Highland Lover (28 page)

up the stairs when she heard someone hurriedly approach her and she had the sinking feeling it was

the one person she would rather not see right now, perhaps not ever again.

“Alana, wait,” Gregor called as he climbed the stairs after her.

“For what?” she asked, slowly turning to look at him. “An invitation to the wedding?” The bite

behind her words told Alana that she was rapidly losing control over her hurt and anger. She was

pleased, however, to see that her furious response had caused Gregor to halt his advance on her.

“I can explain—” he began.

“Can ye? Forgot her, did ye? From what I heard, that required only a matter of days, for ye had only

just left her side when the Gowans captured you. That doesnae say much about your constancy,

does it?”

“Alana, this is all a misunderstanding.”

“Aye, mine. I believed all of your pretty words, fool that I am. I dinnae believe I want to hear any

more of them,” she said, turning to continue up the stairs.

She heard Gregor start after her again, but then Mavis called to him. Alana looked over her shoulder

to see the woman standing at the foot of the stairs, frowning up at them, looking more curious than

worried. Gregor looked down at Mavis and then looked back at Alana, his expression an odd

mixture of annoyance and pleading. Alana directed a faint curtsey toward Mavis and then hurried

away before Gregor could try to stop her again.

Once inside her bedchamber, Alana shut the door, barred it, and slumped against it. She was both

relieved and sharply disappointed when, after several minutes of silence, it became obvious that

Gregor had chosen to rejoin Mavis in the great hall. It hurt. It hurt more than anything else had ever done. Alana was torn between the wish to hurt Gregor as he had hurt her and an urge to leave

Scarglas as swiftly as possible.

Stripping off her clothes, she donned the night shift Fiona had left out for her and crawled into bed.

There was nothing she could do to hurt Gregor, although thoughts of taking a stick to him provided

her with a few minutes of vengeful pleasure. She could not leave Scarglas yet, either. Fiona was

right. Alana could feel her battered body protesting the journey down to the great hall to sup.

Traveling anywhere now would be an agony. Even with Gregor’s aid, the last part of their journey

to Scarglas had certainly given her more pain than she wished to experience again.

It appeared she had a choice between two sources of pain. She could endure physical pain by going

to her sister at Ardgleann, perhaps even making her injuries worse before they got better. Or she

could stay at Scarglas to heal from her injuries and endure the emotional pain of seeing her lover

with his betrothed. This was most definitely one of those choices between a rock and a hard place,

she mused.

“Then I shall stay here and be damned to the lying swine,” she muttered and burst into tears.

For a moment she tried to fight the urge to keep crying until sleep shut her eyes, but then decided to give her shattered emotions free rein. She had been thinking of winning Gregor’s heart, while it was

now clear that he had none to give. Such a crushing disappointment was worth a few tears. Alana

decided she would cry, then she would sleep, and then she would spend her remaining time at

Scarglas pretending that Gregor MacFingal Cameron meant absolutely nothing to her, that she had

completely cut him out of her heart and mind. Perhaps, if she lived that pretense for long enough

and well enough, she would begin to believe it herself.

Chapter 17

“Gone? When? Where?”

Alana knew she was not hiding her shock well as she looked at Fiona for the answers to her

snapped-out questions. She had come to the great hall to break her fast determined to be cool and

aloof, to treat Gregor as if he were no more than a passing acquaintance. Instead, she had arrived

too late to eat with anyone aside from Fiona and Charlemagne, and that woman had blithely

announced that Gregor was gone. While it was true that maintaining her calm and hiding her pain

would be a great deal easier if Gregor was not around, Alana still felt annoyed.

And a little bereft, she realized, and inwardly cursed. Alana was dismayed that she could be so

pathetic as to be disappointed that she could not at least see the man who had so deeply betrayed her.

Love, she decided, had no respect for a woman’s pride or dignity. Such feelings also told her that

she had a dangerous weakness Gregor could make use of if he chose to. A mere day ago she would

never have thought that he would sink so low as to take advantage of her feelings for him, but now

she was not so sure. He had, after all, seduced her even though he was betrothed to another.

