Hold Her Heart (Words of the Heart) (3 page)

When I woke up that afternoon, I called Ned.

Now, three days after breaking up with Carey and finding Ned on my front porch, I was in my car heading east on I-90, driving toward Erie, Pennsylvania. The autumn leaves made the drive picturesque, but it was the occasional view of Lake Erie that drew my attention.

Piper and Ned lived in Erie, on the shore of the same Great Lake as my Port Clinton, Ohio, home.

My parents had taken me to Erie one summer when I was a teen. We’d stayed at a cottage on the peninsula, and I’d spent a long weekend swimming in that lake and boating through its lagoons. And as I vacationed all those years ago, my birth mother had been in the same city, thinking about me.

When I was growing up, I’d noticed every redheaded woman and wondered if she was my biological mother.

She could have lived anywhere. Europe, the West Coast, Alaska. In reality, she’d lived a short drive from my home.

I’d visited her city as a child.

The day after Ned’s visit, I’d gone and talked to my dad. He’d been just as supportive as I knew he’d be. “You have to get the test and see if a match, sweetheart. Even if it’s a long shot, it’s still a chance. Your mother would expect nothing less from you.”

I knew that Mom would have been the first one to help me pack a suitcase. Mom was the most caring person I’d ever met.

Normally when I thought about her, I cried. Still. After all these years. But not today.

I hadn’t cried since the day of Ned’s visit. Maybe if he hadn’t come, I’d have thought of last Wednesday as
the day that Carey left
. But the enormity of Ned’s news trumped the official demise of a relationship that was over months ago.

Before Ned had knocked on my door, I’d been wondering about the next chapter in my life. The Carey-less chapter. I’d worried. I didn’t know what it would look like.

Now, this next chapter was
the meeting Piper chapter
.

I wondered if it would be a short chapter or a long one.

I hoped it would be a good one. No matter what I found in Piper George, I hoped that as this chapter came to a close, she’d be well again.

My family doctor had talked to Piper’s doctor and then had arranged my test in Port Clinton. All that was left was to wait for the results. Between my doctor and the Internet, I’d learned that the best chance of a bone marrow match came from siblings. Child to parent or parent to child matches weren’t nearly as common. According to my doctor, I was a long shot. I tried to remind myself that my dad was right—a long shot was better than no shot.

I-90 snaked east from Port Clinton toward Erie. After I went through Cleveland, the traffic thinned.

I tried to stop worrying and concentrate on the fall beauty that was very much a part of the lakeshore. The trees that bordered the interstate here were brilliant reds, oranges, and yellows. Every now and then a
V
of geese flew into view through my car’s windshield and then disappeared toward the south. On the ground, a group of geese is called a gaggle, but in the air it’s known as a skein.

I liked that.

Different names for different perspectives.

The clouds were those puffy white autumnal clouds that spoke of cool days and the winter to come.

Most days this kind of beauty could distract me from almost any worry, but not today. My stomach was in knots.

I turned on the radio, but I found stations fading in and out of range annoying so tried my iPod. I put it on shuffle mode, but I couldn’t make myself sing along. I was simply too anxious about my arrival in Erie. I had no idea what I would find.

I wasn’t accustomed to going into a situation blind, and I found very little to recommend the experience. Maybe that’s why I’d put off finding my birth mother. I wasn’t good at diving into the unknown. As a programmer, I was used to concrete parameters: if X then Y; if Y then Z.

I’d told my business partner, Jaylin, that I was officially on vacation for a few weeks. We had no pressing projects, and she’d readily agreed.

When she asked why, I used the breakup with Carey as an excuse. I hadn’t told Jaylin about Ned’s visit or Piper or Piper being sick. I knew I would eventually, but everything was happening too fast for me to process, much less share the details with anyone other than Dad.

My thoughts and emotions went round and round as I made the less than three-hour drive. Ned’s exit was just a mile away a sign proclaimed.

Despite the butterflies in my stomach, I felt a weird calm.

As I turned off the exit, my thoughts and emotions simply stopped, and all that was left was a feeling of flatness.

Ned had offered to let me stay in the house he’d lived in before he’d married Piper. After, he’d moved in with her, they’d kept his for others to use whenever there was a need.

