Highland Sanctuary (26 page)

Serena drifted through the herbal garden. She dropped an aloe branch in the fold of her apron with the other herbs she had picked and stood. Turning, she nearly collided into someone. She gasped, juggling her load to keep from littering the ground. Once she had gained a semblance of balance, she looked up, shielding her eyes from the bright rays.

"Pardon me, Serena. 'Twasn't my intention to frighten ye, lass." Iain rubbed his mustache at the corner. He shifted his feet and she wondered if something bothered him as he stared off into the distance.

"Iain, is everythin' all right?" She held her breath, dreading more bad news. They had certainly experienced their share of late.

"Nay." He shook his head. "I was hoping I could talk to ye, but I didn't want to keep ye from yer mither." He glanced at the bundle cradled in her arms.

Serena followed his gaze and realized his concern. Touched by his thoughtfulness, Serena felt compelled to hear him. "Actually, she's sleeping at the moment. I had planned to make more salve to apply to her burn when she wakes."

A disappointed expression crossed his features as a crease marred his red eyebrows and his mouth dropped in a frown. "In that case, it can wait until another time."

"Ye mistake me. While she is resting would be a fine time for a walk in the courtyard. The thought just crossed my mind." Serena pulled the strings free at the back of her apron, careful to keep the herbs wrapped inside. "Allow me a moment to set these aside."

"Of course."

She laid the bundle on the ground by the gated fence to the herbal garden and turned back to Iain. "I'm ready."

He led her around the corner into the wide courtyard. They strolled in leisure. He cleared his throat. "How is yer mither healing? Does she need aught?"

"She's better each day. I must admit, she's far more comfortable here at Braigh Castle than she would have been at home. I canna thank ye enough for that." Serena gave him a sideways glance. He kept his gaze down toward his laced brown boots as they walked. The color of his skin had darkened to match the shade of his hair.

"I'm sorry about yer home. As soon as ye're both up to it, we can send for Kyla to make new gowns. The two of ye canna keep going around borrowing from the servants."

The back of Serena's throat stung. How would she ever repay the kindness of so many people? For herself, she didn't mind going without, but she couldn't bear to see her mother suffer one more discomfort.

"As for the cottage, I was hoping ye wouldn't rebuild." Iain said. "I'd like ye to remain here at Braigh Castle, both ye and yer mither."

"But we must rebuild!" The idea of not having their own private home filled her with apprehension.

Iain stopped and touched her arm. Serena paused to face him. This time the sun was at an angle behind her so she could clearly see his expression. He took her hand in his. Iain's hazel eyes searched her face as he squinted.

"Serena, these past several months of having ye work in my home, getting to know ye, and coming to care about ye has made me realize I never want to be without ye. I don't want ye to be here as a servant, but as a wife. Share my life with me. Everything I own would be ours." He paused and rubbed his face. "I realize ye may not love me, but I'm hoping in time ye'll come to care for me as much as I do ye. I can give ye security in a nice stable home, the protection of my name, my body and heart will be yers . . . all that I am."

Stunned, Serena stared at him trying to absorb his words. She realized her mouth hung open and quickly closed it. No words came to mind, but Gavin's face appeared in her memory, the kiss they'd shared. She tried to imagine the same kind of closeness with Iain. Her heart revolted, weighing heavy against her chest like a large field stone.

Father Kendrick's words from their private inquisition filled her head . . . the pressing questions . . . the accusing warnings. How could she be any man's bride? The thought thrust her into a pool of agony when she considered Gavin, not Iain. Still, she didn't want to hurt him.

"Iain, I wish I were free to accept such an honorable proposal, but I canna—not when the kirk believes I could be demon possessed, and I've no idea what my fate could be."

"Ye must have faith, lass. God delivers the innocent and reveals truth," Iain said, clutching her hands in his. "I don't speak on religious matters often, but I know ye to be a woman of God and I've always admired yer faith. Didn't I once hear ye say that to a servant?"

"Aye." Serena nodded. "To Doreen when she thought ye would believe another maid's lies about her."

"It isn't my desire to preach to ye, Serena." Iain grinned. "For I'm hardly an authority on such matters, but I only wanted to offer some encouragement."

"Thank ye, Iain. But being practical doesn't mean I'm faithless. Even if the kirk declares my fits acceptable, my future husband will need to witness them before we wed. I must be sure before taking a chance of binding that person to me for the rest of our lives."

"Promise me ye'll at least consider it." He tucked a finger under her chin and lifted her face toward him.

"I canna . . . not while things are so hectic." Her aching chest grew heavier. She could never consider wedding Iain as long as Gavin was around to remind her of with whom she longed to spend the rest of her days. "I don't want to mislead ye. I think a lot of ye, but I don't love ye—not in that way."

"I know," Iain's voice lowered. "I think we suit well, and I'm willing to accept that if I have a chance of at least changing yer mind."

