His Heart to Have (Cowboys of Whispering Winds) (7 page)

“It’s okay. Thanks for coming to explain. Stop by my office on Monday, and I’ll see if we can work some overtime in for you.”

“That would be great. Have a good weekend,” Lexie said and left.

For several minutes, Allie remained planted where she was, staring at the door.  Today sure was a lesson in appearances.  Out of habit, she chewed on the tip of a nail.  She owed Jase one hell of an apology.  This marriage was becoming more complicated every day and she had a feeling this was just the beginning. Locking up the office, she went to the kitchen in search of Cook.

“Allie, my girl,” he greeted her enthusiastically. “What can I get for you?”

His exuberant greeting brought a fraction of a smile to her. Cook was known for his cantankerous disposition but held Allie in high esteem. She passed it off to all those times, as a child, she fed his ego by claiming she wanted to be just like him when she grew up. In return, he believed in her, consistently claiming she would succeed at any career she chose.

“Have any humble pie?” she asked.

Cook pretended to look through a cart of desserts. “No, none of that today. Would fried chicken and potato salad followed by caramel apple crisp be a sufficient substitute?”

“Could you box up enough for two?”

“Anything for you, child.  I’ll throw in triple apple crisp for Mr. Jase. It will soften him up,” he added.

Did everyone know? Geez, no one could keep secrets around here. “Thank you,” she mumbled meekly.

“Cheer up,” Cook told her, tipping her chin. “Everyone has lover’s quarrels. This too shall pass.”

Box in hand, she left the main lodge and walked down the beaten path to Jase’s cabin.  She took her time, planning her apology along the way, but no words seemed sufficient.  His house came into view through an opening in the pines.    He was sitting on the steps, a long neck bottle in one hand.

“Hi,” she greeted him, uncertainty lining her voice.

“Hi,” he replied, not looking up to her.

“Cook sent dinner home with me.”

“Okay. I’ll be in in a few minutes,”

“I’m sorry, Jase. Lexie came by and told me what happened. I should have believed you and never thrown those accusations at you.”

“And if Lexie hadn’t come by, then what? Would you still be here apologizing?” He finally turned to look at her; the intensity in his stare made her want to squirm.

“I don’t know. Eventually I would have realized you aren’t that type of person,” she answered as honestly as she could.

“Eventually? You know what, I’m not very hungry anymore.” He stood from the steps and went into the little cabin. Before she reached the door, he was coming back out, truck keys in hand. “I’m going out for a while.”

“Can we talk about this?” she pleaded. 

“I’m done talking.  Don’t wait up for me; I might just find some
‘tramp’
to cheat on my wife with,” he responded acerbically.

She reached out to him, but he shrugged her off. “Later, Allie.”

Struggling against tears, she watched him leave.  This time she screwed up with the one person she’d normally turn to for advice and comfort.  Why didn’t she just trust him?  He’d never lied to her before and had no reason to start now.  She went inside and put their dinner in the refrigerator.  Her appetite vanished when Jase sped away.  With nothing to do, she cleaned the kitchen.  Jase’s still full bottle of beer sat on the counter, now warm.  She poured it down the drain and tossed the bottle.

When the kitchen sparkled, she sat down on the sofa and turned the television on. There was no cable or satellite connection to the cabin and there was nothing on the local channels.  Switching it off, she grabbed her phone, checking for word from Jase.  Nothing. She started to call Missy, but hung up. Her other best friend was busy preparing for a wedding that was meant to happen and she didn’t need this drama. After an hour, she tried calling Jase, but his line went directly to his voicemail; whether he turned it off or was ignoring her, she didn’t know.   He had to be at either the Watering Hole, a local hangout and the only place in Bumblton that served alcohol or over at the bunkhouse on the other side of the ranch.

Several hours later, she still couldn’t get through to Jase, and he hadn’t made an effort to contact her.  She was worried.  They’d been friends for more than two decades, but she’d never felt so far away from him.   There was a new book she’d bought several weeks ago, but hadn’t had time to start reading yet.  She went to the bedroom and picked it up from the nightstand.  Curling up in the recliner, her body started to relax.  Jase’s scent was infused in the recliner and she let it envelope her while she read.

She must have drifted off. A popular country song, set as her phone’s ringtone, woke her up. Fumbling for her phone, she answered when it was to her ear.

