Holding Out For A Hero: SEALs, Soldiers, Spies, Cops, FBI Agents and Rangers (102 page)

“Maybe you did. But why? We didn’t want the same things. We’d grown so far apart we couldn’t even agree on what to have for dinner, let alone anything else.”

“But I...” let him have what he wanted. Miki’s breath shuddered in as she realized Perry knew it, too.

“Giving in isn’t love, Mikaela. And the last few years, that’s all we did. Gave in to each other.”

Miki was silent. She couldn’t find any words. Was he right?

“Look, it doesn’t matter. We’re divorced and you’re going to find me my couch. Talking about what ifs and who did what is a waste of time.” And just like that, Miki remembered why they’d had so much trouble ever working out any issues. Perry was the master at avoidance. “What did you call for?”

“Call for?” She frowned. “Oh. I need your advice on something. The town, Rossdale, they’re looking to increase their tourism. What kind of advertising should they focus on? I know it’s not your field, but you’re so good at knowing how to catch the right eye, how to bring in the right publicity.”

“You think I’m good at that?” His shock was clear.

“Yeah. I think you’re good at a lot of things, Perry. We may not have made it together, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate your better qualities.” All two or three of them. “I really do wish the best for you.”

And just like that, a chime rang out, followed by the sound of chains breaking away. Miki looked around for the source, but there was none.

“Did you hear that?” Perry asked.

“Um, yeah.” Miki bit her lip, then smiled. “You know, maybe after you help me with this, you should try eating out again. I’ll bet things are a lot better for you now.”

No wonder she hadn’t been able to remove the curse. It’d taken not only her forgiveness, but owning responsibility for her part in the divorce. No spell could compare to honesty.

Forty minutes later Miki went downstairs with a notebook full of ideas and a frown on her face. Even though she’d finally had a good, healing conversation with her ex-husband, she couldn’t get Perry’s accusation out of her head.

Was she afraid to fail? His words, while irritating, had a ring of truth to them.

Waiting for the coffee to perk, she grabbed a box of Cap’n Crunch from the pantry and reached in for a handful. The cat, still unnamed, jumped up on the counter and Miki tossed a couple Crunch Berries her way.

“Failure sucks,” she told the cat. “It’s not something anyone aspires to, right? So given that, why is it such a bad thing to be afraid to fail?”

The cat meowed and Miki tossed her a couple more pieces.

“It’s not like I’ve gone through life avoiding things,” she insisted, pacing now with her box of cereal. “I’ve followed my dreams. I studied and became a chef. I started my own business. I married a friggin’ mortal, for Goddess’s sake. Every one of those carries a pretty high failure rating.”

The cat meowed again. Miki rolled her eyes and set the box of cereal on the counter. The cat reached out one paw, pulled the box down and watched as cereal spilled out over the countertop. The golden squares and colored ‘berries’ stood in contrast to the bright white tiles. Then the cat, with her usual finickiness, swatted the squares out of her way.

Some help she was. Too into her own needs to even give Miki a cuddle for comfort.

So Miki took her comfort in the form of a huge cup of coffee and made her way back to the buffet.

“It’s not that I’m afraid,” she mumbled, eyes closed and her head leaning against the wall while she let the caffeine zing through her system. She felt a thump on her lap, then the warm, furry body of the cat as she butted her head against Miki’s chin.

“I just hedge my bets, sometimes. Like, when I married Perry, I knew he would be anti-witch. So instead of losing him, I abdicated. I ask you, is that fear of failure?”

The cat, now seated on the table, wrapped her tail around her body and gave Miki a long, intense stare.

Miki groaned and dropped her head back to the wall with a thud. “Fine. So maybe I am a little wary of losing at some things. At things that really matter. Maybe it was easier to lose my parents’ respect by abdicating than them finding out how dismal I really was at real magic.”

The cat meowed.

“Real magic. The life changing kind. Not this,” she waved her hand and the cereal still spread across the counter all flew with a whoosh back into the box, “kind of thing. But the kind that matters. The stuff that makes a difference in people’s lives. Like my father does. Or Lena and Ryan. Even Mother, when she’s not getting another divorce, works amazing magic. Me? I can tidy up.”

“What a bunch of bullshit.”

