His Californian Countess (18 page)

It was also a bit of a help to know that while Helena was safe from her guardian all was probably not going exactly as the heiress had planned. She’d wanted Brendan and she’d gotten him. But according to a letter from Abby in March, there’d been interesting doings that cold night in February before the three of them had fled town, Amber for New York dressed as Helena, Helena and Brendan for points west. Abby’s brother had indeed married the heiress in the local church, but it was at the point of a gun. And Abby had been holding that gun.

Amber knew Brendan. Helena had a very annoyed tiger by the tail. Jamie’s hand covering hers called Amber back to the dinner table. Her dinner table. She blinked.

“I’d worry about that smile, cuz,” Alexander said with a teasing grin. “You know pixies are known to play a trick or two every once in a while.”

“Not my pixie.” Jamie gestured to the box in her hand. “Open it. I saw it and knew it was designed for
you. It is a symbol of everything you are to me and everything you have done for me.”

Hands unsteady, she reluctantly took the top off the box. But she had to beat back her anger again. He’d put her in an untenable position if she were to keep their quarrel between them. She glanced up before peeling back the swatch of velvet covering to see what lay beyond.

Then she gasped when she saw the gift. Of their own accord her eyes flicked up and her gaze flew back to Jamie’s. “It is lovely.”

Jamie stood and came to her side then crouched down so his eyes were even with hers. He took the key hanging next to the heart on the black velvet cord. Fitted it into a keyhole hidden within the complicated filigree work. He turned it just a bit and the heart fell open in her hand. “You have my heart. And you are the key to it. You’ve opened that heart as surely as I just did this one.” He laid it in her palm. “Just as you hold this heart in your hands you hold mine. I love you, Pixie. You don’t need to cast a spell. You cast one just by turning your sunny smile upon me on the deck of the
Young America
the day we sailed.”

His words, so close to his earlier thoughts on his cousin, struck her. Even Jamie recognized that his heart had been imprisoned by his past. And he sounded so sincere. She looked at him. Their gazes locked, but her voice remained paralyzed. It was all she could do to keep her tears at bay. So she nodded.

She wasn’t sure she believed him or that he believed what he had said, but that wasn’t something that could be fixed with a gift or even words. Time, she thought, would have to heal them both.

“Give me time,” she whispered.

“All you need,” he whispered back. Then in a slightly louder voice he said, “I’ll commission photographs or miniatures of each of our children. There are places for several.”

“It will have to be a miniature. I can imagine Meara might be persuaded to hold still long enough for a photograph, but it will be quite a while before the baby could be trusted not to move.”

“Baby?” Alexander asked, his voice ringing a bit sharply to Amber’s ears. When she looked up, there was little doubt that this was no pleasant surprise to him.

“It happens,” Jamie said mildly and stood, his gaze on Amber. She was sure he hadn’t seen Alexander’s reaction. “We were wed in May. As you were my instructor in the pertinent facts, I am sure you are aware of the mechanics.”

Charming smile back in place, Alexander laughed. “Of course. For some reason I was still thinking of you as newly wedded. I was merely taken by surprise. Congratulations, Lady Adair…uh…Amber. Perhaps this will be Jamie’s heir.”

She merely smiled in a noncommittal way. She watched Alexander as Jamie launched into his wish for a daughter. She watched throughout the meal and afterward as they sat in polite conversation in the parlor. Finally she excused herself, claiming exhaustion. But it was a while before she was able to put that odd look in Alexander’s eyes out of her mind or get past the thought that a mere reunion with Jamie was perhaps not his sole reason for coming to San Francisco.

She’d asked for time from Jamie. For some reason it felt as if time had already run out.

J
amie heard Mimm in the hall outside his office and wondered if Amber had awakened yet. She’d been sleeping so soundly when he’d retired that he’d crept as quietly as possible to the bed, and then slid carefully beneath the covers. And this morning he’d stolen away as she’d once again been sleeping like a top.