“Hello,” she answered tentatively, not recognizing the number.

“Allie? It’s Damien from The Watering Hole.”

“What’s going on?” she asked.

“Jase is over here.  He’s pretty toasted and gave me his keys.  Told me to call you and have you come pick him up,” Damien explained.

“I’ll be right there,” she told him and hung up.

She looked at her watch.  Eleven o’clock- he’d been gone for six hours. Grabbing a sweatshirt and her keys, she ran out the door, her stomach twisted in knots.  She could count on one hand the number of times Jase had been drunk.  One being when they married, one being now and the other three when they were young and not yet at the legal age to consume alcohol.   What had she done? She laughed bitterly.  Here she was, finally getting her chance to help Jase out for a change, and it was all because she’d messed up and hadn’t given him half the respect he’d always shown her.

The parking lot at The Watering Hole was packed.  It was the weekend after all, and the main gathering places for all the surrounding ranches.   She squeezed her way through a forest of denim and cowboy hats, finding her way to the bar. 

“Where is he?” she asked when Damien came over to her.

“At the pool tables.  I don’t know what you did to him, but he’s pissed. Just giving you fair warning,” Damien told her, while simultaneously filling two mugs from the tap.

She sighed, knowing this wasn’t going to be pretty. “I’ll take care of it. Thanks for calling me.”

“Here’s his keys.” Damien tossed her a key ring with a Ford emblem hanging from it.

Pushing her way through the crowd, she worked her way to the pool tables.

“Look everyone, it’s my wife.” She heard Jase before she saw him.  He was drunk alright, swaying and pointing toward her. “Who wants to vouch for me that I’ve been here all night and not off cheating on her. A week into marriage and she’s already nagging me.”

Allie’s face turned bright red, both from anger and embarrassment.  She didn’t think Jase had it in him to be cruel like this. It was a new side to him- a side she didn’t like one bit.

Marching over to him, she pulled on his sleeve. “Let’s go,” she hissed.

The crowd around them parted. Their audience looked at each other not sure if this scene was amusing or awkward.  Thank God Jase didn’t say anything further and let her lead him out.  He followed her to her truck and climbed into the passenger seat. The trip home was made in complete silence.  By the time they returned to the ranch, she thought he’d fallen asleep.  She turned off the ignition and went to open the door.

“Why do I love you, Allie?” Jase mused, his sudden words striking her. “You take my heart and use it for a bull’s-eye, but I still love you. It’s always been you, but you can’t see it. You’re a bad tattoo that I can’t erase.”

The pain of betrayal laced his tone. He didn’t love her; that was the alcohol talking. But his other words- those stung because in her heart she knew they were true. She wasn’t good to him. What had he ever gotten from this friendship? Nothing but aggravation.

“It’s late and you’re drunk. We’ll talk tomorrow,” she told him. Without waiting for him, she went inside, changed into pajamas and crawled into bed. A weight pushed down on her heart and soul. She knew what she had to do and it would break her heart.

***

Jase shielded his eyes from the light coming through the window.  The smell of strong coffee reached his nose.  He sat up, gathering his bearings.  His head spun and he leaned over, rubbing the back of his neck.  Man, he felt like hell sucked him in, chewed him up then spit him back out.  Unwrapping himself from a sheet, he pulled on the jeans piled at the sofa’s corner. As an afterthought, he also threw on a shirt.  Allie and he would have a lot to discuss today.  His shirt, or lack of, didn’t need to be added to the mix.

In the kitchen, Allie stood at the sink, staring off at some unknown object outside the window. 

“Good morning,” he said hesitantly, with hands shoved in his pockets. 

“Good morning,” she echoed, turning around. From the looks of it, she hadn’t had a much better night than him. Dark circles were planted under her red-rimmed eyes. Her lips were turned down in a melancholy frown.

Their stiff communication thundered the tension between them.

“Thanks for picking me up last night.”

“It’s the least I could do after all times you’ve helped me.” Her gaze looked everywhere but at him.

“I’m sorry for what I said before I left. It was uncalled for. And anything I said after you picked me up. I can’t remember much, but I’m sure there’s a good chance I said something offensive,” he apologized.

“You were kind of a jerk, but I deserved it.   I’m sorry for not believing you.” 

