His Wounded Light (4 page)

“You ask me this every year. And I’m giving you the same answer. I forgave you the day I came back home to you.”

“I kissed him that night.” She sounds timid, afraid.

I flinch. Never fails to get my gut, but I love her honesty. There are things I’ve seen in the past two years that have completely erased all the hurt I went through before that. She loves me and only me. She’s worked tirelessly to show me this.

“I know. You already told me that.”

“You don’t think about it anymore?”

“No. I don’t. As far as I’m concerned, you’re mine now. I no longer see anyone else in you but me. Get it? In you! Let me in—now!” I grit my teeth as my fingers begin to stroke her.

“Either way, you and I were meant to be together. Do you believe that?” There’s a big swish of water as Isabel turns around to straddle my legs. She moves like a ballerina, this woman. She holds my face in her hands and plants a trail of kisses from my jaw down my neck and further down to my chest.

“I do.”

“Do you believe me when I tell you how much I love you? That you’re all I’ll ever need?”

“Hmm. Let me see....maybe you need to show me just what you mean.”

I can’t wait any longer. I take her hand and urge her to guide me inside her and she obliges. She makes a tiny noise as she puts her weight on me, but her eyes tell me all I want to know.

“Ahhh,” I sigh. “I can live in here forever. Can I just move in here and never leave?”

“You’re already the permanent resident.”

“You know, you can be very funny, Mrs. Ailey.”

“Gosh, I’m so glad Eddie got your sense of humor and not mine.” She laughs amidst her moans.

“We’ve really come a long way, Isa.”

“Yes. Look where we are now. Two beautiful children.”

“And maybe one more on the way.”

“Maybe one more.”

My face breaks out into a sappy-looking smile. I’ve been hoping we can try to have another as soon as she feels that she’s ready. Seeing Isabel in my children’s faces is a gift I will always be thankful for. And that body. Not that I think it would matter to me, but it’s been proven to me twice that she snaps back to normal after every baby. Not many husbands can say that about their wives.
Then again, not many husbands have fought for love like I have.

“Start moving, baby,” I grunt as I grab her hips and start thrusting into her again.

My world is complete. Me, her, the children, this bathroom. She’s my shelter, the keeper of my heart.

I can never ask for anything more in my life.

***

“It is not the lack of love but the lack of a friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”

—Friedrich Nietzsche

I walk back into our suite just as the loud, obnoxious ring tone startles her. I hear the rustling of the sheets as she scoots her body over to my side of the bed to grab my phone.

“Hello?” she rasps as she rubs the sleep from her eyes and disappears under the covers. She presses the button so that the call is placed on speaker.

“Mommy?”

“Oh, hi, Monkey! How are you?”

“Good.” His voice is still childlike, squeaky even.

“What have you been doing since we last spoke? How’s Maddy?”

“She’s good. Grandma took her to the park today. I miss you, Mommy.”

“I miss you too, my baby. Have you been playing with your cousins?”

“Yup! I slept over at Uncle Tony’s house last night.”

I hear Eddie’s voice over the speaker and rush into our bedroom. Isabel pops out from under the covers, visibly distracted by my sudden presence in the room. She sees my shorts and tech shirt and takes in my face, still red from my run. My hair is covered by a White Sox baseball cap and I’m carrying two paper cups of coffee and a newspaper. I place them on the table and inch towards her. Her eyes are following my every move, as if she wants to ask me a question.

“Oh, wait, Daddy just walked in the door,” she says, motioning for me to hurry over. “He was out running. I’m going to pass the phone between us okay, honey?” She shoots me a loving smile, obviously relieved that I’m back in time to talk to Eddie.

“Here’s Daddy!”

I take a seat on Isabel’s side of the bed. “Hi, son, how are you?”

“Good.”

“How was your game? How’d you do and who took you there yesterday?”

“Grandpa and Grandma came and watched me play. I got a ride to the school from Josh. Four baskets and three assists.”

“Great job, son! I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks! When are you and Mommy coming back?”

“In three days, we’ll be home. How is your baby sister?”

“She’s good. She doesn’t really do much of anything though.”

I can hear the smirk in his voice. Maddy’s been my little princess since she was born and I’ve been spending a lot of time with her at home. Part of me can’t wait to get home and snuggle up with my sweet baby.

“Well, kiss her for us, ok? Tell her that we miss her.”

“I will.”

Isabel leans over to speak. “Monkey, Dad and I found you a really cool crossbow from a store here. Dad chose the size for you—I’m sure you’ll love it!”

“Thanks! Hey, Dad, did you look at any cool cars yet?”

I chuckle guiltily. “Actually yes, I just met with someone this morning for the car parts I want to get.”