Last night was the first night since they’d moved Amber into his cabin aboard ship that they hadn’t gone to bed at the same time even if they hadn’t made love. In truth, one of the reasons he’d been so furtive, nearly slinking in next to her, was that he would have been devastated if Amber had asked him to leave.

But today was a new day.

Today he planned to take her shopping to eliminate the problem of her being forced to wear Helena Conwell’s clothing. Not for anything would he allow her to continue to be wounded because her own clothing wasn’t appropriate for his wife. While they were out shopping he’d have Lily take Helena’s clothing to the Ladies Protection and Relief Society. Mimm had men
tioned that Meara’s clothing was growing too small, as well, so both his ladies would get new wardrobes.

Alex went out exploring the city, promising to return that evening or meet them for dinner. Last night after Amber had gone off to bed, he and his cousin had talked far into the night. Alex had retired, but after their conversation Jamie had been troubled. He’d sat up deliberating on ways to repair his broken relationships with two of the most important people in his life.

Meara entered his office, pulling him out of yet another brown study. Her hair, braided in front and pinned in a coronet the way Amber often wore hers with the back flowing in curling waves, caught the light like a nimbus as she skipped toward him. Amber followed and her hair was done exactly like Meara’s. “My girls!” he called out as Meara rounded the desk. “How lovely you both look.”

“Lily fixed my hair to look like Mum’s,” Meara said, fairly bursting with pride. She hopped onto his knee where she cuddled up close. As he kissed the top of his daughter’s head he noticed that Amber looked a bit unsure of herself.

Then he learned the reason when Amber said, “Mimm just told me we’re to go shopping this morning.”

Jamie smiled, hoping to set her at ease, but he wouldn’t put off that day’s mission unless she was feeling unwell. After all, he noted that she wore the same dress she had on yesterday—the plum one he’d bought her while they’d been staying at the Palace. He didn’t think a woman wore the same dress two days in a row when she had a half-dozen others available unless she saw those others in a less-than-flattering light.

“Mimm would be right. Unless you aren’t feeling up to it, that is.”

“No. I’m fine, but—”

“It’s about time you had your own clothing. Don’t you think?”

“I didn’t mention Helena’s clothes so you would—”

“Of course you didn’t,” he interrupted. “You should have a trousseau, though. I insist.”

“But my shape is changing and—”

“All the more reason,” he said, purposely stepping on her words again. Yesterday even her pretty green dress looked far too restrictive across her chest. Now that he knew about the child, he understood why her breasts seemed to show more in the dresses she wore than they had at the start of the voyage. While he enjoyed the view, he’d noticed the fichu she’d added last evening to hide the new wealth of creamy breasts from being on display. “I can see you’ve grown a bit in the—” he stopped quickly, couching his words because Meara was in his lap avidly listening to their exchange “—a bit uncomfortable,” he finished and noted a small curve to Amber’s lips at his discomfort. But he didn’t mind. He’d gladly play the fool if it meant hearing her clear-as-a-bell laughter ring out once again.

Instead of laughing, however, she nodded, resigned and not excited as he’d hoped at the prospect of a new wardrobe. “In that case I’ll have Lily put the rest of my hair up before we leave the house.”

He shifted the leg where Meara had taken up residence. “You look lovely. Don’t be foolish.”

Her jaw set. “I try not to be foolish, but lately apparently I’ve been failing.”

So he’d misspoken again. He held back a sigh and
tried to recover. He decided to redirect her thoughts to Meara. At least she had a soft spot for his daughter. “I can scarcely remember you being anything but intelligent and sweet. Just like my other girl.” He hugged Meara. “In fact, I rather like my ladies matching. We must find you some mother-daughter day dresses. Our Meara’s dresses are quite short and should be replaced as Mimm has pointed out.

“You are growing by leaps, Lady Meara. Perhaps we need you to balance a cobblestone on this head of yours,” he teased, tapping on the top of her head. “That ought to keep you small and manageable a while longer. What do you think, Mum? Will that keep our princess small?”

“Perhaps,” Amber said, “but it is my experience as a teacher that little serves to thwart time.”

