Him (22 page)

He
’s every brown-haired boy to me. Sometimes I question my sanity, so certain I see him in a crowd. I still check his horoscope every day, crying myself sick whenever it mentions romance. I wonder what he’s doing, and if he ever thinks of me. I want to be angry at him. I will myself to be. Thinking of him in that way feels safer for me. I embrace my role as the injured party. Is that fair? Probably not. It’s self preservation. That and avoiding any conversations that involve my going home. I use my schedule as a crutch, as my reason I just cannot go home. It’s only partly true. I am busy but I accrue vacation time so I have the option available to me. Instead, I bank my vacation time to take time off during finals.

The real reason I d
on’t want to go home is Will. I have submersed myself in Trenton, almost using this city as a blanket. The distance protects me both from knowing what anyone is doing back home to having anyone know about me. I want to be forgotten. I want to forget them. My parents come out to visit me a couple of times while I’m in school. I get my fear of flying from my father. They would probably come out more often if it had not been for that. Brian comes out to visit me once. It’s the year after I graduate and start sharing an apartment with Sawyer. She’s out of town visiting some friends in Canada.

I
’m still working for Helen but now full-time. Brian’s in his grunt years at his law firm and is enjoying the break. It’s summertime, and we go hiking. I remember him complaining about his retirement plan at work. His company is going away from the pension-style plan to a heavier 401k-style with discretionary additional contributions from his employer. He’s annoyed because the paperwork is a mess. Then something had been misfiled, so he would be missing the additional deposit this year.

That
’s not the first time I had heard that type of complaint. Working with Helen, who specializes in dealing with complex tax filings, I know how important a qualified contribution can be to someone's tax liabilities. There are so many different types of retirement plans out there that many of her clients don’t know until after meeting with her that another type of plan may have been more favorable for them. Many of Helen's clients never follow up on the recommendation of establishing a different type of plan because all of the paperwork seems too daunting. That's when I have the idea of creating a service to do that part. I learn after talking to Helen that my idea is not unique. There are companies, or individuals, in existence who already do this. Doesn’t mean they can’t use a little competition.

Chapter 23

Present

He's quiet on the ride over to Brian and Christine's condo.
He laughs when I press the button to open the sunroof. I shrug and cross my arms across my chest. I'm trying to have an open mind, but I'm more scared than I care to admit. What if this doesn’t work out? Not tonight, but in general. I never truly got over Will. I cannot imagine trying to again. I sit there, actually thinking how feasible it can be to run my company remotely from Georgia or move it out here altogether. I stop thinking when I notice Will is parking. I look up and hesitate. I'm nervous about being alone with him.

He can tell I'm about to say something.
He leans over to kiss me. "Shut," he punctuates each word with a kiss, "up."

I bite his lower lip
, and he stills. I release his lip and meet his gaze.

"I've been dreaming about having you in my arms again for seven years
, Sarah."

I don’t trust my voice and am blinking wetness away from my eyes
. I mouth 'me too.’ He gets out and walks around to open my door. I feel a bit awkward walking into my brother's complex without him.

"Did you know I used to live here?" he asks, taking my hand in his.

"Christine told me. She pointed out your old place form their balcony. Said something about you and Brian trying to play catch between both places."

He laughs and rubs his hand over his face before smiling down at me
. "It was fun living here. I miss that place."

His thumb sweeps back and forth across the back of my hand as we wait for the elevator.

He leans and kisses the spot right below my ear. "’Member that thing I said about you holding your breath when you think your heart is pounding?" My eyes flick to his. "You're doing it right now," he whispers in my ear, then laughs when my mouth drops open.

We both look up at the sound of the elevator
’s arrival. Will captures my mouth the moment the elevator door closes behind us and doesn’t release it until it dings to let us know we've reached our floor.

I push off his chest
. "Remember we're just talking tonight."

He nods
, but his eyes say another thing altogether. He takes one of my hands from his chest and pulls my bag behind us as we walk to the door of Brian and Christine's place. Their place seems smaller with Will inside it, his height making the high ceilings seem less so. Maybe it's my feelings towards him.

"Want a drink
, Miller Lite?"

I
have to laugh. "No one has called me that in…"

His hands cup my face
. "Seven years?"

I nod as he lowers his lips to mine. I lose myself
for a moment before turning my face away from him.

"Will
, we need to talk."

His lips move to my jaw line
. "This is more fun."

"Will
, I leave the day after tomorrow."

He nips my earlobe before pulling back and smirking at me
. "Drink?"

I need a clear head
. "Just water."

I sit in one of their armchairs while Will goes to the kitchen to get our drinks. He makes a face at me when he sees where I'm sitting. I sat here on purpose so he c
an’t touch me. His fingers brush mine as he hands me my glass. He sets his beer on the coffee table and removes his bow tie. I watch riveted as he tugs his dress shirt from his pants and unbuttons it. He has a white undershirt on, and once his dress shirt is off and draped over the back of the other armchair, he sits on the sofa and takes a drink of his beer.

Neither of us had said anything while he was taking it off
, and I feel uncomfortable now having stared at him so intently while he did it. I flush, turning to look away, and take a loud gulp of my water.

"Alright
, Sarah. Let’s talk."

