Holier Than Thou (The Tome of Bill) (16 page)

“Not likely!” she shouted from within her office.

“The walls have ears,” he said in a hushed tone.

“So do the annoying ex-strippers.”

“Anyway, you get my point,” he continued. “Tom, he’s a good guy, but I’m pretty sure the only things he’s ever clued in about are his toys and whoever happens to be sucking his dick at the time.”

I nodded. Tom was my oldest friend and I loved him like a brother, but Ed had pretty much summed him up in a nutshell.

“The bottom line is that he’d probably cause a bloodbath just...well, by being Tom.”

“An accurate assessment, I’d say.”

“But not you. You worry about these things. I mean sure, you talk big and all that shit, but deep down...”

“I’m a pussy?”

“Well yeah, but you also care. Look at all the shit you’ve managed to get yourself into trying to keep your coven under control. Hell, if that Nergui dude hadn’t iced the Sasquatch princess, I don’t know what you’d have done.”

“I would have found a way out of it...probably.”

“Yeah, but your first, second, or even third choice wouldn’t have been to drive a knife hilt-deep into her chest.”

“I guess...”

“I
know
.”

“So what are you trying to say?”

“Stop beating the shit out of yourself about it. You’re in a bad situation. Hell, we all are. You’re gonna need to occasionally do bad things to deal with it. The thing is, I know that in every case you’ll always try to think of a better way. Unfortunately, life won’t always give you that chance. That’s just how things roll, but it does
not
make you a monster.”

“Thanks, man. I guess I’m just worried I’ll start to like it if I do it enough.”

“I doubt it.”

“It could happen. What if I turn into another Sally?”

“Not on your best day!” she shouted out again.

“Will you stop fucking eavesdropping!” I yelled back.

“Heh,” Ed whispered. “You turn into Sally and I’ll just fuck you myself.”

I paused to raise an eyebrow. “Okay, maybe she’s a bad example. What if I start acting like Night Razor or Francois or maybe...”

“You won’t. And if you do, I promise I will pull out my shotgun, load it up with silver slugs and blow your fucking head right off.”

I considered that for a moment. “Or you could just try talking to me.”

“I could, but what fun would that be?”

* * *

“Hold him down,” Sally commanded.

“He’s already tied up,” I pointed out. Our former Templar was secured to the sturdiest office chair we could find. Well okay, second sturdiest. Sally wouldn’t let us touch hers.

“Uh hello...he’s gonna wake up a vampire. Not everyone is like you. Some don’t take it too well. The last thing I want is to have him messing up this place while we chase him around.”

I guess she had a point. I walked to one side and held onto his already tied arm. Ed shrugged and did the same on the other side. It was a nice gesture on his part, but I was really hoping the bonds held. Otherwise, he was gonna be sent flying. Forget just being human - Ed’s not exactly a heavyweight.

Sure enough, the Templar began to stir a few minutes later. His head lolled back and his eyes cracked open. They had gone black. He opened his mouth to draw a breath and bared his descended fangs. A moment later, he ran his tongue over them and drew a thin bead of blood. That got his attention. His eyes popped wide open. It was hard to tell, what with the lack of pupils and all, but it seemed like they carried a look of horror.

“Welcome back, asshole,” Sally said as she stood directly in front of him.

“Uhhh, what...what have you monsters done to me?”

“I’m sure you can figure it out.” She was more at home in this role than I was. Let her handle the interrogation. She was stone cold, the ice queen bitch of the frozen north.

“God, please have mercy on your servant!” he shrieked. “Deliver me from my...”

“
ENOUGH OF THAT!!
” The Templar’s eyes glazed over at her command and his prattling ceased as quickly as it began. Seeing how it worked always made me damn glad I was a vamp Freewill. It was at least comforting to know someone couldn’t fuck with my head at their whim.

The same couldn’t be said of our newest recruit, though. Sadly for him, his tenure in our diminished coven probably wouldn’t be a particularly lengthy one.

“Bill, do you want to do the honors?”

Oh well, I guess it was time to get some practice at this. I took a breath and focused on the glassy eyed ex-Templar.