Meara frowned and crossed her arms. “I don’t want to be small, now. I’m going to be a big sister, Mum says. I cannot be both small and big. That makes no sense.”

“I hope you don’t mind my telling her,” Amber said. “But as you told her uncle, I didn’t want her to hear the news accidentally said in passing.”

“It is your news, too, Pixie. In fact, I’ve planned a celebration. I’ve sent word to the Maison Dorée that we will dine there early this evening. It is recommended as one of the city’s finer restaurants.”

“Yea!” Meara shouted.

“Is your cousin coming, as well?” Amber asked at the same time. She didn’t sound a bit at ease with that possibility.

Jamie glanced at Meara, picked up a piece of paper and scribbled a note. He wanted time with Amber to undo some of the distrust of Alex he saw in her gaze. The less said in front of Meara the better. After sanding
the note, he handed it to his little pitcher. “Princess, would you take this to Mimm or Hadley? Your mother and I will be along in a bit,” he explained.

She hopped down. “Privacy time again,” she grumbled and exited, displaying all the drama of a Shakespearian actor’s death scene.

Amber didn’t even smile. She just stared at him, sadness still so deeply imbedded in her gaze it hurt to see it and acknowledge himself as its cause. Perhaps he shouldn’t have sat up with Alex. Had he made things worse? He couldn’t put a foot right these days. But he had to keep trying.

Working to remove one shadow from her eyes at a time still seemed the best course. “Come, sit,” he said, gesturing to the chair still at the side of his desk where his new banker had sat not an hour earlier.

Almost nervously she sank into the leather chair. Only then did he swivel to face her. “Yes. I invited Alex to join us. Do you object?”

“He didn’t seem as if he wished to celebrate our good fortune last evening at our dinner table. In fact, I thought he looked angry. Or at very least deeply disturbed by it.”

“I don’t know if he’ll come. He hadn’t decided when he left this morning. But I hope he will. I think I know what is Alex’s problem. It isn’t that he begrudges us our good fortune. I believe seeing Meara and knowing we’re to have a second child has brought home to him once again what he lost when he lost Iris to me. And she is dead and I have you. It seems so unfair to him.”

Amber looked at him with a piercing question in her gaze. “Perhaps it isn’t a kindness protecting him from
the truth about her. If some part of your life was not what you thought it was, wouldn’t you want someone to tell you if they knew?”

To someone who’d been loved by all the adults in her life while growing up that probably sounded like a simple question. “I’m not sure. Sometimes one can stand only just so much pain and disappointment. Alex’s father is a singular bastard, Amber. He twisted my life with his cruelty and it has left its mark as you have unfortunately discovered. I fear for Alex it is worse.”

He rolled his chair a bit forward and chanced to take her hand. He was heartened that she didn’t seem to object. “I at least have the comfort of knowing the man isn’t my father. As bad as it was having my uncle as a guardian I knew my father had been a good man even if he was weak.”

“But Alexander is his son,” she protested.

“Yes, and because of that, what has Alex to hold on to? He has the dream of who he thought Iris was. I don’t know how he has managed to excuse me as much as he seems to have for the part I played in his loss of Iris. Though she was not the kind of person he thought she was, it was still a great loss to him. And now he has yet another burden to bear.”

“Is our child an emotional burden in some way, do you think?”

“You’re remembering Alex’s initial silence last night.” He sighed. “Quite possibly, but that isn’t all I’m referring to.” Half-truths had hurt her too much already. He let go of her hand and pushed his chair back a bit. “There are a couple of facts I’ve left out about my first marriage. When Iris trapped me into marrying her she was already increasing. Meara is Alex’s child, but I’m
legally her father. I didn’t tell you because, as she is part of Alex, I couldn’t love her more were she my own.”

She didn’t seem shocked, but she should be. “I already came to that conclusion,” she explained. “It wasn’t difficult once I saw him and put all the dates together. And I know she is your child in your heart. I just wish I’d been warned.”