G
avin wiped his sweating brow and blew out a deep breath. He'd been working on the hallway floor by the kitchen all morning. His thoughts withdrew to Lady Fiona cornering him in the great hall. She wanted him to describe Serena's fit. Gavin refused to oblige her. Instead, he asked about her activities in town. The plan worked as she was more than delighted to discuss herself.

A woman's figure appeared at the hall entrance. Sunlight from behind cast her face in a shadow. With the torn-up floor, he feared she would stumble and fall. He straightened, standing to his full height.

"Be careful. The floor is uneven with broken stone," he warned.

"Gavin? Is it ye?" Serena's innocent voice increased his pulse. He dropped his tool and went to her, stepping over the scattered pieces. Once he reached her, Gavin stopped within arm's reach. He had to clasp his hands together to keep from touching her.

She wore her long black hair draped over her shoulders with a simple headpiece behind her ears, but it didn't conceal her shaking. Worry kicked him in the gut, and he feared Father Kendrick had made a terrible decision regarding her fate.

"Ye're trembling. What is it?" He tried to lower his voice, hoping she would bestow her trust in him. He waited, but she kept silent. "Serena?"

She pressed her hand against her forehead. "I was just in the herbal garden when Iain came and proposed to me. I canna fathom what makes him believe that a woman in question by the kirk would make a proper mistress of this grand place." Serena swung her hands in a wide circle. "I'm so addled."

Gavin swallowed. It felt like a large walnut had lodged in his throat. He reminded himself to keep breathing. Bracing for the news he didn't want to hear, Gavin folded his arms across his chest and adopted a warrior's defensive stance.

"What did ye say?" The words strained past his tight lips, every passing second a moment of torment.

"What else could I say?" She threw her hands up and paced. "I reminded him of the inquisition and that my trouble with the kirk is still eminent. A woman of my reputation could only hurt him. As much as it pains me to admit, I could be wife to no one." She leaned back against the wall and closed her eyes. Fat, round teardrops slid beneath her lids and down her smooth cheeks.

Gavin's chest tightened, disappointment flooding into the pit of his stomach. "Ye care that much for him?" The back of his throat ached, but he ignored it and forced his thoughts in an honorable direction. He should at least try to find the right words of comfort to ease her pain. The sight of her misery only added to his own. "I'm sorry, Serena. Mayhap this ordeal with the kirk will soon be over and ye'll be free to wed. I dislike seeing ye so upset. I've no doubt if ye both love each other, and ye're meant to be together, God will provide a way."

Her bottom lip quivered until she bit it. She sighed, wiping her wet face. Gavin averted his gaze to the outer courtyard. The sunlight bore a direct contrast to the clouds in his heavy heart.

"I didn't mean to imply that I'm in love with Iain. I care about him, to be sure, as I care for everyone in our village. What bothers me is that I'd like a family of my own some day. Iain may be fond of me now, but what about after he sees one of my falling fits? Will he think me demon possessed? If not, will he grow weary of forever defending me? Will he be shamed or offended by the gossips? Any man who musters up enough courage to wed me will have to face these issues and so will the children I bear."

"Then he doesn't deserve ye. I've seen yer fits and it hasn't changed the way I feel about ye. Serena, ye deserve a man who'll love ye regardless of yer fits and who will defend ye until his dying breath. Ye're a special lass because ye're different. As yer friend, I caution ye in making yer decision."

Their eyes met and silence and lingered between them. He longed to know her thoughts, but more than that, he longed to share his.

She was the first to break eye contact and looked down. "Gavin, I wish it had been ye to ask me, but I understand why ye wouldn't. I've lived here in this small village my whole life. I canna go anywhere because of my condition. If I do survive this ordeal with the kirk, I'll not likely receive a better offer. Is it so wrong to marry for security, the chance at a contented life for myself and Mither? Iain has been good to me and now he's offered to shelter Mither. Mayhap love could develop between us over time."

Gavin ran his hand over his jaw and approached her, leaning both hands against the wall on each side of her head. He lowered his head and brushed his lips against hers. The tender kiss held the promise of what already existed between them. She melted against him, no resistance in her gaze or response. He pulled back and tilted her chin. "Nay, it wouldn't be so bad if ye didn't already have another choice." He lowered his voice. "I love ye, Serena. I can offer ye the same things as Iain, but beyond that, I pledge my love. Marry me, lass."

Serena blinked, staring at Gavin in stunned silence. Her heart hammered against her ribs. Gavin leaned so close, she could feel his warm breath fan her face. Light freckles spread across his nose. She imagined they had faded with age and were more profound in childhood. Rather than detract from his appearance, it added to his charm. Serena loved him all the more.

"Lass, don't leave me hanging. Tell me what ye're thinking." He leaned his forehead against hers. "Will ye wed me?" "Gavin, ye'll leave Caithness when the repairs on the castle are finished. I canna leave my mither and how will yer family and clan react when they learn of my fits? I'll end up going through the same accusations there as I'm enduring here, only then, ye and yer whole family would be involved."

"Nay." He shook his head. "They'll accept ye and I'd want ye to bring yer mither. I've grown quite fond of Evelina. She's given me the impression she approves of me."

