Highlander's Ransom (21 page)

“I showed it to her this morning on our tour, and she
was quite taken with it.”

Before she had even finished speaking, he was striding
toward the northeast tower. Again, he took the stairs two at a time, anxious to
find Alwin and get relief from the tightness in his chest. He didn’t give
himself time to ponder why the thought of her absence struck such fear in him.
All he knew was that he had to find her, and not let her go.

He shoved open the door to the solar roughly, but all
he found was another empty room. No candles were lit, and the furs were pulled
back from the windows, revealing the darkness beyond. Was it his mind playing
tricks on him, or did he catch a faint whiff of her scent lingering in the
room? He exhaled and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He strode over
to the window, gazing out of it in hopes that something would occur to him that
would lead him to Alwin. Just as he was about to turn away, he heard a little
sigh from behind and below him. He spun around, but all he saw was his desk,
the chair slightly pulled out and askew.

Then he noticed it. A small slippered foot poked out
from under his desk. He crouched down and through the darkness saw Alwin curled
in a ball, fast asleep underneath the desk. Anger replaced his fear in an
instant. The lass had frightened him half to death, all the while taking a cat
nap in his private study. He shoved the chair aside, and the scraping noise it
made as it slid off of one of the rugs and onto the stone floor startled her
awake. In a flash, he had grabbed her around the shoulders and hauled her out
from under his desk.

“What are you doing? What were you thinking?” he
nearly shouted in her face, giving her a shake by her shoulders.

Her eyes were wide and despite the shadowy room, he
could clearly make out the disorientation and terror on her face. He tried to
calm himself, taking a breath before he spoke again. “You had nearly the entire
castle wondering where you were, to say nothing of Stella and my search for you.”
Despite his efforts, his voice still came out harsher than he had intended. She
remained motionless, her mouth agape, that stunned look still on her face.
“Well? Speak, woman! Explain yourself, and it had better be good!”

Finally, she licked her lips to moisten them, then
raised a shaking hand and grazed over his cheek with her fingertips. “Is this a
dream?” she asked, dazed.

Her tone and gesture were what broke through his haze
of anger. He eased his grip on her shoulders and sighed. “Nay, lass, this is
not a dream. You scared me half to death. I thought you were…missing.” He
didn’t want to admit now that he had feared that she had tried to escape him.

“
I
scared
you
?” she said incredulously,
clarity returning to her along with incredulity. “Heaven forbid you have to
live through what
you
just did to
me
!”

Alwin questioned her huffy tone for a moment as she
watched his icy blue eyes narrow, but then a most unexpected thing happened. He
laughed. A deep rumble came from his chest, and his face split in a rakish
grin. Without realizing it, she mirrored his smile, and the air seemed to
become lighter around them. When he regained his composure, he said, “I still
wish to know what you were doing.”

She squirmed under his gaze. “I was…thinking,” she
finally managed.

“Thinking? From midday to nightfall?” he said, raising
an eyebrow.

“I have had much to think on,” she said defensively.

“And what might that be?” he prodded. Just as she was
about to assume the air of a lady, he took her chin in his hand so that she couldn’t
raise it. “Alwin, answer me.”

“You can’t order my compliance,” she said, suddenly
feeling guarded again.

“Oh, but I can. I am your husband.”

Their playful moment evaporated instantly, and she
felt herself growing warm with frustration. This wasn’t going the way she had
hoped. She had wanted to speak with him honestly about her thoughts and
feelings, about their situation, and their future. But now that stubbornness of
hers was surging inside her, demanding that she defy him.

“I apologize for inconveniencing you or anyone else,”
she said stiffly. “I will work harder in the future to remedy my shortcoming.”

She had said the same thing to her father countless
times, so it should have been easy to feed Robert the line and tack. Why did it
rankle so much, then? She had secretly hoped that when she had left her
father’s keep what seemed like ages ago now, she would be done with ever
needing to tamp down her spirit with such hollow words.

Robert’s eyes bore into her, and he seemed to sense
that she had closed some internal door on him. But instead of chastising her
further, he just continued to silently stare at her, waiting. She wasn’t used
to getting the opportunity to say more after her rote apology. Her frustration
kept building until she couldn’t stand his look anymore. Finally, she snapped.

“I was thinking, and I fell asleep.”

He waited.

“Father Frederick told me that I could not seek an
annulment, so I came up here, I don’t know how, and looked at the sea for a
while.”

There was another long pause. He still wasn’t granting
her any quarter.

She sighed. “I suppose I felt…overwhelmed at the
thought of the finality of it all.” At her words, his face dropped into a
frown, and she hurried on. “It’s not that I want my old life with my father
back. And I don’t want to be with Raef Warren, either.” She couldn’t suppress a
shudder of distain for both men. “I just never thought…I had hoped…” Feeling
silly and young all of a sudden, she trailed off.

Softening, he said, “What did you hope?” He raised a
hand and brushed a stray hair out of her face. Suddenly tears were welling in
her eyes, which shimmered in the darkness.

Just then, Stella emerged in the doorway. “Oh, thank
goodness. You had the Laird in a fright, mistress,” she said.

Blinking back her tears, she turned to the other
woman. “I’m sorry, Stella. I just came up here to think, and I suppose I got
tired. I fell asleep under the desk.”

Stella chuckled and bobbed a curtsy, then turned to
head back down the stairs. Robert slipped Alwin’s hand through his arm and
guided them both toward the door.

“We will continue this conversation,” he said in a
low, serious tone that allowed for no argument as they began their descent down
the spiraling stairs. She only nodded, trying to swallow the lump that had
formed in her throat.