I wanted to ask what kind of need, but I didn’t. I wanted to ask who kept a house and then just loaned it out to other people, but I didn’t ask that, either.

Our two conversations on the phone had been short and perfunctory. I didn’t know what to say to him, and I don’t think he knew what to say to me.

Ned said I was welcome to stay at his house for the night or for as long as I wanted to stay. He was leaving the key under the doormat for me.

I thought his offer showed a great deal of empathy. Staying at his house would allow me to be close to my biological mother without being, well, too close.

My GPS told me to take the next exit and informed me the road I was turning on to was Peach Street.

It was a busy road. Stores and restaurants lined the street. Some of the names I recognized; some I didn’t. Jaylin would be squealing with glee at the sight of so many shopping opportunities. Me? I preferred shopping online. It seemed so much easier. Need something? In just a couple of clicks, it was on its way to your front door.

I drove down Peach Street until the GPS had me turn right on to Thirty-Eighth Street. There were a few businesses and then a sign for the Erie Zoo. The street became busier but more residential. There were a few nonresidential businesses, a VA Hospital, and then Mercyhurst University. Finally, I turned into a residential neighborhood.

Piper George might be a bestselling author, but she wasn’t playing lady of the manor. This was a very middle class neighborhood.

After I’d read the older Piper George books I owned, I’d looked her up on the Internet. She’d done a lot of writing in the last decade. Books I’d never read. Given all her books, I’d expected some kind of gated community or at least a suburban McMansion.

The neighborhood I found myself driving in wasn’t either of those things. I pulled on to a quiet street. On the south side was a huge, sprawling school with the standard playground next to it. I watched the house numbers on the north side of the street. The GPS alerted me that I had arrived, and I finally pulled up in front of the number Ned had given me. It was a small brick home with a flair of Tudor styling at the peak. Those wooden beams sort of framed it all in. It had a family feel.

I could have pulled in the driveway, but I didn’t want to announce that I’d arrived. I wanted a moment or two to collect myself before I went over to meet my birth mother.

I got out of the car and looked at her house.

Piper George’s house.

My biological mother’s house.

It was brick as well but more of a Cape Cod style. It had a large front porch that ran along the entire front of the house.

I could walk across the small yard and up on that porch. I could just knock and meet the woman I’d spent my life wondering about.

I could, but I didn’t.

Instead, I grabbed my small suitcase and went to Ned’s old house and let myself in with the key he had indeed left under the mat.

The interior was spartan but serviceable. There was a couch, a recliner, and a big television in the living room. I went to the back of the house and found a small but functional kitchen.

I’d told Ned I was coming today, but he hadn’t asked me about a time so there were no expectations on his part. Even though I’d parked on the street, I was pretty sure he’d see the Ohio license plate on my car and know it was me.

He said he wouldn’t say anything to Piper until I was ready. And I wasn’t ready yet.

I walked into the dining room. I could see Piper’s house through the windows. And over a solid wooden fence, I could make out a lot of fading fall greenery spiced up by punctuations of autumnal colors in her backyard.

Curious, I went upstairs to get a better look.

I walked into the closest back bedroom, sure that I’d have a better vantage point. I dropped my suitcase on the floor and found a barely clothed man sprawled out on the bed sleeping. Whether he was sleeping soundly or had simply closed his eyes I couldn’t be sure because the moment I spotted him I said, “Oh,” and turned to leave.

But not before noticing that the boxers he wore were black and covered with little yellow smiley faces.

“Hey, wait,” Mr. Naked Smiley Face called.

I rushed out of the room, slamming the door behind me. “I’m so sorry. Ned said no one would be here.”

I realized I had left my suitcase in the room, but I didn’t go back for it. I mean, I could replace everything in it with one quick Internet shopping trip. I could even break down and go to a store. So I simply hurried down the stairs. I heard the door upstairs open and then footsteps following me down the stairs.

I was relieved to see that the seminaked man had pulled on some shorts and was sliding a T-shirt over his head as he approached me, his bare feet slapping each tread.

He was tan, whether by genetics or from the sun I wasn’t sure. He had light brown hair, and as he reached the bottom of the staircase, I realized he was only a couple of inches taller than me.