“
TELL US EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!!
”

All the Guests Have Arrived

“...and then Father McDonally whispered in my ear,
after this you’ll be a man
...”

“Okay, that’s
ENOUGH!!
” Sally compelled, throwing her hands up in frustration.

“Guess, I should’ve been more specific,” I said sheepishly.

“You think?”

“Sorry. I haven’t been in charge of too many interrogations.”

“One can see why,” Ed commented, drawing a glare from me.

“All right,” she took a deep breath. “Let’s try this again.
WHAT HAVE THE TEMPLAR DONE WITH THE ICON!?
”

“The Blessed One,” the turned Templar said, “is safe with my brothers. She is our guest.”

“Well that’s fucking great,” Sally spat. “We’re getting blasted and burned while your girlfriend is being treated to tea and crumpets.”

I opened my mouth to comment, but the Templar wasn’t finished yet.

“We have told her of your kind. We have prepared her for you.”

“I believe you mean
us
,” I replied. “Unless you think those are Halloween props sticking out of your mouth.”

The Templar spat at me in disgust. Gross! No class with these fundamentalist types. Despite the compulsion, his sheer hatred of us was enough to let him partially shake it off.

Before he could try it again, Sally’s fist smashed against his jaw with a loud crack. The Templar’s head flew back, blood and spittle spraying from his mouth.

“Nice shot,” Ed commented.

“Thank you.”

“I thought you were going to compel him,” I said, “not beat the information out of him.”

“I am. That was just for the hell of it. Punching out assholes helps me concentrate.”

Ed snickered until I shot him a look. Finally, Sally said, “Listen up, dickhead.
TELL ME WHERE YOU’RE KEEPING THE ICON!!
”

It was about time. We all leaned closer to listen. This was what we had been waiting for.

The Templar strained against the compulsion. Had he still been human, he probably could have resisted it. Alas, he wasn’t, nor was he lucky enough to be a Freewill like me. After a brief inner struggle in which his eyes practically bulged from his skull, the compulsion won out. He gritted his teeth and tried to bite down on his lip, but his mouth opened against his will.

“She...she’s in...”

“Come on, you can do it,” I prodded.

“Our Lady of Innocence.”

“Huh?”

“Sounds like a church,” Ed said.

“Uh huh. How original,” Sally commented. “Where is it?”

“I will never...”

“
WHERE IS IT!?
”

“In Mamaroneck, off of Post Street,” he spat, the hatred in his eyes evident.

“You’re keeping her in Westchester?” I asked.

“It could be worse,” she said.

“Ever try driving up there on a weekend?” Ed asked.

“Let’s focus here, guys,” I said. “We still need some more information.”

“We’re gonna need my car too,” Ed replied.

“No offense, lover,” Sally quipped, “but your little hatchback isn’t exactly my idea of a rescue vehicle.”

“We can swipe one,” I said offhandedly. “We’ve done it before.”

Sally inclined her head in my direction and stared at me.

“What? You’re the one who said to man up.”

“Yeah, I just didn’t expect...”

“Let’s finish up here and then you can berate me. It’s gonna be a long night as it is.”

She nodded, an almost impressed look upon her face...
almost
. She turned to continue the interrogation when suddenly, she paused. “Shit!”

I was just about to ask her what was up when a scent - no, make that multiple scents - registered in my overly sensitive vampire nostrils. A group approached. Judging by the smell, at least some of them were vampires.

“What?” Ed asked.

“We have company,” I whispered, hoping they weren’t close enough to overhear us.

A moment later, there came a knock on the office’s door. Time was up.

* * *

“What are you doing?”

Sally pushed over the chair holding our prisoner and proceeded to rip one of the legs off. “Covering our tracks.”

“You can’t just...” but I stopped myself. The guy we captured would have gladly killed us had our positions been reversed. Hell, he had already tried. Still, it somehow seemed dickish to kill him twice.

No
, I told myself. It had to be done. The entire jig would be up if we were caught with him in our possession. The vamps, Colin’s crew no doubt, could just as easily compel him as we had. I bit my tongue as Sally raised the makeshift stake.

The Templar only had time to draw in breath for a scream before she rammed it through his chest. There was a flash of light and he instantly self-combusted. Within moments, there was nothing left but a pile of dust.

