His Untamed Innocent (10 page)

‘You don’t think so?’ He looked at her reflectively. ‘Maybe you should cast your mind back a few weeks to our never-to-be-repeated night together. There could be a very different reason for your malaise.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, my sweet, that unless you were taking the contraceptive pill you and I had unprotected sex—more than once.’ His mouth twisted wryly. ‘Usually I take my own precautions, but, as love-making was never supposed to feature on the agenda that weekend, I was completely unprepared. As I now suspect you were too. So there could be—consequences.’

For a moment, she stared at him, her mind reeling. Then she said huskily, ‘No, it’s not possible. I don’t believe it.’

‘Then let’s see if your faith is justified,’ he said. He took a flat packet from his inside pocket and tossed it to her. ‘Pop into the bathroom, if you will, and put both our minds at rest.’

Marin stared down at the pregnancy-testing kit, her heart beating like a drum in sheer panic. ‘No,’ she said. ‘No—I can’t.’

‘Why not? The instructions seem perfectly clear. And I certainly can’t do it for you.’

‘All right, then, I won’t.’ She lifted her chin. ‘You have no right to march in here, giving me orders.’

‘I wish to know whether or not you’re carrying my child,’ he said. ‘I’d say that’s well within my rights. So, please do as I ask. For both our sakes.’

Their eyes met, clashed. Then Marin turned and stalked off to the bathroom.

She could simply throw the kit away when she was alone, she thought, and tell him the result was negative. That he could leave with a clear conscience.

Except that she needed to allay the sudden terrifying doubt in her own mind. Reassure herself that the frantic mental sums she’d already been doing were all wrong that her period was often late, and that she really was fine, with nothing to fear.

Above all she needed to watch him walk away and know that she would never have to experience the hurt of seeing him again.

Peace of mind, she told herself, in a little box.

When she finally returned to the living room, Jake needed to take only one look at her white face and quivering lips. He was silent for a moment, then sighed.

‘That settles it,’ he said. ‘Now we really do have to talk.’ As he walked towards her, she took a step back and saw his mouth tighten. He took her hand and led her to the sofa.

She tried to free herself. ‘Leave me alone.’

‘Don’t be silly.’ His voice was quite gentle as he drew her down beside him. ‘Sit down before you fall down.’ He paused. ‘I suppose our first priority is to tell your mother and stepfather. Find out how soon they can get here.’

She stared at him, mute with horror at all the additional implications of this discovery. The thought of having to tell Barbara and Derek what a total mess she’d made of her life—to inflict such a terrible disappointment—made her cringe inside.

Confessing to Lynne would be just as bad, but she knew her stepsister would help her, get her through whatever needed to be done. She felt sick all over again at the prospect.

She said, stumbling over the words. ‘I’d rather not—tell them.’

‘I’m sure,’ he said drily. ‘I’m not looking forward to telling my mother, either. But it has to be done.’ He paused. ‘It will have to be a special licence, and the local registrar, of course, and we need to set the date as soon as possible.’

The words swam in her head, making no sense. No sense at all.

She stared at him, ‘Please—what are you talking about?’ she whispered.

‘About our wedding, naturally,’ he said with a touch of impatience. ‘We’re having a baby, Marin, so we’re going to get married. And that’s all there is to it.’

‘But you’re not the marrying kind.’ Her protest was instant and unthinking.

‘Perhaps not,’ he agreed. ‘And I certainly had no plans for fatherhood, either. How quickly life can change.’

‘Oh, for God’s sake.’ She made a little half-helpless, halfimpatient gesture. ‘No one has to get married these days—not for this kind of reason.’

‘Then I must be curiously old-fashioned,’ Jake said icily. ‘Because I have no intention of allowing my firstborn to be a bastard.’

My firstborn…

Oh God, she thought, wanting to cry. Oh, God.

She didn’t look at him. Her voice was a stranger’s. ‘You’re overlooking the alternative. There—there doesn’t have to be a baby at all.’

‘I’m overlooking nothing,’ he returned shortly. ‘And you’re not going down that path, Marin, not even if I have to chain you to my wrist until it’s too late. Whatever they may say, it’s not an easy option. And we’re not taking the risk.’

