ‘Twas me.”

***

Lina rushed to his side. “I’m so sorry. How horrid. How could anyone treat their son like that?” She sat next to him and grabbed his hand, not even thinking of what had transpired between them before this night. “But why? What had you done?”

Drew kissed her hand, then stood and started to pace the room, pausing only to wipe his sweaty palms across his plaid. She sat on the bed and waited, wanting to give him the time he needed. Now she saw him in a completely different light. How could he have come through such an ordeal? Had it only happened once? Multiple times?

“I had three brothers. Tomas was the eldest, then James, and Robert was my other brother. Tomas died from a fever at two summers, James was around seven when he fell from his horse and snapped his neck, and Robert died at birth.

“It started when I was around five summers. James died instantly in the accident. My problem, according to what my parents and others have told me over the years, is that I never kept still as a bairn. I was verra curious and never thought about the possible consequences of my actions, so I would run to do something as soon as it popped into my mind.

“I recall my mother often telling me to sit still, but I just could not. When James was still alive, my sire assigned him and one of the guards to protect me. James could keep up with me, but no guard could. I would always find a way to lose them. I do not know why, but after James died, I worsened. I could not sit still. Once my mother found me in the stall with the wildest horse, another time she found me walking across the ice on the loch before it was completely frozen. Once I sneaked out the portcullis to follow my sire when he and his men were going hunting. Another time I was caught trying to get stew out of a huge pot hanging over the fire.” He stopped pacing and sat down next to her. “I don’t recall these things, but my clan members will tell you I was known as Drew, the wee demon.”

“Oh, Drew. I feel terrible for you.” She reached for his hand.

“Once my brother died, they believed they had no way to contain me, so the safest thing they thought they could do was lock me in my room. I also believe they were overcome with such grief that they couldn’t watch me. They had others watch me, but I was always able to get away from even the best. As I grew, I discovered ways to get out of my room, so they started to tie me to the bed as well.

“They tell me it would only be overnight or for part of a day, but for a bairn, it seemed an eternity. I hated them for it, and my mother would often get so upset that she would hug me and not let go. It was torture for me because I preferred to be moving all the time.

“The older I got, the more dependent they were on this method of containing me. My mother became so addled over the possibility of losing their last son that she tried to talk my sire into leaving me in that room all day.”

“Drew.” She shook her head and a tear tumbled down her cheek and into her lap. “I know not what to say.”

He squeezed her hand. “Just listening has been helpful. You do not need to say aught. You had naught to do with it. ‘Twas all my parents. My clan members knew about it, and many tried to talk them out of what they were doing.”

“They did not try to keep it a secret?”

“Aye, they did, but apparently I was quite a screamer. Gus, the smithy, told me I would scream for hours on end. Once, someone went to my father to complain of how my parents were treating me. My sire had the complainer whipped, so no one dared to try to help me again.”

“And how long did this go on for?” She reached for his hand.

“A long time. Even when I was past twelve summers, my father would have his guards lock me in the room whenever he went off fighting because I had tried to follow once and was almost captured by reivers. The last time he tried to lock me up was because I was going to help the Hendersons, but I refused to back down so I held my sword to his throat and left. Fortunately, I believe he understood that I needed to help my neighbor to be honorable, but my mother was beside herself during the entire situation.”

He clutched her hand in his, and she noticed his hands were scraped and raw in spots.

“Drew, what happened?” she asked, gently running her fingers over his injured ones.

He sighed with satisfaction. “I did something I should have done long ago.”

She lifted her eyebrows at him in question, almost afraid to hear his answer.

“I took an axe to the lock on the room and then to the bed. They had it made special just for me with boards for my arms. They wanted my arms to be held away from my body in case I had a dagger, so they were straight out sideways.”

“And you destroyed it?”

He laughed and his eyes lit up. “I did. All of it.” He reached for her and tugged her onto his lap. “I broke down the door and smashed the bed into small enough pieces that I could throw out the window. ‘Tis gone.”

Lina gazed into his dancing eyes, realizing anew how much she loved him. “Is that why you spend so much time here at Aedan’s?”

“Aye. I need to get away from them. Every once in a while, I feel stifled, like the walls are closing in on me, so I leave. Whenever my mother walks toward me, I have that old fear that I’m about to be locked up. I find myself running from my own mother.”

