Holding Out For A Hero: SEALs, Soldiers, Spies, Cops, FBI Agents and Rangers (16 page)

Kyle invited him to swim and run with them the next morning at dawn, and Jameson said he’d be game to try. “Not much of a swimmer, but I used to run in high school.”

“Swimming is no problem. Everything you need to know you can learn or we can teach you. You spend a few weeks with us, working out with us, and, then we take you up to INDOC. You take the oath, and you’re in.”

“Whoa! In? As in, the Navy?”

“Sure as shit we can nail you a guaranteed SEAL tryout, if you’re not too chicken.”

“Nah, I never wanted to be in the military. I’m a singer, a songwriter.”

“And how’s that working out for you? Where are the calls, Jameson? You got a hit record anyone offering to pay you a huge advance?”

“No. But—”

“Navy’ll give you a signing bonus, Jameson. There’s life insurance for Lizzie and the kid. If something happens to you, her college is paid for.”

How the hell did I get from hanging out with these guys to thinking about life insurance and free college in the event of my demise?

“Kyle, this is a fuckin’ vacation.”

“Life is a vacation, my friend. Think about it. We’ll meet you at your front door at Zero-Six Hundred.”

On the way home from the party, he decided he and Lizzie needed to talk. It was obvious something was bothering her.

“I’m going to go for a run and swim early tomorrow morning. Kyle invited me.”

She shrugged her shoulders. Charlotte was asleep in her car seat behind her.

After an awkward pause, she asked him the question he didn’t have an answer to. “Why, Jameson? Are you thinking you want to try out for the Teams?”

“Been thinking about it.”

“What about your singing career?”

“What career? I could always go back to that. But let’s be honest, I’m not getting any calls, Lizzie.”

“Well, for one thing, you’re not back in Nashville. I wouldn’t say San Diego is exactly a mecca for record producing. And where are the venues? You’re not even playing anywhere.”

“I’m just thinking about it. We’re just working out together tomorrow, is all. Nothing to be concerned about.”

She watched him with that critical eye, even though she was facing straight ahead, lights from street signs flashing over her pretty face.

“Well, I’ve made a decision, too. I’m going home.”

He pulled over and swung around to the right so he could face her. “But why? Aren’t you having a good time here? Don’t you love the weather, all the new friends we’re making?”

“While you’re off talking to the SEALs, you mean? Jameson, you haven’t been here, mentally here, the whole time.”

“Yes, I have, honey.”

“No. I’m not buying that crap. I thought at first you came out here to have a little vacation with me and Charlotte, but no, you came out here to meet with
them
. Charlotte and I are an afterthought.” She stared at the floor. “I just realized the SEALs would always come first. That’s the way they operate, and I think that’s why you love those guys so much. It’s a Boy’s Club. Running around, doing all this exciting stuff like jumping out of airplanes and blowing up stuff, all the specialized training, playing with all the cool equipment and tools.”

“Geez, Lizzie, how can you say that?”

“I’ve watched them, Jameson. Big boy scouts who never grew up.”

“Who have each other’s backs. Look at what they do, Lizzie.”

“Just like in Nashville, your music comes first. Happy to be living the single life, different bars, different women every night—”

“That’s not fair and you know it. I’m not sleeping around. Where did you get that idea?”

“Well, you’re not here with us.”

Jameson was fuming. He felt she had him tethered in guilt and it didn’t fit well at all. “I’ve been here every f---darned night and day practically, and you want more? What do you expect? You gonna suck the marrow out of my bones, too? Will that make it so you have enough of me?”

He’d mortally wounded her. He could tell she wouldn’t be bouncing back anytime soon. This was way bigger than a small misunderstanding. Their irritation toward each other had been brewing for the last two days. She’d stopped initiating advances toward him in bed. It had been three days since they’d made love. No, this wasn’t working out. What did she expect of him?

Now the idea of jumping out of airplanes seemed perfectly logical. He wanted to do it, just because he could.

