His Risk to Take (9 page)

Before he left, he paused at the door. “They’re going to need you to come in to make a statement. I want to take you in myself, but if you’d rather someone el—”

“I would.”

He nodded once. When he walked out the door a moment later, one of the officers she recognized came in, introduced himself as Brent, and drove her down to the station. She saw Troy through a glass partition when she arrived, but ignored him as she was led to an interrogation room. Thankfully, Brent ended up taking her statement. He hadn’t forced her to talk on the ride into Manhattan and didn’t keep her there longer than needed, which she appreciated. As he jotted down her monotone answers on a legal pad, her detailed account of events and her reasons behind them sounded ill-advised to her own ears, sinking her even deeper into the black pit she’d descended into.

Brent offered to give her a ride back to Brooklyn, but she declined, wanting desperately to get away from anything reminding her of Troy or the events of the afternoon. When she arrived home half an hour later, it felt like a dam breaking. She slammed her apartment door, limped to her bed, lay down, and didn’t get up for a very long time.

Chapter Thirteen

Troy’s vision blurred as he poured his fifth tumbler of whiskey. He couldn’t recall how much time had passed since he’d walked through the door and fallen into the dining room chair. It could have been seconds, hours, days. There was an image seared into his brain he couldn’t shake. His loose objective had been to drink until it faded from his memory, but the more liquor he consumed, the more he thought of Ruby, cut and bleeding, staring her own death in the face. If he’d been one second later…just one second…

He raised the glass to his lips and took a long pull, welcoming the burn in his chest as the liquid went through him. The image alone would have been enough to give him nightmares for the rest of his life, but her defeated attitude afterward made it infinitely worse. She’d never been defeated a day in her life. He would lay every cent he had on it. He’d done that to her. Given her nothing to hold on to. No reason to fight. He’d driven away, leaving her to battle a homicidal criminal on her own. He would never forgive himself. Never.

Troy pushed back his chair and stood. He paced the kitchen, mind racing from one thought to the next. Was she asleep, battling the same nightmares he was avoiding? Was she in pain? The thought made him crazy. Made him ache as if the injuries were his own, instead of Ruby’s.

He desperately needed a distraction or he would lose what little sanity he had left. Today had been hell for more than one reason. Snatching his phone off the table, he knew he couldn’t put off the call he’d been dreading since this morning off any longer. He blew out a deep breath and pressed a number he’d had on speed dial for years. Judith, Grant’s widow, answered on the third ring.

“Hello?” Judith’s voice, along with a duo of children’s voices in the background. It sounded so familiar it gave him momentary pause. “Hello?”

“Judith, its Troy.”

“Troy,” she greeted him warmly. “I had a feeling you’d call today.”

He sat back down in the dining room chair. “I should have called earlier. It’s been a hectic day.”

She laughed under her breath. “I remember those too well.”

Of course she would.
“How are you?”

“Oh, you know…coping. Grant would have been thirty today.” She sighed. “It would have been one hell of a party.”

Troy smiled. “If I recall correctly, for this twenty-eighth, he insisted on setting up the kids’ Slip’N Slide on the front lawn.”

“Yeah. At
2:00 a.m
. The neighbors were thrilled.” They both laughed. “So how has New York been so far?”

Just like that, his stubborn thoughts went back to Ruby. Guilt assailed him. His best friend’s widow was on the other line and he couldn’t get Ruby out of his head.

“Uh-oh. Radio silence is never a good sign. What’s her name, stud?”

“Judith, we really don’t—”

“Please,” she implored, her tone suddenly serious. “Take my mind off things for a few minutes Troy. I’d appreciate it.”

Troy massaged his forehead where a dull throbbing had formed. “Ruby. Her name is Ruby. She’s a professional pool hustler with an attitude the size of fucking Illinois. She’s a spectacular pain in the ass.” He leaned back in his chair, releasing a slow breath. “She’s also beautiful, brave, and loyal. And way too smart for her own good.”

“Damn. What the hell are you wasting your time talking to me for?” Judith laughed. “A professional pool hustler, huh? I bet you’re just tickled over that safe, boring career choice.”

“Was it obvious?”

“Huh.” Judith stayed silent a moment. Troy could practically hear her drawing her own conclusions. “You know, we never really talked about the night Grant…you know,” she started hesitantly. “I don’t think I’m even ready now. But Troy? We both know nothing you said or did could have stopped him from swooping in and trying to be the hero. I married a cowboy. I knew it from the beginning.” A beat passed. “And I loved him
for
it, not in spite of it.”