Her voice dropped to the merest of whispers. “Does this have something to do with why you do not wish to marry?”

“Aye, for two reasons. One is that I could never do what my parents did to me, what they did to each other, and if I lost all my bairns, I fear I might go daft, too.”

She stared at his lips, wanting so much to touch him, to run her fingers across his jaw line, to feel the muscles in his upper arms. His hair was a mess and she loved it. She reached over and threaded her fingers through his locks. “And the other reason you do not wish to marry?”

“Because what if my son is the same as me? I do have trouble keeping still, and I cannot control it. Plus my fear is that my mother would try to do the same to my son when he was just a bairn.”

His gaze darkened as he stared at her, and all she could think of was being in his arms. “I can understand how difficult this is for you.” She reached up and ran her finger across his bottom lip, exactly where she would taste him if she dared. The man’s lips were so tempting…

His mouth descended on hers and she moaned in satisfaction, letting him know how much she wanted him. He ravaged her lips, tasting her, claiming her in a way she had never experienced. His tongue swept inside her mouth and found hers, and he teased her until she moaned again.

***

Drew broke their kiss and leaned his forehead against hers for a moment before he kissed a path down her neck. “Lina, do you want this as much as I do?” Hellfire, she was sweet. Every taste of her delicious skin was better than the one before.

“Aye.” She held his forearms in a vice-like grip, as if she would never willingly let go.

He kissed her again, sucking on her bottom lip, and she went utterly still in his arms. Pulling back, he gazed into her eyes and the passion he saw there almost undid him.

“I cannot make any promises to you, but I’ve never wanted another lass as much as I want you. Do you trust me? Do you believe what I tell you?”

“Aye,” she whispered, running her fingers across his bare chest, teasing him by getting close to his nipple, but then moving away.

His erection pushed against her belly, so he moved away just a bit to keep himself from finishing in seconds like a laddie. His hands fumbled with the ribbons on her gown. “May I see all of your beauty, Lina? I wish to taste you everywhere.”

She lay back in the bed, giving him access to all of her ribbons. He moved to pull the gown down over her shoulders, but she surprised him by stopping his hands, then tugging the gown off and throwing it on the floor. Then she reached for his plaid, so he tossed it on the floor next to her gown.

His gaze ran down her body, and he followed it with his fingers. She was so incredibly beautiful, he could find no words. His fingertips ran down the center of each breast, grazing each nipple enough to make her start, arching her back into him. Then he leaned over and ran his tongue over the same path, settling over one nipple. He took the pink bud in his mouth, teasing her with his tongue. Her fingers threaded in his hair, then gripped him tight when he finally took her full in his mouth to suckle her. She bucked against him, a soft sound of desire coming from her throat.

Her hand left his hair and found its way down his belly until she had him gripped in her hand. Watching her, he held his breath, afraid he would lose it completely. Her fingertips floated across his tip with the lightest of touches.

“Tell me what to do.” Her innocent gaze found his.

His voice came out deep and husky. “I like what you’re doing now. Do not stop.”

His lips found hers again and she surrendered to him completely, letting go of him so she could align her body against his, the soft buds of her breasts teasing his own nipples. She clutched his shoulders and moved her pelvis toward him, teasing him as if she’d been doing this forever.

He was about to enter her, but something stopped him. He stilled. This was wrong, so wrong. He could not finish this. Cupping her face, he gazed into her eyes, “I’m sorry, but I cannot do this.”

Dazed and confused, Lina stared at him. “What? Please do not stop. I want this. I want you.”

Drew could not bear to see the disappointment in her eyes, but his honor would not allow him to continue. “Lina, I love you, but I am still unsure about marriage. I cannot do this without promising marriage to you. ‘Twould be wrong, and you know it.” Hellfire, but he hated his rotten conscience.
Finish it! You want her! Just finish it!

But he could not. “I’m sorry, Lina.” He climbed out of bed and fixed his plaid before disappearing into the night.

When he ran down the stairs, all he could think of was how right it had been to hold Lina in his arms. The astounding part was that he had confessed all to her, something he had never done before, and she had still accepted him. She did not seem to care that he could not keep still, that he still was often compelled to keep moving. He had also confessed a truth he was only just acknowledging.

He loved Avelina Ramsay—more than anything else in the world.