Holding Out For A Hero: SEALs, Soldiers, Spies, Cops, FBI Agents and Rangers (37 page)

“Yes.” But he could guess the showdown between father and daughter over that.

“It didn’t to my father. We could always move, he said, but the business wasn’t going to survive in the red. The debt was mine, because I had to show off my fancy college education, bring home a no-good college swindler. I was nothing but a...”

“No,” Nick interrupted. “I don’t want to hear you belittle yourself.”

“But it’s true.” Jaymee looked down at her clenched hands, and willed them to open.

“No, you’re just repeating Bob’s words. Don’t ever, ever make your father’s accusations your own, Jaymee.”

But she had. She knew she had. She saw nothing but her own stupidity that had destroyed her future eight years ago, how with misguided trust, her dreams had turned to ashes. She couldn’t move on with her life, not with her father penniless and her mother dying. Nick turned her slowly to face him and she didn’t resist, knowing he couldn’t see the turmoil inside her.

Nick shook his head. That cool, unruffled look was exactly the same face she put on whenever her father started on a tangent. She thought she could hide from him, but she didn’t know about her eyes, so dark they were almost black, and he wished he knew how to make the green come back.

He was filled with rage against the old man and his crazy accusations, against the bastard who had broken her heart and forced her to bury herself like that. He was a man used to getting his own way, usually in charge of counterattacks. This new feeling, of being unable to help, rankled. He was a fucking man of action, all right. He, who was so good at covert action, but so helpless when it came to normal activities. His job had always been to fix problems, but they were technical ones, the kind over which nations killed each other. This was different. How could he fix a broken pride? A ruined optimism?

He didn’t need her to finish her story. It didn’t surprise him anymore how well he understood her. Jaymee had essentially taken over her dad’s business to pay off those debts because she’d accepted her father’s foolishness as her own. He was so angry he was trembling. She had worked for eight years, essentially paying off a huge debt that was her father’s. He knew how hard she must have worked, taking over a business at that young age and trying to make ends meet, at the same time dealing with her own mother’s death and a father’s bitterness. No wonder she had retreated from emotional entanglements and turned into a working machine. It was her way to block out pain, her own on/off switch.

Nick kissed her forehead, breathing in her unique fragrance. This was his woman, and he’d find a way to make life a little better for her before he left. He’d replace the painful past and give her something good to remember for the future.

Big Bad Wolf: Chapter Seven

This was the first time Jaymee had talked about what happened eight years ago. Not even Mindy knew the whole story. It wasn’t as difficult as she had thought, or maybe it was just because it was Nick and not somebody else. She looked at him closely, and was relieved not to find pity in his eyes. She didn’t think she could handle his pitying her.

“How much was the business in the red?” Nick interrupted the silence.

“Once the house was paid off with the insurance money, the business was left with liens of a little over a hundred thousand dollars,” Jaymee replied flatly. “I couldn’t risk Dad having another stroke, so I made him a deal.”

“You negotiated your future for his business,” Nick told her. “You felt so guilty you condemned yourself into hard labor.”

Surprise fleeted momentarily into the dull bleakness in her eyes. “I’ve never looked at it that way before,” she admitted.

“Of course not. You were too busy accepting the blame and taking on your dad’s responsibilities.”

“I am to blame.” Her voice was soft, despairing. If not for her naïve trust, she wouldn’t have brought Danny home, nor encouraged her father to let Danny meddle with his business.

“No, Jaymee,” Nick said quietly, and stepped back from her a little so she could look up at him without getting a crick in her neck. “I want you to listen at me. From now on, you’ll only hear my words when you think about this. You—are—not—to—be—blamed. Your father was the businessman, damn it, not you. You were a college student, not someone savvy in business dealings. Your father got conned by greed and a smart-mouthed charmer.”

“So was I,” Jaymee pointed out, jerking her chin up. “I was just as stupid as Dad, and I bought into Danny’s stories just as much as he did.”

Nick shook her hard. “Will you let that damn guilt go? You were in love with a bastard. That was your mistake, and for your information, darling, it’s a very common one. It’s a mistake you could learn from, with consequences you could live with. Believe me, there are some mistakes that have more dire results.”