Chapter 29

The evening meal that night was more subdued than the
impromptu wedding feast had been the night before, but was still merry and
pleasant for the inhabitants of Roslin. Alwin sat quietly next to Robert at the
high table, with Burke, always polite and friendly, on Robert’s other side.
Robert chatted casually with Burke, but didn’t say much to Alwin beyond
offering her cuts of meat from their plate. That was just fine with her. She
felt refreshed after her nap in the solar, but her interaction with Robert had
muddled things again. She was making peace with the idea of staying married to
him, and yet couldn’t seem to have a conversation with him about it. Perhaps
after the meal she would be able to speak with him alone. The real trick would
be to find a way to avoid raising either one of their tempers.

When the server cleared their plate away, her nerves
began to increase. Robert stood and held out his arm to her. She took it with a
deep breath, steadying herself. He guided her toward his chamber—
their
chamber, she reminded herself—and when the heavy wooden door was closed behind
them, she straightened her back and turned to face him.

“Robert, I wish to speak with you.”

He didn’t say anything, but raised his eyebrow with a
look of questioning.

“And I don’t want to fight,” she said in a rush. “I
just want to inform you of a few things.”

“Go ahead, lass,” he said, a hint of amused skepticism
in his voice.

She took a deep breath and barreled forward. “When we
first met, I was on my way to marry another.” Robert frowned, but she
continued. “I was leaving behind my father’s manor, a…less than happy place for
me these past few years. I had hopes that in my new household, I would make a
place for myself, be valued for who I am, and have a happy union. Then you
interrupted the plan.”

“Lass, you know that I did not know you were in that
supply cart, and I damn well didn’t get in the way of you having some sort of
fairytale marriage with that bastard Raef Warren,” Robert interjected heatedly.

She held up a hand to still him. “Of course. I didn’t
know it then, but now I am very grateful to not be married to that man.” She
couldn’t quite repress a shudder at the memory of Warren’s cruelty, cowardice,
and disregard for her or other life. “Robert, listen to me. I am glad that you
took me away from him.” She placed her raised hand on his cheek, and he
swallowed, seeming to let her words and touch sink in.

“But then you took it upon yourself to have us wed,”
she said seriously, letting her hand drop. “You took away my choice, just as my
father had, and just as Raef Warren would have if he had had the chance. You
deceived me, and used me for your own gain.” She couldn’t help the bitterness
that was encroaching on her voice. It still hurt, and she wasn’t ready to
forgive him yet.

“Lass…” he said, his eyes suddenly shadowed with pain.
“I wish I could take away the wrongness of my actions. You know that I do not
regret them, for I still believe it was the right thing for my people, but you
must believe me that I regret the hurt it causes you.”

She exhaled and nodded. She knew he spoke the truth.
And she realized that his actions were different from her father’s or Warren’s,
for he sought both what was best for his people, and also peace between their
countries. Her father and Warren only sought personal advancement, and in
Warren’s case, war would be preferable to peace.

“As you know, I spoke with Father Frederick.” He
nodded in response. Her voice dropped off as she went on. “He would not grant
my request, so it seems as though this arrangement is…permanent.”

For some reason, her choice of words and the faint
tone of distaste with which she said them made his chest tighten. He hardened
his eyes, preparing to shield himself from potential pain. She hadn’t noticed
his sudden coldness, though, for she looked to be seriously struggling to say
something. Finally, she whispered, “As such, I would like…I would like to make
this a good union.”

He inhaled sharply. This whole time, he had thought
she was putting distance between them, and justifying it by reminding him of
the wrongs he had done to her. But was she actually saying that she wanted to
be with him? No, she hadn’t gone that far—only that she wanted to make the best
of the situation. For some reason, the thought of her wanting him, and not just
in terms of the physical attraction that lay between them, had made his heart
miss a beat.

“Will you say something?” she said, her voice sounding
strained.

He cleared his throat. “Aye.” But then he paused for a
moment, thinking on his words. Finally, he said, “I am glad that you accept the
circumstances, and that you would like to make the best of them. I, too, would
like to put the past behind us and move forward as husband and wife.”

She nodded, but her eyes searched his, seeming to want
something more. He didn’t speak further, though, so she turned to the brazier,
which had been lit just before they had entered the chamber by some thoughtful
and prescient servant, most likely Stella. She rubbed her hands in front of the
fire, feeling surprisingly let down. She had managed to speak with him without
either one of them getting angry, and she had said what she had intended to.
Why did she feel so unsettled, then? Perhaps a part of her had hoped that
things would be made right between them, that there would be more ease in their
interactions, more…affection?

She sighed and turned away from the fire, only to run
right into Robert’s chest. He had silently moved behind her, and now stared
into her eyes with a look of intensity. Raising his hand, he brushed a strand
of light brown hair out of her face, a gesture that was beginning to feel
familiar and intimate to her.

“Since we
are
husband and wife, I think we
should start acting like it.” A dark promise was suspended in his words. Just
as she realized that his intense gaze was filled with passion, his lips came
down on hers. She gasped in surprise at the sudden fire in him, and he used the
opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth.

He invaded her senses, his clean, masculine scent
filling her nose and lungs, his tongue caressing hers, his hands moving on her
waist, pulling her against him. She felt her own desire kindling, but something
else blossomed insider her as well: fear. She broke their kiss and put her
hands on his chest, pushing him back a little. He complied, though his eyes
told her he wasn’t happy about it.

“What is it, lass?” he said huskily.

“I’ve never—I haven’t—” She felt a blush rising to her
cheeks that had nothing to do with the warm fire they stood in front of.