Miki screamed, then flew from the buffet. Hands pressed to her chest to try and keep her heart from jumping out, she glared.

“Dammit, Mother!”

In the place of the cat, her mother now sat on the buffet table, her legs elegantly curled under her. She raised one hand to run it through her hair, the same pitch black as her children’s. Then she grinned.

“Oh, please, I can’t believe you never figured it out. You’re a bright girl, Mikaela, but I have to say, between the lack of perception and now this insane crap you’re babbling, I’m beginning to doubt you.”

“Doubt me? You spent the last month dressed up like a cat. You snuck in here, pretended to be a stray. You...” Miki opened and closed her mouth, but no more words would come. Instead she let out a blood-curdling scream.

“Impressive, darling. I’m sure your nosy neighbor enjoyed that.”

“I fed you tuna.”

“I know. I did appreciate the way you added the pickle relish for me, too. That was sweet.”

“Sweet?” Holy cow, she was losing her mind. “Mother, will you please explain yourself?”

Alexis Lansing slid from the table and stretched her arms overhead. Her black pantsuit hugged curves Miki had spent half her life envying.

“What’s to explain? You wouldn’t tell me where you were, what you were doing. You’d just come through an emotionally horrific life-changing event and I knew you’d need me.” Alexis gave a delicate shrug and poured herself a cup of coffee. “So I came in disguise. Just to watch out for you, make sure you were okay.”

“How’d you find me?”

Alexis rolled her eyes. “Please, Mikaela. Do you really think I’d ever
not
know where each of my children was? It’s like a homing device that comes with childbirth. For being such bright witches, you and your siblings are fairly obtuse sometimes.”

“Ryan and Lena are the bright ones,” Miki muttered.

“Okay, that’s enough of that crap.” Her mother slammed her coffee cup down with a loud crack. Miki was fairly sure she’d enhanced the sound to emphasize her point. “I’m tired of this, Mikaela. I gave way when you married that limp whitefish, but only because I thought you loved him. But that’s over now and we’re going to deal with this little inferiority complex you spend so much time polishing.”

“I’m not polishing anything.”

“You’re only good for tidying up?” Alexis brutally reminded her. Miki winced. Damned if she’d ever babble her heart out to an animal again.

“Look, that was self-pity, not an inferiority complex.”

“Don’t try and bullshit me, Mikaela. I’m the master and you haven’t even graduated the minors yet.”

Miki knew her lower lip was jutting, but she couldn’t stop the pout. Thirty years old and she was being chastised like a bratty little kid. Well, screw that. She wasn’t a little kid, she was a grown woman. One who’d come through a nasty divorce, teetered on bankruptcy, and just broken an ugly karmic spell.

“That’s enough, Mother.”

Alexis raised a brow in regal inquiry.

Miki shoved her shoulders back and lifted her chin.

“Look, I appreciate that you want great things from your kids. I’d imagine if I ever had kids I’d want that, too. And I’m sorry if I’ve been a disappointment to you. But I won’t be talked to like a misbehaving child. This is my house, my life, and my choices. I expect you to respect that.”

Alexis narrowed her eyes, huge and black like Miki’s own. She tried to read the emotion there, but her mother was too skilled at shielding.

“Let’s take those a point at a time, shall we?” Alexis slid into the banquet booth and waved a hand to the chair opposite her. Miki pressed her lips together, but sat.

“First off, I’m your mother and, yes, I do expect great things from my children. Great as in a life that makes them happy, fulfilling work, and loving people to support them on their path. I might have been worried about you for a while, Mikaela, but I was never disappointed.”

“I’ve never been as good as Lena and Ryan at magic—”

“Don’t even start that crap with me. Your sister and brother have their gifts, yes. But they didn’t just walk into them. They studied, they worked, and they apprenticed. That’s a choice every witch has. Most don’t choose it, though. It’s like mortals and those school things. Master’s programs? Many are content with finishing high school. It’s not a bad thing to choose not to continue studying, Miki. It’s simply a choice.”

Miki swallowed and looked at the table, her gaze tracing the fine lines of the wood grain. “I didn’t really choose not to continue, though,” she admitted in a whisper. “I just didn’t feel called in any direction. I thought that meant I wasn’t supposed to go on.”