‘But we can’t be married, either.’ She felt herself shrinking into her corner of the sofa. ‘We—we hardly know each other.’

‘Not in terms of weeks, months or years, perhaps,’he agreed. His mouth twisted ruefully. ‘But in one important area we’ve proved we’re entirely compatible, if a little careless.’

‘I told you—I’d been drinking. I—I didn’t realise what I was doing.’

‘Well, you’re sober now,’ he said softly. He slipped off his jacket, threw it over the arm of the sofa. Undid his tie. ‘Why don’t we adjourn to the bedroom and put your interesting theory to the test?’

‘No!’ The word choked out of her. ‘Don’t you dare touch me.’

His brows drew together. ‘As I remarked just now, how quickly life can change,’ he said, half to himself. ‘I must ask Graham where he gets his booze. It must be amazing stuff to have managed to overcome, even for a few hours, your aversion to me.’

‘So I made a terrible mistake,’ she went on hoarsely, ignoring his loaded comment. ‘That’s no reason to wreck the rest of my life.’

He was silent for a moment. ‘No,’ he said at last. ‘And for that I’m more sorry than you can imagine. I should, of course, have taken more care of you. Protected you from any consequences. I blame myself entirely.’

He sighed abruptly. ‘But at least I can guarantee that your future sufferings will be endured in a reasonable degree of comfort.’

‘Am I supposed to find that reassuring?’ she asked bitterly.

He shrugged. ‘What else can I tell you? I’m healthy. I don’t smoke, don’t do drugs, and have never, in spite of some intense provocation, lifted my hand to a woman. Nor,’ he added deliberately, ‘do I drink to excess.’

She flushed angrily. ‘And that’s supposed to be sufficient basis for marriage?’

He was leaning back, totally at ease, long legs stretched out in front of him. ‘It’s a beginning,’ he said. ‘I imagine you don’t require me to go down on one knee and express my undying devotion.’

‘No,’ Marin said stonily. ‘I see no need for unnecessary lies.’

‘But there may be times when you won’t want the unvarnished truth from me, either.’ His gaze was sardonic. ‘Therefore, can I be sure that you won’t probe too deeply if I tell you I’m working late?’

‘No.’ Her throat felt as if a hand had closed round it, crushing the life from her. ‘Although it could make life difficult for Lynne, if she has to back up your story.’

He said flatly, ‘Lynne will no longer be working for me.’

Marin shot out of her corner. ‘You mean, you’re firing her?’ she demanded hotly. ‘God, that’s so unfair. This isn’t her fault.’

‘Oh, calm down,’ Jake said wearily. ‘I’m promoting her to associate director. It includes a salary raise, and a much better benefits package all round. It’s been on the cards for a while, and she thoroughly deserves it, but she’ll be bloody hard to replace. So you’re not the only loser in all this, my sweet.’

‘Don’t call me that!’

‘What would you prefer?’ he enquired mockingly. ‘My darling? My one and only love?’

She sank back against the cushions again. ‘Please,’ she said quietly. ‘Please—don’t.’

‘Then I’ll stick to Marin,’ he said. ‘On one condition—that from now on you call me Jake.’ He added almost casually. ‘You can start practising this afternoon when you meet my mother.’

She stared at him. ‘You have a mother?’

‘Of course,’ he returned. ‘How did you imagine I got here? I think the pair of us have exploded the stork myth pretty thoroughly.’

She said defensively, ‘I didn’t realise you had any relatives.’

‘I also have three godparents, two aunts, an uncle, plus their spouses and various cousins.’ He paused. ‘But I suggest we restrict the wedding to immediate family only.’

She looked down at her hands clenched tightly in her lap. ‘Surely there’s some arrangement other than marriage we could reach—if you really want to acknowledge you’re the baby’s father?’

‘Ah,’he said. ‘ Agreed access in return for child support, I suppose?’ He spoke with a kind of cool implacability. ‘I’m afraid I’m not prepared to settle for a couple of hours every fortnight, depending on your convenience. I’ve watched it happen in the lives of people I know, and it hasn’t been pretty.’

