His Revenge Baby: 50 Loving States, Washington (30 page)

Lilli waited for him to respond, and when no answer came, she looked up from her plate to find him staring at her. “What?”

“I am confused too,” he admitted quietly. “I do not like it.”

“Me either,” she admitted just as quietly. “Mrs. Santos isn’t around, so I’m just going to…”

With a deep breath, she actually dared to take his hand in both of hers.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “Sorry for what I did in Japan. If there was any way to take it back—”

He looked away, jaw hardening. “There is no way for you to do that.”

“But if there were…”

“We would not be here in Seattle,” he answered, taking his hand back from her.

“And that would be a bad thing?”

He didn’t answer, and she could have sworn the temperature in the room dropped a few degrees.

They couldn’t keep doing this. Living in the past with revenge their only future. She had to get some answers to her questions. Any answers.

“Listen, I know I’ve got an appointment with Uta tomorrow. But I, um, bought something during my lunch hour yesterday, and I think we should use it…”

SHE’D NEVER HAD someone watch her pee before. But ten minutes later, she added that to the huge list of “I Nevers” that Norio Nakamura had been crossing off since she first met him.

Naked Interview: check

Masturbating in a luxury dressing room: check

Passport stamps from several Asian and Oceanic countries: check Signing a revenge baby contract: check

Having someone watch you take a pregnancy test from start to finish: yeah, that would definitely be a huge check.

But Lilli was having more trouble with the urge to hold his hand while they waited.

That was still a problem when it came to No. Wanting to touch the hawk. Wanting to stroke its hair, and see it smile back at her when she said the right thing.

As they waited, she was deeply aware of the stakes. That their relationship might change in the next five minutes.

Because if the pregnancy test said no, then they’d continue on as they had been.

Fucking like maniacs. Confusing each other even as they gave their bodies over to the hedonistic lust that had been consuming them for the last couple of weeks.

But, if it said yes, then…

Well, then their relationship was effectively over. No more confusion. He would leave for Portland. She would remain here in Seattle. No more sex, because the revenge baby goal had been achieved. And all that would be left between them would be a matter of checks and stock dividends for the baby.

It was as simple as that. She and Ruby would remain here in this insanely oversized lake house, figuring out their new normal without him. That was the deal.

And a good one at that. Lilli would get everything she’d never had: a baby to love and enough money to raise it without resentment.

So why did her heart beat faster with every second they waited for the result? Why did she find herself hoping the results were inconclusive, which would give her a

couple more days, or negative, so they’d have a whole extra month to keep trying and delay the inevitable?

But sooner than she wanted it to, a mark began to appear inside the tiny indicator.

Two lines, crossing at the intersection…and just like that, there was no more confusion.

According to the test, she was pregnant.

Which meant her relationship with Norio was officially over.

Crap…

That shouldn’t have been the first word to pop into her head, but it was. And it felt like she was talking on the other side of a wall now standing between the two of them when she said, “So I guess that’s it. I mean, I still have the appointment tomorrow, but these tests are actually pretty damn accurate when it comes to positive results, so yay…”

Lilli trailed off, no longer able to keep up the happy pretense. “I’ll go to my room since there’s nothing left for us to…do. Maybe I’ll see you at dinner?”

He answered with a sharp shake of his head. “I have meetings all day in Portland. I won’t return until late. I might actually stay the night there. We’ll see.”

She waited for him to say something more, but his eyes remained on the test.

God, this was awkward. Which was crazy, because prior to this moment, she’d considered taking a pee test in front of her Japanese lover the most awkward thing she’d ever done.—well, aside from being interviewed by him in the nude.

But no, this moment was definitely winning the Awkward Oscar. And she barely knew what to do with herself or her hands as she smoothed them over her casual jeans and t-shirt.

“Okay, then. Well, bye,” she said, the last word little more than a whisper. “Have a nice day at work.”

He didn’t answer.

And she had to remind herself she was no longer his mistress. She didn’t have to wait to be dismissed. She could just go.

So that was what she did.