He turned back onto the two-lane highway and then down the gravel road to the inlet and the little fishing village. Coop’s ‘Babemobile,’ as the rest of the team called it, had seen better days. And with the tall SEAL living in it for two years before his marriage, Jameson sure hoped none of the medic’s sexploits came back to haunt him. Lizzie was going through a very tender time. He was afraid to ask her anything for fear she’d snap his head off.

But hell, so was he. He didn’t want to just be a sperm donor. He wanted to be a father Charlotte would look up to, a real hero. Because right now, Jameson didn’t think he deserved anything, or any part of a forever.

“So, when are you going home?” he finally drummed up the courage to ask.

“Tomorrow.”

“I see. And when did you decide this?”

“Just now.”

Nashville Seal: Chapter Twelve

Lizzie began saying her farewell without tears, which was what she told herself she wanted. She held her package of sunshine. Charlotte who warmed her heart, which was otherwise in terrible shape. She wouldn’t say it was broken; the word she wanted to pick was disappointed. She told herself that’s all it was, braced for any hint she wasn’t firm with her decision. She’d lived for three years by herself with her little bundle of joy; she could do it for however long it needed to be.

But it hadn’t changed Jameson’s plans, she sadly had to admit. He wasn’t going to become a SEAL for her and for Charlotte, in fact, they weren’t even part of the equation. He was doing it for himself. And if she’d hitched her star to that wagon, perhaps the same thing would happen when her parents suddenly were gone. She could be a young widow, bringing him into Charlotte’s life, and then having to explain if he were killed in this dangerous lifestyle he wanted to adopt. She felt while she’d matured, as a mother and guardian for Charlotte, it would take time for Jameson to do the same, and how could he if he was gone all the time? What kind of a life would that be for them all?

Over and over again, Lizzie told herself it was for Charlotte’s welfare and not her own that she was doing this. It wasn’t fair to the youngster to have a man in her life, her daddy, who had priorities elsewhere. When the time came, she’d meet and fall in love with someone who could give her his whole heart. Until then, it was only prolonging the agony to try repairing something that perhaps wasn’t really there in the first place. All the duct tape and barbed wire in the world could not patch that puppy. It was like nailing a ghost to the wall, or putting back a feather with glue; or trying to tether a guardian angel, like the ones she loved to read about in her romance novels, with some golden string. Although, on a day like today, with the sky threatening to burst forth, she could do with a Fairy Godmother.

And then she smelled the golden-haired, blue-eyed angel in her arms, and all was right with the world again.

“You don’t have to do this, Liz.” Jameson wrapped her in his arms, and she stiffened. “Relax. Just let me hold you.”

Those had been the words he’d said to her, what was it? Four, five nights ago? And she’d let him do it then and look what happened. So she pushed away from him, even though the timbre of his voice and the scent of him plucked at her heart. This would be the last time. After today, it would start to become easier, and each day thereafter all these memories would fade.

“Jameson, I hope you find what you need. I hope you find your calling. I really do. Whether it’s music or running around getting shot or worse, whatever it is you want, I hope you find it and it works for you.”

“Liz—”

His hand was coming toward her face, and she veered away. “Don’t. Let’s just leave it where it is.”

“But I don’t understand why we can’t give it a little more time.”

“See, that’s the problem, Jameson. It
was
too soon. I worried about this, and I never should have come. I thought I was stronger than this.”

“You’re being very strong now, but you don’t have to be.”

“Do you understand that I love Charlotte too much to bring someone into her life who isn’t sure what he wants? Where he stands in relation to his future? To us?”

“If you want to get married, I’ll do that.”

“Why? What difference would that make? Is marriage some kind of magic pill you take and voila! Everything is wonderful all of a sudden? Get married and then go off and get yourself killed, leaving us behind?”

“That’s not going to happen.”

“You can’t guarantee that, and you know it.”

“No, honestly I can’t. So, you want me to stay in Nashville and pursue my music? That what you’re saying?”

“No, Nashville wouldn’t work either. If I stayed by to support and watch that happen, it would only hold up until the next pretty girl forces herself into your dressing room. How long before an avid fan shows up at my doorstep saying she’s pregnant with your baby? You really think I want any possibility of that happening?”

“I have no say in the matter, then?”