“Sweet! Are you going to get the red one?”

“I don’t know. I’m thinking about it.” I lock eyes with Isabel, who rolls her eyes and laughs.

“Daddy and his cars.”

“Gotta go, Mommy. Cousins and I are playing Halo and they’re waiting for me.”

“Eddie?”

“Yeah?”

“Mommy and Daddy love you and Maddy so very much. We’ll be home soon, okay? Call us again tomorrow.”

“Okay. Love you too.”

“Blow me kisses,” she orders sweetly.

Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes at her. I whisper to make sure that Eddie doesn’t hear me. “Isa! He’s eleven and a boy.”

Eddie blows her kisses nonetheless. She kisses him back before ending the call.

Isabel reaches out to remove my baseball cap and lovingly runs her fingers through my hair.

“Where’d you go and why did you leave your phone here?”

“Went for a run and then met the contact that Leigh gave me down in the lobby. I knew I’d be back right away and I only had room in my shorts for my iPod.”

“The car parts guy?”

“Yup. He’s got a good deal on them, to be honest. We’re just haggling about the shipping costs.”

I can tell that she doesn’t really hear what I’m saying because even before I finish, she’s crawling on her knees towards me and wrapping her arms around my neck.

“I’m so glad you’re back!” Her voice is muffled against my jaw.

I look around the room and suddenly notice that it’s still dark, save for a beam of sunlight streaming in from a crack in the shades. I don’t make an attempt to turn on the lights. Not yet.

“What’s wrong, Isa?”

“Nothing. Had a bad dream.”

“Another bad dream? How come you won’t tell me about them?”

“Because they’re stupid ones that don’t mean anything. I can’t even begin to explain it to you.”

She leans back on the pillow with outstretched arms and beckons me on top of her, her facial expression sly and sexy.

“I should probably take a shower first.”

“No, no shower.” She spreads her legs seductively. “Just love me, A.”

And I do. Slowly, gently. A far cry from what we had the night before. I kiss her tamely and with reverence. My fingers touch every inch of her skin and she clings to me like I’m about to disappear any second. I know it’s because of those dreams. This has happened quite often before. It’s not that she wants me more because of them, but that I make her feel safe and secure; the physical connection reminds her that she’s protected and loved. I can see the fear in her eyes when she wakes up from a nightmare and she grapples around the bed, wanting to feel me next to her.

When she takes me in her mouth, I hold her down until I can no longer contain myself. I enter her quietly, looking into her eyes and watching her smile adoringly at me.
This. This is what I live for. I live for her smile.
The intensity of this instance arouses us both. Every staggered breath, every plunge, every sound she makes brings me closer and closer to Heaven. With her nails buried in my skin, there is no distinction between pleasure and pain. I watch her face as she tightens and surges and her walls close in on me. Her eyes are shut, but I know she sees me clearly. She never fails to make me feel loved. Especially after that day she came home to me two years ago.

“Alex,” she deliberately says my name. “A-lex. I love you.”

“Happy Anniversary. I love you,” I croon as the stars besiege my eyes and I get deliriously lost inside her.

“Give it all to me, A. Happy Anniversary,” she responds, arching herself forward to take it all in.

By the time I open my eyes, it’s three in the afternoon and the sun is no longer high up in the sky. I lay still for a minute, afraid to cause a stir, truly cherishing these quiet moments spent holding her in my arms. Life back home has been pretty hectic lately with my business in full swing and Maddy’s crazy hours. I’ve somehow managed to entwine my legs with hers and my left arm is draped across her torso. I’ve always had this habit of moving to the middle of the bed, almost pushing her off the other edge. It’s a weird quirk of mine, but Isa says that she wouldn’t have it any other way. I watch her sleep, afraid that even the slightest breath might rouse her from her rest. Fifteen minutes later, she slowly opens her eyes.

“Hi.”

“Hey, what time is it?”

She turns her head to look at the clock. “It’s past three in the afternoon.”

“Oh, shit! I’m so sorry, Isa, I slept our anniversary away!”

“This is exactly the way I wanted to spend our day.” She smiles at me as I cradle her face in my hands. “It’s perfect.”

“What would you like to do for the rest of the evening?” We’re huddled together, still under the covers, and I can’t help but stroke my hands over her cheeks.

“What did you have in mind?”

“I was thinking that we could take the metro to Saint Catherine’s shrine and then back here for dinner at Le Berkley? Don’t forget we have to pick up some macaroons from Ladurée for my mother.”

“Sounds like a plan. Can we walk around and visit our padlock again? I want to make sure we can find it every time we come back to Paris.”

Her naiveté endears me.

“In the dark?”

“Okay, how ‘bout tomorrow when we’re doing our last minute shopping?”

“Deal.”