Thankful he remained behind and couldn’t see the tears that sprang to her eyes as she didn’t run—but certainly walked as fast as she could out of the room.

He’d gotten what he wanted. She’d gotten what she wanted. So then why did it feel like they’d just lost everything?

Chapter Forty

ARE YOU GIRLFRIEND BOYFRIEND NOW
?

No.

The answer to that question was definitely no. And it was one she got to ponder, long after No left for Portland that morning. Lilli only had a half shift today, one she’d taken merely because one of her kids was going into surgery to have a tumor removed, and she’d promised to be there for him and his parents.

Thank goodness she’d made that promise. Because it was the only thing that got her out of bed after a morning spent in a deep, depressive sleep.

That and the sound of raised voices nearby…

Lilli followed the squabbling voices to the neighboring room, and her heart stuttered at the scene she found.

Ruby and Mrs. Santos were having a tugging war with one of No’s hoodies. And on No’s bed behind them sat an open suitcase filled with his neatly folded clothes.

“What you doing?” Ruby was yelling at the older woman. “Nakamura-sensei not moving. Why you think that?”

Oh God,
Lilli thought, realizing what was going on here, even if Ruby didn’t.

“Ruby,
mami
, I’m only doing my job. What he told me to do.”

“He not say that. You stupid! Stupid bitch!”

Mrs. Santos gasped, and Lilli yelled out, “Ruby!”

Only to have the girl turn on her, too.

“Why he moving?” Ruby demanded. “What you do to him? Why he leaving?”

Seriously? Seriously?!
She thought at the man who wasn’t in the room, or even the house, anymore. He just decided to have Mrs. Santos move him out of here? He couldn’t have even left a note for the little girl who considered him a valued mentor?

But it wasn’t as if she hadn’t grown used to dealing with the messes men left behind.

Her mother. Her brother. And now, Ruby.

“Mrs. Santos,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry for my niece’s behavior. Can you give us a minute?”

“
Si
, of course,” Mrs. Santos agreed. “Sorry, sorry, I was trying to finish moving Mr.

Nakamura’s things before Miss Ruby’s school day was done, but she came home early.”

Yes, today had been a minimum day at school, Lilli suddenly remembered. With all

the baby drama, she’d totally forgotten about the schedule change. “It’s all right,” she told Mrs. Santos. “And thanks for trying.”

She waited until the door closed behind the chagrined housekeeper before cupping her niece’s shoulders. “Listen I’m sorry about this, honey, but—”

“When he be back?” Ruby demanded. “He say he take me with him to Portland tomorrow, so he coming back tonight, right?”

“Um…I don’t know,” she answered, deciding the truth was her only option. “But probably not. We got some…news today. And it looks like Nakamura-sensei will be moving back to Portland…for, um, good.”

Ruby shook her head and tears suddenly sprung to her eyes. “
Iie! Iie!
He promise!”

“Sweetie, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know you were looking forward to meeting with those engineers and getting a private gymnastics coach. But sometimes people make promises, and they don’t think about how it will feel to others if they don’t keep them.

Remember how your dad sometimes had trouble with that?”

Ruby’s eyes flashed, the memory of all her father’s broken promises crashing down over them like a bad Lifetime movie you’ve already watched one too many times and never want to see again. Until you go to find something on TV, and—surprise, surprise

—there it is.

“I’m sorry, Ruby,” Lilli said, trying to patch up the hurt inside her niece as best she could with words. Trying to be a good nurse to this kid, even though her heart was breaking, too. “I know you’re disappointed, but we have enough money now. We’ll figure this out. We’ll find the right leg for you. Maybe interview coaches together—”

“No! I want Nakamura-sensei help me,” Ruby screamed, twisting away from her hands. “He come from samurais and you just…”

Lilli braced herself for the acid name-calling. But then Ruby’s face crumbled. “Not him,” she said mournfully, as close to crying as you could get without actual tears.

Ruby sniffed then, choosing anger over tears. “You do something bad to make him go away. You not good girlfriend. You not do him right!”