“I’m so sorry,” I said again.

He blinked his very blue eyes and then nodded.

I hadn’t been able to sort out my emotions since the day Ned showed up on my porch. But I could identify this emotion. Embarrassment. And maybe a stirring of another feeling, but I planned to ignore that one.

“Ned said no one was using the house right now when he said I could stay here,” I said in a rush, anxious to be on my way. I wasn’t sure where I was going to go, but I knew it would be someplace other than here.

“I just got in last night at about three in the morning. Ms. Pip said to use my key. She said to use the house as long as I wanted. I’d have stayed with Mom, but she’s moved out to Girard and I’m going back to school here in Erie. I have a year of my graduate degree done, so I’ve only got one more to go. I’m going to look for an apartment but . . .” His lengthy explanation faded. “Ms. Pip said no one else was using the place.”

“Looks like their wires got crossed. Well, not really crossed. Piper doesn’t know that I’m here,” I confessed. Ned had called her Pip. This man called her Ms. Pip. Neither name felt right to me, though I didn’t know what to call her.

The man raised his eyebrow, his question evident.

“I am heading over there in a minute. I came here first because . . .” Because I was stalling. That’s why. But I didn’t owe that explanation to this man.

“I’m Logan, by the way. Logan Greer. I feel as if women who’ve seen me in my boxer shorts should know my name.”

It was a joke. I tried to smile but wasn’t sure I’d managed a convincing one. “Siobhan. Siobhan Ahearn.”

“How do you know Ned?” he asked.

I shook my head. “I don’t really.”

“Ms. Pip?” he asked.

I shook my head. “I don’t know either of them really.”

He raked his fingers through his sleep-tousled hair. “I don’t think I understand. I’m still jet-lagged, so I’m a bit slower than normal.”

“I don’t know you well enough to explain.” The words came out more snarky than I’d intended, and I saw that he’d taken offense.

“Okay then,” he said slowly.

“I’ll just get my stuff and leave,” I said.

This meeting would give me the excuse I needed to go. I could put off meeting Piper a little longer if I had to go find a hotel.

“No. I mean, if you need to go see them, go. We’ll figure out the house after you’re done. I can always find a couch to crash on. To be honest, I can crash with Mom until I find a place. It just seemed a bit emasculating to have to live with my mom at my age.”

I found myself trying to guess his age. Late twenties? Early thirties? I wasn’t sure, but I knew it didn’t matter.

“I . . .”

I started to say no, it was fine, I’d just leave, but I was afraid if I took my bag back to the car, I’d get in and just turn around and head back to Ohio.

I don’t know that I could make anyone else understand how torn I was. I’d wanted to meet my biological mother for a long time. Yet here I was, and I was hesitating. It didn’t make sense to me, so I was sure it wouldn’t make sense to anyone else. I didn’t say any of this to Logan. I just nodded, agreeing.

“If you were going upstairs to freshen up, you’re welcome to. The bathroom’s the door next to the room I was in. The middle door at the back of the house.”

“Actually, I was going to see if I could get a look at Ned and Piper’s backyard from your room’s window. It looks like a jungle from over the fence, and I thought the upstairs window would have a better view,” I confessed.

“Oh, Ms. Pip’s not-so-secret garden. You need to see it in person to get the full feel of it. My mom likes it in the spring. She says there’s a sense of possibility in a spring garden. I actually like it better now. So many of Ms. Pip’s trees and plants change colors, it’s amazing. Come on.”

I knew that going upstairs with a strange man wasn’t wise, but I didn’t feel any sense of danger emanating from Logan Greer. To be honest, it was hard to be nervous about a man if you knew he was wearing smiley face boxers under his shorts.

So I followed him as he padded back up the staircase, his bare feet slapping on each tread. He led me back into the room and to the window.

“There,” he said, pointing.

From this window, I could see over the fence and into the backyard. It was a sea of color. Some of the branches had lost enough of their leaves that we could see through them. The ground below the trees was green fading to brown. There were pops of reds, oranges, and golds. I could barely make out the path that wove through the yard to the picnic table at the front next to the house.