His eyes met hers. ‘My child will have a stable home and be cared for by both its parents. Because the baby’s welfare is all that matters, and our personal feelings have to take second place.’

‘And what happens when the baby’s old enough to realise he’s the only reason that his parents are together?’ Her mouth was dry—so dry. ‘That—that they don’t love each other?’

Jake shrugged. ‘We cross that bridge when we come to it. Or we go back to square one and pretend like crazy.’

‘Beginning with your mother, I suppose?’ Marin bit her lip.

‘No,’ he said. ‘I intend to tell her the truth. She moved out of the Manor to a house on the edge of the village when Dad died three years ago, but she looks after things on the estate for me and acts as my hostess when necessary, so we see a lot of each other.’ He paused, adding flatly, ‘And she’s not easy to fool.’

Manor? Marin thought, startled. Estate? That didn’t sound like the weekend glamour-pad for entertaining his girlfriends that she’d imagined. On the contrary, it held new and even more disturbing implications which she would have to consider later. When she was alone.

She said unevenly, ‘And my mother—my stepfather—what do I say to them?’

‘Tell them what seems best,’ he said. ‘But they could find the situation easier to accept if you were able to convince them that ours was a love match instead of a case of
force majeure.

‘And you might try that same approach to Sadie,’ he added. ‘She’s now the housekeeper at the Manor, but she used to be my nanny, and she doesn’t mince her words when she decides I’ve overstepped the mark. However, she has a romantic soul, and might be slightly mollified if she thought we’d been carried away by our mutual passion—even though it won’t spare me the tongue-lashing of the century.’

‘And for how long would I be expected to maintain this farce?’ Marin felt as if she was dying inside but she managed a flash of her old spirit.

‘I’d say until I allow my obvious and unforgivable failings as a husband to destroy the glow of married bliss,’ he said cynically. ‘I won’t make you wait too long.’ He gave her a level look. ‘So, do I take it my honourable proposal has been accepted? For the baby’s sake?’

She was silent for a moment, then she said very quietly, ‘Yes—for the baby. But for no other reason. I want to make that totally clear.’

He shrugged. ‘As daylight.’

‘But I can’t meet your mother today,’ she went on. ‘I have a doctor’s appointment at two-thirty.’

‘Then I’ll go with you,’ he said pleasantly. ‘And we can drive down to the country afterwards and face Mother together.’

He glanced at his watch and rose, picking up his jacket and tie. ‘Now, I must get back to the office.’ He paused. ‘Do you want me to say anything to Lynne?’

‘No,’ she said quickly. ‘Oh God, no.’

He nodded. ‘Then I’ll leave it to you. But please don’t let it slip your mind,’ he added evenly. ‘And when I come back at two to collect you, Marin, make sure you’re here.’

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I will be.’ Her smile hurt. ‘After all, what real choice do I have?’

‘None,’ Jake said harshly. ‘But, in case you’ve forgotten, that applies to us both.’

She was aware of him crossing the room. His footsteps in the hall. The outer door closing.

Then and only then, as silence closed in on her and she could be quite sure she was alone, she buried her face in her hands and stayed without moving, crouched in her corner of the sofa, for a very long time.

Chapter Ten

‘W
HY DID YOU
cancel your medical appointment?’ Jake asked as they drove out of London that afternoon.

‘It seemed pointless to ask the doctor about food poisoning when I knew the real diagnosis.’ Marin didn’t mention that she had done a second test in case, by some miracle the first result had been wrong. Nor did she tell him that, at that point, she’d cried until she had no tears left as she contemplated the bleak future awaiting her as Jake’s unwanted wife and mother of his only child.

Eventually, she’d regained a measure of composure and had done something about her appearance too. She’d been appalled when she’d looked in the bedroom mirror and saw herself as he must have done—the pale, drawn face, the lank hair and elderly dressing-gown.

I’m amazed he didn’t run out screaming, she thought wanly.

But then her lack of physical attraction no longer mattered. Not when he’d made it clear his sole concern was the tiny life they’d unintentionally created together.

So she showered, washed her hair, then dressed in a pale blue denim skirt, and a sleeveless white top. She made discreet use of concealer and blusher to disguise her pallor.