He grimaced. He should have told her sooner and was done with secrets. “I also hadn’t wanted to tell you the whole story of Iris’s death, but keeping things from you has caused you heartache. Iris’s death wasn’t an accident.”

After he said it that way, he realized how it must sound after he’d once told her that Alex had blamed him for Iris’s death. But Amber only looked expectant. He supposed it was a plus that she didn’t think him capable of murder.

So he went on. “For months Iris tried at every turn to anger me, but I didn’t care enough to be drawn into her arguments. Until the day I reached the end of my rope when she persisted in demanding to be allowed to return to London. I finally told her to go to London, but to leave Meara behind where Mimm would be a better mother than Iris ever would. My parting shot was that no matter what she did while there I wouldn’t challenge or accept a challenge in defense of her honor as she had none. She stormed out of the house.

“My favorite horse, Poseidon, was saddled in the drive ready for me to ride out with my steward to check on a few cottages that had need of new thatching. She mounted Poseidon. When he returned without Iris or the saddle, we organized a search. The entire neighborhood searched for hours, but it was too late. She’d fallen
at the border fence to a neighbor’s estate and had been killed instantly. The cinch on the saddle had been cut nearly through. My saddle.”

She blinked. “Your uncle made an attempt on your life? Yes, you certainly did leave that out. I’d thought it was a suspicion that he had planned to make an attempt, but that by banishing him you thwarted his scheme. You never told me he’d actually tried to take your life before Harry Conwell was killed. How awful for you. Why, after all you’ve told me of the man, do I continue to be so surprised by anything he would do?”

Jamie shook his head sadly. “And the worst of it is that Alex has found out. He knows it is more than likely that Iris died as a victim of his own father’s failed plot to kill me. That she died instead of me.”

“So you don’t want to disparage Iris to him. Because you believe you are all he has in the world while you have—”

“I have you and Meara and our child on the way,” he told her so there would be no doubt what was in his heart. He wanted no more misunderstandings between them. “I think I can bear up under any residual anger Alex holds toward me. It is nothing compared to what he must think of Oswald and what my marriage did to him.”

“I suppose there is little to say. We will see if he joins us. And if he cares to celebrate tonight. But still, the woman he loved died in your place. What if his loyalty belongs to his father rather than you?”

“I cannot believe that of him. Please don’t let Mimm color your feelings toward Alex. She holds a grudge for something that turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. Alex thought I would be better away
at school. He talked Oswald into firing Mimm and sending me north to Scotland. It changed my life for the better. I had been sickly and I grew strong there. What she saw as a curse was the saving of me. Then there was the fight he and I had after Iris died.”

He stood and held out his hand, gratified that she took it without hesitation this time. She allowed him to assist her to stand and escort her toward the door. “Shall we go make the local merchants wealthy?”

“Oh, dear,” she said, sounding worried that he would spend too much blunt on her. Alex was right. She was a gem and so he laughed. He refused to be anything but cheerful today. It was a new day. And he was the luckiest of men to have so perfect a wife. And it seemed she’d surrendered and was about to allow him to try to make up for his stupidity in hurting her.

Lily waited in the front hall with Amber’s hat, the jacket to match her dress and a parasol. He was nearly sure she’d never used a parasol in her life. She certainly hadn’t been shy of the sun aboard ship. She’d just finished buttoning up when Meara came dancing down the stairs, wearing her bonnet.

Then they were off.

Amber stared at the shopkeeper, who stared back with her mouth thinned to a straight line. When she spoke it was with an accent not unlike Jamie’s. But from this woman it grated.

“My lady,” the shopkeeper intoned, looking down her nose, “it matters not if the dress is practical, as long as it is the height of fashion. And this dress is. It is the design of Mr. Worth, so it is just the thing right now. He dictates much of the latest in fashion in England. He has
slenderized the silhouette in front and is putting the emphasis on the back of the dress with the elaborate train.”

“What a shame,” Amber retorted, annoyed, “as I’m increasing and my front will soon be anything but slender.”

The woman’s eyes bugged out, then she recovered herself. “It will be waiting for you after your confinement when you’re presentable again.”