Lilli tilted her head at Ruby, not because of the insult, but because…

“Ruby, it’s not my fault he left,” she answered, her voice hard, but for once not out of anger or defensiveness. In that moment, seeing her niece cry over a dude who couldn’t be bothered to text her he was leaving, something she’d not been able to easily understand before became 100% clear.

“Sometimes people leave, Ruby. Sometimes people hurt us. Because sometimes people are assholes. And that’s not on
us
, that’s on
them
.”

“
Iie
,” Ruby screeched again. “Everything your fault! If you there, Papa never start with drugs again. He never do it. And I still have my leg. You ruin everything, you stupid bitch!”

Oh God. It wasn’t just the shattering of their lovely peace that brought tears to Lilli’s eyes. But her niece’s words, so reminiscent of her mother’s.

But this time, Lilli didn’t shrink away or just sit there and take it like she had before all those years with her mother.

This time Lilli drew herself up and answered both her niece and her dead mother. “I don’t. I don’t ruin everything. I’m doing my best, Ruby. I’ve always done my best. And if my best isn’t good enough for you, then that’s on
you
to figure out. I don’t care what

you’ve been through. I’m
not
your punching bag. So don’t talk to me like that, do you understand?”

“Or what?” Ruby sneered. “You slap me again?”

“No, I’m not going to slap you,” Lilli answered. “But until you learn how to talk to me civilly I am taking away every privilege you have. And guess what, you entitled little bitch, you won’t get anything else from me until you learn how to ask nicely for what you want, instead of demanding it. Meanwhile I will continue to hope to God you grow up and finally realize we’re family, Ruby. The only family either of us has left.

Because Mr. Nakamura isn’t worth this. No man, who’d just up and leave is worth it.

That’s what I’m going to do instead of slapping the hell out of you like my mom would have done.

“From now on I’m going to choose who to spend my time with. And right now I’m choosing a kid who’s going to get a cancerous tumor removed today, but has somehow figured out how not to blame me whenever he’s angry about the hand life has dealt them. So before I go get ready for work, let me suggest something to you, Ruby. Get over yourself!”

Eyes blazing with long tamped down anger, she pointed at Ruby, not caring that it was one of the rudest things you could do to someone of Japanese descent. “And little girl, don’t you come at me again until you have.”

With that, Lilli walked out of the room. For once leaving her niece behind, rather than the other way around.

Yeah, her empathy switch was turned all the way off now. Empathy and understanding would only get you so far with some people, she decided as she took her shower and dried of. No had definitely taught her that. And Ruby was about to learn the hard way, just how unsympathetic her aunt could get….

Which was why Lilli was so surprised to find her niece sitting on top of her bed when she stepped back into her bedroom.

Lilli paused, bracing herself for what Ruby would say next.

But then her niece sniffed and whispered, “He promise to teach me, and he come from samurai. I thought he was different from Papa. I thought he keep promises.

Nobody but you keep promises...”

And that was when Ruby began to cry inconsolably.

And just like that, the empathy switch Lilli’d managed to turn off for almost an entire hour flipped right back on.

God, why was life so hard sometimes?
she wondered as she sat down on the bed and pulled her sobbing niece into her arms.
Why did some people get life handed to them on
a platter, while others just keep losing people and body parts until it felt like they had
nothing left to give?

But then Ruby shocked the shit out of her by suddenly surging sideways and wrapping her thin arms around Lilli’s neck. Actually hugging her back as she said, “It’s okay, Aunt Ana. We’ll be okay without him.”

“Yeah,” Lilli agreed after she got over her initial shock of receiving a hug from her niece. “We totally will be.”

“Because we’re family,” Ruby finished, her voice cracking. “And you know what?

I’m not like them. I’m not. I’m going to keep promises I make, even if he doesn’t. That’s

what I’m going to do from now on. Okay?”

“Okay,” Lilli agreed, although she wasn’t one-hundred percent clear what she was saying okay to.

In any case, they ended up riding into Seattle together, holding hands in the back seat of Dallas’s Escalade as they stared out their separate windows.

But just as they pulled off the 520, Dallas asked, “So what’s the deal here, Rubes, you got appointments at the hospital today?”