Suddenly realizing that Mavis was not around, either, she asked, “Did he go away with his bride?”

“Nay, and I still think she isnae his betrothed,” replied Fiona as she slathered honey on a chunk of

bread.

“He didnae deny it,” Alana reminded her, dismissing Gregor’s claim that there had been some

misunderstanding.

“I suspicion he wishes to sort this matter out in privacy, and there was none of that once ye arrived.

How do ye feel this morning?”

It took Alana a moment to realize that Fiona was asking about her bodily injuries and not the state

of her heart. “Still battered but nay as sore as I was yestereve.”

“Good. Ye probably havenae hurt anything inside of ye, then, or done more than raise a wee bump

on your head. I didnae think so, but it was a worry. The pain will ease more each day.”

The pain of her body’s injuries would, but Alana doubted the pain in her heart would ever heal.

Crying half the night had not lessened it, nor did anger. The outrage she felt over how she had been

used and betrayed only helped her hide her pain. It did nothing to end it.

“So where did Gregor go?” she asked and inwardly cursed herself for a weak fool for even asking.

“To Ardgleann with Ewan,” replied Fiona as she peeled an apple.

“Without me? Without e’en telling me so that I might send word to Keira?”

“Ewan and Gregor will tell your sister all about your adventures and how ye fare. I think ’tis

enough that she will hear how hard ye tried to reach her in her time of need and that as soon as ye

are healed and strong again, ye will come and see her. The journey was planned ere ye and Gregor

arrived and, considering all that occurred last eve, there wasnae much opportunity to tell ye. ’Struth, I was quite surprised when Gregor left with Ewan at dawn.” Fiona scowled. “My husband didnae

see fit to tell me.”

And the man would pay for that, Alana thought and almost smiled. “It would have been nice to send

e’en just a few words to Keira, a wee letter mayhap.”

“There is naught to stop ye from writing her one now. I believe there will be a lot of travel between the two keeps for quite a while. That swine Mowbray left little food for the people and made them

late in starting the planting of their fields.”

“Can ye tell me much about this mon Liam Cameron? Brother Matthew swears that he is a good

mon and will make my sister a good husband, but Brother Matthew sees good in everyone. Gregor

said the same, but Liam is his cousin, and men cannae always see those faults in a mon that would

make a poor husband. I feel certain Keira’s first marriage wasnae happy and I would like to think

this one will be. He is a handsome mon, aye?”

“Liam is beautiful, although saying so tends to make other men gnash their teeth.”

Alana laughed, but quickly grew serious again. “And will he be a good and faithful husband?”

“Aye, I have no doubt of it. He and Keira are true mates.” Fiona filled a bowl with porridge and

poured thick cream on it. “Your sister loves him and I truly believe Liam loves her. I am pleased ye

have asked about them, for I think ye should wait to visit Keira until she and Liam can sort

themselves out.”

“They are having some problems?”

“Just those problems two people can have when they love each other but havenae the courage to tell

each other so.”

“I hope ye are right. I have dreams about her, ye ken,” Alana admitted quietly, a little uneasy about telling Fiona even though the woman had spent a lot of time with the Murrays before her marriage

to Ewan.

“Havenae they told ye that she is happy?”

“Aye and nay. The dreams that made me come in search of her were verra precise. I e’en had a few

ere I reached Brother Matthew and learned so much about what had happened to Keira. Since that

time, I have had one that told me she was sad, verra sad.”

“Probably when she was grieving for all the harm done to Ardgleann and its people.”

“’Tis what I thought. But then, I have had a few others that are more feelings than dreams and she is happy, yet there is also a sadness in her heart.” Alana frowned, struggling to recall all she had felt.

“And doubts. Definitely doubts. And, I think, a few fears, but of what I dinnae ken.”

Fiona nodded. “Now, doesnae that sound verra much like a woman who loves a mon but isnae

certain how he feels about her? Such a thing can make a woman doubt herself, doubt him, and fear

for her future.”