“Where are you going?” I asked as she started walking away.

“To open the door, of course.”

“What the hell are we supposed to say about this?” I motioned at the pile of ash at Ed’s and my feet.

“You’re the Freewill,” she snapped, then turned back to the door.

What the fuck was that supposed to mean? Unfortunately I didn’t have time to ask as she unlocked the door for our uninvited guests.

Oh crap!

* * *

“We welcome the faithful of the First,” Sally said, almost managing to mask the sarcasm in her voice. “With your help...what are
they
doing here?”

“Have you not heard, vampire?” a familiar voice answered from just outside the doorway. “We are partners in this endeavor.” Motherfucker! Harry Decker was here? I knew they had agreed to work with Colin’s people, but I hadn’t expected them to actually take it to heart. I had figured it was more of a mutual “we won’t kill you if you won’t kill us” thing. So much for wishful thinking.

Sally gritted her teeth as she said, “Welcome, oh
honored
guests.” She stepped aside, but not before shooting me a glance that was more annoyance than panic. Leave it to her to only be partially put out by a bad situation.

In walked quite the interesting collection of beings, although it was fairly easy to tell who was who. A group of vampires, each dressed like a bad imitation of an Italian mobster - black suits and trench coats the attire of choice - entered. Judging by the bulges in their outfits, they were concealing weaponry of some sort. Interspersed amongst them were white-robed witches, several of whom I recognized from my little misadventure up in Canada. Last, and definitely least, entered Decker - standing out from his coven, dressed in what I guessed was an Armani suit - douche! Fortunately, Christy was nowhere to be seen amongst the magical menagerie. That would have ratcheted up the awkward factor by about a thousand.

The entire group except Decker pretty much ignored Sally. He gave her a quick smirk as he entered. Forget barbarians at the gates, we had opened up and invited them right in. This was going to require some fast talking. Sadly, I was drawing a blank.

One of the rejects from
The Matrix
approached me...apparently the Morpheus of the group. Hell, he even looked the part. He was a big guy - a few inches taller than me - dark skinned and with a bald head. He wore a neatly clipped beard on his heavy-set jaw, which showed not even the faintest trace of humor. His dark sunglasses couldn’t mask the look of disapproval as he gave me the once over, but at least it was better than the complete lack of acknowledgement he gave to Ed.

“Greetings, Freewill,” he said in a deep voice with minimal inflection, but enough for me to notice the slight British accent. Judging by how he’d addressed me, I’d say he had probably been briefed by Colin. Up in Boston, they kept files on most vampires. It was like the FBI, but without any concern for silly things like privacy.

“My name is Remington,” Mr. Personality continued, “Remington Windsor, and before you ask, yes I am related, albeit from years past. I will be heading up this assignment. As of this moment, I am in charge of all vampire related activity in this city.” He turned away.

“Related to who?” I whispered to Ed.

“I think the royal family.”

“Really?” I mused. This guy had about as much resemblance to Prince Charles as I did to Sally.

“Uh yeah. Pretty sure that’s their last name.”

Huh, learn something new every day. Wait a second...what was that about him being in charge? What the fuck was that weasel Colin up to?

“You mean this operation?” I asked, getting his attention again.

“I said what I meant, Freewill.”

“Okay,” I tried to keep my cool. No doubt he was attempting to rile me up. Well fuck that. I wasn’t about to give him or Decker the satisfaction. “First off, my name is Bill.”

“We know what...”

“Secondly,” I interrupted, “This is my coven. I’d appreciate it if you showed the proper respect.” Hmm, actually he probably
was
showing the proper respect. Most vampires tended to give those younger than them about as much consideration as a hobo begging for change. I had no idea of this guy’s age, but it was a safe bet he wasn’t exactly freshly risen.

“Your coven?” scoffed Decker. “I see but two vampires here.”

“No thanks to you, fuckface.” Sally spat.

Remington turned to face me. “You will control your underling, or I will remove her from this operation.” He took a step forward and his foot landed in the remnants of the Templar. He briefly looked down at it, then at me, a slight crease in his brow.