Like walking into a trap. Like the needless deaths of innocent people. He pulled her back into his arms. He didn’t want to let her go, ever. But what he wanted didn’t matter compared to the kind of life his job demanded. He didn’t need to think it over to know a single mistake could haunt him for the rest of his life. He sighed, focusing back on Jaymee. “Look, sweetheart. I’ll grant you you paid a higher price for that mistake than most others, but place the blame in the right places, woman. Your father’s business sense wasn’t quite straight if he gave cash to someone he hadn’t checked out, son-in-law-to-be, or not.”

When did she grow to need his arms around her? “There you go again, Nick,” Jaymee mumbled into his chest. When did standing in his embrace become natural?

“What?”

“Checked out,” she repeated his words. “You’re talking like a detective again.”

How could he not be crazy about her? She never missed a thing he said. “Does nothing escape you?” he teased, lightening the mood.

“Details are important in roofing,” she retorted. “One mistake, and you might fall off. One mistake, and you’re in the hole for one hundred thou.”

“I’m not a mistake.” He solemnly gazed down at her, and was privately relieved to see a little green returning into her eyes.

“Not yet.” Jaymee calmly returned his glare.

“Are you comparing me with Danny again?” His voice was cutting, threatening.

“You aren’t like Danny,” she denied, shaking her head, “but you can hurt me like he did, maybe more. You don’t tell me about yourself; nor did he. I’ve a feeling you’ll take away something very precious to me, and there’ll be nothing of you left when you’re gone.”

Not if he could help it. He’d never hurt her. He’d leave her something. Looking around the room, he picked out the things needed done. Maybe he’d even tell her something about Killian Nicholas Langley, just a little of the truth.

“As long as I’m around, I’ll help you with this project,” he offered.

“This house?”

“Yes. I’m a very good carpenter, didn’t I tell you that? I’ll repair all the rotten wood and do the heavier work.”

“Why would you want to help me?” She asked, puzzled. No one had ever offered to help her in anything before. What she had, she’d achieved on her own.

He didn’t answer. Instead, he asked, “Tell me something, how much does your company still owe your lienors?”

Jaymee cocked her head. Nick’s choice of words often struck her as someone at ease in the world of law. She was getting more confused about him by the minute. She decided to test him. “About twenty thousand, give or take a few.”

“Once you sell this house, is the profit going to pay off the lien?”

She laughed and broke away from him, giving the room a sweeping glance. “This place was barely habitable when I got it, Nick. It belonged to the owner’s grand-uncle or something, and she couldn’t sell it in its condition. It was, however, perfect for someone like me, with all those liens and bad credit. I made her a deal.”

“A land contract?” Nick guessed.

She was right. Electronics, now lien laws and property contracts. Interesting. Turning her back to him, Jaymee hid her triumphant smile. She pretended to pick up some tools. “Yes, the easiest contract between two parties. She lives in New York and was relieved to not have to worry about property taxes as well as get the place back into order.”

“Contract written out by a lawyer, I hope?” He couldn’t help it. He knew she would see to all the important details, but there was a need in him to make sure she’d be protected.

Jaymee smiled at him. “You’ll be insisting next to check out the contract yourself,” she teased. The serious look he gave her told her he was actually going to ask that, and she shook her head. “Nick, I can take care of myself.”

“I know that,” Nick ruefully conceded, running a hand through his hair. She followed the movement, and wished to do the same too, remembering how soft it was. “Still....” He shrugged, unable to explain.

“It’s not terminal, but definitely difficult to cure,” Jaymee agreed.

“What are you talking about?”

Two dimples appeared and disappeared as her amusement grew. “Macho-sitis,” she told him, trying to keep a straight face. “A kind of male itch to take over.”

Nick laughed. “Imp.” He helped her put away the tools scattered around. “OK, I’ll back off the contract thing for now. Tell me about your big profit margin.”

“There isn’t going to be one,” she told him. “I’ve invested all my own spare change into this house and when it’s done and sold, I’ll be lucky to clear ten thousand, max., Nick.”