Now if only they’d invent a cosmetic called ‘happy’, she thought, it would make pretending much easier.

She’d also heated some soup and managed to keep a whole bowlful down, which was quite an achievement, considering the state of nervous tension she was under.

‘Well, it doesn’t really matter. When you get to Chelsea you’ll be seeing my doctor, anyway,’ Jake said, frowning. ‘I’ll call him tomorrow.’

‘Isn’t that a little soon?’ she asked tautly.

‘No.’ He sent her an unsmiling glance. ‘Because you’re moving in with me tonight.’

There was a silence, then Marin said unevenly, ‘Please don’t make me do this. I’m fine where I am with Lynne.’

‘And I prefer you to be under my roof where I can keep an eye on you.’ He added flatly, ‘Anyway, Lynne won’t be staying at the flat much longer. She and Mike have found their own place, and it’s ready to move into.’

‘They didn’t tell me.’ Only a month, she thought, but everything was changing, the ground shifting under her feet.

‘They were probably waiting until you felt better.’

‘Presumably you don’t feel the same need to be considerate.’

‘It’s hardly inconsiderate to want to take care of you,’ Jake retorted. ‘And, as we’re going to be married, living with me beforehand is no big deal.’ He added drily, ‘Lynne and Mike certainly don’t think so, anyway.’

She thought with swift desolation, ‘But they love each other…’

Aloud, she said, ‘When you say—I’ll be living with you…?’

‘Ah,’ he said softly. ‘Can we be back to the vexed question of sleeping arrangements once again?’

‘Yes,’ Marin said baldly. ‘Please understand I want my own room. Before and after the wedding. Not conditional.’

There was a sudden tension in the car, flowing between them like an electric current.

But when Jake spoke he sounded relaxed, even faintly amused. ‘Now, how did I know you were going to say that?’ he asked. ‘Don’t worry, Marin. I’ve already given the appropriate instructions.’ His mouth twisted wryly. ‘Although, as we both know, separate rooms is hardly any guarantee of good behaviour.’

Marin felt the colour rising in her face. ‘On the contrary.’ She kept her voice steady. ‘I have no intention of making the same mistake twice.’

‘Nor have I, darling,’ Jake said softly. ‘Nor have I.’

She decided it would be wise to change the subject. ‘Did—did you speak to your mother?’

‘Yes,’ he said after a pause. ‘We had a fairly frank discussion.’

‘Is she very angry?’

‘She’s certainly disappointed,’ he returned. ‘But she appears to have accepted the situation.’

‘Lucky you,’ Marin said bitterly. ‘I suspect my mother will react rather differently to the news.’

‘Just as well we’re not having the banns called,’he said pleasantly. ‘ She might have forbidden them.’

‘This is not some kind of joke,’ she flared.

‘No,’ he said tersely. ‘It’s not. And I’ve never felt less like laughing in my life. But we have to get through this, Marin, so weeping, wailing and teeth-gnashing will do no good, either.’ He paused. ‘Agreed?’

She looked down at her hands, gripped together in her lap, and nodded silently.

She was never to forget her first glimpse of Harborne Manor.

She’d half-expected something formal and Georgian, on the lines of Queens Barton, not this graceful mass of grey stone topped by tall, eccentric chimneys, its age enhanced by its mullioned windows and wide-arched entrance, which seemed to lift itself from the surrounding grassland as they approached.

She leaned forward. ‘My God.’ Her voice was stunned. ‘It’s beautiful. I never dreamed…’ She swallowed. ‘Is it open to the public?’

‘No, it’s not,’ Jake returned. ‘It is and always will be a private house. Although, we allow visitors in to our Garden Day in June to raise money for the Red Cross.’

‘Garden Day?’ Marin repeated in a hollow tone, and saw his mouth relax into something like genuine amusement.

‘Don’t worry,’he said. ‘It was held three weeks ago. Anyway, you’re not short of organisational skills in your career.’

But not quite to this extent, Marin thought, swallowing.

As he brought the car to a halt on the gravelled sweep in front of the main entrance, a woman emerged and stood on the steps, waiting for them.