Alexis blew out a deep breath and tapped her long nails on the table. Miki heard her counting backward from ten under her breath and winced. Oops. Never a good sign.

“Okay, I’m going to let you off on that one. It was my fault. Well, mine and your father’s. When you’re sixteen, you’re supposed to be taken to the High Priestess for training. I was in the middle of my second divorce. Your father, damn his eyes, was off discovering the magical attributes of the Ancient Egyptian handmaidens.”

“I got an invitation, but I refused it,” Miki reminded her. “It wasn’t your fault I didn’t go.”

“Miki, dear, it’s not normally a choice. At least, not in our family. Nobody wants to go. Your sister threw a weeklong tantrum over going. Ryan ran away from home, we finally found him in Italy. It was our responsibility to make you go, but we... well, we blew it.”

Miki gave a little shrug, trying to act like it hadn’t mattered. Her mother put her hand over hers and the tears welled up. Miki sniffed and met her mother’s own tear-filled gaze.

“I guess I thought you and Dad didn’t think I was special enough to go. I figured that’s why you didn’t push me.”

Alexis’s face crumpled and she shook her head, obviously too upset to speak. Finally, she was able to take a deep breath. She pulled a lace hanky from the air and wiped her face before handing Miki a matching one.

“Darling, your father and I had as much faith, belief, and confidence in you as we did Lena and Ryan. To be honest, and you can’t tell them this, we had more. They needed the training, the extra push. But your magic, your powers and connection with the elements were beyond anything we ourselves could master. We, well, we justified our selfishness with the fact that your natural talents were more than you’d likely learn from the Priestess anyway.”

Miki grimaced and shook her head. Alexis reached over and grabbed her hand. “I wouldn’t lie to you, Miki. You know that. Not only because my oath forbids mistruths, but because I’ve made it a policy to never lie to my children.”

“You really thought I had that much talent, that much power?”

“Don’t you feel it? Right now, close your eyes and feel for the elements.”

Miki did. The earth, its strength and solid hum of energy, answered her call. As did the wind, whipping through the open window to flutter through their hair. She could feel the placid waters of the nearby lake, as well as the fissures of liquid moving under the house. The sun, its fiery warmth, filled her with energy.

She opened her eyes and met her mother’s knowing gaze with a confused frown.

“I can call up the wind, create fire. I can cause the earth to tremble and the rain to fall. But I can’t communicate with the elements like you do. I can’t
feel
them. I can use them, but you master them.”

Miki swallowed a couple times. She tried to understand the wildly contrary feelings rushing through her head. With a deep breath, she accepted her second shock of the day.

“So, I guess I’m afraid of failure and one hell of a strong witch?”

“That’s my girl,” Alexis beamed. “Nothing like a little inner conflict to keep you interesting.”

“I need something, Mom. I don’t know what, but I feel like I need help with the magic. Even though I broke the curse, and I’ve gained control of the magic, I still feel like there’s more. There’s something...” she didn’t know how to explain it. It was like a nagging in the back of her mind that she had something to do. She just didn’t know what.

“See the High Priestess, Miki. She’s asked about you. Even if you don’t go to her for religious training, she’ll help you find what you need magically. She’ll point you in the direction to find your answers.”

Miki ran through the procedures in her head. The last time she’d knelt before the High Priestess, she’d abdicated her powers. Would she be welcomed back? Could she accept the responsibilities returning would demand?

“Okay,” Miki finally agreed, for the simple reason that she couldn’t think of any other options. At least, none that could help her the way she wanted.

“Good girl.” Alexis stood and came around the table. She held out her arms and with a grin, Miki launched herself into them. There was no place so safe as her mother’s arms.

“Now, we’ve settled that,” Alexis said, pulling back. She brushed a hand through Miki’s hair and gave a smile that was only a little shaky around the edges. “Tell me about the hunk. He’s got a nice ass and beautiful eyes. You’ve caught yourself a live one there.”

Their laughter filled the room as Miki leaned her head on her mother’s shoulder and told her all about the man she’d fallen in love with.

* * *

Under the growing moon, Miki stood in the center of a circle of unlit candles. The soft white silk of her robe fluttered against her bare thighs as she lifted her arms to the clear sky overhead.