I take a deep breath and let out a
whoosh of air. "I'm scared, Will." There, I said it. "This whole thing scares me. I have no idea what we're doing, and it's all happening so fast, and then there's the fact that I live in Colorado and you live here and you have your hands full with your mom. You have to know I'm a planner. This not knowing what is going to happen is not something I'm good at."

He quietly chews on the corner of his mouth and stands, walking over to me and scooping me up into his arms before I can react. He turns and walks back to the sofa as I wiggle and complain in his arms.

He sits, holding me in his lap, his lips at my ear. "I'm scared too, Sarah, but I know that this is going to work out. You and I are going to happen. There isn’t anyone else for me. I'm not going to let you run again, I'm not. Things might suck for a bit while we figure all the details out, but we can't let that stop us from being together. Did you ever think we would have a normal relationship? Does that even exist? Our feelings are as real as it gets. When I kiss you, it's real. I know you feel it too. I feel like I've been sleep walking for the last seven years, and then I saw you on the plane, and it was like I was awake again."

I sag against him. I want to believe him
. I do.

He eases back further onto the sofa
, and I move with him, my head on his chest.

Trailing his fingertips up and down my back
, he goes on. "I was wondering if you'd tell me more about your company. How many people work for you? Is there any possibility of you moving here and working remotely?"

I nervously spin my ring as I
think about it, Will patiently waiting for me to say something. "Counting me, there are five of us. I guess it doesn’t really matter where I'm based because of all the traveling I do. I'm usually out of the office at least three days a week anyways. I just don’t know. My team is more than just employees to me. They’re my friends. I think I need to wait until I'm back home to talk it out with my team. We've talked in the past about not renewing the lease on our office space and working remotely instead. Maybe I could move back if I did that." I look up at him and see his grin. "Don’t get too excited. I'm just throwing out ideas. I want to talk with my team first."

He doesn’t stop smiling and leans forward to kiss my forehead
. "It'd mean a lot to me if you would come over tomorrow and talk to my mom with me."

I tense
, and he feels it. "Please, Sarah."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea
, Will."

He rubs his hand through his hair and sighs. I hate that I'm still intimidated by her, even after all of these years.
Her words still cause me pain, but I have to think about Will and what is important to him.

"If you want me to
, I'll go," I say after some time.

He crushes me to his chest
. "If I want you to? Does that hold for everything?" His voice is husky in my ear.

I laugh
. "You are impossible."

His lips move to my neck
. "Haven't we talked enough?" he murmurs against my skin.

"Will
." He ignores me. "Will!" Still ignores me. "WILL!"

He lifts his head
. "Yes, dear?"

"We're not going to do stuff on my brother's couch."

I gasp as he stands up, taking me with him. "It’s cool. They have a spare bedroom."

He carries m
e across their foyer and pushes a door open with his foot. The room is dark. He shuffles me as he raises his elbow to the wall switch. There’s a queen-sized bed flanked by a bookcase and a desk. Will gently lowers me to the edge of the bed, kneeling in front of me. His hands are on either side of my face as he kisses me. When he nibbles on my lower lip, I giggle, and Will pulls back to look at me.

I
shrug ."Sorry, you're just always biting your lip. Now mine too?"

The corner of his mouth pulls up
. "Kind of kills my trying to seduce you when you laugh at me."

"Oh
, that's what's happening here?" I tease.

I yelp as his hands grip my waist, pulling
me off the bed and onto the floor with him. I'm now on my back, Will's lips fused to mine. Gone are the gentle kisses from only a moment ago. His mouth feels almost primal in its claiming of mine. My knees are bent, Will's hard body between them. His weight alone on me is making me writhe against him like a horny teenager. He takes my hands and holds them in one hand right above my head. His other hand is making its way up the inside of my shirt. I gasp when he palms me over my bra, and he raises his face to look at me. I'm panting and arch my back, encouraging him to go on. He licks his lips as he looks down at me, knowing what he's doing to me.

I jerk my hands from his grasp and tug at his shirt. He sits back on his heels and pulls
it forward, over his head. I scramble up, slack jawed to look closer at the tattoo on his left pec. My fingers trace over the old school Miller Lite logo as he looks down at me.

"When?"
I ask, raising my eyes to his.

"Bout seven years ago."

His breath catches when I lean down to kiss it. He groans and fists his hand in my hair, dragging my lips back to his as he lowers us back down to the ground. I push against his chest to stop him halfway. He pulls back confused, his eyes widening as I pull my shirt off and lay down. He shifts down to kiss my stomach, my hands tangled in his hair. I buck when he nibbles my side, and he chuckles against my skin. I pull on his hair, and he moves upward to worship the skin exposed above the cups of my bra, his hips grinding against mine. I arch my back and pop open the clasp, his fingertips dragging the straps down my arms. His lips never leave my skin. My hands move to his shoulders, my nails digging into him as his tongue circles me.

His hand cups me
. His thumb strokes me as his lips move to the base of my neck.

"Will
, kiss me," I beg, missing his lips.

His
lips crash into mine, his tongue invading me with fervor. He lifts me and leans my back against the end of the bed, my legs straddling him. I feel his arousal, and I push against it. He groans against my mouth, his hands in my hair. He lowers his lips again, blazing a trail down my neck to my chest. He drops one hand to cup and tease one side while his mouth tortures the other, switching between them as my head falls back onto the bed to give him more access. I freeze when one of his hands drops to the button on my jeans.

"Is this okay?" he
murmurs against my skin.