She was large, with a round, rosy face, her grey silver-streaked hair drawn back from her face into a loose knot.

‘Well, here she is, Sadie,’ Jake called as they approached the steps. ‘She didn’t escape while she had the chance.’

Marin found herself being swept by a lightning scrutiny from unexpectedly shrewd brown eyes.

‘And why should the young lady do any such thing, Mr James? Now, enough nonsense and introduce us properly.’

‘Yes, ma’am,’ Jake murmured, grinning.

His task performed, Marin was subjected to another head-to-toe assessment.

‘Too thin by far,’ was Sadie Hubbard’s brisk verdict. ‘And not feeling too clever, either, I dare say. Nasty thing, morning sickness, but it soon passes, thank the Lord.’ She turned a steely look on her former charge. ‘But no thanks to you, Mr James.’

‘No, Sadie,’ Jake agreed with suspicious meekness. Taking Marin’s hand before she could move out of range, he drew her towards him and dropped a kiss on her hair. ‘This is your home, darling,’ he told her softly. ‘Come and have a look at it.’

She remembered him touching her hair, lifting it away so he could brush the nape of her neck with his mouth, and everything that had followed.

It didn’t mean a thing to him, she thought with pain. It was the kind of casual caress he must have bestowed a hundred times. He could never have expected her to react as she had done. And she had to live with the shame of that.

And, like he was doing now, pretend.

By some supreme effort she made herself look at him, smile, leave her hand in his light clasp and let him lead her indoors.

Where she stopped dead, her breath catching when she saw the size of the panelled hall and the magnificently carved oak staircase with its galleried landing.

‘How old is all this?’ she whispered as she looked wonderingly around her.

‘Originally it was Tudor,’ Jake said. ‘Probably built from the stones of some unfortunate monastery. But it’s been altered and added to a great deal since then—mostly in the days before listed buildings and planning departments. Fortunately my father and grandfather confined themselves merely to sorting out the plumbing,’ he added. ‘So you won’t have to break the ice on the well if you want a bath.’

‘As if anyone ever did,’ Sadie snorted. ‘Now, behave yourself, Mr James, and take Miss Wade out to your mother on the terrace before she really does run away.’

‘So this is Marin.’ Elizabeth Radley-Smith was a tall woman, dark-haired and calm-faced. Her eyes were vivid blue, like Jake’s, but there was no gleam of laughter in their depths. Her expression was concerned, even wary, and she offered no other welcome than a brief handshake.

She may have accepted the situation, thought Marin bleakly as she accepted a seat in the trellised arbour, shady with fragrant honeysuckle, where a wooden table and cushioned wicker-chairs had been placed. But she doesn’t have to like it, or me. And who can blame her?

‘I’m going to speak to Cook about tea,’ Mrs Radley-Smith said after an awkward pause. ‘Why don’t you talk to Marin about what we discussed earlier?’

‘What does your mother want to suggest?’ Marin asked tautly as the older woman departed. ‘That I make myself scarce for the next eight months, then have the baby adopted?’

Jake’s mouth tightened. ‘On the contrary. She rang me back to ask if we’d be prepared to forego the civil ceremony in town and be married here, by special licence, in the parish church. She reckons we could have an equally quiet wedding if we picked some mid-week morning and had a celebration family lunch here afterwards.’

She stared at him. ‘You—you want to be married in church?’

‘Why not?’ Jake retorted. ‘I was christened and confirmed there, and I sometimes go with Ma to Evensong when I’m down for the weekend. I’ve even been known to read the lesson on occasion. And could you stop looking at me as if I’d grown a second head?’ he added with faint asperity.

‘I’m sorry.’ Marin shook her head. ‘I find all this rather difficult to reconcile with your lifestyle.’

He said levelly, ‘I do what’s expected of me, Marin, as you have reason to know.’ He paused. ‘But what do you feel about Ma’s suggestion? It has the added bonus that all your family could stay at the Manor before during and after the wedding, if they wished. Give me a chance to get to know them.’

She stared at him, the words, ‘I do what’s expected of me’ still echoing in her mind. ‘I don’t know what to say.’ She hesitated. ‘I presume you wouldn’t expect me to be married in white?’