“If it wasn’t for Charlotte, we could duke it out, hash out all the details, and maybe come to some conclusion, but this is about her, and for God’s sake, I don’t understand why you can’t comprehend that.”

Her flight was to, of all places, Charlotte, en route to Nashville, where her friend had offered her a couple of days to heal and talk through her pain and confusion. She really needed her best friend now more than ever. The flight was now being announced over the loudspeaker.

“I still have to go through security, and they’re boarding my flight. Jameson, you follow your heart, your dreams. I hope you get there. I really do. And I’ll follow mine, okay? Do this for me.
Find
yourself. Find someone who has the luxury of being able to wander the world with you, a great adventure, to be sure. But I’m not that person. I live in North Carolina, and I have a life I’ve made with Charlotte and the support system of my friends. And she’s gonna be happy. Already is a happy little blessing. A little part of you, the only part of you I can have right now. The only part of you I can safely have.” Her voice trailed off. She had to work to keep the waver out of it.

She wouldn’t look at him. He’d put his palm on her shoulder and squeezed.

With her eyes still downturned, she added, “In time, I will be, too. I promise. Now go.” She pushed him away without making eye contact, re-hoisted Charlotte on her hip, pulled out her boarding passes, and turned in the opposite direction, without glancing back.

Lizzie felt his eyes follow her all through the line, knew that he watched for some sign she’d change her mind—if she turned, he’d be encouraged by something she did. Or maybe he was already gone and it was just her imagination. Either way, she wasn’t going to check. Her heart had been excised with a dull spoon.

“Bye-bye,” Charlotte said, as she waved behind her to someone. The tears started to come. Charlotte giggled and continued to wave, because that’s what someone else was doing on the other side of the security checkpoint line.

She handed Charlotte to the agent at the x-ray machine. “I don’t want her going through this, but I will.”

“Yes, ma’am. We have to do a wand check. We can do it on you both. You can hold her hand.”

They barely made the plane before the doors were locked behind them. She’d had to check the stroller and one of her carry-on bags since Charlotte was a lap child on a full flight and space was limited.

She leaned back into the middle seat between two heavyset ladies who grumbled at their placement. Charlotte gave them both a stern frown when neither smiled at her. “It’s okay, baby. We’ll be home soon. Just try to rest, and a little later, we’ll get something to eat and take a little walk down the aisle to the back. Would you like that?”

Charlotte nodded her head and, with her small forefinger, traced a tear Lizzie didn’t know was showing, from just under her eye, down to the top of her lip. Lizzie gazed into eyes that sparkled aquamarine crystals and wondered if Charlotte understood more than she was able to communicate.

“It’s going to be okay, baby. Mama’s okay. You take a nap.”

Charlotte tucked her little face under Lizzie’s chin, sighed, and in a matter of minutes was fast asleep.

Nashville Seal: Chapter Thirteen

Jameson waited until the plane took off before he left the San Diego airport. He wanted to punch something, he was so upset with himself for not running past the gate and all the guards, grabbing Lizzie, and kidnapping her back to the safety of his arms. But no, he’d been a dickwad and just watched as she made her way out of his life forever, his daughter waving good-bye like a fuckin’ sad movie scene.

He climbed into his SUV and squealed the tires as he turned the corner of the parking garage. The last thing he wanted to do was show up alone and have to explain to any of his new SEAL friends what had happened. It was too early to tie one on, or maybe it wasn’t. He wished Thomas was there. He’d say something either so obnoxious he could push him over, or scream at him, or he’d say something that would take his breath away. Regardless, he would react. It would release some of the tension, and he’d be fixed for now.

He checked his cell phone. Thomas wouldn’t be at the club yet in Seattle. He gave him a call.

“Hey, asshole.”

“How’s it going, Thomas?”

“What the fuck’s wrong with you? This a social call, Jameson?”

“I just put Lizzie on a plane for Nashville.”

“So what the fuck are you doing there in San Diego?”

“Looking for someone to get drunk with.”

“This is bad. This is very bad, Jameson. I’m stuck here another three weeks, unless we get held over, and right now, it looks like that will happen. You could come up here, hang out with the band. Not like performing, but still, it would be something to do.”