Her words dropped like tiny bombshells onto Troy’s head, cutting straight through the fog brought on by the alcohol he’d consumed. “Judith—”

“I have to go. The kids…” Judith trailed off. He sensed the conversation had been too much for her, so he said good-bye and hung up, her words ringing in his head. He’d never expected or even wanted for her to absolve him of Grant’s death, but he couldn’t deny feeling a sense of peace for the first time in months. He didn’t feel better, that would take much longer, but he felt slightly lighter than before.

I loved him
for
it, not in spite of it.

Troy stood and looked out the window toward Brooklyn. He’d known from the second Ruby walked into Quincy’s that there was nothing
safe
about her. It hadn’t stopped him, though. He’d gone after her like a man obsessed, incapable of making any other choice but the one that kept her in his arms. She’d excited him, challenged him, and made him human again after he’d spent so much time shutting out anything that made him feel.

Troy’s head dropped forward as if a cord holding it upright had been cut, a sickening pit forming in his stomach as he remembered her dejected face as she’d gotten out of his car. After he’d told her he couldn’t be with her. Jesus, he’d fallen hard for a girl with abandonment issues, and he’d already proven to her that he was no different than anyone who’d done the same in the past. A
stubborn-as-hell
girl who’d promised she would never again give him the time of day.

He’d well and truly screwed up this time. Too bad he could be just as stubborn and determined as Ruby when he wanted something. In no world did there exist the possibility where he accepted her decision and let her walk. As of right now, he only had one advantage working in his favor.

She’d fallen for him, too.

If he hadn’t been blinded by his fear of losing her, he’d have realized her risky stunt today had been Ruby’s unique way of telling him. Tomorrow he would need to remind her why.

…

Ruby woke the next morning with a gasp after a twelve solid hours of sleep. As if her brain had shut off out of necessity, she’d slept in a black, dreamless void. Now, however, the events of the day before rushed back in a blast of clarity, catapulting her back down onto her pillow. Troy’s parting words floated over her, slaying her all over again. He’d been on his knees, kissing her and apologizing. So she’d thrown him out. Did that make her insane or stupid?

Twice in her life she’d felt the sting of abandonment. First, with her father and yesterday with Troy. She’d opened herself up for a wealth of pain, and she’d been rewarded in spades for letting her guard down. He said he’d left for her own good, but he’d broken her heart in the process, and for the first time since she could remember, she’d felt robbed of her usual inner strength. When she’d sat in the chair, waiting for Lenny to pull his gun, a tiny part of her had been too tired to fight. That kind of mentality was dangerous for someone like her. She’d always been a survivor, and in the space of five minutes, Troy’s leaving had robbed her of that. She couldn’t forgive him for it, nor could she forgive herself.

Every dull beat of her heart echoed in her ears as if it had literally been damaged. It hurt to think or move or breathe. She could fix herself by going to him, apologizing for her rash actions, and forgiving him for leaving. He’d take away all the pain. Until the next time. There would always be a next time.

After testing her knees by bending them toward her stomach, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and went to shower. Not wanting any reminder of yesterday, she ripped off the bandages and threw them in the trash. She drew strength from the hot water rushing over her damaged skin, the sting helping to fight the numbness. This wouldn’t beat her. She had too many plans and had come too far. Yesterday, she’d been broken, so today, she would begin to fix herself. Sort through the ashes and build on whatever parts of her had survived. Adding new parts as she went. Brazening it out as usual.

Ruby had a lot of experience blocking painful thoughts. It hurt to think of Troy, so she simply wouldn’t. Perhaps right now, when everything remained so fresh, the feat proved impossible. But over time, she would do it. She would forget the man who’d stormed into her life, commanded the possession of her body, her heart. After all, she didn’t have any other option, did she?

Knowing how important it was to make her 9:00 a.m. class, she tugged on her jeans and jammed her feet into her leather boots. Her pool stick sat in the corner, catching her eye, but she didn’t grab it and sling it over her shoulder as she normally would. At the bottom of the stairs, she pushed open the door and came to a dead stop.

Troy leaned against his car, arms crossed, clearly waiting for her. He looked terrible, eyes red-rimmed, hair sticking up in every direction. When he saw her exit, he pushed off his car and took a step toward her. Without thinking, Ruby backed up. Otherwise, she would have run at him full-force and thrown herself at him. That would never work. She teetered right on the edge, and if he touched her, she would fall, hands flailing, into the ravine.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, grateful to hear she didn’t sound half as pathetic as she felt. “I told you it’s over.”