Something wasn’t right. She still wouldn’t look him in the eye. “Maybe we can just put yesterday behind us,” he suggested.

“Let’s sit down. We need to talk.”

He poured a cup of coffee, straight black and took a long sip. An ominous feeling was setting upon him. “Can it wait until later?” he asked. His body was suffering from his night of excessive drinking.

“No. I need to say this before I lose my nerve.”

The solemnness she spoke with caught his attention and he pulled out a chair. “What is it?” His hand went to his knee. Allie’s fingers drummed against her coffee cup.

“I’m releasing you from this,” she told him, still not making eye contact.

She may as well of slammed her fist to his gut. Yesterday hadn’t been handled well by either of them, but if they ended this now, he’d lose any chance of being with her.

“I told you I’d do this for three months. One argument isn’t enough to make me break a commitment,” he replied, hoping she couldn’t hear how desperate the plea behind his words was.

“It was wrong to ever ask you. Let’s just make a clean break and get on with our lives.”

The floor creaked as he pushed his chair back, stood and moved to the chair next to Allie. Crooking a finger, he tipped her chin, forcing her to make eye contact. “Look at me, Allie. For whatever reason, pretending we meant to get married was important to you. Let’s forget about yesterday and move on.”

“I thought you wanted out of this.  I thought I was a bad tattoo you couldn’t get rid of.”

The corner of her eye glistened with unshed tears. Vague memories of some words he spoke while still in the truck last night came back to him. Had he really told her that? “My god, Allie. I was angry and hurt last night. Ignore anything I said. I was drunk and it doesn’t make it right, but I’m sorry.”

“You may have been drunk, but it’s true. What have you ever gotten from our friendship? All this time it’s been a one way street, with me hogging the road.”

“So I hopped in with you.”

“You’re not making sense, Jase.”

“That’s something you’ll have to figure out for yourself.”  He should just tell her now that he loved her.  That her happiness was his sunlight.    But it wasn’t time- not until she could fully trust him. “Are we good now?” he asked.

“Yeah, I guess. And for what it’s worth, I really am sorry for not trusting you yesterday. I don’t know what got into me.”

“It’s in the past; let’s just leave it there.”

Allie opened her mouth about to speak then closed it again. He watched her struggle to think of the right words she wanted to say until she seemed to discard them and moved to something else. “Do you realize that’s the first major argument we’ve ever had?” she asked him.

“One argument in twenty some years is a pretty good record, don’t you think?”

“You’re right.”  Allie became pensive again, and Jase wished he could read her like he used to be able to.

“Talk to me, Allie Cat. Tell me what is going on in that overthinking head of yours.”

She bit her lip, fear crossing her expression. “I used to think there was nothing that could shake our friendship. Every memory of my life’s important events, includes you. Last night, after we got home, I couldn’t shake the feeling that we wouldn’t come out of this unscathed.”

“There is nothing that can tear our friendship apart. That, I can promise you.”

“I’m scared, Jase. Yesterday was a wake-up call. I can’t lose what we have. Our friendship means everything to me.”

“You’re not going to.”

“What about when you go to the Triple M?”

“Two decades of friendship can’t be defeated by five hundred miles.” What else could he say, when he wasn’t sure himself? He’d had the same doubts. Leaving for the Triple M would inevitably change the dynamic of their friendship. And if she couldn’t open her eyes to his love, then he had no choice but to leave. He wanted to believe their friendship could withstand anything; he just had to hold firmly onto that faith.

“By the way, you pretty much announced our nuptials to the whole town last night,” Allie informed him with a twinkle in her eye.

A groan rumbled from him. At least Allie had her spark back. “Do I want to know?” he asked.

“Probably not.  Let’s just say the Jase I saw last night could disappear forever and I wouldn’t miss him.”

“That bad, huh?”

“Yeah. If I didn’t know you better, I’d hate you right now.”

A knock at the door ended their conversation. Rarely did anyone come out to his cabin. He’d chosen this spot for its seclusion; a natural clearing nestled behind a line of cozy white bark pines. On any given day, he could open his windows, and let the spicy scents of nature in. After a long day of work, this was his refuge. Reluctantly he stood and went to the door. His dad stood on the porch, looking impatient and worried.