He frowned. “So much work, so little profit. Is it worth it?”

It wasn’t a logical undertaking at all, as far as he could see. There were easier ways to make twenty grand.

Jaymee could read his mind. “It isn’t what you think. This project isn’t for the roofing business. This is for me, for my future, remember?” She reminded him of her words the night before.

“I don’t get it.”

She waved her arms dramatically. “The roofing business is doing fine. I use most of its annual profit to pay off the liens—sometimes ten thousand, sometimes fifteen in a good year. Excel Construction was the big fish. It would have cleared all the remaining debt in a year and a half. That is,” she amended a little bitterly, “if I hadn’t had to let it go.” She picked up a broom and leaned it against the wall. “No, this house is for myself.”

“Is that what you meant when you said it’s for your future?” Nick asked, getting more curious by the second.

She nodded, excitement creeping into her voice. “Yes. See, I don’t want to be a roofer forever, and once the liens are paid off, my bargain with Dad is to sell his business and give him the retirement money he lost in one lump sum. I wouldn’t owe him anything any more.” She ran a finger along the wall and looked at the dirt on it. “I’ve lost my college education and don’t have the finances to return to school, so I decided to remain in construction, only this time it would be in remodeling. The license and state exam cost about three to four thousand dollars. The rest of the profit goes into start-up costs for my new business, as well as moving expenses when I leave Dad’s house.”

Nick was sure she had every detail down pat in that brain, determinedly following each step toward her goal. He admired her tenacity, her independence. “I like the plan,” he said.

Walking with slow deliberation around the room, he saw a way to leave her something of himself. By helping her with this house as long as he was here, the profit she made would have part of him as a memory. And by giving himself to her this way, he’d play an important part toward her future too. He’d be with her that way, as a good and happy memory, and he would know, wherever he may be, that she was happy and secure in a future he’d helped provide. Yes, he was determined to give her that, at least.

Jaymee wondered about the thoughtful light in those slate-gray eyes. She felt empty, depleted of every emotion, but it wasn’t a bad feeling. Talking about her bottled-up plans and memories had been strangely cathartic. It wasn’t the past she was afraid of. It was the future without the big, silent man with her.

For eight years, her goal had been simple enough: she had meticulously planned out her life in the safest and most logical way. Having been burned once, the safest course was to avoid emotional entanglements and consciously or unconsciously, she’d steered clear of anything that remotely jeopardized her organized, working world. That is, until this man came along and showed her what she had been missing.

He was a stranger and yet, he wasn’t. She seemed to have known him forever. No. Don’t even go there, Jaymee. Forever wasn’t possible with Nick, as he’d as much warned her. But she wanted forever. What was she to do?

She’d do what she knew best. Change the subject and carry on. “I think that’s enough of the Jaymee Barrow’s ‘This Is Your Life’ show,” she said, giving him a quick smile. She took the chewing gum out of her mouth and wrapped it up in a piece of tissue before throwing it into a nearby trash can. “Now you know where I am in the evenings.”

Nick grinned back. She didn’t know how that particular mystery had kept him awake the past few nights. He headed toward the stairway on one side of the room. “You’ve done a lot by yourself,” he noted. “Come on, show me the rest of the place. We’ll make a list of things that need work.”

Jaymee wrinkled her nose. Taking over seemed to be second nature to Nick. Already, he was telling her what to do about her own project! “I have a list already,” she told him.

“Good, then I’ll make one for myself,” he said, mockery in his eyes. “I know you view your last eight years like it’s a prison term, babe, but you’ve to realize you’ve done nothing wrong. It’s Danny who committed the crime, your father who got conned out of his money, not you. Stop punishing yourself.”

She didn’t know whether to be angry or amazed. “And what do you think my problem is then, Dr. Langley?” she asked, crossing her arms. “Since, of course, you’re saying the missing hundred thousand dollars is just a figment of my imagination.”

Good. There was some color back in her cheeks, a returning combative sparkle in her eyes. “Do you want my professional or personal opinion?” he countered, and not waiting for her reply, went on tour of the house for himself.