“The hell it is.” He responded immediately, his face rife with determination. “We both made mistakes yesterday, but I’ll be damned before I let us walk away from this.” Coming closer, his head shook slowly. “We don’t end here. I know that because I won’t
allow
it.”

“You’re the one who walked.” As soon as the words left her mouth, she wanted to take them back. She didn’t want him to know how much he’d hurt her. Didn’t
want
to hurt this much. If she talked about it, the pain would only worsen. “Look, I don’t have time for this. I have a class.” She started to walk toward the subway entrance, but his words stopped her.

“I didn’t make it one goddamn block yesterday, Ruby.” He swiped an impatient hand through his hair. “Look, we’re both stubborn hotheads, and we’re going to fight. Early and often. But I will
never
make it more than one block before I come back. That is my
promise
to you. And I don’t break my promises, either.” Hands on hips, he breathed deeply as if attempting to calm himself. “If I let my fear of losing you keep us apart, I get the same damn result. The only way I can fight that fear is if you fight it with me.”

His raw honestly toppled her defenses. “I don’t have any fight in me right now, Troy,” she murmured before she thought better of it.

“Yes, you do.” He reached out and cupped her cheeks. “You’ve got more fight than anyone I know. I’m sorry I made you think otherwise for even a second.”

Ruby pulled away, moving once again in the direction of subway. “I’m sorry, too. But I can’t do this.”

“I’m going to come back tomorrow,” he called after her. “And the day after that. Every single day, I’ll come for you. As long as it takes, Ruby. I’m not giving you up.”

…

True to his word, Troy came back every single morning for a week. Ruby woke up each day and looked out her living room window to find him leaning against his car, arms crossed, waiting for her in the cold. After that first morning, they didn’t speak to each other. They didn’t need to. Everything she needed to know communicated itself through Troy’s eyes. With a single glance, he told her he wasn’t going anywhere. He would be back, day after day, to torment her.

Some mornings, he looked her over impatiently, as though he wanted to throw her over his shoulder and carry her back upstairs. Those were the times Ruby found it hardest to keep walking. Her need for him grew stronger by the day, and she sensed he knew it. He started calling her on the phone, waking her up in bed. Once, when she finally answered against her better judgment, he’d rasped, “Let me in, baby. Now.”

She’d been forced to take a cold shower before leaving the apartment for class that day.

As the week wore on, his presence started to comfort her. She stopped seeing her mistake and the subsequent pain he’d wrought every time she looked at him. Instead, she started looking forward to the mornings, when she could memorize his image and carry it with her all day. She started to believe in what he’d said, that he wouldn’t allow them to end. That he would come back every day until she realized it.

One thing, she already knew for certain. Her plan to get over him had died in its earliest stages. As long as he kept showing up, looking sexy, sleep deprived, and determined, her feelings for him would only continue to intensify. This was the man who’d tracked her down at school and brought her home. Held her tightly while she slept as though she might vanish. She didn’t want to punish him any longer. His reasons for walking away hadn’t been selfish, but that’s precisely how she was acting. Selfish. Punishing him—and herself in the process.

Not anymore
, Ruby decided as she sprung out of bed that morning, feeling more like herself than she had in days. After throwing on her robe, she padded toward the window with a smile on her face, anxious to get her first look at Troy.

He wasn’t there.

Ruby’s stomach dropped to the floor. She pulled up the window and leaned out, looking for his car down the block, but it was nowhere in sight. With shaky hands, she closed the window and stood very still in the dim apartment. The first thought to pop into her head was,
Oh, God. I waited too long
.

Her second thought?
Screw that
.

She pulled her cell phone out of the charger and dialed Troy’s number while pacing in front of the window. He answered on the first ring. “Hey, I’m—”

“One week? One week was your limit? You said
as long as it takes
, so where are you?” She swallowed around the tightness in her throat. “You said I was
your
pain in the ass. Well, get your ass over here so I can be a pain in it. Maybe you gave up after one week, but I haven’t. I miss you, okay? I miss you, and you’re supposed to be outside.”

“
Ruby
,” he broke in. “Look out your window.” She spun around in time to see him pull up at the curb and get out of his car, still holding the phone to his ear. “I just hit a little traffic.”