‘Wear a bin bag if you want,’ Jake said brusquely. ‘Just be there. I’ll speak to the vicar, fix up a suitable day.’

‘Won’t this hasty marriage spoil your “pillar of the community” image?’

His mouth twisted. ‘Why should it? I’m not planning to book the christening at the same time. Anyway, Mr Arnold is one of the least judgmental men I know.’

Mrs Radley-Smith appeared, carrying a tray, which Jake leapt up and took from her. ‘Jake and I are having builders’ tea,’ she announced. ‘But I’ve asked Cook to make you a special peppermint infusion, Marin. Jake tells me you’re having sickness problems, and I found it helped me a lot when I was first pregnant.’

Marin bit her lip. ‘Thank you. That’s very kind.’

Or maybe, she thought, she doesn’t want me throwing up all over these old and probably irreplaceable flagstones.

Mrs Radley-Smith sat down. ‘So, have you come to any decision about the wedding?’

‘I’m still trying to persuade her.’ Jake smiled at Marin as she took her cup of peppermint tea.

‘I do hope you agree,’ Mrs Radley-Smith went on rather stiffly. ‘It’s a very beautiful old church, and generations of our family have been married there. I feel the local people, and the vicar particularly, would be most disappointed if Jake chose to have his wedding somewhere else. Also, Mr Arnold prefers to use the old prayer-book service, which I also favour.’

Marin stared down into her cup. Phrases like ‘to love and to cherish’ and ‘till death do us part’ were whirling in her head suddenly. Jake, she thought, would stand beside her and say these things, and she would have to respond and pretend she believed him. Pretend that their marriage was going to be a real one instead of a convenient sham.

With my body, I thee worship…

And she,
she,
would have to pretend she didn’t care. That she wasn’t longing—aching for him.

Pain slashed her. She thought. ‘I can’t do this. I can’t be such a hypocrite.’ And only realised she’d spoken aloud when she heard Mrs Radley-Smith’s sharp intake of breath and saw Jake’s mouth tighten grimly.

He said, ‘Then a civil ceremony in London it shall be. And that’s final.’

It was not the easiest meal Marin had ever sat through. Jake and his mother chatted in a desultory way about local matters while she made herself drink her tea and nibble a slice of wholemeal bread and butter with some local honey. But she knew her decision over the wedding rankled.

Eventually, Jake pushed back his chair and rose. ‘I need to phone the office. I’ll tell Sadie to begin the guided tour without me.’

Marin was torn between relief and an overwhelming urge to grab the front of his shirt and beg, ‘Don’t leave me.’

But that, she thought, would be tantamount to a declaration of love, and hideously embarrassing for both of them.

Left alone, the two women sat in silence for a few moments, then Marin said with difficulty, ‘You must really hate me.’

‘I don’t hate anybody,’ said Mrs Radley-Smith. ‘With the exception of people who abuse children or animals, and I’m sure you don’t fall into either category.’

‘But you can’t want Jake to be married—like this.’

‘No, I don’t. Far from it.’

‘Then couldn’t you talk to him before it’s too late?’ Marin begged unhappily. ‘Persuade him, somehow, it’s a bad idea and that there must be a better solution?’

The older woman shook her head. ‘As well try and stop a herd of charging elephants than Jake with his mind made up. And he wants his child born in wedlock. So it seems as if we all have to make the best of things.’

She gave Marin a level look. ‘But I love my son, Miss Wade, and what grieves me most about this whole unfortunate business is that you’d apparently prefer to be a single mother rather than become his wife.’

She paused. ‘However, as you must have realised by now, Harborne Manor is very old and very beautiful, and I found it a more than happy home,’ she added with a catch in her voice. ‘Perhaps when you’ve seen round it, you may become more reconciled to your changed circumstances.’

Marin lifted her chin. ‘You think that makes a difference? That maybe I see the baby as a stepping stone to a life of luxury with a rich man footing my bills? Because I promise you I don’t. I knew that Jake had a home in the country, because my sister, who works for him, mentioned it, but I didn’t realise its scale, or what was involved.’