"When?" Serena searched her memory.

"'Twas the morn ye were hanging the laundry. I stopped by offering to fetch supplies for ye." He touched the tip of her nose. "Ye said nay, but yer mither gave me a request. She recognized my need to have a reason to return. Even then, I think she knew I was smitten."

"Aye." She smiled. "I wanted to resist ye, but ye're too much temptation. Ye have a way about ye that grips one's heart and won't let go. I knew that about ye from the first day we met. If ever there was a man for me, he would be ye." She gulped, hoping she wouldn't choke. A throbbing began to drill a gaping hole in her heart for what she was about to say. "I love ye, of that ye can be sure, but I canna wed ye. I love ye too much to saddle ye with my fits and kirk problems."

She braced herself against the wall and used it to push him away. Slipping beneath his arms, Serena took advantage of Gavin's moment of stupor.

"I'm sorry, but I don't want ye to resent me years later when yer family still won't accept me and the whole family is shunned—possibly even yer chieftainship stripped from ye because of me."

Serena backed away, breathing hard, and unable to halt the tears flowing down her face.

"Ye embellish. No one will shun us." Gavin stepped closer, reaching for her.

"Won't they?" Her voice rose. "Ye don't know what it's like to go to market and have people stare, point, and play tricks on ye because ye're from the Village of Outcasts!"

She wiped her eyes. Gavin watched her with a dazed expression. How could she make him understand? He had always been accepted by his clan and a leader among them. He had influence, authority, honor, and the admiration of others. In one sweeping move to wed her, all of it could be taken away. How could she do that to someone she loved? She couldn't.

"I canna make ye understand, Gavin." Serena held up her palms, keeping him at length. "Ye need to trust me." She lifted her hem and turned to run across the courtyard.

With her chest heaving from sobbing, Serena could hardly catch her breath when she sailed into Father Kendrick by the herbal garden. He caught her by the shoulders. "Lass, slow down! Has someone harmed ye?"

"Nay." She shook her head. Salty tears slid into her mouth as she took a deep breath. "Please . . . I need to be alone." As she would no doubt be for the rest of her life.

Not true. At least she had her mother.

"If ye're certain ye'll be fine?" Father Kendrick lifted an eyebrow.

"Aye, I'll go to my mither where I belong."

Father Kendrick released her, and Serena rushed to her chamber, passing by servants who paused to stare at her. She knew it was out of concern, but it didn't ease her discomfort or shame. Once inside her chamber, Serena sagged against the door.

"Serena?"

She whirled. Her mother peered at her from the box bed.

"Why are ye weeping? Is it the kirk?"

"Nay." Serena wiped her eyes and cheeks. She relayed the proposals she'd received from Gavin and Iain—and her response to both. By the time she finished, Serena sat on the edge of the bed and her mother leaned up against two feather pillows.

"I thought both of them might be interested in ye, but I feared the kirk's inquisition would change their minds. It appears I may have been wrong."

"Gavin has seen my fits and still claims to love me. Once Iain witnesses it for himself, he may think me evil as everyone else does."

"I doubt that, lass, but ye're right. We canna possibly know his reaction until the time comes." Her mother reached for her hand. "Serena, it's my desire that ye accept Gavin's proposal if ye truly love him. Ye've got to take what moments of happiness ye can get out of life. Plenty of disappointments will find ye without ye looking for them."

"This is my home. The village is all I've ever known. Ye've always said I must stay here where I'm safe. Ye told me what could happen to me out there in the world with my condition."

"Aye." Her mother nodded. "Since my accident, I've had a lot of time to reflect on things. I've been praying for understanding, and I've come to realize that I've been raising ye out of fear, not trusting in the Lord."

"Other than Tomas, ye're the one who taught me about the Lord."

"Things have now changed here in the village." She covered Serena's hand. "Ye've been discovered and it's no longer safe. Mayhap God has brought Gavin MacKenzie as a means to secure both yer safety and happiness. Do ye not see the protection ye'd have as the wife of a chieftain?"

"I thought no one could defy the kirk—not even the King himself."

"That's true, but there are limitations to the kirk's power and ways around it." Evelina tightened her hand on Serena's. "If I would have had a more supporting husband, our lives might have been different. Ye wouldn't have grown up here in the village. Ye would have known my parents, other family, mayhap been affiliated with my clan and known some of yer father's English family."

"Did ye love him?" Serena asked.

"Nay, I did not. Mine was an arranged marriage. I hardly knew him. I prayed Da would change his mind, but he'd given his word to yer father's father and wouldn't go back on it—not even for me." Evelina sighed and looked away. "So I resigned myself to make the best of things, but it wasn't to be. Yer father was an evil man, and I took it upon myself to protect ye at any cost." She brushed a lock of hair from Serena's eye. "I wish I could advise ye better, but I've never been in love. I don't know what it feels like. If ye and Gavin both love each other, don't let it fade. Trust God and give it a chance."