Alana thought about that for a moment, comparing it to how she had felt about Gregor before she

had discovered his lie. “Aye, that does make sense. I think Keira may be with child.”

“That wouldnae surprise me. Liam is a verra virile mon.” Fiona looked at Alana and cocked one

brow. “All the Camerons are.”

As the meaning of Fiona’s words settled into Alana’s mind, she almost choked on the honey-

sweetened oatcake she was eating. Virile men made bairns. Gregor had already made two. She

prayed he had not made a third. She would love the child and so would her family, but others would

see only the shame, and her child would be only one of the many who could suffer for her

recklessness. There was also the fact that she would spend a lot of time trying to convince the men

in her family that nothing would be gained by killing Gregor. She had been right to think that

passion had consequences for women and very wrong to think she could blithely ignore them.

“Weel, dinnae worry, I willnae let them hurt the fool,” she assured Fiona.

“I thank ye for that e’en though I ne’er thought ye would.” Fiona winked at her. “’Tis one thing for

a woman to think of all the gruesome tortures and deaths she wishes to inflict upon the mon she

loves because he hurt or angered her, but she would ne’er let such things really happen to him.”

“And I have ne’er said that I love that liar.”

Fiona rolled her eyes and reached for an oatcake. “Of course not. My mistake.”

“Och, weel, have the truth then, if ye must.”

“I do prefer it.”

Alana ignored that, scowling at the apple she had just picked up. “I do love him. At the moment, I

would also like to see him ripped apart by wolves and a certain part he is so proud of nailed to a

wall.”

Fiona giggled and nodded. “Sounds like love to me.”

Surprised she could do so, Alana smiled but then recalled all of Gregor’s crimes against her. “If he

is truly betrothed to Mavis, then why didnae he tell me about her? Aye, I wouldnae have liked

hearing that he had seriously courted another woman, was e’en thinking of marrying her, but at least

I would have been armed with the truth when I met her. Instead, the Kerrs claim there is a betrothal, Gregor tells me there is a misunderstanding, and no one about Scarglas can assure me that they ken

the truth of it all one way or the other.”

“Aye, that must be a torment. I suspicion there is a part of you that doesnae want to believe he could treat ye so poorly.”

Alana nodded. “That foolish part of me that loves him, but I intend to kill it, ruthlessly, mercilessly, and quickly. E’en if the Kerrs are lying or have misunderstood something, that doesnae change the

fact that Gregor lied to me. That lie has made all that passed between us seem like no more than a, a heartless frolic on his part. It was all naught but rutting.”

“Och, now, Alana, ye dinnae really believe that, do ye?”

“I have to. It appears that Gregor is betrothed, and only he and the Kerrs ken the truth of it. Weel, if he is, then I have been a great fool, and if I dinnae believe that, he could easily woo me into

becoming an even greater one.”

“Ah, I see. Mayhap there simply wasnae a good time to tell ye about Mavis.”

“A good time would have been before he bedded me. Another good time would have been when I

told him all about my father’s plans to find me a husband.”

Fiona gasped. “Ye arenae betrothed, are ye?”

“Nay. ’Tis just that I am two-and-twenty and have ne’er e’en been wooed. I want a home of my

own. I want bairns. So my father said he would find me a husband. He was looking, but he hadnae

asked me to approve any choices yet, so nay, I am still free. My father would ne’er betroth me to a

mon without my approval.”

“Of course not. The Murrays give their lasses the freedom of choice. I mean to do the same for

whatever daughters I might have. And aye, that would have been the best time for Gregor to tell ye

about Mavis. I think he just turned cowardly or thought he could untangle the mess without ye ever

learning about her. Men often get such foolish ideas. This should teach Gregor that it isnae wise to

keep secrets from ye in the future.”

Alana was about to tell Fiona there would be no future for her and Gregor when Mavis arrived with

a handsome young man Fiona hailed as Brian. It was obvious that he was one of Gregor’s vast